Parenting Problems

"Just rock him, Draco."

"I...am..."

"No you aren't. You're shaking him. Rock him."

"I'm trying. Taking care of screaming babies is hard."

"You have one kid. One. Plus, you've only had him for about fifteen minutes. I've toted him around all day. Deal with it."

"It had been longer than fifteen minutes."

"Okay. Seventeen minutes."

"Funny. My arms are getting bloody tired. Can I just lay it down and leave it?"

"No! That's abandonment. Ron wouldn't be too happy with you leaving his son lying around. Keep rocking him."

"Rocking obviously isn't working. Is that the best advice you have?"

"I don't know...sing him a lullaby or something."

"You've gone 'round the bend. I don't sing."

"Of course you do."

"No."

"Fine, just rock him some more."

"Damn it...fine. His eyes are as green as a fresh pickled toad..."

"Not that song. Never that song. A different one."

"Alright. Weasley is our king, Weasley is our king..."

"Sing him a bloody lullaby."

"I don't know any lullabies. If you haven't noticed, I'm not a huge fan of soothing things."

"Fine, give me the damn kid, I'll sing to him."

"By all means, take him."

"Hush little baby don't say a word, Harry's gonna buy you a mockingbird. If that mockingbird don't sing, Draco's gonna buy you a diamond ring."

"I'm not buying that kid a ring. Ron will accuse me of trying to turn his son poncey. Plus, they're expensive and he'll just eat it."

"Draco, it's just a bloody lullaby. Quiet. Go sit down or something."

"Fine. Continue your web of lies that you call a lullaby."

"I will. And if that diamond ring don't shine...umm...I don't know the rest of the words to this. Draco, could you help me? Draco?"

"Hm?"

"Were you even listening?"

"Course not. I was over here sitting down."

"Keep at it. Rock-a-bye baby on the treetops, when the wind blows the cradle will rock. When the bow breaks the cradle will fall, and down will come baby, cradle and all."

"That song is creepy. I wonder if the baby died?"

"Draco..."

"Sorry. I'm sitting."

"I've run out of lullabies. Err...I'll sing it one last time for you, then we really have to go... Thank Merlin, he's asleep. Draco, he's asleep. Draco? DRACO!"

"Huh? What?"

"Were you asleep?"

"No! Of course not."

"You were."

"Not!"

"Sure..."

End

The last bit of real song is copywrited by Snow Patrol.