Pudgy Problems
"I need new trousers."
"Why? You just bought some."
"Yes, but that is no excuse. I still need new trousers."
"Is there even a point in asking why you need new trousers?"
"Probably not."
"Fine. You can wear my trousers if you need new ones."
"Yours aren't new."
"They are new to you."
"They are most assuredly NOT new to me. I've had close and intimate relations with your trousers. If anything, I'm more familiar with your trousers than mine."
"Why must you always stall? Tell me why you need new trousers."
"I…you…you ruined all of them the last time you did laundry. It's your fault."
"How did I ruin them? I followed the directions!"
"You shrunk them. They don't fit anymore. I can't fasten them."
"You…you can't fit your trousers?"
"No. They FIT, they just SHRUNK. It's your FAULT."
"Love, I don't think…"
"Are you calling me FAT? Am I getting FAT to you?"
"Of course you aren't. I just…"
"No. No. Don't try to justify yourself. I'm sorry you find me so ridiculously, repulsively obese that you can barely LOOK at me without getting sick all over yourself."
"That is NOT what I was going to say. Let me see your stomach."
"No."
"Please?"
"No. I'm not going to show you my large belly."
"You do not have a large belly. It's small."
"But it's a belly nonetheless."
"Not a belly. A tummy."
"You're a child."
"Let me see."
"Fine, but don't laugh. Or poke. There, happy?"
"Oh Draco, I think it's cute."
"You would. You're nutters."
"No really. It means you're happy."
"Yes, and soon I shall dress up in a bright red suit and run around calling myself Father Christmas."
"You don't have to do that."
"Yes, I believe I do."
"Come here love. I love you. All of you."
"You're a chubby chaser, Potter. You disgust me."
"I love you too."
End