Pickle Problems
"I want one."
"No, it's gross."
"Harry, I really, really want one."
"No. I'm not giving you one. You have ice cream, you don't need..."
"Yes I do. They sound horribly tasty."
"No they don't. Ice cream and pickles does in no way sound horribly tasty."
"I'm sorry. Do you truthfully want your spawn to be disfigured just because you didn't want to give me a pickle? When little Potter-Malfoy asks me, with tears flowing down his or her face, why you don't love them, I'll have to say 'because your father is an arsehole and he wouldn't give me a pickle'."
"It's Malfoy-Potter, and I'm sure he or she will believe you when you say the reason stems back to a pickle. That's absurd."
"Yes, but our child will believe everything I say."
"No one in their right mind will ever believe everything you say."
"Yes, yes, now give me a pickle."
"No. If you want one so badly, then get up and get one yourself."
"I can't. Oh, I see how it is. You want to sit back and laugh as I wiggle around and strain myself to get up. Very amusing, Mr. I Still Have A Waistline."
"You're such a..."
"Spare me. Pickle. Now."
"I was going to get you one, but now..."
"Pickle."
"No, my name is Harry. Now, eat your ice cream. If you still want a pickle after that, I'll get you one."
"I've already finished my ice cream. I want a fucking pickle."
"Okay, okay. I'm going."
"Get me a big, juicy one from the bottom of the jar. Wipe all the juice off, and make sure there is no stem. Harry? Are you listening?"
"Yes, here's your damn pickle."
"Thank you. Mmmm...pickle."
"You don't even want it anymore, do you?"
"Not particularly."
"Thought not."
End