A/N- Do not own. Also, my spellchecker stopped working, so hopefully I caught everything with firefox, but there might be a few minor mistakes. This is a bit everywhere, but it makes sense. I think. I'm sleep deprived, you should just be glad I managed to form complete sentences. Anyway. Alexis stresses, Harry makes a new friend, and a serious conversation is held between one of the new counselors and the Headmistress. Also, a stinging spell is involved. Enjoy. X's are time and scene breaks. Major time breaks would be noted. Italics are usually thoughts. Let me know what you think. And as always, use your words.
-x-
Tim bit back a sigh, gazing at the younger woman who was playing with her food. He knew her mind was somewhere else, but she would never become healthy if she did not actually eat the food. "Alexis." He called finally, causing gray eyes to look up at him.
Alexis groaned, twirling her fork briefly. She did not want to eat, she could not eat. There was work to be done, lists of things left to be handled before the beginning of the semester. Granted, it was the first week of July. But the summer camp would officially start tomorrow, with nearly all the children already in the castle. Forty- nine boys and girls between the ages of ten and seventeen. The ten-year old would be eleven by September first and the seventeen year old was going to help with the summer programmes. An extra set of hands and eyes would not go amiss. But that didn't mean that she was not anxious. Over half of the children were muggleborn or raised, with a smattering of half and pure bloods. Blood did not matter here, but these children did. Each of them needed love and care, each of them needed guidance. There were a few muggleborns to check up on still, and one or two more homes to visit, but camp was starting. Tomorrow. Fuck.
Tim frowned down at the younger woman, glad that she had decided to eat in her quarters. It would not do for the children to see their Headmistress so...out of it. She had yet to take a single bit of food since they had begun this meal, his own plate was already finished. She hadn't even touched her tea. With a quick decision, he removed the fork from her fingers, filling it with food before lifting it to the young woman's lips. "Open." He ordered quietly. She obeyed with the same distant look in her eyes, allowing him to place the forkful into her mouth, automatically chewing and swallowing. He repeated the act four more times, until she finally blinked, startled gray eyes meeting brown.
"Sorry Tim. I was...thinking." She muttered, flushing slightly. She took the fork from him, hesitating before slowly returning to eating. It was not, admittedly, the first time he had acted as such. When she had first became his apprentice and refused to eat, he had taken similar actions. It was better, however, than his special stinging spell, the one that he taught her to use for runaways and foolish apprentices.
"That is alright, Alexis. Finish your breakfast, you can work afterwards." He replied quietly, squeezing her shoulder before taking up his own paperwork. It was summer, after all, there was always paperwork.
-x-
"Harry! Teddy! Come play with us" Harry grimaced, looking away from the group of eleven and twelve-year olds. Charlie had told them this morning that the camp would start tomorrow, with lots of activities. He was looking forward to the flying, of course, but that did not mean he wanted to play with the others. Not now, anyway. Didn't they get it? They had no homes now. Charlie had explained that they were all here for a reason and he knew that the older boys had scars like his. Perhaps they all did. They were all unwanted, how could they possibly want to play. He shook his head at the girl beckoning to him, glancing over to the nearby tree where Teddy sat. Theodore Nott, a Slytherin rising Third year. To say he was surprised that the other boy was here would be an understatement. Phil had warned them to not tease or taunt anyone else but to listen, if they could, if someone wanted to talk. But Phil had also said that was what the counselors were all there for, anyway. Him and Rani were outside with them, keeping an eye on the groups of kids who were wandering about and playing games. But he, Harry, did not want to play tag. He hated tag. Because then he had to run and his mind would freeze in fear and someone would get hurt and he'd be in trouble and-
"Hey Potter." Teddy muttered, dropping to sit beside Harry under the large Oak. Phil and Charlie wanted him to be more...social with the other boys. Since they were in charge of his 'cabin', he knew he had to mind them. Besides that, Harry had also been told to try being social. So they could be social together. In silence.
