A/N (01/17/22): So...its been quite a bit huh. I won't lie, life has been hectic, the big C has been hectic, and my motivation dropped off for awhile there. Did I get more motivation from Season 4, Part 2 being released...yes. Is it odd that i'm coming back pretty much a year after I started this...also yes. Will I be in anyway consistent...probably not. But if you managed to stumble your way back here than I appreciate your time and apologize for my absence, if you're new here then welcome, I hope you enjoy this little attempt at a story i'm writing. ~Scipias
CHAPTER 19 – THE BATTLE FOR TROST: ENDURE
"I can do this!" Jean exclaimed to himself as he ran full tilt down the road, the monster chasing him from behind.
Of all the times for his gear to malfunction, this might have been the worst. What idiocy had possessed him to say yes when Connie urged everyone to volunteer to bait stray titans back to the walls.
"Your own"
The gray-haired teen cringed at his thought. Even though his heart raced, his breathing was becoming ragged, and he could hear the ever-approaching footsteps of the 5-meter titan slowly gaining on him, he was succumbing to the bile that had been building in his mind throughout the day. This became abundantly evident as Jean came to realize that he'd instinctively had rounded a corner towards a side street, breaking the titan's line of sight just long enough to discreetly slip into and abandoned home unnoticed.
The home was nothing to guffaw about. Like most homes in Trost, enough to not be considered bare but nothing to indicate any degree of wealth either, though the teen did notice the remnants of a family's half-eaten breakfast still present on the table, one of the few things illuminated by the dim light coming through the room. Jean recovered his breath, leaning himself into a sitting rest between the home only two windows.
"Dammit…" he muttered, "I can't be the one holding everyone back"
He was spent. Maybe not physically yet, but the weight of the day, no the weight of his decisions had nearly brought Jean to his breaking point. Why had fate let him survive this hell of a day. What made him so special? He certainly didn't deserve it, after all it was his decision that led many of his comrades to their deaths on the mad run to make it to headquarters. As many reassurance that he had received, the regret was still there, the responsibility. If that were the only thing too.
Jean winced as he stared blankly into the floor.
He would never admit it, but the absolute dread he felt for that split second within the storage facility at the headquarters hit him nearly as bad as the former. He was by no means a ruthless bastard, but many of those comrades they lost on the charge towards the HQ he didn't know at all. On the other hand, seeing a titan nearly devour his best friend, the nearest thing he had to a brother, was…mortifying.
Jean knew Lukas would never blame him for such a thing. 'There was nothing that you could've done…' his friend would say, and Jean believed that. But that was exactly the point…he couldn't have done anything, Lukas would've been eaten by a titan in an attempt to save potato girls…no Sasha's life, and it all would've been without a second thought. Except something was done, he couldn't do anything, but Mikasa could…Mikasa did. Her timely intervention saved Lukas's life, and while that added to the many things Jean admired about the raven-haired girl, it only exemplified how useless he was in that situation.
What worth was he if he didn't make the correct decisions, if he couldn't save those people he was closest too, he might as well let the titan that had been chasing him…
"Endure"
The voice the propagated in his mind was for once not a distorted version of his own.
"You have to endure…"
It was a familiar voice. Jean knew he had heard it before. It was calm, soft yet firm, but radiated a sense of weariness…and inevitability. He knew it, how could he not, it was…
…
TROST, 845
The early morning darkness shrouded the surrounding countryside as they passed out of the threshold of Wall Rose's rear gate. It wasn't pitch black out, but Jean was tired and so the road beyond the light of the torches set in sconces around the gate seemed to look like an endless void. The 10-year-old didn't seem to mind though as Daniel Schmidt, his best friend's dad, strode confidently into that void carrying their three fishing rods in hand and humming a small tune under his breath: the man's son Lukas carrying a small tackle box behind his father.
Mr. Schmidt had invited Jean to join him and Lukas to go fishing that morning. Supposedly, the canal that flowed through Trost ran off into an actual river soon after it passed under Wall Rose and it was there that the father and son would occasionally go fishing. Admittedly, the gray-haired boy wasn't too sure about the excursion, more so because it involved them getting up so early and he was still tired, but the older Schmidt assured him that the location would be the best place to go.
Sure enough, the trio split off the main road and heading down a dirt path towards what Jean assumed would be the runoff into the river. The path was beset by waist tall grass on either side and though the boy couldn't see it all too well, he spied the dark form of a loose tree line on the side further from the wall.
The gray-haired kid would be lying if he said the sudden change in environment didn't make him slightly anxious. The trail was uneven, divots and bumps graced the trail as casually as the occasional tree root, and the silence of the morning only amplified the sounds of various critters that were moving around in the brush. It was because of this that Jean made voice of his concern, though only quietly too himself.
"I don't understand why we had to leave this early." the boy mumbled grumpily, "It's too dark out here."
Jeans's question, although soft, was louder in the morning silence than he expected earning the boy a snicker from the younger Schmidt who had been walking slightly in front of him.
