Chapter 11—"Infatuation"

Author's Note: After a major event in a Cheyenne's life, their names are often changed to reflect that event. Also, these new Indian characters know English for a reason, hence why all of their dialogue isn't translated into Cheyenne.

The snow felt like hard rocks as he went higher and higher into the hills, and it became evident that north trail was impassable. The forest caved in upon itself as Sully approached it, and his horse balked at the forbidding branches. The wind pushed him back and he cursed as he fell to his knees on the ground, breaking his flesh and voice, "What have I done? God, what have I done?"

He answered with lightening.

Her laughter was intoxicating, and he couldn't help but follow her through the thick cornfields, forgetting the persistent falling sun as they ran further and further away from the village.

"Wait! Wait for me!"

"Come on, Little Bear!"

"Catch us if you can, slow poke!"

"Just wait! Don't leave me behind!" As he pushed into the clearing, her laughter ceased, and he was alone. He couldn't be afraid. Braves couldn't be.

"Chasing Hawk! Running Deer! Where are you?" He felt the stalks circling him, trapping him with their stubborn roots and fleshy leaves. The emasculating tears fell down his face and he screamed to the sky, cursing the spirits until they answered him with a sight he wished he had never seen.

They were beneath the oak tree. Their oak tree. Kissing. A distinct first kiss, full of fear and hope and longing and everything he had never felt.

"What are you doing!" He screamed, running across the clearing as fast as he could, pushing them apart with all the force he could muster. "What are you doing to her!"

No answer was received as Chasing Hawk ran to her side and picked up her unconscious body that had crashed against the tree trunk. "What have you done!" Chasing Hawk panicked, cradling her bleeding head in his arms.

"I—" He couldn't finish. His nerves were seized by recrimination and guilt. Blood slipped from her forehead, and just as her eyes began to shutter, she began to shiver…

He cried out, his eyes shooting open with unfinished nightmares, and he reached for her, tangling his fingers in her hair, making sure she was real and safe, making she hadn't left him again—

He kissed her cold cheek, real; her eyes, real; and her soft mouth; so real.

"Forgive me," he whispered, "Please forgive me."

Suddenly, Michaela's eyes flew open, and she stared into the eyes of a stranger that loved her.

"Who are—" She gasped, frozen against his chest.

His fingers kneaded her bones and cold sweat dripped from his brow unto hers as he cradled her face in between his hands. "Hurt my Deer, my Deer—"

Michaela shivered violently in his hands, and his reddened eyes grew wide with fear as her eyes shifted between his hands. "Who is—"

"My love, don't!" He begged, saliva falling from his mouth in unhinged desperation.

Michaela shook her head and tried to pull her hands away. "I'm not—"

"Love me—" He pulled her closer, his mouth falling by her cheek in an attempted lull.

Michaela quaked, her body overpowering her frightened voice. "Let me go—"

He insisted, locking her neck in his hand noose. "Love me—"

"LET ME GO!" She screamed, reclaiming her voice and cutting through his rope.

"WHY CAN'T YOU LOVE ME?" He wailed in hazed confusion, almost seeing two colors as he pushed her head back together.

"I—I DON'T KNOW YOU!" Michaela cried just as loudly, breaking through his rage, meeting his drunken eyes as with sober ones. Their breaths blew like smoke together in the cold cave, and he looked straight through her as he pulled a strain of her hair into his grasp.

"Yes, yes, you know me, I am your soul. You're my vessel. I have no peace without you. He could never stop the shivers. But do you feel that?" He pulled her as close as she had ever been to a man, pressing their chests next to each other. She could feel his heart racing. "That's life. They're faster than stallions."

"It's…" Michaela closed her eyes, trying not to let the tears fall the stung so potently in the back of her eyes. He wasn't Sully. She couldn't cry. She couldn't show weakness. Sully had never been invasive. He had never made her fear for herself. Or losing herself. What would he say now? What did he say about jumping alone? Hitting the bottom alone? She looked at the man's lost eyes. She could smell his breath, like the bottom of an empty whiskey barrel. Slowly, she placed her hand over his heart, separating herself from him ever so slightly. "…it's strong."

"Yes…Strong… Very strong…" His gripped lessened and Michaela released her breath as his eyes fell to her hands. "Why…why did you leave me?"

Michaela bit her lip, slipping answering with only her instinct, "I…was afraid."

He lifted his eyes suddenly. "You think I would hurt you again?"

"No…no… not you." Michaela shook her head and tried to smile. "It… it was me. How I felt."

Porcupine Bear frowned skeptically. "You loved him more?"

"I—" Michaela wavered, searching his eyes.

"You did!" He growled, taking her back firmly in his arms.

Michaela shook her head, attempting to placate him. "No! I—"

He shook her against the hard ground. "He is gone! All of them are gone! I watched them rot and burn before my eyes!"

