Disclaimer: Dont own it, don't want to, don't sue me.
Note: Beware the stupidity. Not the greatest chapter, but it had to be done. This was written mostly to get through a nasty block of the writer's kind.
Chapter 6; In Which Yet Another Weakness Is Found
It was amazing the things a well-trained Mary-Sue could do. Simply astounding really when one took the time to think about it. They just seemed to ingrain themselves into whatever fandom it was that they had been set loose upon, needing no explanation- unless of course they were feeling very generous- or anything else for that matter. Perhaps this explains how our little Mary-Sue found herself in Sound, as a fully accredited kunoichi of a rather high level. The real kicker was that nobody bothered to ask any questions; they just seemed to blindly accept her as part and parcel of the story line- what ever that might be at the moment- thusly giving the deranged character full access to any of their ranks deemed worthy of an E.M.S.S. attack.
So, for the past week or so, Mary-Sue had been working up a list of possible candidates, consulting her handbook about the Do's and Don'ts of Mary-Sueism (Even Evil Mary-Sue's need to brush up their skills every once in a while), and coming up with the perfect strategy. Not that she needed to try… coming up with strategies was what Mar-Sue's did best. Who cared that all of her previous attempts had failed? That didn't mean anything, because there had been circumstances. Unfair ones. None of the other Mary-Sue's had to put up with bothersome siblings, and vindictive authoresses.
Once again, Mary-Sue found herself pondering the affection- or lack thereof- that the gods of fan fiction held out for her. While she was pondering this most ponderous of questions, she found herself pacing. Soon, the pacing turned in to walking, although if you were to study her movements it was really more of a march than a walk due to the almost stomping nature of her steps.
It is now, dear readers that the real fun begins. For you see, Mary-Sue's are a phenomena of the fan fic universe, they are sneaky, manipulative, strong, resilient, and a good many other things as well, however, they do have their weaknesses. As we have learned in previous chapters insects are one such weakness, in fact, Mary-Sue's are so badly disgusted by the creepy crawly things that they carry extra strength raid in their official Mary-Sue tool kits (although for some bizarre reason it doesn't work on ninja bugs.). But, all Mary-Sue's have at least one other weakness. For some it is an addiction, like coffee in the morning, or sugary foods, while for others it is some facet of their creator's personality; some fetish or quirk unique to the writer that spawned them.
Some of you may be wondering why this chapter starts off by explaining about Mary-Sue's and their weaknesses. There is a reason for it, there always is, you just have to wait and see, for like so many things the answer comes in time.
As Mary-Sue continued to walk- or stomp if you're being picky- around the village she was distracted by something not too far off in the distance. It was just a quick flash really, as if some one were directing the sunlight into her eyes in order to temporarily blind her, however she dismissed that thought, she hadn't done anything to warrant an anti-Mary-Sue attack… yet. It had probably been something stupid, like the sun's reflection off of a window.
Grumbling about the idiocy of windows, and reflections, and the sun, and the combined effect of all three, Mary-Sue continued on her merry way, never knowing the danger that she was about to find herself in.
The following day Mary-Sue was standing in a random dark corner, watching as Orochimaru went through his normal daily routine. Said routine included bossing about his minions, acting like a creepy pedophile, and plotting- usually against Konoha, though there was that one time he had ranted on and on about superstores and how they must meet their end. Today however, there were no tirades about faceless conglomerates, or the weather (more specifically, how the sun was out to get him, by ruining his perfectly flawless white skin with sunburns). Today, Orochimaru had more important things on his mind. He wanted to know where Kabuto was, and he wanted to know yesterday.
Usually the silver haired medic could be found at Orochimaru's side, much like a growth, or a loyal little puppy. However, such was not the case on this day. Now, if one took the time to notice, it became painfully clear, that the legendary snake Sennin depended on the much younger male in much the same way as a toddler depended on their mommy, so the fact that the young man wasn't present was the cause of much whining on the part of the snake man, and much suffering on the part of his underlings.
Have you ever listened to your 'fearless leader' turn into a sniveling baby? It isn't much fun.
Luckily though, the medic was found, and the incessant whining came to an end. It was then that Mary-Sue's troubles began. You see, Kabuto happened to possess a certain quality that acted a lot like catnip would if, that is, Mary-Sue had been a cat.
Kabuto wore glasses.
Kabuto wore glasses, and they weren't just any glasses. No. Kabuto's glasses were special. They seemed to have a strange aphrodisiac-like power. His glasses were- and there is simply no other way to say this- sexy.
Yes, that's right, S-E-X-Y. Sexy. Kabuto's glasses were, in fact, so hot that Mary-Sue briefly considered begging her creator to write an entire fic about them. After all, if Kankuro could have a fic based upon of the awesomeness of his hands, then surely Kabuto deserved one based solely on the lusty charm of his glasses.
Mary-Sue couldn't help but drool ever so slightly as the owner of the all powerful lust inducing glasses pushed them higher upon the bridge of his nose, making them sit even more perfectly than they had but mere moments before. It was simply awe-inspiring. Plots on how to make them her's began to form in her twisted little mind.
Somewhere, at the very back of her mind a voice was screaming, 'Nooooooooooooooo! Don't give in to the lusty badness! Fight it! For the love of Kami-sama, fight!' However, Mary-Sue couldn't bring herself to listen to it. She probably should have though, for if bugs was the weakness common to all Mary-Sue's, then glasses, was the weakness unique to this particular E.M.S.S. agent.
Damn Smurf and her fascination with eyeglasses!
Luckily, or perhaps unluckily (depending on who's point of view you take), Mary-Sue's attempts to win over the wearer of the sexy specs were all in vain as we all know that Kabuto is gay, and head over heels in lust with his Orochimaru-sama. At least that's what Smurf chose to write in order to save those beautiful, sexy, oh so hot glasses from the clutches of the E.M.S.S.
Unfortunately for Mary-Sue, she found herself once again baseless, and the E.M.S.S. was forced to do without Kabuto's glasses, and all the Lusty Badness they possessed. This was, of course, due to the fact that Smurf had forced a random character, with no name, no title, and no defining characteristics of any sort tell the possessive Sennin about the dark haired menace and her plan to steal Kabuto and his yummy glasses away for her own private and more than likely nefarious use.
Who knew that Orochimaru had it in him to out evil the Evil Mary Sue Syndicate?
Guh! Once again I beg forgivness for this bit of idiocy. It will get better soon... I hope.
Review and yell at me if you want.
Hugs and Oreos!
The writer who is too ashamed of this chapter to sign her nickname to it.