"Oh…" Lukas exclaimed sarcastically, "…don't tell me you're scared of the dark Jeanbo?"
"Am not…" the taller boy blurted out a response haphazardly.
The shorter boy sneered, "Are too…"
The two friends closed in to grab at each other but before they could close the distance, a firm voice sounded from the front of them, commanding enough to get the two to listen but soft enough as to not disturb the mornings peace.
"Boys…" the voice of Daniel Schmidt reverberated, the mans form not making an effort to even turn around "settle down."
The two kids dropped their antics immediately, both slightly shamed and embarrassed by their actions, "Yes sir." The two responded in unison.
The air was quiet for only a few more spare seconds before the Schmidt Patriarch spoke again, "The fish are most active right before dawn, Jean." he said with a calm and lax demeanor, "Gives us much more of a chance to catch one!"
Jean nodded at this, seeing the logic in the father's answers, while at the same time Lukas responded vibrantly, "Hopefully we can catch one pretty quick! Do you think we could cook one right there on the riverbank Dad, I'm super hungry?"
Jean felt the faint rumbling of his stomach, some freshly cooked fish surely didn't sound like a bad idea. At his friend's mentioning of the idea, Jean could sense a smirk from the older man though he could not see him. "Didn't I tell you to grab a roll from the bar top before we left?"
Lukas lifted an eyebrow at that, "But mom packs those ones with sawdust, says it cuts the cost."
"Ah son…" Daniel Schmidt emitted a soft chuckle, "There are plenty worse things to eat then your mothers dust rolls…trust me."
The shorter kid snorted at that, "So….?" He questioned.
"Yeah…I suppose we could cook some fish."
The two boys gave a quiet applaud at that, with Lukas quickly adding, "Could I try cooking the fish this time…?"
Jean didn't need to be a mind reader to determine the man's response, "Absolutely not."
"But why?" the shorter boy questioned, completely oblivious to the obvious.
"Son…" the man sighed deadpanning, "I've seen many crazy things in my lifetime but watching you almost burn the house down from cooking one egg" the man turned his head towards them jovially but still with an air of seriousness "…one egg…" he emphasized, "is nothing short of remarkable."
"Oh." Lukas looked down disappointedly, though Jean couldn't help but snicker.
Daniel Schmidt continued though, his voice more positive than before as he rubbed a slight bump barely visible on the side of his head, "Lukas…there is nothing more terrifying in this world than your mother swinging that frying pan."
The three of them chuckled at that.
"And few things that hurt more…"
The trio reached the river and set up their spot, the blue sky progressively getting lighter and lighter as it approached dawn. They set up a small fire on the riverbank, feeding it from the dry brush present from the tree line to the rear of them. The older Schmidt cast his line into the river, confirming it was in a deep enough spot before wedging his pole between a couple of larger rocks to secure it. Lukas looked to emulate his father but had to cast it a couple of more times to get it right while Jean received some assistance from the soldier as it was his first time.
Soon enough all three lines lay silently in the water as the twilight of the morning started to creep over the horizon and all that was left to do was to wait. The silence that came with this didn't last for long though as Lukas had felt the sudden urge to relieve himself and so quickly made his way to the tree line so that he might do so. As the mad shuffling and random noises fell out of earshot though, a silence returned to the area and the only noise was the crackling of the fire.
Jean and the elder Schmidt sat there in silence, the two atop sizeable rocks which lay on the bank of the river until the latter spoke up.
"You're rather quiet today Jean…" the man asked calmly, "…everything alright?"
The question took the boy off-guard. This was far from the first time he'd conversed with his best friend's dad and to be honest it wasn't like talking with the guy was anywhere difficult. Daniel Schmidt resonated everything anyone could ever want in a role model and…in a father; something that Jean Kirschtein lacked growing up. The fact that the Schmidt family had taken so kindly to Jean and his mother was something that he was grateful for to the nth degree. He idolized Lukas's father, not nearly to the degree as Lukas himself did, but enough to where when he heard rumors around the district about how this 'reclamation mission' wasn't what it was all meant to be, he felt concerned, and it seemed Mr. Schmidt had picked up on it.
"Uhm" the boy mumbled nervously, "there's been these rumors around the district?"
The man didn't look at him, only continuing to scan the water for signs of activity, "Oh" the man spoke softly, "…what kind of rumors?" he questioned.
The grey-haired kid was nervous, he'd never seen the man upset but he didn't want to upset the man either. The youth fumbled around with his words for what seemed like ages until he felt a firm grip on his shoulders. He looked to see the man had turned to him, his hand placed lightly but steadily on the child's shoulder. "Jean…" Daniel Schmidt said smoothly, "it's ok…you can tell me."
The gesture seemed to work as the boy seemed to calm and his words came back to him, "People are saying that the 'reclamation mission' is just a plan by the government to get rid of the population from Wall Maria…" Jean murmured, "…that it's a suicide mission."
