Title: Just Tell Me What You Want
Rating: This chapter is probably only PG-ish. There's slight language.
Disclaimer: None of these characters are mine. I can't claim them. They are all property of the hard-working folks who are involved in the show South Of Nowhere. (Okay, I own Neil and Brock, but they aren't in this chapter anyway. They live at the bowling alley, only.)
Feedback: Thank you to everyone who sends it. I really appreciate it, and it gives me incentive to write…When, I get feedback, then that makes me want to update…when I don't get any, well, fill in the blank.
Summary: This will be a Spencer/Ashley story. It will involve the other characters of South of Nowhere though too.
Author's Notes: Okay, this is actually a decently long chapter. It kind of formed itself along the way because I didn't originally expect this part to end up this long. Yes, it has a lot of angst in it. I'm hoping that this will prompt some reactions from you, as readers, actually. Besides, they had the happiness for a while…now, a little angst is needed. I'm hoping that I did it all justice. Enjoy.
"Oh, hey." Aiden shifted on the couch to pull out the cell phone that had managed to make its way between two couch cushions. "I found it," he called out to Ashley as she trotted back from the kitchen towards him.
"Who is it?" Ashley glanced towards the ringing phone, secretly hoping that Spencer was finally able to call her back. She felt kind of bad leaving all of those messages…but she really missed her, and wanted to talk to her.
"Spencer," he answered simply, his eyes gleaming slightly. "I got it." He smiled at Ashley, and just as she was about to protest, he flipped the phone open. "Hello?" He answered calmly, as if he hadn't looked at the caller I.D. Ashley made a grab for the phone, but he moved to the side. Aiden knew that Spencer would have a problem with his being there with Ashley instead of her, and he couldn't help but provoke a little quarrel. Maybe the fight would even be kind of…hot.
Spencer frowned. What? Why would Ashley hang out with Aiden as opposed to hanging out with her? She had called the right number. She had checked. Twice. "Aiden?"
"Oh, hey Spence. How're you?" Aiden asked casually, as if he had just realized it was her. He smiled at Ashley as she reached for the phone again.
"I'm fine." Spencer paused, taking a deep breath, slightly agitated that Aiden had answered the phone. "Listen, is Ashley there?"
"Oh, yeah. Lemme find her." Ashley raised her eyebrow while looking at him curiously. What in the world was he talking about finding her? She was right here.
"Find her?" Spencer asked cautiously. She wasn't sure why he would have to find her…Unless she had gone to get something for the two of…No, no, not that. Ashley wouldn't have gone to get one of her DVDs to watch with him. That was something the two of them always did, pick out a DVD to enjoy for the night.
"Yup, found her." Aiden toothily grinned and handed the phone to the overeager brunette.
"Spencer, hey!" She tried to not stumble over her words in her excitement to finally talk to the blonde.
"Hi…Ashley." Spencer paused, unsure of how to gauge their current conversation.
"How are you?" Ashley asked, immediately realizing that Aiden had just asked the same thing
"Why are you with Aiden?" Spencer honestly couldn't stand not knowing why Aiden got to see Ashley, and she didn't. That question threw Ashley for a loop, and it took her a moment to respond.
"Why are you with Kelly?" She asked, her voice quiet, trying to keep Aiden from listening.
"How do you know that I'm with Kelly?" Spencer looked around guiltily for a moment, and as if on cue, Kelly knocked on the door.
"Spence? You okay? We have the…chemistry to finish." Kelly smiled to herself, realizing but not wanting to admit who Spencer was talking to in the bathroom.
"I can hear her." Ashley paused for a moment as she let her emotions settled down. They would soon get the best of her if she didn't try her best here to keep them down…even then she might fail. "Plus, I saw that you wanted to talk to her."
"What? When? It's not like you came around!" She was starting to get mad. How dare Ashley decide that Kelly must be with Spencer when Ashley hadn't come to see her anyway! All Ashley had done was call her.
"I did too! I was there earlier to see you. Your mom wouldn't let me in." Ashley sighed heavily as she told the blonde the truth. She didn't want to admit that Paula wouldn't let her in, but she saw no other choice.
"Now, you say that. How do I know that?" Spencer was getting angry simply because she wasn't sure who to believe, her mom or Ashley. Her mom had no reason to keep Ashley away from her.
"You believe me, Spence! That's what you do! That's what girlfriends do!" Ashley was getting infuriated. She had expected Spencer to believe her. It was hard enough for Ashley to admit that Paula wouldn't let her into the Carlin household as it was.
