Pet Problems
"Potter, your damn dog wet on the bloody carpet again. You have to train it or else I'm going to kill it."
"You wouldn't kill him; he loves you. Plus, that wasn't Snuffles."
"Then did you pee on the carpet!"
"Of course I didn't. That was the cat."
"The CAT! Since when do we have a cat?"
"Since...yesterday."
"Yesterday. You didn't even leave the house yesterday."
"I took the trash out. Snuffles was going to eat the bag if I didn't."
"And in the short distance from our flat to the curb you found a cat."
"He was wandering around outside. He was skinny and pitiful and..."
"You're unbelievable. Did you forget that cats need a litter box?"
"He has one, I just think he's sick. He vomited on the bed earlier."
"We aren't keeping him. I won't have a cat getting sick all over where I sleep. No way.
"Please?"
"No."
"But I got him for you, he's really cute."
"I'm sure."
"I've been calling him Sparky."
"I'm not a cat person."
"Or a dog person, judging by the way you treat Snuffles."
"Okay, I'm not an animal person. Or a people person, really. I'm pretty much a me person."
"That's reassuring. I can feel the love."
"We can keep our current animals, but no more. Understand?"
"So I need to cancel my order of llamas?"
"What the hell is a llama?"
"Muggle animal."
"Oh. No llamadas."
"Llama."
"Whatever."
"Remind me to call Hermione and tell her we can't take her puppies over the weekend."
"Puppies?"
"Yeah, I was going to puppysit."
"No. No way."
"I'll just have to tell her that my boyfriend hates all animals."
"Not all of them. Just the live ones."
"That's sick."
"But you love me."
"Of course."
End