Disclaimer: Serialhugger, doesn't own Naruto or any trademarks related there of, also we don't own any other trademarks you may recognize.

Dedication:BlackMageRose13-because I got your penname wrong, and I am soo sorry! And again Dead Uchiha who gave me themost SQUEE valentines giftie ever!

Note: Contains spoilers of a sort I suppose... I mean I did bastardize chapter 287... so umm yeah...

Chapter Two; In Which Chapter 287 Gets Bastardized

It was a beautiful day in the Naruto-verse, and everything was as it should be. The sun was shining, birds were singing, children were throwing sharp objects at one another. Nothing could ruin this perfect day in Konoha; even our favorite escaped Mary-Sue couldn't think of a way to bugger up the fandom, and she was trying really, really, really hard.

She had gone over her list of eligible Konoha shinobi- she had compiled said list during her last escapade in the Naruto-verse- only to be disappointed. She still didn't think Genma would fall for any Mary-Sue type tricks. Shino was still a no, because, as we all know, Mary-Sue did not do bugs, and she knew for a fact that Smurf wouldn't let Raido become ensnared in her cute little E.M.S.S. type web.

What was it with the damn authoress and showing favoritism? Didn't she know that it was completely unfair? Sheesh!

Mary-Sue once again took out her E.M.S.S. day planner, and jotted down a quick reminder to file an official complaint against Smurf with the Evil Mary Sue Syndicate's Director of Author/ess Mary-Sue Relations, sometime in the near future. Unfortunately for Mary-Sue, it wouldn't help her in the least, because the strange little authoress had no intention of listening to the E.M.S.S. or the demands of its directors. She was the one with all the freaky author powers, not them. And if they tried to make her do what they wanted, she would turn tattler, tell Dead Uchiha on them, and wait to see just how long they lasted before giving up.

All hail the miracle that is the wrath of fans!

But I digress. So back to the fic, and our stressed out Mary-Sue.

The dark haired, dark eyed, flawless- except for the fact that she was pure evil- girl continued to walk the streets, alleys, training fields, trails, and other areas of the leaf village, a heavy sigh escaping her lips every so often as she did so. She was about to give up, and call it a day when she noticed someone up ahead; a dark haired someone. A dark haired someone who, even from the back, sent her Mary-Sue senses to tingling. But, who was he? Surely she would have noticed him during her last (failed) mission in the Naruto fandom.

Now, if there was one thing our May-Sue couldn't resist, it was a mysterious ninja with a high attraction factor. And lets face it, if this stranger could set off her freaky Mary-Sue powers of hottie detection then he certainly fit that particular bill.

A smirk, ten times as devious as the most deviously smirked smirk ever smirked before in the history of all Mary-Sue's, settled itself on her face, and she began to approach the mystery-nin with all the grace and expertise of an expert stalker.

If the Naruto-verse fan-girls could only take lessons from her they would be able to corner their prey every time, such was her skill.

Once she had gotten less than five feet away Mary-Sue noticed that the dark mysterious shinobi was, in fact, drawing something in what looked to be a sketchbook.

'He's an artist too!' she thought excitedly to herself. Artists were listed in the Official Mary Sue Handbook as being second only to angsty fandom bishonen with attitudes, those who embodied all of those qualities were considered to be the ultimate prey.

Quickly, Mary-Sue pulled out a small pocket sized book that she had picked up at the Konoha Used Bookstore the previous day after her disastrous attempt to claim Naruto and the kitsune he carried inside him like some sort of a demon squatter. The book was entitled Top Ten Ways To Snag An Artistic Shinobi. The author was someone or other, Mary-Sue couldn't rightly make it out as the cover was a little more than just a bit worn and that was the only place that displayed the name, but that didn't matter in the least.

Ah, that bookstore, it just couldn't receive enough praise for being the most up-to-date and comprehensive source of all information any Mary-Sue could ever need.

Nodding to herself, pleased with what she had learned, Mary-Sue snapped the book shut, and redeposited it in her pocket where it would remain safe, just incase she needed it for future reference.

Mary-Sue put on her very best innocently curious look- a technique she had learned from the book- and walked up to the dark haired boy casually… well as casually as an evil Mary-Sue bent on claiming a new victim could walk up to their intended target that is.

