Hello there everyone! I'm here with the next chapter for you all, and I'll go ahead and warn you that it's kind of a doozy. After what happened in the last one (which I loved your reactions to, by the way), we're gonna see more of the fallout from Gabby's decision, and what that means for her and Matt, as husband and wife and with him being her Chief.
There's definitely a lot this one gets into, so I won't keep you any longer. But I do want to thank you all for reading, and I hope you enjoy this chapter! I'll see you all next time!
***UPDATE 2/27: Hey there everyone, I just wanted to let you all know that there won't be an update posted this week. I had some family come into town unexpectedly a few days ago, and I haven't had any time at all to get any writing done. Today (Sunday) is the first time I've even been able to get onto my computer in about four days, so I didn't have any time to ever start working on the chapter for you all. This next one is something I'm really looking forward to writing and I don't want to have to rush through it, so I'm just gonna hold off and post the chapter next week. I'm so, so sorry for the late notice, if I had known sooner I would've told you all but I hope you understand. I'm sorry there won't be a new chapter tomorrow, but I promise I'll be back next week. Thanks for understanding, and I hope you all have a great week.
Chapter One Hundred and Sixty Six
Dawson tapped her fingers against the side of her leg while Norris skillfully backed 61 in the garage, the rig gradually coming to a stop once Jemma was sure she'd gotten into the right spot.
"Well, that was pretty good." She spoke proudly with a soft smile on her face before she glanced over towards her friend. But that grin began to fall a bit when she saw Gabby staring out the window, seemingly oblivious to the fact that they were no longer driving as she hadn't heard a word Jemma had said.
And that's pretty much how she'd been since Casey went and pulled her from that building.
She'd been lost in her head, not really able to pay attention to much happening around her as that entire call had been an unsettling one, to say the least. And the Chief's evident frustration with her certainly wasn't helping matters.
Jemma hadn't heard much, but she'd seen how scared and angry Casey was before he went into that building. She knew how upset he'd been that Dawson ignored his orders. And she heard just enough of her and Casey's short conversation back at the scene.
And ever since then her partner had been a little more quiet than usual, Jemma pursing her lips together while she continued to watch her.
This wasn't an easy situation to be in, for Dawson or for Casey. And she could only imagine how the added factor of their relationship made this all the more difficult. But Gabby had made her choice, and now she had to deal with the consequences of that, Norris letting out a slow, soft breath before she gently reached over to place her hand on Dawson's arm.
Gabby was quickly pulled from her thoughts when she felt Norris' touch, the PIC narrowing her eyes a bit as she glanced around, her mind needing a few seconds to catch up to where they were before she looked towards Jemma.
"Are you ready to head in?" Norris questioned after offering her a small smile, Dawson pausing for a moment before she reciprocated the gesture.
"Yeah, uh- In a minute." She replied, Gabby not missing the near pitiful look that crossed Norris' features as she pulled her hand back towards her body. "I just…"
"It's Casey." Jemma finished for her, gaining Dawson's cautious gaze once more. "Cause of what happened, you don't really wanna go in there." She added on sympathetically, Gabby giving her a weak laugh before she shrugged.
"Something like that, yeah… I guess I'm not looking forward to getting yelled at by my Chief." Dawson responded, doing her best to keep her voice light despite the serious situation.
"I don't know if he'll yell." Jemma tried, Gabby letting out a soft scoff before shaking her head.
"No, he will." She answered quickly with a wince. "And he should. After what happened and what I did, he'll be mad. And that's on me… I just hate that we're in this position now. Even though I'm the one who put us there" She breathed out, knowing she could be completely transparent with her best friend. "Because with him being my Chief now, it-"
"It makes this harder." Norris told her, catching her friend's gaze once more before Dawson slowly nodded.
"Yeah, it does. For a lot of reasons… Because even though this isn't the first time he's been my boss, this is the first time something like this has happened when he's the Chief." She said while looking down towards her lap, Jemma watching her for another moment more before she spoke up.
