Crash
Author- Emily-Grace Mendes (Brookebynature)
Disclaimer- I don;t own any of the characters apart from Madison...blah...blah...
A/N- So here it is! The last chapter! I'll let you read, and then there's another note at the end. Enjoy xxx
Crash
"It's the sense of touch. You walk, you brush past people, people bump into you.
Yet in some lives, nobody touches you. We're always behind this metal and glass.
Sometimes we miss that touch so much, we crash into each other,
just so we can feel something."
Jake sat down in the chair at the edge of the room, his body numb, his eyes glazed over. The lifeless body next to him looked so peaceful and beautiful that he couldn't leave. He couldn't move, he couldn't speak. Her delicate face was framed perfectly by her blonde ringlet curls. Her lips still held some colour, but he knew she was gone. The cuts on her wrists signified that, as did the white skin. Yet his eyes stayed fixed on her lips-the last part of her that he had touched all those years ago.
Nathan rooted around the car for any sign of where Haley might have gone, stopping when his hands grazed the picture in the glove compartment. He smiled remembering that day. The day everything was perfect, at least, it was for them. Haley had cheered for him while he shot hoops against some little boys in the local park. He'd let them win of course, but showed off a few times, completing tricks that left the boys staring in awe. It was that day that he'd realised that he wanted children. With Haley. He wanted to teach them about basketball and pulling pranks and playing play station. He wanted to teach them about life. The beauty of it he'd thought back then. But now? Now he could teach his children about how hard life is, and how sometimes, you just want to give up. Bt there's always those little signs. There's always something to remind you that you have to keep going, whether or not you want to.
He smiled slightly at himself, finally realising what life was about. Love.
"Hey Madison" Haley said softly to the little girl. "You wanna go se your mommy? I'm sure she'd love to see you." Madison shook her head, and Haley looked at her puzzled.
"Why not? I bet she'd be so proud when you tell her how you helped her"
"I don't want to go in there" the little girl said, bordering on the verge of tears. "Daddy might get mad."
"Why would he get mad? You saved your Mommy"
"Normally when daddy gets mad……." Madison trailed off. Brooke had always told her not to talk to strangers, but now she really wanted to talk to this lady. She seemed nice. Like somebody her Mom should be friends with.
"What happens when your daddy gets mad Madison?" Haley pushed, wanting to find out more about this little girl who seemed so timid, so frightened of her own father. Something that reminded of someone else she knew. A certain brown-haired guy that she was in-love with.
"My Mommy gets upset, and then I get scared."
"But your Daddy won't get mad. I'm sure he'd like to see you too" Haley soothed, pulling the little girl onto her lap. She'd never seen a child look so much like one of their parents in her life. This girl was the spitting image of her Mom.
Haley gave Madison a reassuring smile. "Maybe you could draw her a picture then? And I could give it to her?"
Madison nodded her head and slid off Haley's lap, making her way to the small coffee table opposite the couch which was displaying a few magazines, some paper and some colouring pencils.
"Should I draw a kitty? Mommy says we should get one so that we can pet it"
"You can draw what ever you like" Haley smiled before looking nervously at the clock. Sure she didn't really know these people, but she wanted to make sure Madison's Mom was o.k, and her dad hadn't come to tell her that she was. Yet.
"Jagelski, you should go home man" one of the hospital workers entered the room, breaking the silence that had never been disturbed since Jake had sat down.
"I loved her so much you know" he chocked, starting at Peyton's stony face, her lips gradually draining of colour. "And I never really told her."
The man looked down, unable to think of anything comforting to say.
"I said 'I love you Peyton' just before I left. Before I went to go get Jenny from my ex. And she couldn't say anything. She just cried and tried to smile. I did this to her"
"Jake you didn't do anything. There's no way you could have stopped this from happening."
"If I'd have been there, I could have stopped her from going out tonight."
"You and I both know that's not true. Women do what they want" he tried his best to joke, earning him a slight smile from Jake.
"Don't buy Jenny anything! She has enough stuffed toys, and she'll be sick if she has any more ice cream" Jake warned with a smile. Jenny cracked up laughing when Peyton made a face at Jake behind his back.
