Chapter 16—"To Be a Mother"
"Jake!" Colleen threw open the clinic door and stopped when she saw the startled faces looking back towards her. She didn't possess that sense of calm that seemed to fill her ma in times of distress. She was nothing like her. Why did she think she could be a doctor?
Jake sat up quickly, eyeing Sully's nervous demeanor. He quickly pushed passed everyone, cursing himself for not taking over in the first place. Dr. Mike was only cut though, a topical wound, Sully had said. He had done stitches before, what could be so different about this time?
He closed the door behind him and the girl and looked at her panicky expression. "What's the problem, Colleen?"
"I just…" Colleen tried to breath, but she was unknowingly hyperventilating. "I cleaned the wound… I did everything that I've seen Dr. Mike do before… but as soon as I got the needle in my hand, I couldn't remember… I couldn't remember what to do!"
"Don't worry, Colleen. I know how to handle a needle. We'll get Dr. Mike all fixed up."
Josef lifted his head from his studies as three sharp raps knocked on his office door. "Doctor Quinn?" chimed a familiar voice.
Josef took off his glasses and rubbed the crest of his nose where a pink indention had formed. He quickly hid his smile as the most distracting blue bonnet entered his office. "Did you have an appointment, Miss?"
Her eyes sparkled for a moment and she almost grinned. "I'm sorry, no. But your wife said that you were quite obliging."
"She did! Well, I suppose then I should live up to my reputation. Come in." Josef spun around in his office chair and walked around in front of his desk. She closed the door behind her and sat in the chair in front of him, enjoying their game immensely.
"Hi," she said impishly.
He reached for her hand and quickly stole a kiss on the soft skin of her wrist. She inhaled sharply as he whispered, "Hello, my pet."
Elizabeth took her hand back, pink and flustered as the ridge of his nose. "Josef! You don't really talk to all of your patients like that, do you?"
"Heavens no, Lizzie! I just like to see your feathers ruffle up like a fretful hen. Now are you going to let me really kiss you, or do I have to chase you around the coup until I've caught you?"
Elizabeth stood in front of him and let him take her hands. "You've caught me." She tilted her face to the side and he chuckled softly as he placed a chaste kiss on her cheek. She took both of his hands in hers and took a deep breath, suddenly feeling quite anxious. "Now we must be quite serious, darling."
Taken off guard, Josef made light of her sudden demand. "Serious? Us? But we don't talk about serious things. I only want sweet, innocent thoughts filling that lovely head of yours."
Elizabeth's eyes fell. She didn't know how to take that remark. Part of it was true. In the sixteen years they had been married, there had been no real issues or troubles between them. She had become pregnant with Rebecca right away, and her life had become tending the home and the family, and his life had become his practice and his philanthropy. They had very little in common, but she loved when his eyes grew soft and warm with new ideas and visions, and he loved to tease her and make her temper rise simply for sport. But now, in this moment, their games didn't seem as amusing as they usually did.
"Josef… I-I am serious."
"Is it one of the girls? The baby?" Josef grasped her hands, becoming alarmed.
She shook her head. "No… The children are perfectly alright. It's another matter I wanted to discuss with you."
"As long as the girls are alright, we should be able to manage it."
Elizabeth dropped his hands and moved towards his window. "You're always telling me how I should look outside myself…how…how I should try to understand different people…right?"
He followed her, unsure of where she was going. "Of course."
"If someone came to you for help, you would do everything in your capacity to help them, wouldn't you?" She asked, a worrisome crease forming across her forehead.
He watched her face as twilight broke through the glass. He looked out to the fading sun and knew his definitive answer. "As a doctor, it's my job. But as a man, it's my duty. I would do anything to help someone in need."
"Josef, someone has come to me for help. And I want us to help them."
"Néhvéstâhmêstse!" Catherine cried hysterically as they barreled through the woods blindly. The young girl sat in front of her, her head rolling on Catherine's shoulder, as Smiles No More moaned faintly. "Help me!" Catherine called out again, but received no answer.