"Well, I wish there was something I could do to help, but you did what you did. Now you need to talk to Casey about it." She reasoned, Gabby appreciating her friend not sugarcoating things even if it wasn't easy to hear. "But from the way I see it, I know your intentions were in the right place when you were in that building." Jemma continued on, prompting Dawson to lift her head as the partners locked eyes once more. "And no matter what he's feeling, I'm sure Casey knows that, too."
Dawson thought over her words for a second until she slowly nodded, the PIC offering her a small smile before she began to climb down from the rig, Norris following her movements as the two paramedics began to head inside.
The parked trucks they navigated around told them that all other companies had already returned to the house, Battalion 25 being among the others as Matt's rig was in its rightful home as well, meaning that he was somewhere inside with the rest of their coworkers. Which she wasn't necessarily surprised by, even though for a moment she'd wondered if he'd maybe gone to headquarters, given how he was supposed to head over there before they were called out. But by the looks of it, he hadn't. And she was sure that had everything to do with her.
Drawing in a deep breath, Dawson followed Jemma in through the double doors, the sight inside familiar enough as most of the firehouse was sitting around the common room. Some of them were watching TV, while others were keeping to themselves, a strong sense of normalcy hitting the paramedics while they continued inside.
"Hey guys." Herrmann spoke with a soft smile as he was the first one to notice them, his voice gaining a few other greetings from the first responders while Jemma stepped into the room. But Gabby stayed back in the entryway, her gaze moving around like she was looking for someone in particular before she landed on the temporary truck Lieutenant.
"Hey Herrmann." Jemma greeted, tapping the older man on the shoulder as she passed him by, Herrmann giving her a nod before refocusing his attention on Dawson.
"Hey kid." Christopher said a little more directly when she had yet to speak up, Gabby giving him a weak smile in return.
"Hi… Have you, uh- Is Casey around here somewhere?" She asked, not missing the knowing look in his eyes before he nodded, his mouth opening slightly like he was about to say something. But he never got the chance, as the sound of Matt's voice cut him off.
"Dawson."
His tone was steady, much like it had been back at the scene as Gabby turned to look down the hallway, seeing her husband coming from the opposite end of the firehouse. His steps were purposeful, his face hard to read as he slowed his pace a bit when he got closer.
"Hey.. I was just coming to look for you." She told him, Casey nodding once before he started to step around her.
"Let's go to my office." He responded, Matt saying nothing else as he disappeared around the corner, Gabby letting out a soft sigh before she followed after him, all while ignoring the stares from her coworkers as she went.
Their walk through the halls of 51 was painfully silent, Gabby staying a few feet behind him as he moved, the pair getting to their destination soon enough as he stepped inside, Matt giving her room to come in before closing the door.
There was a palpable uneasiness between them as Matt walked around her to come and stand in front of his desk, Gabby taking a couple steps closer to him while they stood feet apart in the middle of his office. Neither one of them said anything for a minute, but from just looking at him she could tell he was upset with her. And, like she'd told Jemma, she understood why.
But she could only hope he'd understand her side of things, as well.
"Walk me through what happened."
Dawson's eyebrows raised when those first words came from his mouth, the woman somewhat surprised that this is where he wanted to start. But she wasn't complaining as it gave her a chance to tell him what went on out at that call.
"I want to know everything you thought, every decision you made." He continued when she hadn't spoken up, Casey crossing his arms over his chest while his gaze stayed locked on her. "From the second you walked into that building, I want to know all of it." He finished, Dawson giving him a slight nod before she drew in a steadying breath, while figuring out where to begin.
"Okay, well you sent me in, after Severide asked for my help." She started, Casey giving her a nod that prompted her to continue. "So I went in there, and was taken straight to the victim they'd needed help with… We didn't stop, or look around for anyone else, we went straight there. Got him collared and on the board, and then we started to leave." She explained, looking him right in the eye with every word she said. "I was behind the guys as we were leaving, and the smoke and everything was really thick. So much that it was hard to see, but I was trying to stay close… But then before we got to the stairs, I heard someone yelling for help."
"And that's when you broke away from them?" He asked for clarification, Gabby shaking her head.