"okay baby. We're going to get you the biggest stuffed animal ever!" Peyton cooed to Jenny, who gurgled at her as she kicked her legs. "I'll take that as an okay Peyton" the blonde laughed.
"Peyton Sawyer, why is there a huge giraffe in Jenny's room?" Jake mock shouted, hands on his hips.
"She pointed to it Jake, I had to buy it for her"
"I told you not to!" he laughed
"Come on! Nobody can resist that little cutie, especially when she laughs."
"Fine, but she better not have had ice cream"
Peyton shook her head, but grinned, her blue eyes sparkling.
"Yeah" he whispered "She'd have done it anyway"
"You should go home"
Jake nodded his head "Could you just give me a minute?"
"Sure" the man answered, shutting the door behind him as he left Jake with Peyton.
"Do you think it's a boy or a girl?" Lucas asked as he let his hand gently rest on Brooke's flat stomach.
"Lucas don't"
"Don't what? Don't think about our child?"
"That's not what I meant"
"I don't want you to have an abortion Brooke" he said softly, caressing her stomach with his thumb.
"And what about what I want Lucas?" she asked, raising her voice slightly.
"What do you want?"
"I can't believe you even need to ask me that."
"Well it's better than not asking and not knowing isn't it?" Lucas's raised voice matched Brooke's as his thumb stopped still. Brooke closed her eyes and nodded her head.
"I want a life Lucas."
"A life" he repeated softly, dipping his head.
"One that I enjoy. One that I want to wake up in a morning and actually live. One where I don't have to pretend that everything is okay, because it would be okay. I wouldn't need to pretend."
"I haven't been a good husband to you Brooke. And I sure as hell haven't been a good dad to Madison. But I love you both so much."
"I know Lucas" Brooke said, resting her head on his shoulder as she too, shut her eyes. "But if I have this baby, there's always going to be this fear in the back of my mind that you won't be there. I couldn't do that to another child."
"I can't even begin to say how sorry I am Brooke." Lucas started "But I can promise you that I'm going to be there for you and Madison a hundred percent. And if we have this baby, I'm going to be there for it too."
Brooke placed her hand over Lucas', interlacing their fingers as he smiled at her.
"We do it together?"
"Together" Lucas said, placing a soft kiss on Brooke's lips.
"Then I think it's another girl." she smiled. Lucas looked at her, his mouth open slightly.
"You look shocked. Do you think it's a boy?" Lucas silenced her with his lips, kissing her with such need and passion that she felt her whole body shake. He inched closer, closing the gap between them completely as Brooke broke away. Trying to catch her breath.
They sat there, for once in such a long time, completely content with the peaceful silence that had fallen between them.
"I think it's another girl too"
Finding nothing to indicate where Haley went, Nathan locked the car up, and walked quickly down the road, hoping that the police officers would have seen her, and would at least point Nathan in the right direction.
"Sir please stay away from the tape." the officer told Nathan, as he threw his smoked cigarette on the ground before stamping it out.
"Have you seen a woman in her twenties, about this tall?" Nathan gestured with his hands, his eyes wide with worry and concern. "She's got this sort of golden brown hair and brown eyes"
"I've seen two" the officer replied. "One of them had a small child with her and the other didn't look too good. They took her to the hospital. Something about collapsing in her car."
Nathan started to run back towards the bet up Corolla, calling back to the officers behind him. "Tree Hill General right?"
"Think so"
"Thanks" Nathan shouted back as he ran in the opposite direction to the now quickly-moving oncoming traffic.
"I'm so sorry Peyton" Jake chocked as the tears escaped his eyes which were focused on her limp body.
"I wish I cold let you know how much I love you, and how much I'm going to miss you. We both are, Jenny and I." he moved his chair closer so that he could take Peyton's cold hand in his, tracing small circles with his thumb.
"She was asking about you the other day actually. She's so much like you it's scary. She has these pink converse trainers that she wears constantly. They remind me so much of you." another tear slipped down his cheek, but he kept hold of Peyton's hand, never wanting to let go.
"So obviously you corrupted her from an early age." Jake smiled through his tears as he thought about how his life could have been with Peyton and Jenny.