As the girl's full body weight suddenly collapsed against her, Catherine had no choice but to give herself over to the Spirits.
She pressed down on Flash's neck and lifted her face to the night sky. "Take her home, vé'ho'évo'ha! Please take her home!"
Suddenly, Flash began to fly.
"Hurry up! Keep moving!" The gruff soldier barked at Cloud Dancing and Snowbird who trailed behind his wagon in chains. They had walked miles without a murmur, eyes dead to the world and feet numb to the rocky road beneath them. Staying numb was the only way he could continue moving, but as she took one more step, she felt the stabbing pain shoot through her feet and all she could see was her baby fading away. In that moment, the chains tangled around her feet and she collapsed.
"Snowbird!" Cloud Dancing fell down beside her and lifted her into his embrace. "Snowbird! Get up, please… Get up for me!"
The wagon jerked and the soldier turned around, not stopping the wagon as Cloud Dancing and Snowbird were dragged along the dirt. "You better get up cause this wagon ain't stoppin'!"
"I don't want to move!" Snowbird wailed, "I don't want to move! You leave me here! You leave me!"
Cloud Dancing grabbed her face, forcing her to look at him. "I will not leave you! We will find her, I promise you, I promise!"
Snowbird's eyes stretched down the road behind them. "Every day she changes! How will we know her? How will she know love?"
"Our hearts—" Cloud Dancing touched her chest and tried to pull her up.
But Snowbird couldn't see beyond the loss. "My heart is gone! I cannot move without her!"
The soldier turned around, sick and tired of his prisoners, and cocked his gun. "If she don't get up, it won't pain me any to shoot her."
"Please…Please…Wait…She will get up… She will," Cloud Dancing begged.
The soldier stopped the wagon. "You got one minute before I end this trip."
Cloud Dancing held Snowbird's face in front of his, but she was no where near him. "Look at me, Snowbird. If you give up now, then you give up hope. She is our hope. Our son is our hope. He is waiting for us. Our future. Give me your heart. I will carry your pain."
But she did not move.
"Minute's up," the soldier extended his arm.
"NO!" Cloud Dancing yelled. And with all the strength in his body, he lifted Snowbird in his arms until he was standing erect, lifting her up. The soldier glared at him and slowly put down his gun.
"MOVE!"
Snowbird jumped up from their fur bed, her mind a buzz as she heard the faint cries of a woman in the distance.
"What is it?" Cloud Dancing asked from his slumber.
"I hear something." Snowbird stood up suddenly, pushing her blankets away from her body.
"Snowbird?" But she was gone. Cloud Dancing jumped up and followed her out of their teepee.
"Néhvéstâhmêstse!" Catherine barely whispered, her voice gone from exhaustion and trauma. "Help…help—"
Flash stopped in front of Snowbird and lowered her weary head. She knew she was home.
"Take her." Catherine said hollowly. "She's been hurt."
Snowbird lifted her arms and Smiles No More fell into them like a limp rag doll. But the girl was no doll—her weight pushed Snowbird down to her knees as she cradled her. She put her hand over the blood seeping from the girl's neck, and she could feel Cloud Dancing coming for them.
"Etónêsóotsehoháeh?" Snowbird whispered, as she smoothed her hair away from her reflecting face.
Suddenly, Smiles No More opened her eyes and looked into the mirror before her. As the woman whispered words she didn't understand, she closed her eyes. As comfort washed over her in her sleep, she slowly began to smile.
Daybreak had come and the crowd outside of the clinic slowly quieted, and now, there were only a few tense eyes waiting for word on Dr. Mike.
All of a sudden, the front door pushed open, and Matthew stood there, wide eyed and disheveled, as if he had just been thrown out of bed.
He searched the eyes of everyone around him, looking for some type of explanation. He immediately saw Sully's ripped pants leg and knew that something was horribly wrong. "What's goin' on?" He looked around, but no one met his eyes. "Ain't somebody gonna answer me? Sully?"