Harry glanced at the brown-haired, sort of mousey boy. Light brown eyes caught his for a moment before returning to cloud watching. "Teddy." He murmured back, wishing that they were near the lake. He wanted to watch the Squid, but he'd settle for watching the game unfold. He glanced at the slightly older boy again. It was a testament to what the Headmistress had said the night before, that house affiliation and blood status did not matter here. Teddy's silence was like his, he never spoke in group meetings either, unless asked directly. It was odd though, the group meetings. They were both always with a group of the older teens, while most of the other kids in their cabin were with their age group. Out of the eleven in their cabin, they were the only two in the group of older boys from the other two cabins. Charlie and Jake, one of the counselors for the older boys, led that group but it was a bit difficult for him to follow at times. He didn't always know what they were talking about but he knew he was much better at expressing what he was feeling than some of the younger boys, perhaps just not as well as the older ones.
Teddy watched the clouds form and grow for several minutes before glancing at Harry. The other boy was gazing blankly at the group of mindless children chasing each other. How he loathed tag. It meant someone had to touch him and usually they shoved and it would hurt and then he'd get angry and hit back. Then he'd be in trouble and his father would find out and then-
"Teddy, Harry. Don't you want to play with the other kids?" Phil asked quietly, stopping to crouch down next to the two boys. His hair was black with blue tips this week, bringing out the blue in his eyes. It matched his personality perfectly, he was just glad that Tim was able to see past the hair, not many in their profession chose to. Both boys seemed lost in their own worlds, both held a sense of panic in their eyes when he had first spoke. Harry merely looked at him as Teddy stiffened, a mask covering both of their faces. Most of the youngest children were not heavily abused. They had older siblings or cousins to protect them, or they were forgotten about and neglected. But these two boys and one of the girls from the younger cabins, were as heavily abused as some of the older teenagers. Out of the nearly fifty children, a group of about fifteen held the heaviest abuse cases. Twelve teenaged girls and boys, as well as three children. Two of them were sitting in front of him, blank eyes and coiled bodies, waiting for a strike that would never come. He bit back a sigh and stayed a few feet away. Charlie was better with these two than he was, but then Charlie had a past himself.
Harry glanced at Teddy and met his eyes briefly, before shaking his head. "No sir. I don't like tag." He murmured.
"Me either." Teddy added quietly, nodding quickly. He knew, rationally, that Phil would not harm them, but he was still waiting for the other shoe to drop, waiting for the bad stuff to start. Granted, Severus was his head of house and had never harmed him, not in two years. The man had even kept his promise to help him and that meant a lot. He didn't just remove him from his home either, but he set him up with the healer, Tim, so that he could have someone to talk to and to help him through his self harm. His self harm was different from Harry's, he knew. He also knew that other boy reacted on instinct much like he did. But instead of a blade, Harry hit his head and clawed his skin. He also knew that both of their counselors were keeping an eye on them, they were rarely left by themselves for long.
"Well...what kind of games do you like to play?" Phil asked calmly, gazing between the two boys. Harry was the more impulsive of the two, he knew. Twice now the boy had left in the middle of the night, although the second time he did not make it past the common room before they were aware of it. As he had spent the night before with his guardians and tonight as well, they wanted him with them on weekends as much as possible, it had not been a problem. But he hoped that the boy would not sneak out tomorrow. Teddy, on the other hand, was even quieter than Harry and extremely withdrawn.
"Gobstones and Exploding Snap are fun." Harry glanced at the other boy, shrugging slightly. He didn't know very many wizarding or muggle games, really. He was just starting to get use to the toys and games Severus and Remus had bought him.
"Dragons." Teddy scowled when the older man looked at him. At Harry's look of confusion he grinned. The younger boy did not know much about wizarding culture, he knew, just as he did not know much about non-magical culture. Perhaps he could teach the other boy? That would make Phil and Charlie happy, at least. "We can play dragons, Harry."
Harry bit his lip, his face bland. He did not know how to play dragons, although he did have a few dragon figures in his room. "With what?"