"We live in Tree Hill now. I thought about contacting you every day, but I always decided against it. I guess I made the wrong decision. My Mom said I should just get off my ass, stop moping and phone the girl who had my heart." he laughed slightly, sniffing back tears.
"I missed my chance" he whispered, dipping his head as he breathed in the scent he had had to remember for all of those years, just to get to sleep at night. Except now he could smell it for real. The sweet, orange and jasmine fragrance that he had come to love embedded itself in his nostrils, making him shut his eyes tightly.
"Peyton Sawyer I have always loved you and I always will." he said softly as he moved a strand of her hair. "I just wish you could know that."
Jake placed a soft kiss on Peyton's lips and pushed his chair back slowly, his eyes never leaving her face as he opened the door. Yet slowly, his vision was blocked by the whiteness of the door that stood shut in front of him.
"I'm done" Madison announced, thrusting the picture at Haley, who studied it carefully. She'd drawn the kitty, which was attached to a blue lead, matching the blue ribbon in it's hair.
"That's a pretty kitty" Haley said "I guess it's a boy since it has a blue ribbon."
"No silly" Madison said, coming to sit next to Haley once again. "It's a girl kitty. Boy's don't wear bows."
"Really? Because I know this boy who wears a bow"
Madison giggled, displaying a small pair of dimples, either side of her rosy lips. "You're silly."
"So next to the kitty, we have a very big house"
"That's my house!" Madison stated proudly. "And that's me and Mommy" she pointed to a shape that resembled a woman, and a smaller one which was obviously her.
"And where's your Daddy?" Haley asked, frowning at the picture.
"There" Madison pointed to a window at the top of the house. "He's working in his office."
Haley swallowed the lump in her throat and looked at the innocent little girl sitting next to her. She obviously had something in common with Nathan.
"These are pretty flowers" Haley pointed to a row of yellow dots at the bottom of the page which she had guessed were flowers.
"Uh huh. Me and Mommy planted sunflowers."
"Sounds like you do lots of fun things with your Mommy"
"I do. She paints my nails, and then she lets me paint hers. We go to the mall and she always says that since I'm her princess, I have to have the prettiest clothes, so that means we get to spend daddy's money." Madison giggled, a mischievous smile on her face. "We gotted these shoes the other day" The little girl stuck her foot out so that Haley could admire her black sandals.
"They are pretty" She replied, smiling at Madison who just nodded. "Well I'm going to quickly take this to your Mommy, you sure you don't want to come?"
Madison shook her head. "Will you be okay on your own for a few minutes then?"
"Yep" she nodded. "I sat in the front seat tonight, so that means I'm a big girl now."
"Okay big girl. Sit tight" Haley smiled warmly, setting Madison at ease as she shut the door behind her, making her way to the reception desk.
"So how do you think Madison will react when we tell her about the baby?" Lucas asked, keeping his eyes closed as the steady rhythm of Brooke's breathing made him safe in the knowledge that she wasn't in pain.
"She'll be so excited. She really wanted a brother or sister."
"She never told me" Lucas said softly, knowing exactly why. "You never told me."
"I'm sorry" Brooke whispered, snuggling closer to Lucas who tightened his protective hold on her.
"No Brooke. I'm sorry. But hey, we have another shot now right?"
"Right" she nodded, keeping her eyes closed. "We're lucky"
"How's that?" Lucas asked, opening his eyes to study Brooke's face.
"We got another shot. That other woman didn't"
The door of the relatives room opened and Jake walked in, sinking into a chair at the edge of the room. Looking at the little girl who was busy drawing what appeared to be a get well soon card, he smiled, thinking back to his own daughter back at home. He rested his head in his hands and sighed softly.
"Is your Mommy sick too?" the little girl asked him curiously as she held a colouring pencil poised in her right hand.
"No" Jake said softly, shaking his head.
"Then why is you sad?"
"I made the girl I loved very sad."
"My daddy makes my Mommy sad too." she replied matter-of-factly.
"Really?" Jake asked. The girl nodded.
"I'm Madison Rose Scott, and I'm a big girl now, so I can talk to the grown-ups."
