Chapter 2—"Crazy Lovesick Fool"

Cloud Dancing walked through the woods, letting the wild hawk guide him to his destination. When he arrived at the base of Sully's lean-to, the hawk screeched, jolting Sully from his troubled sleep. Alarmed by Sully's deliberate exposure to the elements, Cloud Dancing quickly reached for dry blankets under the lean-to and pulled his trembling friend to a sitting position; pushing the thin layer of snow and sweat off of his chest and arms.

Sully grunted as the chill sent pains to his sleeping nerves, and his eyes opened wide and white as he tried to focus on his friend.

"What have you done, my brother, to make the spirits turn so?" Cloud Dancing sat back and waited for an answer.

Sully clung to the wool blankets, regaining some of his warmth as the previous night ebbed before his eyes. He nearly shuttered as he felt her push away. Sully closed his eyes, seeing her frightened face and feeling her warm hand against his heart. So many countless contradictions in every smile, breath, touch, look, and kiss. Sully moaned as the tremors took over. As he heard her sigh so sensually and unaware, he fell to his side, collapsing on the bed of furs and extra blankets.

Cloud Dancing raised his eyebrows but didn't move the rest of his face. "Dr. Mike. You will not win her back by freezing to death. You are a crazy lovesick fool, my brother."

Sully rolled his head back as his sinuses began to open. "I can't do anythin' right."

The wise man smiled at the misshapen younger man. "You love Dr. Mike. That is right."

Sully exhaled and looked in Cloud Dancing's sure eyes, knowing his words were true. As his chest shook with chills, he quietly admitted, "I don't know how to love her the way she needs to be loved."

"Love does not come without patience and understanding. Especially from yourself." Sully frowned, absorbing his words, trying to find the connection to his situation. "If you do not understand yourself, you will never understand a woman."

The hawk squawked again, alarming Cloud Dancing as it walked closer to Sully, circling him with fascination. But Cloud Dancing did not move or speak. He watched the tortured younger man, oblivious to the sounds and the wonderment of the preying bird. The man circled his body with his arms, shivering, closing his eyes once more, his thoughts taking him somewhere else. The hawk moved closer, and with one shift movement, bit Sully's ear. Sully's eyes flashed open in pain and shock, and he jumped away from the bird, pushing it away until it flew off through the trees.

"Why didn't ya warn me?" Sully yelled, grabbing his ear as he suddenly became alert and sober.

"You were not paying attention. The hawk was always there. You will be carried away if you are not careful. Know yourself, my brother," Cloud Dancing warned cryptically.

Sully's ear throbbed and he nodded as Cloud Dancing held out his hand. "Come. Get up and we will build a fire to warm you before real illness sets in."

The hawk rose above the dismissive trees and now drew towards a chimney stack in the clearing. It rested there, as the early morning sounds drifted up with the gray smoke.

Brian pushed the curtain back that separated their room from the rest of the cabin. He looked toward his ma's bed, which was still perfectly made from the night before. Then his eyes went towards the falling fire, and there he saw her, sitting in the rocking chair, covered by Sully's leather jacket.

"Colleen! Colleen! Get up!" Brian shook his sister frantically.

Colleen woke with a start, eyes wide with sleep as she stared at her little brother. "What is it?"

"Look!" He pointed to Michaela.

Colleen slowly pushed the covers away from her body and slid out of the bed. "Looks like she didn't even go to bed last night."

Brian and Colleen tiptoed closer, trying not to wake her just yet. Brian stepped a little closer to Colleen and slipped his fingers through hers, his boyish heart swelling. "Her eyes are all puffy."

Colleen nodded, barely squeezing his hand. "I think she's been cryin'."

"I wonder what happened?" Brian shuffled closer to Michaela's knees.

Colleen swallowed and noticed the leather coat encasing her. "Sully left his coat."

Suddenly, Matthew opened the front door, dressed and ready for a day of work at Miss Olive's ranch. Michaela's eyes flew open, and Brian nearly jumped back from the shock. "What are you children doing!" Michaela asked with a start.

Brian and Colleen looked at each other quickly, and Colleen stepped up. "Uh…Brian was just about to wake ya, Dr. Mike, and I was just headin' to the kitchen to make breakfast!"