"My dragons are..."Teddy quickly looked away, falling silent. He had forgotten. His father had destroyed his toys, all of them. He hadn't told anyone though, because he was getting too old for toys. Wasn't he?
"Where are your dragons, Teddy?" Phil prompted gently. His face might be a mask but the child's eyes were not.
"Nowhere." Teddy snapped, standing and taking off toward the castle.
"Teddy!" Harry scowled at Phil briefly, before following the boy at a trot. They were getting along perfectly fine until Phil started being nosy!
Phil groaned, slapping his head hard before quickly glancing around. Thankfully none of the children noticed. He didn't need them believing that it was acceptable to hit oneself. He caught Rani's eyes and jerked his head toward the castle. She gave a brisk nod and he took off after the boys, hoping that they hadn't crawled into a space where his lanky form would not fit. But long legs did mean he would catch up with the two small boys quickly.
-x-
Alexis grimaced as a small body collided with her. The child fell backwards as she steadied herself on the wall briefly. She glanced down at the little body, who sat trembling, staring at the ground, and then down the empty hallway. Another little body came dashing around the corner. "Mr. Potter! Stop running please!" She called quickly, recognizing the mop of inky hair instantly. The boy thankfully slowed down before he could crash into the other child.
"Teddy!" He shouted, grimacing as the headmistress raised an eyebrow at him, before lowering his voice. "Teddy?"
Alexis sighed, turning her eyes back to the child on the ground. She reached a hand down to him, raising a slight eyebrow as he flinched backwards. The boy finally took it, allowing her to pull him back to his feet. She crouch down in front of him, so that she was on the same level as the two twelve-year olds. Both would be turning thirteen soon and both should not be alone in the hallway, nor running. She motioned to Harry and the young boy came to stand beside his friend. "Who wants to tell me what's going on?" She asked quietly, gray eyes moving between the two boys. They did not act like children who had been fighting, but there was fear there, behind Teddy's eyes.
Teddy bit his lip, staring at the floor. He knew he'd be in trouble when she found out that he took off, but he hadn't expected her to be walking down the hallway, hadn't seen the headmistress. Nor had he expected Harry to come after him. It almost made him feel...grateful, that the other boy would care enough to check on him.
Harry frowned, glancing at Teddy. The other boy clearly wasn't going to say anything but he didn't want to get his friend in trouble. "We didn't want to play tag." He murmured finally.
Alexis' eyebrows shot up. That was one of the worst excuses she had ever heard, and she had heard quite a few as a teacher and a healer. "Be that as it may, why are you not with your group?" She asked sternly. Harry, too, turned his eyes to the ground, but not before flicking them to Teddy. "You are not in trouble, boys. I would just like to know what the cause of this was, so that we can either prevent it from happening again or make it better." She added quietly, sighing.
"You can't make it better." Teddy muttered under his breath.
Alexis turned sharp eyes to the brown-haired boy, shaking her head slightly. Teddy was much more withdrawn than Harry was, although Harry, too, had a hard shell to get through. "Why is that Teddy? What can't I make better?" She asked softly, causing his eyes to snap up. Light brown eyes met hers briefly before darting away. "Look at me, Mr. Nott." She added sternly. His eyes came up again but did not quite meet hers. Better, anyways.
"I wanted to teach Harry how to play Dragons but my dragons..." Teddy trailed off, dropping his eyes back to his feet as they started to sting. He was no sissy, he would not cry over dumb toys, even if they had been his favourite.
Ah. That was much clearer, then. "I believe Mr. Potter has a few dragons that he can loan you, Mr. Nott. Until we can get you some of your own to have. After all, if I am correct, you do have a birthday coming up." Alexis replied, smirking when the child looked up with bright eyes. She wasn't quite sure which, but she had a feeling that the child's toys had been destroyed or taken away from him. Even if he was nearly thirteen, he still deserved toys and games. After all, bored boys caused trouble and she couldn't be having that. "Is that alright with you, Mr. Potter?" She asked the younger boy, who nodded rapidly. With a small smile she pulled out her wand, quickly losing that smile when Teddy flinched backwards. Damn it. "Accio Harry's dragons." She called sharply, replacing her wand in its sheath. "I will not harm you, Teddy. I promised you that, remember? You are safe here at Hogwarts. You both are." Her quiet comment caused the boy to look up briefly before flushing and looking away. She merely shook her head, turning to catch the box of dragons that came zooming at them. She handed them over to Harry, raising an eyebrow at the tall, lanky ma-child who came careening around the corner. "Do stop running, Phil." She scolded, causing both boys to giggle.