"Is that so?" Jake mused, smiling at the girl. "I'm Jake"
"Hi Jake. I don't like your pants."
He laughed and looked down at his outfit. "Me neither Madison. But I have to wear them because they're my uniform."
Madison scrunched her nose up and made a noise that sounded like 'yuck' and then went back to her drawing, not saying another word to Jake.
Haley walked down the corridor away from Brooke's room. After looking through the window of the door at her and her husband, she'd decided not to disturb them and instead posted Madison's drawing underneath the door, attached to a note which told them she was in the relatives room, and that they should come get her. Thinking about Madison, made Haley think even more about Nathan. 'People really are stupid' she thought. She knew she missed Nathan like crazy, but only now had she decided to do something about it. It had taken a major accident and a death for her to realise that she had to make the most of her life, and the people that she loved. Because all too quickly, it could be taken away.
"Hey Madison, I gave your Mom the….."
"Haley"
"Jake! What's happened? Is it Jenny? or your parents?" Haley asked frantically. Jake shook his head.
"Peyton"
"Peyton?" Haley questioned, but then her eyes widened. "As in Peyton Sawyer, the girl from your high school?"
"Yeah" Jake replied softly as Haley say down beside him.
"Jake I'm so sorry"
"Me too" he replied simply.
"hey baby girl" Lucas said quietly as he entered the relatives room, surveying the people looking expectantly at him. Madison turned around from her drawing, looking up at him with her big hazel eyes.
"hey daddy"
"Thanks for watching her" he said to Haley, who shrugged and nodded, smiling at the little girl.
"She's a great kid"
'I wish I knew her more' Lucas thought, but decided against saying, settling instead for "I know"
"I made Mommy a get well soon card." Madison said, holding up the folded piece of paper. Lucas smiled at her and waked over to the coffee table, bending down when he reached his daughter.
"that's great Madison. Will you come with me and show it to her?"
Madison nodded her head slowly and got up off the floor, smoothing her red party dress. Lucas picked her up and tickled her, making her shriek, as everyone in the room smiled.
"Thanks again" he turned to Haley just before he left the room with the giggly little girl in his arms.
"No problem. I'll be here for a bit if you need me."
A breathless Nathan ran into reception, shouting to everyone and anyone that was around that he needed to see Haley James, and had they seen her. After receiving numerous odd looks and countless stares, Nathan reached the desk, gasping his name and saying that he needed to see Haley James.
"I have no record of anyone under Haley James being treated in this hospital." the receptionist stated bluntly. "Is she visiting?"
"I hope so" Nathan muttered, but turned around, reading the signs hanging from the ceiling. 'cafeteria'
He ran towards the sign, his heart hammering in his chest.
"Sir you can't just go down there! Sir!" the receptionist shouted, but Nathan ignored her, pausing to take in a large gulp of air before running off once again.
"So what are you doing here?" Jake asked Haley who was absent-mindedly twirling a strand of golden hair around her finger.
"There was this big accident on the highway. I guess you heard"
"Yeah"
"And Madison, the little girl was running past my car because her Mom has passed out I think. She was trying to get help, so I told the paramedics, and I came here to make sure she was o.k"
Jake nodded as he took in what Haley was saying. "So is Madison's Mom o.k then?"
Haley nodded. "I guess so."
"So what are you doing here then?"
"I thought I'd stay and talk to you."
"Haley you don't have….."
"Has anyone seen….Haley?" a breathless Nathan practically fell into the room, bending over as he drew in sharp intakes of breath.
"Nathan What… what are you?"
"I saw your car on the highway, and then there was this whole accident and you weren't in your car, and the paramedic said that someone meeting your description came here…and…" he swallowed, keeping his eyes fixed on Haley who was staring open-mouthed.
"I'm sorry you guys, but I guess I should go home. It's been a long day and I want to see Jenny if she's still awake. Tell her about…you know" he trailed off looking at Haley who looked like her world had just got a whole lot brighter.
"I'm sorry Jake."
"Thanks" he said simply, getting up off the chair and grabbing the jacket that had been thrown hap-hazardly on another chair.