"No, I didn't." She replied. "I stayed where I was, I just waited to see if I could hear anyone again, because I thought my mind was playing tricks on me. Or that I was just hearing things. But I didn't go look for anyone, at least not then." Dawson clarified, the paramedic clearing her throat before he nodded at her to continue. "...I waited a few seconds to see if they said anything else, and when they didn't I figured I was just hearing things, so I was gonna leave like you were telling us to. But then when I turned around everyone was gone."
Casey's neck tightened as she spoke, that bubbling uneasiness in his gut that he'd been feeling all afternoon starting to rise once more before he shook his head slightly.
"I didn't think I'd been turned around that long, but I guess I was. It's my fault, I should've made sure to stay with them, but I couldn't see anyone. I tried calling out for them and no one answered, they must've already gotten downstairs." She pushed on, Matt feeling the Chief side of him start to falter a little bit as he looked at his wife. "So I started to leave and head for the exit, or what I thought was the exit, but then there was a flashover. Or something, I'm still not even sure. But there was fire everywhere and part of the ceiling was falling down and it cut off my exit."
While she continued to explain what had happened, his entire body was tense at this point, as those uncertain feelings within him were starting to turn into one thing, and that was anger. Not just at Gabby, for directly disobeying his orders to get out of that building- even though they hadn't discussed that part yet, but at everyone in there with her. At squad, and Severide, for not making sure they had her. He was starting to feel much like he had back at the scene, because that was their job. It was on them to get their paramedic back out of that building safely, and they didn't do it. That was the bottom line.
Gabby wasn't blameless here, Casey knew that. And he'd get to that, as she made her own choices and stayed inside that building. But what transpired before that wasn't on her. Her being left alone in that building wasn't her fault, it was Severide's. It doesn't matter how much training Gabby may have had, or how much experience she had being in that position, at the end of the day she was a paramedic sent into the building to help, at Kelly's request. She was his responsibility, and he left her behind.
And learning all of that left him feeling more upset than he'd care to admit.
Mostly because there was that voice in the back of his mind telling him that if it had been him inside of that building with her, none of this ever would've happened.
"But after that is when I heard the voice again." She said carefully after a moment, Casey's eyes regaining their focus as he watched her. "There was someone calling for help, and so I tried to go and find them…"
"That's when I got you on the radio." He pieced together, Gabby nodding slowly after biting down on her bottom lip. "When you made the decision to ignore my orders, and go look for that man."
He was beginning to regain that tough Chief exterior he'd lost, Dawson standing up a little straighter as she clasped her hands together behind her back. "...Matt."
"Just tell me the rest of what happened." He interjected, Gabby seeing a hardened look in his eyes that she hadn't seen directed at her in a long time. Maybe not since she was a candidate.
"Yes, that's when I went to try and help that man." She answered him, not getting much of a reaction from him before she continued. "I could hear him calling for help, and I wasn't going to leave him… That was what you heard, when we were talking over the radio. Was me going to find him.. But by the time I got there, he was already gone." Gabby spoke regretfully before shaking her head. "It must've taken me longer to get to him than I thought, or he was barely holding on when he was calling out for help, but he was dead before I got there." She finished, Casey drawing in a slow breath to steady himself before he nodded.
"And that entire time, you heard me telling you to get out of there." Matt said, the lack of emotion in his tone almost unsettling as Gabby gave him a slight nod.
"I heard most of it, I think… My radio got messed up at some point, probably when the ceiling fell the first time. But I heard you tell me a few times." She replied, knowing she couldn't lie to him, for more reasons than just him being her boss. "At some point when I was with him, my radio died, I think. I couldn't get a hold of anyone after that, but I did hear you tell me to get out."
"And you chose not to." He stated, the two catching gazes once more. "You had a decision to make, and you chose to not follow my orders."
"I did." She replied, Casey able to hear the bit of regret in her words as she took a step closer to him. "Because I was in there, hearing that man yelling for help and I knew I couldn't leave him. I had to at least try."
"Even when you knew it wasn't safe, when I was telling you it wasn't safe." He cut in, Gabby's eyes closing for a moment while she heard him take another breath. "I know you wanted to try and help that man, but you have to listen to me when I tell you to do something. On this job, you have to. Because after today, all I can think about is how I never should've let you into that building." He spoke firmly, those words causing her head to snap up. "If you can't follow clear orders, you shouldn't have been in there."
