Sirius Black V.S. the Mailman
By: The Fanfic Stealer
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. If I did, Harry wouldn't be such a wimp.
He was Sirius Black, former Marauder, accused mass murderer (accused being the word; he had been framed, but that's a story for another time), the only known fugitive of the prison Azkaban, and all around scary guy.
So why in Merlin's name was he CHASING A MUGGLE MAILMAN?
He was a wizard of the noble House of Black! His Animagus form was the fearsome Grim! He was SCARY! WHY WAS HE CHASING A MUGGLE!
Then the poor mailman looked back, and the fear on his face reminded Sirius of the reason why: the look on the bloke's face was priceless. And as a former Marauder, he really didn't need any reason other then that.
Suddenly, the mailman did an about face (which was impressive since he had still been running), took a dive, and bit Sirius on the foreleg. In shock, Sirius transformed back into his human form, leaving a dazed mailman on the ground.
"Ouch," he said as he gingerly rubbed his foreleg-turned-arm, "that bloody hurt!"
"My goodness," the mailman replied.
"What the bloody hell is wrong with you!"
"I don't know."
"You don't know? You bit me, damn it!"
"My goodness!"
"What do you mean, 'my goodness'? You bit me!"
"I don't know."
"You don't-!" Now rather angry, Sirius lifted up his shirt sleeve to show the bruise that was now forming on his bicep. "What the hell do you call that?"
"My goodness."
"You're surprised! What do you think happens when you bite living things!"
"I don't know."
"…You're an idiot, you know that?"
"I don't know."
"Obviously."
"My goodness."
"Oh, did I insult you? Well, SCREW YOU, RETARD!"
"I don't know."
"… Huh?"
"My goodness."
"…"
"I don't know."
"…"
"My goodness."
"…"
"I don't know."
"…"
"My goodness."
"…Is that the only thing you can say?"
"I don't know."
"…"
"My goodness."
"You're nutters, I tell you. Nutters." And with that, turned his back on the mailman, giving him the one finger salute as he went.
"I don't know," the mailman said to no one in particular.