"I'll babysit for Jenny any time. Just call me"
"Thanks Haley"
Broke smiled as she heard the sound of Madison's giggles down the hallway. She loved how her daughter was always so full of life, and could make her feel better just by a giving her a smile. A few shrieks later, the door of her room opened, in in walked Lucas who was carrying Madison in a fireman position.
"Daddy!" she giggled, kicking her legs behind her. Lucas set her down beside Brooke on the bed as he sat down in the arm chair opposite.
"I made you a get well soon card Mommy" she said proudly, thrusting the card at Brooke.
"Thank you baby. This'll go nicely with the picture you drew."
"The sunflowers match"
"I can see that" Brooke smiled as she hugged her daughter and kissed her hair.
"Daddy gived me a fireman's lift" she said brightly, bouncing up and down lightly on the bed.
"I think the whole hospital knows about that" Brooke laughed, smiling warmly at Lucas who got up off the chair and sat on the edge of her bed. She scooted over, allowing him room to lay next to her properly.
"Hey!" Madison replied indignantly. "I's going to fall!"
"Come here baby" Lucas laughed, picking her up and holding her legs so that she didn't kick Brooke. He set their daughter on his knee, holding her to him so that she wouldn't fall.
"Things are going to be a bit different now Maddie" Brooke said, lacing her fingers with Lucas', who just smiled at her and nodded for her to continue.
"Why?"
"Well you're going to see a lot more of Daddy."
"Is you going to give me more fireman's lifts?" she asked Lucas excitedly.
"Anything you want baby"
"Anything? Even a pony?"
"maybe not a pony" Brooke laughed "But you'll get something much better"
"A kitty?" Brooke shook her head. "A doggy?" Lucas shook his head. "A plane?"
"You want a plane?" Lucas laughed. Madison shook her head.
"I couldn't guess any more stuff"
"Well I could tell you if you and your Daddy let me talk" Brooke giggled, tickling her daughter.
"Mommy stop! Tell me!" she shrieked.
"How about you get a brother or sister?"
"Really?" Madison asked "Can I see it?"
"No because it's in Mommy's tummy" Brooke said as Madison rubbed her hands across Brooke's flat stomach.
"I can't feel it"
"That's because it's not big enough yet."
"When do I get to see it?" Madison asked, her dimpled smile matching Brooke's.
"Not for a while yet." Lucas said "But are you excited?"
"Yeah!" Madison shouted, nodding her head vigorously.
"I guess that's good to know" Brooke laughed, closing her eyes as Lucas kissed her forehead.
So If I…
Crash into you
And If I…
Dare Not Run away
"That should cover it" Jake said as he handed to cash to the baby sitter. "She been okay?"
"Fine" the girl replied. "see ya again"
Jake nodded and closed the door, rubbing his forehead tiredly.
"hey baby" he entered Jenny's room to see her reading, the bedside lamp giving the room a subtle glow.
"Hey Dad" she smiled, putting the book down. "You look tired."
"I am. Hey sweetie, you know we talked about Peyton the other day?"
"Yeah?"
"Well you're not going to get to meet her baby." he dipped his head, perching on the edge of the small single bed.
"Why not? Did you two have a fight?"
"No Jenny, there was…….an accident"
"Was Peyton in it?"
Jake looked at his daughter, trying his best not to let her see him cry. If he did, then she would, and he hated to see her upset.
"Yeah she was"
"So can't we go see her at the hospital?"
"I already did baby"
"So why can't I? I thought I was big now Dad"
"She died Jenny"
It's Cause I…
Need someone to touch
Whether it's…
Heavenly or pain
"So you weren't in that accident?" Nathan asked Haley after he'd caught his breath. She shook her head, motioning for him to sit beside her. When he didn't, and instead paced the floor with his hands behind his head, Haley got angry.
"What? So we can't even sit next to each other any more?" she shouted
"I didn't say that!"
"Well you're obviously not going to sit with me, so I don't know how we're going to have a proper conversation!"
"Haley. I'm still trying to process all of this" Nathan shouted, his tone of voice matching hers. "Do you have any idea what I've been feeling this past half hour?"