Loren finally spoke up, inhaling deeply for the first time in hours. "Your ma's been hurt, son. We don't know how bad it is right now."
Matthew froze, remembering the hidden pain on her face as she road off into the night. Remembering Catherine's words. "Was it an accident—was it—?"
"No, it wasn't an accident, Matthew," Sully said, his voice gravely and knotted with guilt.
Matthew put his hands on his head and growled, kicking the door as hard as he could. "I knew I should have stopped her… I shoulda—"
Sully stood up quickly and stopped him. "Don't put this on yourself Matthew. If anyone's responsible, it's me. I should have been paying attention. I should have been paying attention to a lot of things."
"Sully…" Colleen stood in the center of the clinic door. Her face was pale and something in her eyes was different. Sully didn't know what it was.
He left Matthew and went to her. "Colleen? How is she?"
"I think…" Colleen began but uncertainly caged her just as it did when she held the needle in her hand. "I think she's ok. She's sleepin' upstairs."
Sully nodded, looking past her. "I want to sit with her. Is that ok?"
"Yeah. Yeah it's ok." Colleen tried to smile as Sully walked inside. The crowd slowly disseminated—everyone but Matthew. Her smile fell when she looked in her brother's eyes. "Matthew…"
"Come here, little sister." He held out his arms for her.
Colleen ran to him and buried her face in his chest. "I don't know if I—"
"I know you, Colleen. Ya did everythin' you could." Matthew pressed her head to his chest as she cried.
Colleen pulled back and sat down on the porch steps, her head fallen. "I don't know if I can do this."
Matthew knelt down beside her. "Ya just did, Colleen! Dr. Mike's gonna be fine, right?"
Colleen shook her head, looking out to the waking town. "But what if I missed somethin'? She was in so much pain… What if I didn't clean the wound the way ma would have? What if—"
"Stop, Colleen. I have faith in you and so does Dr. Mike. She's gonna be fine." He kissed the top of her head. "You're gonna be a great doctor someday."
Sully hovered in the shadows of the door and watched as Dorothy tucked the blanket around Michaela, as if she were caring for her own child, not a grown woman, her friend. Dorothy caught Sully in her periphery vision and whispered softly, "Come on in, Sully. She's fadin' in and out, but she's been askin' for ya."
"She has?" He walked in hesitantly, his eyes not moving from Michaela's pale form that looked vastly different than the woman he had been fighting with only a few hours ago.
Dorothy finished and looked at him, suddenly feeling awkward in the presence of a man looking at a woman so openly. "I'll… be downstairs cleanin' up."
"Dorothy?"
"Yes?" She stopped.
Sully moved towards the bed and sat down beside her. He touched the side of her cheek with the back of his hand. "She's gonna be alright, ain't she?"
"Colleen and Jake did a…a fine job, Sully. Colleen gave her some morphine to cut the pain. And… well. You know, you should have someone take a look at that leg of yours—" She answered in a flurry.
"Dorothy," Sully stopped her, "You didn't answer my question."
Dorothy bit her lip and looked in Sully's eyes. She couldn't lie to him. That would be cruel. "We're not doctors, Sully. I don't know. It was hard for Colleen. She did her best. We just gotta wait for Doctor Bernard now."
Sully nodded slowly and turned around, focusing on Michaela. It had been so dark when he saw the slash on her body. She had been fine. Topical, she said. She had railed with him. Tortured him, even. How could he miss something so important like this?
He looked towards the doorway and listened. He heard nothing. Slowly, he stood up and went to the other side of the bed. If she was going to say no, she'd probably kill him for this, but he needed to be close to her. He needed to hold her right now.
He slid onto the bed and rested his head on the pillow besides hers. "Hey… You weren't kiddin' when ya said I'd be waitin' for you, were ya? If you really want to say no, Michaela… this ain't the way to do it. I want you to wake up and scream no as loud as you want to in my face. As long as you wake up, and I know you're safe and well and happy… I'll be alright. I can do this waitin' thing."