Jean seized for a moment hoping the reaction hadn't angered his best friend's father but as he looked up at the man, he saw that his face still sported a smile albeit a small one. The odd thing was that the man's eyes, the man's eyes looked…sad. Jean didn't have time to ponder this before the elder Schmidt replied.
"Well, what do you think it is?" the man asked inquisitively.
His response left Jean dumbfounded for a moment. What should it matter what he thought, he was a kid?
"I…I don't know…" the grey-haired kid mumbled out.
Daniel Schmidt gave a quiet chuckle, turning back towards the water, "Jean…there will be moments where you have to make hard choices. Choices that you might think are right, choices that might be wrong, choices that you'll have no control over either way."
Jean stared incredulously at the man as he gazed into the river, continuing to talk, "You have to make the choice though, because there will be a day when you don't have that choice anymore and you'll have to accept the option no matter what it may be."
The boy floundered at a response to the elder Schmidt's statement, "How do I know if I made the right choice though?"
"A lot of the time you won't" the man snorted halfheartedly, "but in my experience if your gut thinks its right, and those you trust think it's right, then you'll rarely ever be wrong."
"And if I'm afraid?" Jean questioned.
The taller man looked thoughtfully for a moment before answering, "Endure…" he spoke somberly, "if not for yourself then the people you care about and those who care about you…"
The two sat there for a few moments in silence.
"Do you understand?" Daniel Schmidt spoke softly.
"Do you understand Jean?"
"JEAN!"
…
"I understand." Jean murmured as he quickly slipped out of the house towards his fallen comrade who laid in the street. The grey-haired teen heard a faint yell in the distance that seemed to resemble his name, but the Trost-native was much more concerned about unlatching the ODM rig from the lifeless body so that he may escape.
"Damn! What the shit?!" he cursed out loud, the straps of the ODM gear failing to come off anywhere near easily, "Not now!"
Jean turned his head for a split second, becoming fully aware of the looming titan casting its shadow over him. Jean vigorously pulled at the gear, fighting for every second that he might live past this until he heard a voice shout out from behind the monster, accompanied by the sure sound of zipping ODM gear.
"Jean!" Marco called out, "Stay calm!"
"Marco!" the teen yelled out in shock, pulling the rig clear of the body "What the hell are you doing ?!"
"We're trying to buy you time genius!" Lukas zipped past the titan in the opposite direction, "Hurry the fuck up!"
"Yeah" Connie added, as Jean saw the bald-headed teen run down one of the rooftops in view of the titan, with Annie surprisingly in tow "Stop being a pain in the ass!"
Jean successfully switched out the rig and made a motion to fly over the titan and out of danger. The teens heart stopped though as the monster got hold of his foot for a split-second causing Jean to spill back out onto the street.
"Damn" the teen cursed again realizing there was some defect with his newly acquired equipment, "Why's the trigger so hard to pull?!"
Before he could finish the thought, he saw the titan quickly approaching and the shout of one Connie Springer from the rooftop above.
"JEAN!" the Ragako-native screamed as the shorter recruit launched himself off said roof cursing as his body smacked harmlessly against the titan's head.
"What the hell was that?!" Jean screamed dumbfoundedly at the somewhat idiotic move.
"Look who's talking!" Connie screamed in reply, steadying himself before shooting back off, nearly getting hit by the titan's hand in response "Hurry and jump!"
The grey-haired teen headed the warning, narrowly missing the titan as it tried to make one final sliding grasp at him. Jean's momentary relief was cut short though as he looked back ahead of him only to see the gapping maw of yet another titan jumping up to meet him.
The inevitable did not come to pass though as Annie quickly seizing the perfect position above the monster, landed a killing blow to it in midair. Jean very nearly avoiding the dead creature's corpse, finally made it above the roof line as the group jettisoned their way back to the top of Wall Rose.
"That was a crazy stunt!" Jean exclaimed partly aggravatedly as the group came to a stop on top of the wall.
"You're the crazy one!" Connie retorted, "That scared the shit outta me…"
"Would you two shut the fuck up!" Lukas rolled his eyes exclaiming.
Sasha, who had appeared next to the black-haired cadet, spoke up, "Yeah, all of you are safe. That's what really matters right!"
Jean looked like he was about retort to the response but before he could, Annie spoke up.
"Look over there." She said craning her head toward the front gate of Trost. The lot of them all gazed towards the front of the city at what seemed to be an incredible sight.
Eren's titan was carrying the boulder towards the whole…this plan had a chance.
…
"Mr. Schmidt…" Jean broke the silence once more, "What does your gut tell you about the reclamation mission then?"
The man chuckled, "Jean, my gut tells me that…" his statement stopped as the two saw a sudden commotion in the water, "…you have a fish on your line!"
The two rushed towards the pole and as the boy happily started reeling in his prize, Daniel Schmidt gave a small smile. A smile that his eyes didn't match.