She watched his expression change from angry to worried. "I thought you might be dead. I had no idea if that was even you that had gotten into the ambulance. I was angry at myself because if you'd have died and I hadn't apologised for what happened between us…"
"You'd feel guilty?" she half-shouted, half-cried.
"You did not just say that to me" Nathan said in disbelief. "You know me better than that Haley."
"Not any more I don't" she muttered, loud enough for Nathan to hear.
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
"We haven't seen each other for months! How do I know what you're like? People change Nathan"
"You think I don't know that? YOU changed Haley."
"I know! I know I did, and I was selfish, and a bad wife but I'm sorry Nathan."
"See that's the thing Haley. I hate myself for it, but I can't stop it"
"Stop what?" she asked, her voice softening as Nathan came closer.
"I can't stop myself from being jealous of you"
And if by…
Chance we don't collide
Then I'll…
Take much better aim
"Mommy is the baby coming out yet?" Madison asked, looking carefully at Brooke's stomach, eyeing it up and down. Brooke laughed and looked at Lucas.
"No baby, you won't get to meet it for about eight months"
"Well maybe if you keep laughing, you'll shake it out cos your tummy moves when you laugh"
This time, Lucas joined in the laughing, and when Brooke couldn't stop herself, Madison started to giggle too, much to Brooke's happiness. She'd never really seen her daughter laugh around Lucas. She always seemed sort of scared of him.
"Okay my giggly girls" Lucas said "I think I need some coffee, and you could do with a drink too Madison."
Brooke looked up at him with her hazel eyes, and Lucas felt himself go weaker, as if she'd awakened something inside of him again that he'd suppressed for the past few years.
"Well only be a few minutes" he said softly as he kissed her on the lips, then on the cheek, then softly again on her forehead.
"I love you Lucas" she whispered. All she wanted right now was to be wrapped up in his arms, just like they used to do when they were younger, before they grew apart.
"I love you too pretty girl" he said, before scooping up his daughter, kissing her on the cheek as he exited the room. Brooke let her head sink into the pillow as she closed her eyes.
'Pretty girl' He hadn't called her that in what seemed like forever.
It's cause we…
Need someone to touch
Whether it's heavenly or pain
Jake opened the can of beer, letting the cold liquid wash down his throat.
"daddy I can't sleep" Jenny's small voice filled the room, making Jake turn his head towards the door.
"You had a bad dream baby?" he asked as she climbed onto his lap, something she hadn't done since she was a lot younger.
"No" she shook her head "I was just thinking about Peyton. I was sad so I knew you'd be sad."
"You know me too well I guess" he laughed a little and breathed in his daughter's smell. It was comforting, to him, that no matter what he seemed to do, or not do, in some cases, his daughter was always there, and she never judged him. No matter what.
"I just wish I could remember her."
"Well she'll remember you."
"Can you really remember people when you're dead Daddy?" Jenny asked, her eyes widening with curiosity.
"Of course you can. And even though Peyton's not here any more, she'll always be there to watch you, and make sure that you're safe if I'm not around."
"Why? Where are you going?"
"Nowhere Jenny. I'll never leave you"
I will understand you Judge You Protect you Berate you
Help you Punish you Guide you Forsake you
"daddy can I just go say bye to Haley?" Madison asked as her and Lucas walked back towards Brooke's room after having bought out almost the entire magazine stand.
"Sure. I'll wait for you here, but don't be too long" he replied, giving her a kiss. He couldn't believe how much time he had missed out on with his family. He hadn't been there the day Maddie first walked, or said her first word. He hadn't been there to drop her off or pick her up on her first day of school. He hadn't seen a single one of the nativity plays, or made it to her birthday parties.
"Hi Haley" Madison said shyly, standing near the door that her daddy stood outside of.
"hey Madison. Is your Mommy o.k?"
"Yeah. I'm going to have a brother or sister, but not for ages" the little girl stressed the last word, rolling her eyes as she did so, much to Haley's amusement.
"This is Nathan" Haley told her, nodding her head in the direction of the dark-haired guy near them.
"Hi Nathan. You love Haley" she stated, not batting an eyelid at the shocked looks she earned.
"I do actually" he replied softly chuckling, taking Haley's hand, who didn't pull away.