Michaela covered her eyes as she gathered her wits momentarily, shaking her head as she tried to forget why her back ached and why she smelled like rawhide and everything masculine she loved about Sully.

Brian stepped a little closer, attempting to peek through her fingers. Feeling the presence of the little person, Michaela opened her fingers and couldn't help but smile at her son's concerned face. "Ya ok, ma?" he whispered.

"I'm just fine, sweetheart," she responded, dropping her arms and quickly pulling him into a hug. The pangs in her chest weren't heartache, she told herself. She was fine.

Brian hugged her neck tighter as a small sigh escaped her lips, despite herself. "Ya sure ya don't need more huggin'?" Brian asked as she pulled away gingerly.

Michaela shook her head, a bright smile planted on her face that didn't match the low light in her eyes. "I think that hug will last me all day long."

She pushed up off the chair and quickly moved into action, not wanting to linger in sentimentality too long this morning. Matthew, oblivious to last night's happenings, sauntered leisurely into the kitchen to wash his hands. Michaela smoothed back her hair and quickly grabbed her apron, her hands strained and unfocused as she fumbled with the bow. Colleen looked up from the skillet. Matthew paused as he dried his hands. Brian stepped closer, not having moved yet. Michaela's hands stopped when she felt the eyes of her children circle around her quietly. She had to fix this mess. She couldn't let them see her like this. They were too smart and sensitive.

She smiled again, her hands giving up on the bow. She picked up Sully's coat and exhaled. "I'll be back in a minute."

"Do ya need me to go with ya, ma?" Brian asked, chasing after her.

Michaela turned around, slipping Sully's jacket around her shoulders. "I need to do this alone, Brian. If I'm not back in half an hour, go ahead and start breakfast without me."

Before Brian could follow her, Michaela was out the door and halfway down the porch steps. He pressed his face against the window and watched her go.

The hawk spotted her from the rooftop and watched her dart towards the barn. Michaela pushed the doors open and ran inside. Flash greeted her with a jubilant neigh, and Michaela went to the pony, letting her hands run through its main and behind its ears. "What should we do, girl? Should we go find him?"

"Only if ya give my coat back."

"Sully!" Michaela jumped back, so startled that she lost her footing and landed in a pile of loosely spread hay. Sully moved quickly and kneeled down in front of her protruding feet. Michaela stared at him a moment before giving up and falling back completely in the hay. "What a mess we are," she sighed hopelessly.

Sully crawled over her legs, trying to find her head amongst the golden straws. "Michaela?" He asked nervously. "Are ya in there?"

"Yes!" She moaned as Sully picked the straw out of her face and mouth. "Are you sure you want me out of here?"

Sully softened and reached for her hand. "Yeah. How else am I gonna get to tell ya how sorry I am?"

"You didn't do anything wrong. I—I want to know you. To be close to you. But sometimes…. Sometimes it's just hard for me to open my heart. I don't know why," Michaela whispered, her words trailing off as she shared a piece of her soul with him.

Sully lay down beside her in the hay, pulling her hand against his heart. "I'm not goin' anywhere." His chest was heavy with her words. "I'm not gonna leave ya."

"David did. We were engaged and he left me. Abagail left you. If she loved you like…. Sometimes we can't stop bad things from happening." Sully turned on his side, concern filling his eyes.

"Then let's not think about bad things. We can't change the past. I know ya want to push me away sometimes, but I'm not gonna let ya. And I'm not just talkin' about kissin'." Sully moved their hands between his heart and hers. "We got too much right here."

Slowly, Michaela smiled and relaxed further in the hay. "I know. I trust you."

"Good." Sully grinned as he loosened his hold on her hand and began to play with her fingers that didn't quite make it through the sleeves of his jacket. "Ya know, ya look kinda cute in my jacket."

Michaela grinned lopsidedly at him. "You were supposed to come back and get it last night."

"Was I?" Sully pulled at the lapels of his jacket collar, pulling it snuggly to her neck.

"Yes. The children must think I've gone mad. I couldn't think straight this morning."

Sully chuckled, wondering if she acted as extreme as he did in his confusion. "Cloud Dancing thinks I'm lovesick for ya."

"Lovesick? Is that what he calls it?" Michaela leaned closer to Sully as they slowly fell deeper into the cavern of golden hay. "Does he have a cure?"