Spencer paused for a moment, breathing heavily. "…Girlfriends?"
"Yes, girlfriends." Ashley bit her lip to keep the tears from flowing. She had let her tongue slip, and use the actual word before Spencer had agreed to it…
"Well, I never said yes, did I?"
"What?" Ashley couldn't believe that Spencer was that mad about the slip of the tongue. It was an accident.
"How can you assume that I wanted to date you when you never even came around to see me today?" Oh, so that's what she was mad about…Ashley began to understand. Spencer thought that she really hadn't gone to see her.
"I tried to call you! I went to see you. Your mom wouldn't let me in. What else can I do?" She really should just believe her.
"My mom wouldn't have any reason to keep you out…" Besides the fact that she knows that you like girls, and because she's afraid that I'll like you, and she'd be right to be afraid of that…
"You sure about that Spence? You sure that your mom doesn't want me out of your life because I like girls?" Spencer was fairly certain that that could actually be the truth, but she wanted to give her mother the benefit of the doubt. She didn't want to believe that her mom would resent Ashley that much because of that, because if she resented Ashley for liking girls…that meant that Paula would resent her own daughter for liking girls too.
"She wouldn't do that." Spencer refused to move from her ground. No. Her mom wasn't judgmental about that kind of thing.
"Fine, so she just lets in Kelly, who wants you too." Ashley huffed. It wasn't fair that Kelly, a lesbian, was allowed to see Spencer, and Ashley wasn't.
"We're friends. You have to deal with that." It was the truth. Spencer and Kelly were beginning to become friends, but Kelly was hoping for more. That's why she was still outside the door of the bathroom, even though Spencer had never really answered her question. She knew that she had been heard, and that was enough for the moment. Kelly had decided to let the girl finish her conversation on the phone, but she stood nearby, hoping to catch a part of what was going on.
"Well, so are Aiden and I. You have to deal with that too." Ashley pouted. If Kelly and Spencer were friends, then Aiden could come over and hang out with Ashley.
"At least I don't have my friends answering my phone for me anyway." Spencer was still angry because Ashley hadn't even answered the phone herself.
"Yeah, because you don't answer your phone!" There was silence on the other end of the line. Paula must have taken the phone away, and that's why Spencer wasn't answering; she was afraid that Ashley was right about her mom. The brunette immediately felt the regret forming in her throat. She tried to take it back. "Spence…I'm sorry."
"You know what?…I'm going to go work on my chemistry. I have to finish it yet." Spencer cleared her throat, not wanting to let the tears start. She blinked, not wanting to think of her mother being that discriminating.
"Spence? Come on, baby." Ashley was doing all she could to show that she felt bad now, and she wanted to take it all back. Somewhere, this conversation had gone down an entirely different path than either girl had ever intended.
"Don't. Call. Me. That. Only people that come around to see me can say that." Spencer carefully enunciated each word, now fully wanting to believe that Ashley hadn't come to see her. She had gone straight to Aiden. She must have.
"I did come around. You just didn't listen close enough." If Spencer would have been paying attention, then she would have noticed Ashley driving up to her house. She would have noticed Ashley knocking on her door, and Paula telling her to leave.
"I shouldn't have to listen closely, it should just happen. It doesn't. You should just listen to me. You should hear what I'm saying, and not assume things." Spencer was listening to loud music, yes, but she believed that she would have heard Ashley regardless of that.
"Like about being girlfriends?" Ashley whispered her question, afraid of the answer.
"Yes, like talking about being girlfriends, when you're hanging out with your ex-boyfriend."
"You're with someone who wants you too!" Stupid Kelly. Stupid Aiden. Ashley blamed all of this on them. Actually, stupid Paula too. She didn't help either.
Spencer forced a laugh. "So, you admit he wants you?"
"I…" Ashley glanced over at Aiden who was listening very intently to the conversation. The brunette knew that admitting that her ex-boyfriend wanted to sleep with her would not be an advised course of action at the moment. "I don't know." That was the best she could think of in a short amount of time. No explanation.
"You do too know. That's why he's there, isn't it, Ash? That's why you didn't come around. You wanted a boy toy. Not a girlfriend. Newsflash, Ash. I'm not a boy, and therefore can't be your boy toy. Sorry if that disqualifies me as anything decent in your book. I'm not going to be one of those girls that disappears the night after you sleep with them either. That's not me." Spencer released the sob that had been attacking her throat throughout most of the conversation. It was hard for her to say it, but she was afraid that that's what Ashley still wanted.
