Title: Scenes from a Courtship
Disclaimer: Not mine, I'm just playing.
Summary: A series of scenes from Sam and Martin's relationship. In the same universe as "A Long Weekend."
Rating: If you are old enough to use the internet you are old enough to read this.
A special thanks to Claire and "she who wishes not to be named" for beta reading.
A Little Bit of History
After the Lillian Dillard case, Martin was thinking about the way Samantha had looked when she told the woman at the clinic that she had been pregnant once before. There was sadness there that Martin did not think was part of the cover. It had stuck in his mind. Martin wanted to ask Sam about it, but he knew it was too early in their relationships to ask her. They had only been dating a few days at that point. Well, to be fair dating might not have been the best description of what they were doing at that point, but even then, Martin refused to think of it as just sex. Now after a month or so, he thought, that dating was a fair term. He figured that he would find the right time at some point.
One Sunday morning, Sam and Martin were at Martin's place enjoying a lazy Sunday morning with the New York Times. They read and chatted, sharing things they founds interesting. Martin ran across a story about violence at women's health clinics and he remembered the Dillard case and Sam's reaction. He suspected that there might be a piece of the puzzle that was Sam in that story. He decide now would be a good time to ask Sam about. He hoped he wouldn't blow it.
Martin wasn't sure how to bring it up so he decided to be direct. "Sam, do you remember the Dillard case? Where you told the woman at the clinic you were pregnant before? I saw the way you looked when you said it and wondered if it was true. Were you pregnant before?"
Sam fidgeted for a minute, biting her lip and shifting on the couch. She took a deep breath. Yes, I was pregnant," said Samantha as she began to tell Martin the whole story.
"It was never what I planned," she said while nervously twisting her hair. "As a little girl I had dreamed of a wedding mass in St. Mary's in Kenosha. I wanted to be a beautiful bride in a fancy white dress with a puffy skirt and a long train walking down the isle on my father's arm with a bevy of bridesmaids, an adorable ring bearer, and a cute flower girl. Little by little, that dream faded away. First, my father was killed in a car accident. That sent my mother into a depression, which caused her to distance herself from me and my sister and go through the motions of life. Plus, she had to work long hours at crummy jobs to make ends meet, which did not help her disposition or leave her much time for her daughters. So I guess I started to grow-up faster than I should have."
Sam sighed again and began looking at her fingernails. She was very clearly finding it hard to tell Martin this story. Finally, she began again saying, "In high school, I projected the image of a bit of a wild girl, but made good grades with little effort. I wanted nothing more than to get out of Kenosha. I dressed like someone from MTV at school, but on the Sunday mornings my mother was around, I put on a nice dress and went to Mass with her. I still went through some of the motions of being a good girl even if I was a little hung over while I did it," said Sam.
"I made it out of Kenosha with a scholarship to University of Wisconsin – Madison. Almost as soon as I arrived on campus, I met Kevin. Kevin was kind of a bad boy with a romantic streak. He swept me off my feet. By the middle of the first semester, I was pregnant. I was scared, but Kevin was thrilled. He thought we should marry and was sure we could find a way to be a family and still finish school."
Sam looked at Martin to see his reaction. He looked thoughtful and concerned, but she didn't see the pity she feared. He noticed her looking at him and reached over to take her hand in his to reassure her.
"We went off to City Hall and got married. I moved out of the dorms and into his apartment. My mother was furious, but I didn't care because I thought that I had finally found the kind of family I wanted. The first few weeks were wonderful. Then Kevin lost his job, which created friction, and then I got better grades with less effort than Kevin did which annoyed him. We started fighting some, but we always made up. Kevin started drinking more and partying more. While I used to be at his side for a significant amount of partying, it was never that much, and since I was pregnant I didn't drink and didn't like being around smoke. I really did want a healthy baby. Plus, I found out that it really wasn't that much fun sober because the drunk people were really not that amusing. The tension between Kevin and me continued to build."
Martin dropped Sam's hand and draped his arm around her shoulder. He could tell this was hard for to talk about. He could only imagine how hard to was to have been through. His biggest worry his first year of college was trying to get through pledge week at Harvard without embarrassing himself. He didn't even have to worry about getting in either. Both of his grandfathers and his father had been members of the same fraternity.
Sam continued, still obviously uncomfortable saying, "Everything exploded one night. Kevin had gone out. I stayed in to study. I went to bed, only to wake up around 2:30 when Kevin staggered in and passed out on the couch. Several hours later, I woke up in a pool of blood with the worst cramps I had ever had. I was losing the baby. I called for Kevin. There was no answer. I staggered to the living room and tried to wake him. I couldn't. In desperation, I called 911." Sam was trying very hard to bite back tears and so far she was succeeding.
"When the paramedics arrived, I was crying and Kevin still hadn't moved. One of the paramedics tended to me while the other looked at Kevin. The second paramedic was concerned that Kevin was suffering from alcohol poisoning. Both of us were loaded into the ambulance."
"That was the beginning of the end. I tried to work things out, but Kevin wasn't interested in changing. I had seen too many women trapped in bad marriages to men who drank too much. So I left and filed for divorce."
When she finished she tensed up a bit waiting for Martin to say something. She wanted to get up and start pacing, the weight of Martin's arm around her kept her on the couch. She started twisting her hair instead.
Looking at her affectionately, Martin said, "Thanks for telling me about that. I could tell how hard it was for you to talk about it. I'm glad you felt like you could share that with me."
Sam replied, "I haven't told many people. I didn't want you to see me as damaged or as weak." Sam relaxed a bit realizing that she had told him one of the things she found hardest to share and he was still there.
Martin pulled her into his lap from her place next to him on the couch, hugged her and said, "This just reinforces my opinion of how strong you are. You are anything, but damaged. You came through and you thrived. You were so young and you made some pretty good decisions in a tough situation. My first year in college I was still trying to figure out how to do my own laundry, I was not even close to being that mature."
While cuddling with Samantha, Martin asked, "Did you consider having an abortion?" Martin kept her close rubbing her backtrying to tell her that he wouldn't judge her for her answer.
"Not really. The whole idea of being pregnant hadn't really sunk in when I told Kevin. He was so excited and painted this vision of a life that would take me away from everything I hated and give me everything I wanted. I can't even really imagine how different my life would have been if I hadn't lost the baby. I firmly believe in a women's right to choose, but I don't know if I could make the choice."
Martin replied, "I think I understand. The second part I mean. The first part I'm lucky enough not to have any experience with. I honestly can't imagine what I would have done in that situation at eighteen. Is this why you said you never wanted any kids during that bus kidnapping?"
Samantha replied, "Kind of. I haven't really had the best track record with relationships. And before you, none of them were 2.2 kids, white picket fence, golden retriever kind of guys. It seemed better not to want something I didn't think I could have."
"So are you saying you might reconsider?" asked Martin with a big smile on his face.
Samantha looked at him and smiled replying, "Well, at some time in the future I might consider one or two kids with the right guy, but I think I'm more of a brownstone in the city, cat kind of woman."
"So noted!" replied Martin. Seeing that Sam had her smile back he decided this was a good time to quit talking about serious things, so he said, "Let's finish the paper and go for a run in the park."