Her eyes fluttered and she whispered, her voice thick with drugged comfort, "Sully?"
"Hey," Sully started, "hey… I'm here… You don't have to speak."
Her eyes grew wider than he had ever seen them, and she smiled as if she were seeing him for the first time. "No Sully, I—I want to—"
He sat up on his arm, wrapping his arm around her face as she quivered, her eyes seeing beyond him. "What is it?"
A tear fell down her cheek as she laughed blissfully, "She's… she's so beautiful, Sully—she—"
Sully frowned, her conservation soaring on wings of morphine and he was earthbound, unable to fly with her. "Who is, Michaela?"
Michaela lifted her shaking hand and touched his eyelashes, shivering as he blinked against her fingers. "She's got your eyes. I love those eyes—"
Sully took her hand in his, his throat dry as he lived in her dream. "Just—just rest. Save your strength—"
"I want to see her, Sully. Where is she?"
"I—I don't know who you're talkin' about, Michaela," he admitted, scared as she overwhelmed him with thoughts he couldn't follow.
Michaela whispered clearly, reminding him of what he had forgotten. "Our baby… Our little girl… our—"
He was speechless. He had never seen her filled with so much conviction of something that was only a mere hope. A baby? She hadn't even said yes. "We don't—"
She stopped, her eyes shaking with instant fury. "Don't? What do you mean don't?"
"I mean…" Sully quickly lied, calming her. "She's—she's asleep in the next room… Um… Dr. Bernard is examin' her."
She softened immediately, her head falling back on the pillow beside him. "Oh. That's good. That's—we have to take care of her. We waited. We waited so long."
"Yeah, we did…" Sully whispered, falling into her euphoria.
She held his hand against her heart and mumbled sleepily, "I want to name her after my mother… Do you… do you mind?"
Sully contemplated the idea and wistfully, let the name roll off of his tongue. "Elizabeth…Sully?"
Michaela smiled and closed her eyes. "She sounds like a heroine, doesn't she?"
She was asleep. Sully pulled close to her and closed his eyes too, sighing. "Yeah… I can't wait to meet her."
Elizabeth stood next to Josef, her arm looped through his. Today, she felt as if she were changing the world.
The Montgomery's turned around the corner and Elizabeth tugged on Josef's arm and whispered excitedly, "That's them, dear!"
He released her as she went to go meet them. Caitlyn hugged her immediately and Alex took her hand as his eyes wandered around the waiting room skeptically.
Elizabeth led them over to her husband and introduced them proudly, "Mr. and Mrs. Alexander Montgomery, this is my husband, Dr. Josef Quinn."
When Alex didn't say anything, Caitlyn laughed nervously and immediately stepped forward and took Josef's extended hand.
"I'm so pleased to make your acquaintance. Your wife has been an angel to me… to us."
Josef smiled warmly and eyed Elizabeth subtly. "She is that. She told me of your situation. A second opinion is always wise in delicate situations like these."
"Thank you, sir," Caitlyn's pale face brightened with hope.
"Well, Mrs. Montgomery. If you'll follow me, we'll begin the examination."
"Stage coach is here!" Horace yelled as it rolled into town. Colleen ran down the porch and into the street. Dr. Bernard was the first person to hit the ground.
"Dr. Bernard! Thank goodness you've come!" Colleen exclaimed, nearly shaking from fatigue.
"Take me to Dr. Quinn immediately," Dr. Bernard said even though he had already begun walking ahead of her.
Colleen ran ahead and caught up with him, as words tumbled out of her mouth faster than she could think. "Right this way, follow me. She started crampin' this morning. We weren't sure what to do. I-we thought it was just a cut that needed stitchin'."
Dr. Bernard eyed her warily. "Something may have been exacerbated by it. Now quickly tell me everything you've done and given her before I begin the examination."