Phil grimaced as he forced his body to stop instantly, so that he would not crash into the two underweight boys and the skeletal headmistress. Really, that woman needed to eat. But, although he was not as subtle as Charlie, he would not ask questions about her condition. Tim had made it clear to everyone that she was in his care, more power to her. He wouldn't want to be in Tim's care. But he was digressing, and he knew it. "Sorry, Headmistress. I was just looking for these two." He replied finally, catching his breath.
"Ah yes. I was wondering why they were off on their own. Perhaps you would like to tell Phil, Teddy?" Alexis requested, turning her eyes back to the little boy. She was still crouched on their level and was pleased to see Phil crouch down as well. Although it seemed to make the boys nervous, to have someone both in front of and behind them.
Teddy grimaced, turning sideways so he could see them both. Phil had angled himself so that he would be in sight anyway, but he didn't really like having his back turned. He knew the headmistress would not harm him, but Phil had every right to be angry at them. But the man did not look angry, just...concerned. "I was...upset and angry. Because...I just was." He scowled finally.
"I understand that Teddy. But you cannot take off every time you get upset. Next time, let's talk about it first, alright? If something I say upsets you or a question I ask makes you angry, tell me. " Phil replied quietly. He was not angry with the children, not at all. He should had expected it and he did, from Harry at least. But Teddy was not the child he thought would just take off and it had taken him a bit of time to track them down. Little legs but they moved fast and they knew this castle better than he did. He finally remembered to cast a Point Me spell, luckily they hadn't gotten too far.
Teddy stared at the floor, giving a slight nod. "Yes sir. Sorry." He knew he shouldn't have run off, it was just instinct. He glanced over at Harry and bit back a grin. The other boy had removed a dragon from the box and was staring at it in fascination.
"You also shouldn't have taken off Harry, although I do understand why you did." Phil scolded, causing the boy to glance away from his box of dragons for a brief moment.
Harry dropped his eyes to the floor, grimacing. "Sorry sir." He murmured, before once more being drawn back to the dragons.
"Alright then, why don't we head back outside?" Phil suggested, smiling at the two boys as he straighten from his crouch. Two rapid nods came as his answer.
"A moment, please." Alexis remarked before either child could move. With a small movement of her wrist, she cast a wandless, silent diagnostic spell of Teddy. He had run into her and hit the floor, after all. A bit of bruising but he would be alright. A similar spell spread out to Harry, coming back fine, before it spread once more. She was about to stop the spell when she frowned, glancing up at Phil with sharp eyes. "Alright. Teddy, you have a few bruises from your fall, so no rough housing boys." She dismissed, causing the two boys to grin. She doubted either would rough house, they were just not the type. They took off at a run, past Phil before he could so much as move. "Halt!" She scolded. Both boys skid to a stop, glancing back at her. "Do not run and wait for Phil. The three of you will walk together." She ordered sternly.
"Yes ma'am." They chorused instantly, turning impatient eyes to Phil.
"Phil? Come see me during your free time." Alexis added quietly, for his ears alone. He gave a brisk nod, turning and walking to his two boys and she stood from her crouch. They disappeared around the corner and she leaned against the wall, closing her eyes. Well, that had been interesting.
-x-
Alexis glanced up from her writing at the knock that sounded on her office door. She worked in her office much less than in her quarters, but she knew that she also had to be available if she was she had requested for one of the counselors to come see her. She had a feeling it was him. "Enter." She called, setting the parchment aside. She could easily finish the letter later, after all one of the donators to the new summer programme could wait for a few minutes. That, and she knew the Malfoys would be fine with the update whenever she sent it.