"What's that?" she asked, a sweet smile playing across her features.

The boy didn't answer. He simply watched her out of the corner of his eye, and briefly stopped working on his picture.

Unperturbed by the lack of response Mary-Sue continued. "You don't talk much do you? But you have a sweet side, I can tell. Yup! You have an artists soul." Okay, maybe that was pouring it on a little thick, but hey, desperate times and all of that rot.

This time the boy actually deigned to respond, "If you were a Kunoichi, I'd have hit you by now." And it was true. He wasn't however about to attack a civilian- no matter how creepy- it would mean breaking a rather important law, which clearly stated that a shinobi never attacked a civilian from his or her own village… unless, of course, it was a part of a mission. But unfortunately he already had a mission, and making the brunette female go away wasn't it.

"I don't think you would," as a matter of fact, she knew he wouldn't. It was against union rules. "Besides, I only wanted to see what you were drawing."

The boy made a small non-committal noise that could have meant anything from "Oh, I see," to "What the hell you crazy woman, get away from me," or even, "I like purple bunnies; yay!"

Still undeterred, Mary-Sue pressed on. "Oh! I see; it's an abstract! I love abstracts." She didn't really, Mary-Sue much preferred realism. Abstracts made her head hurt as she tried to figure out exactly what they were supposed to be abstracts of. "What are you going to call it?"

"Call it?" He really had no idea what he was doing talking to this strange girl… Hadn't he already gone through this conversation with that pink haired 'teammate' of his?

"Uh-huh," she nodded. "Don't artists usually name their work? Normally it's something that reflects the emotion behind the painting; you know, what the artist was feeling when they drew it."

Okay… so the strange sort of dejavu continued.

"… I don't name them…" slowly, his piece of charcoal began to move across the paper once more, "I can't, because I don't feel anything."

Mary-Sue blinked. He didn't feel anything? Well she had heard rumors about fictional characters that were presumed to be emotionless, cold hearted, unfeeling, bastards… but she never really believed it. Everyone had feelings. She was willing to bet that his simply resided somewhere very deep down… like in his right baby toe… or someplace equally as useless, all she had to do was find them.

How hard could that possibly be?

Okay, so she had approached him, asked him about his art, and did everything the book had said except… Oh well, it was worth a shot.

"How would you feel about drawing me?" she asked.

Hadn't he already explained that he felt nothing? He had no emotions… he was basically apathetic towards everything… well, no… maybe apathetic was too strong of a word. It described how one felt about something- or didn't feel- after all, and he did not feel!

Instead, the boy closed his sketchbook, put his charcoal away, and looked at the girl before saying, "I don't," and walking away, leaving behind a sputtering, and utterly confused Mary-Sue.

After a few minutes of gaping, Mary-Sue let out a verbalization that wasn't really- in fact it was more of a growl- and stomped her foot in abject disbelief.

Had he just… resisted her? Nobody resisted her! Well okay, so that lazy Nara kid had, but that was only because he was too lazy to bother with being Mary-Sued, for lack of a better term, and she was absolutely positive that he was in dire need of glasses- with a very high prescription.

Muttering under her breath about the stupidity of dark-haired, artistic, Konoha shinobi and their lack of good sense, taste, and whatever else she could think of, Mary-Sue vowed revenge upon him (even though she really had no idea as to how she was going to achieve that goal), and plopped into a sitting position on the grass only to feel the corner of something jab her in the hip. Shifting her weight she pulled the offending object out of her pocket and glared at it.

It was of course the book she had been so confident in before. She knew there had to be a reason that it had been in the discount bin. Growling once more she hurdled said book at a tree some distance away, and promised to find out who had written that particular piece of literary trash, and wreak her Mary-Sue type vengeance upon him (or her) as well.

She also made a little note in her E.M.S.S. day planner to never buy from the discount bin ever again!

Why did life have to be so hard on our poor Mary-Sue? Why? Did the fan fiction gods hate her that much?

Well, maybe they did and maybe they didn't… or maybe it was simply the will of a mightily miffed authoress who had finally escaped from her worst nightmare of muzak recordings of boy bands, and smooth peanut butter.

I guess we'll never know.

Here ends Chapter two.

Please review it… I'll give you cookies.

Hugs!
Smurf