"I was trying to save him. I was doing my job, Matt." She tried, but he shook his head.
"No, you weren't. Because you're a paramedic, you're not a firefighter. Not anymore." He continued on bluntly, his voice causing her eyes to narrow as they were teetering into uneasy waters. "Your job was to go inside that building and help squad, not do searches and look for other victims." Casey reasoned, though he could tell she didn't like what she was hearing. "What you did today-"
"What I did today was try and help people." She said roughly, Casey biting his tongue for a moment as she shook her head. "I know you're upset with me, and I know I didn't listen to your orders but I was trying to help. Regardless of whether I'm a firefighter or not, I took an oath to help people. And I was not about to just leave that building when there was someone screaming for help." Dawson continued, like she was trying to help him see where she was coming from. But he wanted no part of it.
"Gabby, you risked your life for a guy that was already dead."
"But I didn't know that!" She fought back, her body still moving closer to him as they kept going back and forth. "I had no way of knowing that, when he had just been yelling for someone to help him. I wasn't gonna walk away, not if there was something I could've done for him."
"And what would you have done?" Matt pressed, her eyebrows knitting together a bit as she wasn't sure what he was asking her. "If you got to him, and found him alive, how were you planning on getting that man outside on your own?" He questioned, watching her open her mouth to dispute him before she quickly closed it, Casey giving her a pointed look in return. "That's exactly what I'm talking about, you wouldn't have been able to get him out of there regardless… You know you should've come out, and let us know what was going on. Then if it was safe, I would've sent squad back in there to help him. That's how this job works, that's how we keep everyone safe and I know you know that." Matt told her, his voice a bit rougher than it needed to be as his emotions were breaking through. "But instead you went against all of that, and did what you wanted."
"That's not what I was doing, Casey." She tried, tightening the grip on her hands as she was trying to remember this wasn't her husband she was talking to. This was her Chief. "It was just an instinct. You hear someone calling for help, you help them.. Especially when I'm trained enough to know what I was doing." Gabby countered, Matt opening his mouth to interject but she shook her head. "I know I'm not a firefighter anymore, but I used to be a great one.. You made me into a great one, so I don't need you to stand here and act like I went into that building not knowing what I was doing." She defended her, Casey forcing himself to take another steadying breath.
"Dawson…"
"I didn't just forget how to do the job. You should be able to trust me enough to know that. And I know I should've listened to you and gotten out of that building, I recognize that. But you didn't just send some helpless paramedic into a fire. I reacted in the heat of the moment, and I was trying to help that poor man." She spoke quickly, barely stopping to take a breath. "And now you're standing there getting mad at me for that, when it's something I know you would've done, too. That I've seen you do-"
"And every time I did what you did, I got my ass handed to me by my Chief." He cut her off strictly, seeing her face fall slightly before she regained her tough demeanor. "If I ever disobeyed a direct order, things were a lot worse than how I'm reacting right now. But that's not even the point, it doesn't matter what I may or may not have done, this is about you. It's about you ignoring my orders, and not respecting me as your Chief."
Something in her shifted when he said those words, Gabby's lips parting in near disbelief as she listened to what he was saying.
"You had no respect for me today as your superior, you completely went against what I told you to do, staying inside that building knowing it wasn't safe. With no regard for me and what I was telling you to do… That can't happen, Dawson." He finished, seeing the fire shining in her eyes as she started to shake her head.
"...Is that really what you think?" Gabby questioned him after a moment. "You think I don't respect you?"
"You didn't out there today." He replied without a thought, Dawson almost physically recoiling as the tension in the room reached an all-time high. "And I don't know if you would've reacted that way with anyone, or it's just because of me. And because we're married, you felt like it was okay to go against what I was saying, but you completely disregarded my orders today, Gabby. I told you to get out, and the first word out of your mouth was no. You disobeyed a direct order, multiple times. You can't do that."