Phil hesitated, shifting restlessly for a moment before pushing open the door. He had no idea why she wanted to see him, unless to scold him for letting the boys take off. But for some reason, he doubted that. She just did not seem like that type. "You wanted to see me, Headmistress?" He asked quietly, glancing at her.
"Alexis, Phil. And I did. Have a seat. "Alexis sighed, shaking her head good-naturally as he sat down in one of the chairs on the other side of her desk. For some reason it was nearly impossible to get the counselors to call her by her given name. They weren't that much younger than her! Some of them were even older.
"What can I do for you, Hea- Alexis?" Phil asked politely, catching himself in time. It felt strange to call his superior by her first name, but he had also heard her tell a few of the older teenagers to call her Alexis, at least in private. Perhaps she just wasn't comfortable with her title just yet. That still, however, did not answer the question as to why she wanted to see him.
"I was wondering if you could explain something to me, Phil. You see, I cast a simple, questing, diagnostic spell earlier. I'm sure you know the one, it is often used in crowds of children to detect who was actually hurt and who is the worst hurt." She remarked dryly, keeping gray eyes on him. He barely hid a grimace, his face becoming a polite, blank mask.
"I do, Headmistress." Phil replied emotionlessly. She couldn't have found out. I hide it too well.
"You might imagine my surprise when it stopped persistently on you. Before I could end the spell, as I do not tend to invade my staff members privacy, I noticed something...unusual and, quite frankly, alarming." Her statement was met with silence and a blank mask. But his body language spoke volumes. Phil had curled his hands into fist, digging his nails into his palms, resting them on his lap. She knew it was a struggle for him to keep from crossing his arms. "Phillip, talk to me please." She instructed finally.
"I have no idea what you are talking about, Headmistress." He replied blandly, suppressing a glare at the use of his full first name.
"Do not lie to me." Alexis hissed, gray eyes steel.
Phil visibly flinched, letting his mask slip. Gone was the blank slate, replaced quickly by anger. "It is nothing to concern yourself with." He growled.
"That is where you are wrong. You are on my staff in my school. I care for my students and my staff. You need this job and we need you here. I need to know what is going on, Phil." Alexis replied quietly, watching him closely. If he tried to bolt, he would not be happy. He did seem ready to do so, after all.
"You need no such thing. I'm not the one starving to death!" Phil snapped, standing and moving rapidly to the door. It had been a low blow, he knew, and he also was aware that he might possibly lose his job over this, a job he loved and needed. But he had spoken in anger, without thinking it through first. He grabbed the door and then yelped. The stinging spell that had hit his bottom was one he hadn't felt in a few years. His mentor had used the same spell. Hell, most Mind Healers used the same stinging spell. The door was, unfortunately, locked as well. He spun around to glare at her and was surprised to not see anger in her eyes. She wasn't happy but she also wasn't..angry. Damn woman.
"Phillip Lee Jones. You do not take off when I am speaking to you." Alexis scolded, frowning at the slightly younger man. She knew the spell hurt, it was suppose to. The spell was designed to not cause permanent damage but to linger. It could make sitting down quite uncomfortable for stretches of time in larger doses. The dose she sent at him should not make him uncomfortable for longer than an hour. "Sit down, now. "She ordered briskly, leaving no room for arguments.
Phil grimaced, glancing at the chair with a sigh. His full name, however, was quite the indicator that she was not happy at all. It made him feel like a naughty school boy, like one of his children that he had to scold. He sat down slowly, flinching slightly, before looking up again. He did not, however, meet her eyes.
"Do not try to run from me again. Understood?"
"Yes ma'am." He replied quietly, dropping his eyes back to his feet.