Michaela's mouth dropped as she recovered from his rattling. "You think I'm—"

"Porcupine Bear!" A small but sharp voice echoed throughout the walls of the cave.

He looked up and glared at the small Cheyenne girl, who was around twelve or thirteen, as clearly as Michaela could make out, but not dressed like an Indian. She was dressed like a cowgirl. "I thought I left the wolves to eat you."

"What do you think you're doing?" She balked, taking a clearly superior attitude to Porcupine Bear.

"I am reclaiming my wife! Leave!" He ordered ineffectually.

"You drunken fool! Let go of the lady before I shoot you between your eyes," the girl said distinctly as she cocked her gun, black eyes blazing as she glared unflinchingly into Porcupine Bear's.

Slowly, Porcupine Bear loosened his grip around Michaela and finally released her. He stood up slowly as the girl didn't back down from him for a second.

"Now you leave us." Porcupine Bear stumbled towards the entrance of the cave and finally disappeared.

"Thank you," Michaela said gratefully, locking eyes with the strange girl.

"He would not have hurt you," the girl said knowingly as she lifted Michaela to a sitting position.

"Still, I thank you just the same," Michaela smiled as the girl's eyes roamed over her.

However, the girl didn't put down the gun. "I am Smiles No More. You are not what I hoped for, but I suppose you will do."

Michaela's smile dropped as the girl smiled and cocked the gun again. "I don't understand you, sweetheart. If you put down the gun—"

The girl shook her head, eyes shifty and brazen. "He wins if I put it down."

"Wins?" Michaela shuffled back in the caved on all fours as Smiles No More aimed the gun at her.

The girl scoffed, "Do not worry. I will protect you from him. I've never had one like you before."

Michaela covered her heart, feeling true fear and for the first time, wondered how she let love frighten her so easily. "You think this is a game?"

The girl frowned, her eyes blank with feeling. "What is a game? This is my life."

"Why are ya sittin' out here, Catherine?" Matthew teetered on the porch steeps where she sat firmly planted amidst the white dust of snow.

"I am waiting on Sully to return. He will need me." She did not turn around but kept her gaze out on the overcast horizon.

Matthew shivered and plunged his fists down into his coat pocket. "You may be waitin' a long time then. I'm not sure he needs anybody when he's out there in the woods."

"Sometimes people are wrong." Catherine nodded as she tapped her heels on the steps.

Matthew leaned against the railing, feeling the soft silence between them. "Yeah, they are. I was wrong about you."

"Oh?" Catherine looked up, snowflakes trapped in her lashes.

Matthew smirked at the frozen picture she made. "I thought ya'd be hard to talk to."

Catherine blinked and frowned, considering his words. "Maybe I am. I still do not understand everything you say."

Matthew sighed, plopping down beside her. "That's ok. Not everything I say is worth hearin' anyway."

"Of course it is. Everything a person feels is worth knowing." Catherine said with quick, intense passion, suddenly catching herself. Matthew caught the strange look in her eye and turned away, unexpectedly embarrassed. Then quietly, she shamefully admitted, "I did not know they were in love."

Matthew took in her words, knowing what she said could mean a thousand different things, but essentially, it probably all came back to something that he had no business knowing anything about. "Yeah. I think they're just figurin' that out too. I…I think I'm in love. And it's all I can do to stop from shoutin' it from the rooftops, ya know? But Dr. Mike is different. She holds her love so close like it might slip away and break or somethin'. I never thought love bein' so fragile, but I guess it is."

"Where have you been? It is late," Snowbird whispered as Cloud Dancing ducked into their teepee.

Cloud Dancing shook his head and climbed under their blanket, finding his place around her swollen body. "Tribal council. More fighting. More worry."

Cloud Dancing buried his head against her breast. She ran her fingers through his long raven hair and took her hand up to her stomach. "No worry now. Feel. This is the last one."

He frowned, feeling his manhood being challenged. "The last one? You have never been one to give up so easily."

Snowbird laughed tiredly. "You are a stubborn man, Cloud Dancing."

"Shhh…" Cloud Dancing leaned forward to kiss her, hiding their bodies fully underneath the blanket.

"Do you want to wake Walks On Clouds?" Snowbird pressed her warm fingers to his lips, halfway stopping him.

He kissed her fingers lightly, asking permission. "I will just be a whisper above you."

Snowbird chuckled affectionately removing her fingers as she slid further under the blanket with him. "You are impossible. I love you."

"Néméhotâtse," he whispered above her.

Catherine's eyes flew open as the hooves made their way back to the homestead in the early morning light. His face was frozen and his hands shook as he held the reins with one hand. His eyes met hers as she stood on the first step of the porch.

They didn't speak.

"Are you going to say it?" Catherine finally asked, her chin shaking with wounded pride.

Sully exhaled, nothing but ice falling from his breath as he admitted, "I need you."