"Matt, I know you're mad at me but I wasn't trying to-"
"It doesn't matter what you were trying to do, what matters is what happened." He interrupted, Gabby clenching her hands together in an effort to not make this terrible situation any worse. "And of course I'm mad. I'm mad because you made the choice today to not listen to your Chief, when this hasn't been an issue with us for a long time. You ignoring my orders, going against protocol… I know we've struggled with that in the past, but I thought we were done with it. I never expected you to do that, and I don't know where it came from. And I sure as hell can't understand why you were so insistent on not listening to me, not when I kept telling you how dangerous it was. So yeah, I'm mad. Because you ignored my orders, and nearly died because of it." His words were harsh but necessary, Gabby continuing to watch him while she clenched her jaw tightly. "Had I not gotten there when I did and pushed you out of the way, you could've died. And I don't think you're understanding that."
Her eyes narrowed slightly, Dawson feeling her defenses rising as she started to roughly shake her head. "I do." She challenged him, hearing him release a heavy scoff before she stood her ground. "I do understand that, Matt. I'm not reckless, you should know that better than anyone." Gabby told him, seeing a flicker of something she couldn't read appear in his eyes. "You think I don't realize how close today was? Believe me, I do. Today was really hard, and I know it could've been so much worse… I know I'm lucky to have walked out of that building, and that terrifies me." She continued on, seeing his hard exterior crack ever so slightly once more while he listened to her talk, as no matter what was going on with them he never wanted to see his wife scared or upset. "It's terrifying to think about how something could've happened to me, and I wouldn't have made it home to you, and to the girls… I never intended for today to be as close of a call as it was, I didn't know anything like that was going to happen. All I was doing was trying to help, and thankfully, I'm okay." She finished, his features beginning to tighten once more as he forced himself to take a breath.
"Yeah, you're okay, thank God. But the only reason you are is because I managed to find you in time." He said back as her watery gaze focused on him, his eyes blinking quickly while he tried to get his thoughts together. "If I had got there a second later, if it took me another minute to find you, then you wouldn't have been… And had that happened, it would've been on me." He told her, the slight crack in his voice nearly breaking her heart as this went so much deeper than just a PIC not listening to her Chief.
"Matt…"
"You scared the hell out of me out there, Gabby." He rushed out, his head moving back and forth hastily. "I was standing outside that building, thinking my wife was about to die right in front of me. Again." His voice faltered, Gabby swallowing thickly as they both knew his emotions went deeper than what happened out there today. "That our girls were about to lose their mother again." He continued on, Dawson soon frowning as those awful memories of her accident came rushing back. "That's all I could think about when you were in that building. And I know you've been in that position before, stuck outside thinking something was going to happen to me. I know how hard that was on you, and I've been on that end of it too. But what made this so much worse is it felt like you knew what could happen, you just didn't care."
"That's not true-"
"You chose to stay in there, with no regard for me. Not as your husband, and certainly not as your Chief. And as your boss that can't happen. You can't do this again, Gabby. I have to be able to trust you out on these calls, I can't be worried that you'll just go off and do whatever you please." He forced out, feeling the uncertainty between them growing as he could tell he'd struck a nerve within her. Even though that wasn't his intention.
"It's not that simple." She defended, but he merely shook his head.
"Yes it is, it is that simple and we both know it. It's as simple as you refusing to listen to your Chief."
"Because you refuse to accept that I knew what I was doing! And you're treating me differently because of it."
"Jesus, Gabby." He huffed out before bringing his hands up to cover his eyes, it becoming more and more clear to him that they were still in the same place as they'd started.
"No, you don't get to do that because it's the truth." She pushed on, taking another step towards him. "I should've listened to you, I know I scared you and I'm sorry for that. But you're mad at me for something you've done a hundred times, for something I've seen everyone out there do every damn shift. What I did was no different than what all of us do, because we don't leave people behind. You know that." She voiced strongly, seeing his face falter just a bit. "And if this was any one of them, you wouldn't be this mad at them for trying to save someone. You just wouldn't, because I've seen it… But right now you're pissed off, and that's only because it was me." She said before he looked at her. "You're angry because I was the one in that building. If this were Jemma, or Kidd, or Severide- anyone else, you'd be a little mad but you'd understand, and you wouldn't be acting like this. But because it was me, it's different-"
"Of course it's different!" He nearly yelled, his quick words cutting her off. But his voice wasn't hostile, it was fearful. "It always has been, you don't get to throw that back in my face now just because I'm mad about what you did." Casey shot as Gabby's body tightened. "Hell, I shouldn't have even been the one who went in to get you, I broke protocol doing that. But do you think that matters to me? Had it been anyone else, I would've sent in Severide, or Hermann. Because that's what my job is. But it wasn't anyone else, it was you. It was the love of my life inside that building, alone.. So yeah, it's different with you, cause it's my job to look after you." He continued on, his voice becoming more and more unsteady as they stood there.