Ashley was crying by now too, and she was getting frantic and louder with each reply. Aiden no longer had to strain to hear the conversation. "Decent? Decent would be your mom letting me see you. Decent would be your believing your girlfriend…Believing me about this. I'm telling the truth." She promised the truth again, as another wave of tears struck.
"If you didn't want to see me today, you could have just said that you didn't come by. My mom has no reason to lie." Except that she might hate the idea that girls can love other girls. Spencer shook that thought from her head physically and mentally.
"Spence, listen to me, please." Ashley wiped angrily at her tears, and turned and walked farther from Aiden.
"No, you listen to me. I worried about you today, and then you go with Aiden instead of me? What kind of response is that, Ash?" Spencer shook her head, not completely understanding the ways of her, of Ashley.
"What kind of response is it? An honest one! You didn't want to see me. Aiden did." She paused, her chest heaving as she took another deep breath, trying to keep her tone level. "Unlike you, Aiden listens to me."
Spencer snorted. She felt like she had just been kicked in the stomach. She always listened to Ashley, and they both knew that. "Unlike you, Kelly comes to visit." Spencer was afraid to admit anything else.
"You know what? Fine. Go back to your skank friend." Ashley was almost shouting by now, and it was lucky that her parents weren't home again.
"She's not the one who has to call over a playboy to try to get some." Unluckily, that playboy was sitting on Ashley's couch, looking at her concerned and hopefully.
"No, she just has to push the right buttons for your mom." Ashley shook her head, even though she knew that Spencer couldn't see it. It also meant that they couldn't see each other's tears either. They were heard though, the voices and the tears they were ferociously trying to each cover up.
Spencer bit her lip. Her mom would not hate a girl simply because she liked other girls. No. She would not hate Spencer because she liked other girls, because she liked Ashley. All of the venom that was sinking into her heart each time she considered that possibility about her mom, poured out of her heart and into her throat as she spoke to Ashley. "You know what, Ash? Screw you. I'm tired of listening to your pathetic excuses about how you're actually trying to be in a decent relationship for once. I'm tired of hearing lies that you actually care. I guess I shouldn't have really expected you to actually change for me. I mean, I'm apparently no different than any of those other girls or guys that you were with. I should have figured that out once I figured you out."
Ashley felt the tears drip down her face. Spencer should know. She should know that Ashley loved her, but Spencer didn't seem to want to acknowledge that right now. "You figured me out, huh?" She knew that her reply was pathetic, even as she choked it out, but she was afraid to say anything more.
"Unfortunately, that's what happens in relationships." Spencer was relenting. She was admitting that they had a relationship.
"I thought we weren't girlfriends?" Ashley wiped angrily at her eyes with her free hand, as she wanted for Spencer's reply. It took several moments of silence before the blonde said anything.
"You're right. We aren't." Then, Spencer did one of the hardest things in her life. She hung up the phone. It was a simple action. A click of the button, and Ashley's voice was gone from her ear. Instead, she sunk to the floor in tears. The blonde leaned against the sink, and dropped her phone on the floor. She stayed there even as Kelly cautiously walked in. Kelly heard the girl as she fought with Ashley, and as she had broken into bouts of crying and settled herself onto the floor.
She wanted to be a good friend. So, she went in to comfort her. Spencer accepted it as Kelly slipped her arms around Kelly; it hurt too much not to. Kelly wanted to be a good lover. So, she moved Spencer's hair cautiously off of her face, revealing her beautiful face, and kissed her lips softly. Spencer accepted the kiss; it hurt too much not to. Ashley might not want her, but Kelly did.
Ashley stood there stunned. She had never even really had the chance to go out with the girl she really loved. The first girl she had really loved. The first person that she had ever really revealed herself to. Typical. Ashley wasn't meant for that kind of thing. She should have known. She scolded herself, and bit her lip to keep the tears back. Aiden rose from the couch. Things weren't supposed to happen like that. Yes, he was hoping to hear them bicker a little, but he bickered with his girlfriends and things were okay. It never occurred to him that things were that rocky between them, nor did he realize that it started as he had answered the phone.
He wasn't supposed to hear Ashley and Spencer break up. So, he did the best thing he could. Aiden walked up behind Ashley cautiously, knowing that she didn't want him to see her cry. She didn't want to seem weak. Instead, he wrapped his arms around her from behind, and let her cry. He let her cry when she turned around and buried her face in his chest too. Aiden kissed the brunette's forehead softly. He'd let her cry. He wanted to be with her, yes, but he also wanted to be with her in a way that meant that she wanted him like that too. Right now, all that she needed was a best friend. So, that's what he was.