"Phil, look at me." Alexis ordered, sighing softly. Blue eyes finally met hers, before looking away. She could see the shame there, but there was also...fear. Fear of what, she was not quite sure. Perhaps of what she would say or do. Perhaps even of what she wouldn't say or do. " I know the signs of self-injury, Phil. I am a mind healer, it is something I have seen often enough to recognize. The injuries that registered on my scan seem self-injurious in nature. Including the slight new bruise on your forehead. So talk to me."
Phil grimaced, looking down and wiggling in his chair. It was a bit painful to sit at the moment, he hated that spell. He was also...uncomfortable. He had made it through his social work and counseling training without any one finding out. Even his mentor had not known and he knew that Tim was unaware, even if it was the reason he was working here. "I...yes." He replied finally.
"You are a great mentor and role model for those young boys, Phil. I am quite glad that we had you here. I am, however, going to require you to speak with Tim. He is the healer for all of staff, including the camp counselors." Alexis stated finally, causing startled blue eyes to meet hers.
"You...want to keep me?" He asked uncertainly, confused. Most people would not want a self harmer around their children.
"Of course. Why wouldn't I? There is one recovered self harmer on staff, at least. I do not chose my staff based on their personal issues, Phil. I just ask that they are able to handle their lives while still taking care of my children. Because Hogwarts' children are quite important to me and they deserve the best we can give them. The boys adore you, I see no reason to remove you because of how you deal with stress. I just ask two things. One, that you never harm yourself in front of the children, in any way, shape, or form. We do not need them copying that behaviour. And secondly, that you submit to random medical scans." She replied calmly. They were not outlandish requests, actually. All of the children who had been found to harm themselves also had medical scans, weekly for the active harmers. It was not to shame them or even prevent injury, but to check them for injuries and make sure that they were doing alright. To check for infection and illness because of those wounds. Because as much as she wanted to, she could not stop her students from harming themselves if they were so determined. Of course, the self harmers were watched closely by their heads of house and their counselors. They would also all be talking to a healer, even the adult ones. They would do their best to prevent harm, but it was not always guaranteed. If a child, or adult, wanted to harm themselves badly enough, they would, even after they had their tools taken away. Even if they ended up in the hospital wing or their Head of House's guest quarters. It didn't happen often, but it did happen. She would do everything in her power to help her students and staff, to help them stop harming themselves.
Phil grimaced but nodded. It made sense and it was logically. He knew Tim check each of the self harmers during their sessions. He just didn't want to be one of them. "And if the scans are not...great?" He asked cautiously.
"Are you planning to do serious harm to yourself?" Alexis asked sharply, breathing a bit easier when he shook his head. His eyes said that he wasn't lying there. "I believe you already know the answer to this. Tim or I would put you under restriction, to either the hospital wing or one of our quarters, if it became necessary. But let's hope it doesn't become necessary." She responded evenly, raising an eyebrow at him. His injuries, a series of shallow cuts, scratches, and bruises, were not great but they were also not as bad as they could be. It showed everything of an occasional harmer, not an addicted self harmer.
"Alright. I assume you will inform Tim." He sighed, glancing away before meeting her eyes again. He was not as serious a self harmer as he used to be. It was now a sometimes thing, usually only when he was angry with himself or frustrated. There was something else he needed to say though, and he knew it.
"I shall. Now, unless you wish to divulge your soul to me, on with you." Alexis dismissed, reaching for her parchment.
Phil stood slowly, stretching and grateful that the sting was now fading. It would have been embarrassing if his boys had noticed. They probably wouldn't have, but Charlie would have and he would have teased him endlessly. "Headmistress...Alexis. I apologize for my earlier words. I was angry and cruel. I did not mean...I am sorry." He remarked quietly, meeting her eyes for a moment before looking away.
"I know, Phil. I was aware that they were spoken in anger." Alexis replied softly, gray eyes warm. He nodded and headed toward the door. "However, if you ever speak in such a way to me in front of students or if you try to run from me again, you will deeply regret it Phillip." She purred dangerously, causing the young man to shiver. She watched him leave for a moment before putting her head in her hands and closing her eyes. Merlin, it was going to be a long summer.