"It wouldn't work. Somehow I don't think I'll ever get over ya." Sully's arm instinctively snaked around her waist. Michaela buried her face in his neck, absorbing everything about him—the way his flesh grew soft below his chin before it dissolved into rougher skin that was tanned and weathered, the way his heart beat every time she breathed or moved or sighed, and the way his hands traveled around her back, as if he had never touched anything more rare or beautiful before.

Michaela pulled back and put her hand on his chest, stopping him. But slowly, she let her hand slid up to his neck, touching his chin ever so slightly, saying yes with a simple nod.

Her hands slid up his cold cheeks, and waited as he came to her. But before he could reach her lips, Sully flew up straight and sneezed. Michaela followed him and put her hands on his back and forehead as he broke into a fit of coughs.

"I think you have a cold, Sully," Michaela said, switching quickly into doctor mode.

As his head seemed to collapse into his throat, he begrudgingly admitted, "I slept out in the snow last night."

"Are you crazy!" Michaela dropped her hands from his face.

"Apparently." Sully sniffled, dropping his shoulders. "I was mad about you."

Michaela stood up, finally taking his coat off and putting it around his shoulders as she helped him to his feet. "If you get sick and die because of me, I'll never forgive you."

"That's encouraging." Sully took her outstretched hand.

"Come on." Michaela snuck her arm around his waist and led him out of the barn. "Like you said, we've got too much."

Sully caught her eye and she turned away as they walked, self-consciousness casting its spell again. The hawk squawked past them, its voice high-pitched and deafening, stopping them in front of the house.

Michaela put her hand over her ear as it flew away, and Sully watched it, mystified. "I swear that bird is following me."

Michaela shook her head, not understanding, and slid her hand down to his. "Let's go inside," she said lightly. But Sully was still watching the bird. She stopped and turned as he stayed frozen. "Sully?"

"Yeah." He shook his head and followed her inside.

By this time, Colleen had breakfast all set out and ready. Brian popped up from the table and ran to Sully. "Mornin' Sully! Ya gonna have breakfast with us?"

"After I get some willow bark tea in him." Michaela went to the stove and began to make the healing drink.

As Sully sat down, Brian edged up to him hopefully, "Can we go fishin' after school, Sully?"

"I heard that!" Michaela said as she came over with the brewed tea and put it in front of Sully.

"Can we, ma?" Brian asked, jumping up and down.

"You know you have school this morning and then you have to help me at the clinic. I'm expecting a large shipment of medical supplies on the stagecoach this afternoon."

Brian kicked the bench, but agreed, "Alright."

Sully put a comforting hand on Brian's shoulder. "We'll go some other time, Brian."

"Promise?"

"Promise." Sully held out his hand, and they shook on it. Breakfast began with its usual chatter, and after a while, Sully put down his mug and looked decidedly at Michaela.

"I think I'm gonna go huntin' today," Sully announced as he shoved a large portion of eggs and sausage in his mouth.

Michaela's mouth nearly dropped. "Hunting? Sully! You're just going to make yourself worse!"

"I'm fine, thanks to you. I feel better already." He smirked.

Matthew and Colleen chuckled as Michaela and Sully squared off. Then, without warning, Sully began to cough again.

Michaela was the one to smirk this time and quietly poured him another cup. "Drink," she ordered emphatically. Sully raised his eyebrows at her but did as he was told. Color rose in his cheeks as he watched her watching him.

"You're a terrible patient," she commented as she finished eating her eggs, trying not to break her poker face as they silently competed for power.

"Yeah, but I've got a great doctor," he replied. He got her there, and she couldn't help but grin.

As breakfast slowly came to a close, the day's activities began with its usual hustle and bustle; hellos were welcomed, questioned were asked, doors were opened, floors were swept, horseshoes were made, beer was brewed, turkey was roasted, telegrams came, dresses were made, and hearts beat one note away from harmony.

The day was different in a small village east of the Oak Creek. Winter made the families move with the seasons, and now, they were heading south again to escape the miserable Colorado chill.

Their tent was empty now. His hand pressed against her back as she left their home. She looked into his eyes and smiled trustingly. "Tséhnéehóveto ho'h vta nêšêho'há."

Suddenly, the hawk flew above them, and she raised her hand, welcoming it. As it descended from the sky, gun shots screamed through the air. The hawk fell to her feet. Dead.

Translation: You keep me warm.