"I knew" Madison replied, smiling at the two.
"How'd you guess?"
Madison shrugged and looked at the two of them holding hands. "My Mommy looked at my Daddy like he's looking at you, and then she said 'I love you'"
"Well then I guess he does love me" Haley laughed.
"And you love him"
"You're like a mind-reader!" Haley joked, hugging the little girl. "Thank you Madison. We won't forget you."
"Thank you for helping my Mommy. I has to go now cos daddy wants to give Mommy a kiss before she goes to sleep."
We speed through life like we speed through life
In the blink of an eye it could mean your life
Frightened by stereotypes, our senses become heightened
When fear meets the truth it's like the clash of the titans
"So why did you leave Nathan?" Haley asked softly after they watched Madison exit the room and walk down the corridor, holding Lucas's hand.
"Do we need to do this now Haley?"
"Nathan I want answers You've been gone all these months, I think I have a right to know why you just left."
"Because I was jealous"
"Why?" she asked, her voice softening again as Nathan sat beside her.
"Because you'd gone after your dream, and it was becoming your life. Basketball used to be my life and it was my dream, but I didn't fulfil it. And watching you get everything you ever wanted made me angry at myself for not accepting that High Flyers letter. I couldn't stay and let jealousy get the better of me because it would have destroyed our marriage."
"I had no idea" she whispered, looking into his dark blue eyes. "I'm so sorry Nathan."
"No Haley, that's the thing. You shouldn't be sorry. Music was your dream, and who am I to stand in the way of that? I just couldn't stay and know that I was going to grow to resent you."
Haley nodded, taking in all of what Nathan had said. It was weird. She was so angry and upset with him for leaving, yet in a way, she understood. She hadn't stopped to think about him through all of her quest for music success, yet he'd thought about her every step of the way in what could have been an excellent basketball career.
"So what did you do while you were away?"
"I played. I played and I loved every single minute of it. But as soon as I got off that court, you were all I could think about. So I just threw myself into more and more basketball, and then I got a job coaching the junior team."
"Nathan that's great" she whispered, holding his hand as she gave it a little squeeze.
"So how are you doing with your music?" he asked, watching her brown eyes start to tear up.
"It wasn't what I wanted it to be." she said simply as she closed her eyes and leant in towards his face, her lips lingering in front of his before he met them, capturing them sweetly and softly and perfectly.
We cross the same intersection where perception becomes deception
Mirrored reflections of an ugly complexion
"Mommy" Madison called from down the hallway
"hey baby"
"We gotted you this from the mazagine stand!" Madison exclaimed, thrusting the handful of magazines at Brooke who laughed.
"It's mag-a-zine baby, not mazagine"
"Oh" she let out a small yawn which she tried her best to stifle, but with no success.
"Somebody needs to go to bed" Lucas said, smoothing his daughter's hair as he picked her up. Madison buried her head into Lucas' chest.
"I don't want to leave you and Mommy"
"Can't she just stay here?" Brooke asked. Even though her and Lucas were getting on, and he'd promised to be there for her, Brooke couldn't help but feel a slight sense of worry about leaving Madison alone with Lucas for the night. It was always her that she went to if she was upset or had a bad dream. If she wanted a story read, Brooke would do it. If she wanted something to drink, Brooke would get it. She didn't want her daughter to wake up in the middle of the night without her being there.
"You want to sleep here?" Lucas asked Madison, who nodded tiredly.
It's a mess that people think we are who we are
Based on what they hear or read or by the colour we are
"You can cry you know Daddy" Jenny said, breaking the silence that had fallen upon the living room.
"Thanks Jenny" Jake tried to laugh, but failed.
"I want you to cry Daddy"
"Why's that?"
"Because then I can cry too"
In life we are put in predicaments where incidents meets the innocent
Nathan sat in the chair, just watching Haley explain to him about how she hadn't really liked being on tour, and how much she missed him when she'd been putting in long hours at the studio. He only heard part of what she was saying. The rest of the time he spent just staring at her, wondering why it had taken him so long to realise that life was precious. It didn't last forever, and time certainly wasn't going to stand still for him, or anyone else for that matter.