"Your life is in my hands, all the time. On shift and off, but especially when those bells go off. And I'm not gonna apologize for protecting you, or for keeping a closer eye on you than I do everyone else. Because you're my wife, Gabby… You're the mother of my children, and there's no way in hell I'm just gonna stand by and not do everything in my power to keep you safe." He pressed, tears shining in both their eyes as he sucked in a breath. "But I can't do that by myself, you have to help me. You can't go off on your own, when I've told you it isn't safe… And it has nothing to do with me not trusting your abilities as a first responder, or me thinking you can't handle yourself. It's cause I need to know that if I tell you to fall back, you'll listen. Because we've both seen how quickly things can go wrong out there."
The second those words left his lips she immediately winced, Casey knowing his statement was hard to hear. But it was the truth.
"We see it all the time. Even the times we think everything's fine, that can all change in an instant… We've both lived through that, and I wasn't about to risk that happening to you. Not again." He continued to explain, but she merely shook her head, Casey seeing the disbelief starting to set in across her face before she responded.
"...Are you really gonna go there?" She asked him, his voice barely audible as she put some distance between them. "You're bringing Shay into this?" Gabby questioned, her fallen friend's name getting caught in her throat as Casey's eyes fell closed. "And Andy? And Foster? Because you're mad I didn't listen to you?"
"That's not what this is about Gabby, and you know it." He repeated himself, as her hand came up to rub over the side of her head. "I'm not saying this to hurt you, I'm saying it because we know what can happen out on calls. Even when we do everything right, things can still go wrong. But it's my job to do everything in my power to keep that from happening, and I can't do that if you're out there defying my orders… That's what this is about."
The room around them turned quiet once he finished speaking, that uncomfortable feeling between them now more noticeable than ever as they stared at one another, the couple knowing that they were at a standstill, where neither of them were ready to back down. And Matt hated it, because he knew it never should've come to this. It shouldn't have come to him having to pull rank over his own wife, but it had.
In the short time since his promotion, there were a few times where Casey had to rein people in; Severide more than once, and sometimes Herrmann or Kidd. Just anytime one of his men would get a little too ahead of themselves, and put Matt in a position where he'd have to remind them who was in charge. He hated doing it, but it was a necessary part of the job. And without it, people could get killed.
But in his near month and a half of being Chief, it hadn't happened with Gabby. He hadn't had to pull the Chief card with her, because there wasn't a situation that warranted it.
Today, that had all changed. He'd had no choice but to be her boss before her husband, and it truly was worse than he imagined. Especially as he watched her teary eyes stare at him, Matt wanting nothing more than to drop all of this and make it better. But he knew he couldn't.
A hesitant knock on the door pulled them from their silence, Gabby blinking a few times while Casey glanced behind her towards the door that was now being opened, an office worker carefully poking her head in with an unsure look on her face. One that came from the yelling he knew they'd all heard.
"I'm sorry to bother you Chief, but it's headquarters again…" She told him, while Gabby rubbed under her eyes. "They're still waiting for you to get there."
"Alright." He responded shortly, before giving her a nod. "Thank you."
The older woman quickly excused herself, closing the door behind her as Matt refocused his attention on his wife, who was currently looking anywhere but him.
"I- I have to go." He spoke up after clearing his throat, seeing Gabby glance back towards him with an almost pained expression written into her features. "They expected me hours ago, so I…"
"We're not done talking about this." She pushed back, Casey sighing softly as he ran his hand along his forehead once more, the dull ache in the base of his skull making its presence known before he looked back at her.
