Title: Laws Of The Fan-Fic Universe
Author/ess: Smurf
Disclaimer: Serialhugger, doesn't own Naruto or any trademarks related there of, also we don't own any other trademarks you may recognize, so don't sue us.
Dedication: This chapter is for Dead Uchiha, because she worships me with fics of an odd nature, and oreos! LOL.
Chapter One; In Which Mary-Sue Learns The Merit Of Foxes
It had been exactly two days, six hours fourteen minutes, and fifty-seven seconds since Mary-Sue had escaped the confines of Smurf's mind for the second time, and she had used her time well. The out of control female had retaken possession of her former centrally located home, made a list of all E.M.S.S. acceptable targets, and she had even come up with a plan on how to achieve her goal of wining herself a Naruto-verse type boy toy. Now all that there was left to do, was to set said plan into action.
Operation Get Naruto (granted the name lacked both originality, and imagination) was underway.
Now many of you must be wondering why Mary-Sue would target Naruto, especially since she had the opportunity to do so in From the Floppy Called Subversive, yet chose not to take it. And, perhaps, it would be best if we were to clear that up right now, though some of you may be even further confused by the answer.
During her first voyage into the fanfic universe, Mary-Sue had been working under certain guidelines in the E.M.S.S. handbook. These guidelines were loose at best, and open to interpretation, but still Mary-Sue, being the diligent Mary-Sue that she was, followed them. It had come down to a choice between Sasuke and Naruto, and due to Sasuke's heartthrob status, he had trumped Naruto- even though the blond was the title character.
Mary-Sue, however, had since come across some very interesting information whilst sifting through the stack of books she had procured from the Konoha Used Bookstore (which for those of you who want to know, is located directly next door to the shop where Hatake Kakashi buys his porn.). She had unearthed a text about foxes, and not just any old foxes, but demon foxes. She had been so shocked by what she had read that she had to reread it not once, not twice but thrice! Mary-Sue, the daughter of Sugar-rush and Insomnia, had discovered that demons of the Kitsune variety were veritable sex gods… so to speak.
Yes indeed, that used bookstore had proven once again to be a valuable source of information. She really would have to remember recommending it to other Mary-Sue's in the area. Jotting down a note to do so in her handy E.M.S.S. day planer, Mary-Sue headed off in search of her prey.
Elsewhere Umeko- another of Mary-Sue's sisters, who just so happened to reside in the Naruto-verse- had been called in from the other serialhugger fic, A Misunderstanding Of The Feet, in order to halt any Mary-Sue activities in the fandom until Smurf could either talk Jamesie into reentering the Naruto-verse, or she could come up with some sort of other arrangement. Umeko being the proud Original Character that she was- and a Chuunin of Suna to boot- had of course agreed. Besides, being in Konoha meant being far away from Gaara, which meant she would have a far better success rate with her avoid-the-Kazekage-as-much-as-possible plan than she would have had otherwise.
And thusly the Mary-Sue resistance gained a member, and was one step closer to tracking down the dark haired beauty.
While Umeko was busy figuring out how to get time off without asking- and therefore coming into contact with- Gaara, Mary-Sue was well on her way to making Naruto her own personal plaything.
Poor, poor Naruto-kun; bet he never saw it coming.
The plan was simple. Mary-Sue would take advantage of the Kyuubi container's loneliness. It wouldn't be that difficult. After all, Sasuke was no longer his snuggle bunny, so he was no doubt feeling more than just a little abandoned. She also took into account the fact that it was Valentine's day, the most horribly depressing holiday in existence for those who didn't have, or whom had lost their loved ones. As a matter of fact that was what she had built her whole plan around.
The holiday is almost enough to make a person want to slash their wrists at times.
The equation was easy enough to understand: Valentines Day + Naruto – Sasuke all equals a very vulnerable blonde title character, easily susceptible to all sorts of E.M.S.S. tricks.
It was nearing sunset when Naruto and Mary-Sue crossed paths, both of them wearing forlorn expression, and sighing heavily at appropriate intervals. After a few minutes of silence, and sighing, Naruto became aware of the fact that someone else was in fact sitting atop the Hokage Monument along side him.
Mary-Sue knew what would happen next; Naruto would take one look at her tear streaked face, and being the type of person he was, he would, of course, ask her what was wrong. She would say, "Nothing," in a quavering voice that would seem to suggest the opposite. Naruto would give her a questioning look, and then she would burst out the water works and relate to him a story of losing someone in a way that would parallel his own loss of Sasuke. As the sun finished setting, the two would share a hug, and they would naturally be there to comfort one another, and given the right E.M.S.S. created situation, fall madly in love, therefore allowing Mary-Sue to claim the Kyuubi and its host as her own.
Ah, yes, our devious little Mary-Sue had the perfect plan.
Unfortunately for Mary-Sue, Umeko had arrived just in the nick of time, after finally gathering the courage to ask for a short leave of absence; that is to say, she had left a little note tacked to the door of the Kazekage's office explaining the situation, and where she would be.
Upon her arrival she had run into none other than the authoress of this particular fic, who just so happened to have a vial of veritas serum from the Harry Potter fandom, where she was also working on a nice little trilogy. She had explained how to use it, and what its properties were, and then left in a puff of smoke not unlike the Naruto-verse natives (she had always wanted to try that).
Umeko was now waiting to see if the strange liquid would work. She had managed to slip some into Mary-Sue's tall vanilla frappichino- without her dark haired sibling noticing- while she had been walking up to the monument some twelve minutes ago.
Mary-Sue had finally heard the question she had been waiting for since she had arrived in the Naruto-verse a little over two and a half days ago. The Kyuubi container had said those two magical little words that were the catalyst for her claiming him and his inner demon for all eternity; he had asked, "What's wrong?"
Inwardly doing a little victory dance, Mary-Sue opened her mouth to reply; however things didn't go according to plan. Once she began to speak, she couldn't stop, and she related her entire plan to him, including how she had intended on keeping him forever and always as E.M.S.S. property.
For a minute all they could do was stare at one another, both wide eyed, Naruto with his mouth slightly agape in surprise, and Mary-Sue with her hand clamped tightly over her mouth in absolute horror at what she had let slip. Finally, Naruto blinked, once, twice, three times, before standing up, and rushing away as fast as he could in the direction of… well, where ever it is that obviously freaked out Kyuubi containers rush off to.
Umeko looked at the vial she held in her hand, and a wicked smirk played across her lips. Back in Suna there was an OC Jounin, with a scar bisecting his eyebrow that she could clearly see herself using the remaining liquid on. Maybe then she could find out if it really was him who had pilfered her lucky underwear. Chuckling, she made her way back to Suna; after all, her part of the deal was done.
It was thusly that Mary-Sue was thwarted in her attempts to possess the Kyuubi and its blond host. But that wouldn't stop her. No. Mary-Sue was determined to get herself a Naruto-verse boy toy, even if she had to go through everyone on her list!
Here ends chapter one.
I hope you enjoyed it, and look! It was ready before Valentines Day! I deserve a cookie! Oreo's are always accepted.
Reviews would be appreciated, so make with the clicky-clicky!
Hugs!
Smurf.