"People change. Sometimes they grow older, wiser, more sure of what they want. But sometimes, people don't realise where they are headed in life, and what they want out of it. They're constantly looking for something better, something more real. We waste our time thinking about what could have been, or what we should have done. Why? Time's not going to change anything. Only we can do that."
Haley looked at Nathan, noticing that there was something different in his eyes. Realisation. Realisation of what they had, of what they threw away, of what they needed. For so long, she'd blamed herself for Nathan leaving. But now, she realised that it was both of them. Miscommunication and selfishness got in the way of their happiness, and for what? For them to realise that they only needed each other.
"Let us not seek to fix the blame for the past. Let us accept our own responsibility for the future."
Brooke watched as Madison chatted animatedly to Lucas about the ball that they'd been to that night. It was lovely to see how her eyes lit up every time she got to an exciting part, and how Lucas responded with a real smile when she laughed. This was all she'd wanted. A family to be a family.
She placed her hand delicately over her stomach, and thought of the new life growing inside of her, wondering what it was going to be like when Madison was an older sister, and the two would gang up on Brooke and Lucas over what time their curfews were, or which people they chose to date. Lucas looked over at her and smiled, before turning back to his daughter who was now starting to let sleep over come her.
"Life is about love. It's about being there for the people you care about, and receiving help from those you don't even know. It's these kind of acts that make all the difference, and that make society what it is. Life is for living, and enjoying. For having fun, even when you feel like you shouldn't be. Life's short, and sometimes it's painful. But you have to keep going. It's only the weak that give up."
Jake watched as a tear fell from Jenny's eye, followed by one from his own. Crying wouldn't have been something he'd normally do, especially in front of his daughter. But now it felt like a release.
"Shell be watching us won't she daddy?"
"Of course she is baby. I told you" he said softly, another tear escaping his eye. "She'll always be with us"
"Often in life, the people you love the most are taken from you too soon. You feel like you didn't have enough time with them, and you didn't accomplish enough. Loosing your heart's desire is tragic, but what would your life have been like if you hadn't met them? Would it have been any lighter? Any brighter? No. These things are sent to try us, and they do. But we have to keep fighting, because we all know, that if we had a choice between the tragedy of finding the one we love, and having them taken away from us, or never finding these people at all, we all know what we'd chose. We'd choose the tragedy. And we wouldn't give it back for the world."
Lucas scooped up his sleeping daughter in his arms, making his way over to Brooke's bed. He didn't say anything, and neither did she. She just made enough room for him to sit beside her, still holding their daughter in his arms. They sat there, not needing to say anything because for once, they actually knew what the other was thinking. They still had their worries and their doubts, their insecurities and their fears. But now they had the other's support and belief. That was all they needed.
"As we strain to grasp the things we desire, the things we think will make life better: money, popularity, fame; we ignore what truly matters: the simple things like friendship, family, love. The things we probably already had."
That "Crash" our conscious with contents of nonsense
When I breakdown and "Crash"
Tragedies happen. What are you going to do? Give up? Quit? No. When your heart breaks you've got to fight like hell to make sure you're still alive. Because you are. And that pain your feel: it's life. The confusion and fear: that's there to remind you that somewhere out there, is something better. And that something is worth fighting for.
It shouldn't take one tragedy to prevent others from happening. We should know that we have to cling onto life, even when we feel like giving up. We have to appreciate every second, every moment that we're here, because all too easily, it can be taken away.
A/N- okay, so that's it guys! Last chapter and I cried when writing it. (what can I say? I'm a dork)
Firstly:I want to thank each and every one of you for reviewing, I really loved reading them, and they enspired me to write more for you.
Secondly, I hate advertising my fics, but I ask you to check out 'life is what you make it' which will be getting updated a lot more frequently now. I also have something else in the pipeline, something more light-hearted, so watch out! lol.
Thirdly: We all need to save our beloved One Tree Hill! I've been voting on various different poles, but the main one seems to be E! Online. Please help save our show!
Finally: This is the longest chapter I have ever written, and it took ages, please leave me a review, as this will be the last time you can ever do it for this fic. lol
Love you guys, Emily-Grace xxx