"I know, but I have to go." He repeated himself, Gabby opening her mouth to say something before soon closing it, like she was holding back whatever argument was sure to come from him leaving right now.
"...Alright." She gave in, her cold demeanor hard to miss as she put a few more steps of space between them. "I hope everything goes well with Kidd." She added on, though there was hardly any emotion in her voice before she quickly turned to leave the room, while Casey stood and watched her.
The near suffocating tension in the air didn't leave even after she'd gone, Matt feeling a new rush of hurt flow through him as he knew that not only had their talk not fixed anything, it had somehow only made it worse.
And he had no idea where to go from here.
Dawson sat in the back corner of the conference room while the majority of her coworkers were gathered around the room, the first responders chatting with one another as their long shift was coming to an end. They had maybe ten minutes or so left, Casey having told everyone earlier that morning that he wanted to speak with them before they all left, before he, Kidd, and Herrmann disappeared into his office. And that's where they had been ever since, while the rest of the house waited for whatever it was their Chief wanted to talk to them about.
But Gabby wasn't so much focused on that, as she couldn't bring herself to think about anything other than how tense things had been between her and her husband through the entire shift. It had gotten so bad to the point where they tried not to be in the same room, the couple not speaking to each other as they hadn't exchanged a single word since she left his office yesterday. And to make matters worse, she knew the house had picked up on how hard things were for them right now, though to their credit, no one other than Jemma had brought it up. Which had helped because Dawson really didn't want to talk about it, the PIC doing her best to steer clear of Matt and any conversations about him whenever Jemma tried, while this heavy feeling continued to settle over them.
Though thankfully, it had been easy enough to steer clear of each other. With Casey being out of the house most of the afternoon and evening yesterday, that helped in giving them some time away from each other. Then those moments when he was there, a lot of the time 61 was out on a call, so they hadn't been around each other often. But that wasn't always the case, as there were times when they weren't able to get space from each other, which almost instantly led to an obvious uneasiness between them.
It was one that Gabby hated, but one she wasn't ready to fix just yet. And truthfully, she knew Casey wasn't either.
They were both upset, and angry at the other for what happened yesterday, and laying everything out on the table hadn't changed any of that. Gabby felt that she didn't deserve the way he'd responded to what happened, and Matt felt like she wasn't listening to him and didn't respect him. They were both holding onto a lot of hard feelings about everything, and those were emotions they weren't quite ready to let go of. So for right now, they knew the best thing they could do for one another was just to keep to themselves. To give each other time and space to work through all of this.
But the only problem was that here soon, space wouldn't be possible, as they were minutes away from going home and having to pretend like everything was fine. And after how difficult the past day had been, Gabby wasn't sure how that was going to go.
Typically in a situation like this where things were hard, Casey would go and hang out with Severide, until he and Gabby both were a little more level headed. But with Matt still just as mad at his friend as he was at her, she knew that wasn't an option. And even if the two of them were fine, after the emotionally draining shift they'd just had Gabby was sure all Matt wanted to do right now was go home and see their girls. Because that's all she wanted to do, too.
But that meant putting all of this aside, and dealing with it later. For their girls, they had to.
Gabby just wasn't sure if either of them were in the right headspace to do that.
Soft tapping on her shoulder pulled Dawson from her head as she turned to see Severide standing beside her, the Lieutenant wearing a small smile on his face before he rubbed over her arm. "Hey Dawson."
"Hi Kelly." She responded softly, Gabby blinking a few times as she regained more of herself. "I was wondering when you were gonna get in here." She added on lightly, Severide chuckling a bit before he took a seat next to her.
"Yeah, yeah well paperwork has been a pain in my ass." He responded, Dawson pausing for a moment before she nodded, as she was sure part of endless paperwork he had to fill out had to do with what happened yesterday. But she didn't press it. "So, do you know what this is all about, anyway?" Kelly questioned after a second or two, while Gabby's bottom lip fell between her teeth. "I mean, for as long as Stella, Herrmann, and Casey have been gone, I'm guessing it's about Kidd's promotion. Even though Casey's been pretty quiet about that lately." He continued on while glancing towards her. "I know there was all that BS with them being worried about her taking on this job, but he didn't seem to think that would be a problem anymore… Sorry I know I'm rambling, I just didn't know if Casey had maybe said something to you."
Dawson couldn't help the soft scoff that left her lips at the question, before she roughly shook her head, Severide's eyebrows raising a bit in response.
"Yeah, Casey isn't talking to me much about anything right now." She bit out, Kelly wincing slightly as he placed a supportive hand over her arm once more. "So I don't know, sorry Kelly."
"It's fine." He was quick to tell her, his eye tracing over her for a moment before he cautiously spoke up. "...You alright, Dawson?" Severide asked, Gabby letting out another huff as she adjusted her positioning in her seat.
"I'm great.. Never been better." She replied sarcastically, though after all the years he'd known Dawson, he was sure that was to cover the hurt she was feeling more than anything else. "I can't talk to my husband, and my Chief doesn't trust me to do my job, so everything's great." She continued on as Kelly gave her a nod.
"I take it Casey's still mad, huh?"
"He is. At all of us." She told him, Severide grimacing once more before he nodded.
"Yeah, I've been picking up on a little bit of that… Though I'm not surprised, I fucked up yesterday. I never should've let you out of my sight." He reasoned, but Gabby waved him off.
"It's not your fault Kelly, it's mine… I just wish it never happened." She breathed out, her frustration evident as Severide patted her arm once more.
But he never got the chance to say anything else as the side doors opened, the room soon going quiet when Casey stepped in, their Chief followed by Herrmann and Kidd before the three of them came to a stop in the front of the room.
"Hello everyone, I appreciate you all waiting… I know it's almost the end of shift, but there's something I want to talk to you about, and I didn't want to wait until next week." Casey started, Gabby watching him while he spoke even though he was looking everywhere but her. "As you all know, Herrmann's been filling in for my old position on 81 recently, and he's been doing a great job."
A round of cheers interrupted Casey, a few laughs being heard around the room while Kidd leaned over to shake the older man's shoulders.
"Yeah, yeah, we all know how good he's been. And his work has been very appreciated, to help make this transition a little smoother for all of us." He continued on, Matt as professional as ever as despite his feelings towards a few select people in the room, you would've never known there was anything going on. "But this position wasn't something he wanted permanently, so headquarters and I have been working to try and find the best fit. And we believe we have." He told him, Gabby glancing between him and Kidd as the woman was unable to hide the growing smile over her face. Anyone looking at Stella could see the excitement radiating off of her, and it was a feeling that was growing within the room, as even though they didn't talk about it much, everyone in the house knew who the natural choice was for their next Lieutenant. "Everyone, I'd like to introduce your new truck Lieutenant, Stella Kidd."
More cheers erupted throughout the room as soon as the words left Casey's lips, Severide nearly jumping out of his seat beside Dawson before he rushed up to the front of the room to congratulate Stella, his movement prompting everyone else to crowd around her while they continued cheering and yelling for their new Lieutenant.
But the one person who wasn't so quick to move was Dawson, Gabby deciding to stay back in her seat with a gentle smile on her face as she watched the house congratulate her friend. She was so proud of Kidd, and she'd make sure her friend knew it, but she decided to hang back for a few seconds to let everyone else get a turn.
And it seemed as if Casey was taking the same approach when Gabby noticed movement out of the corner of her eye, glancing over to see her husband stepping back from the crowd while Kidd was passed around from person to person, the elated look written into his features hard to miss as she could see his genuine excitement for his firefighter. It was a look that made her smile strengthen a bit despite everything going on, as she knew this was something Matt had wanted for Stella for a while now, and she was just glad it had finally happened.
Casey must've felt her stares as after a moment his head turned towards her, the excited gleam in his eyes slowly starting to wither away as his face fell a bit, Gabby soon matching his look while the couple watched one another. He didn't look as upset, at least not this second, but she also couldn't get that good of a read on him, Dawson watching as he swallowed thickly before returning his attention back towards Kidd.
Their interaction was brief, and didn't give her much to go on. But the heavy weight pressing against her chest told Dawson that none of the looming uneasiness between them had gone away. If anything, it was only worse.
And unless they found a way to talk to one another, that wouldn't be changing any time soon.