So Many Questions

Lacus Somniorum

CHAPTER ONE

There is a reason why a Knight must always remain a Knight and not a Lover.

The Sound Knight and the Pretear cried together for quite a while, until she felt so sorry for behaving improperly. Himeno realized what she had just done, what she had just said to Hayate, all infront of the children.

"Sasame. I'm so sorry." Himeno spoke in between heart-wrenching sobs (to Sasame, at least).

Sasame lifted a hand to wipe off the tears on his face, and then proceeded to dry off the Princess' tear-drenched, yet still beautiful, ruby eyes.

"Princess, it's really difficult, seeing you like this." Sasame looked at her squarely in the eyes. "We don't know what to do to make you feel better. You never tell us what's wrong. We keep on telling you that we're always ready to help you, and you do believe that we are, don't you?"

"Yes, I do. I know. And I'm sorry... I'm sorry I yelled at Hayate. I'm sorry the kids had to witness that... And," She began to cry again. "I'm sorry I made you feel so bad."

"I am always ready to cry for you, my Princess. You pain is also mine." The smile on his face showed so much grief. "And I won't rush. I'm going to wait until you're ready to open up to me."

"Thank you." Himeno fisted her hands on his white shirt and dug her nose deep into the thick cloth to catch the comforting scent of the Sound Knight, "Will you stay here?" She lifted her face to look up at him, while he greeted her with a weak smile. "Sasame?"

"I will. And you don't really have to ask. I'm more than happy to help you."

The door of the tree house in Leafenia opened, and the five knights waiting just outside turned to look. They were greeted by a smiling Sasame. Shin ran to him and tugged his sleeves, pulling at the cloth slightly.

"Sasame, will Himeno-neechan be okay?"

Hajime followed behind Shin who still seemed to be crying. "When will she play with us again? When will she smile again?"

"Soon, Hajime, Shin. She just needs some rest. If you like you can sleep beside her. Just make sure you won't wake her up!"

And the children were gone. Kei approached him, and Go followed behind him.

"So the Princess is asleep?" Kei asked.

"Yes. She'll be fine. But I don't think she'd want to see Hayate yet."

"I wonder what he did this time..." Go frowned. "That good for nothing bastard..."

"Easy, Go. We can't say things like that to Hayate. We have no idea what happened between the two of them." Sasame glanced at Go, then at Kei, who seemed to agree with Go's offending statement.

"Well, not yet. Judging by it's effect on Himeno, he must've done something very disturbing."

"We have to keep our discretion only to ourselves. We're still unsure of the situation. For now, let's do everything we can to make her feel better." Sasame sighed, with dejection written all over his handsome features.

It was almost dinner time and Mannen was already hungry. He sat at his usual place, by the cut tree trunk by the river. He listened to his grumbling tummy and figured that he needed food more than anything else in the world. So he got up, and marched down the tree house with determination that he will be able to command Go to cook dinner, for once.

He forced the door open and blurted out the engaging speech which should force Go to make dinner.

"GO I'M HUNGRY!"

"Oh, Hello Mannen. Go's out. It's a good thing you have me here. Go wash up now, dinner will be ready in a while. Please do wake up the kids on your way to the washroom."

His jaw dropped. That wasn't Go. It was Himeno. And did she just smile at him?

Mannen felt his tongue go stiff and he tried to speak while desperately trying not to stutter. "Himeno-neechan! W-what..." He pulled himself together, finally. "What are you making for dinner? I'm starved."

"I'm making steak. Now go wash."

"Yippee! We're having steak tonight!" In a flash, Mannen rushed out of the kitchen and into the hallway. He stopped right away when the image of Himeno smiling at him back in the kitchen returned in his thoughts. Was her smile for real? He tried to analyze whether her smile was genuine or not. His Himeno-neechan faked her smiles occasionally, according to what Sasame said. Then he tried to understand how Sasame could tell, because he just found out that he couldn't.

He once overheard Sasame and Kei talk about Himeno's mood swings. Kei complained about the complexity of women's behaviour, while Sasame only convinced him that they should learn to understand the Pretear. As Knights, the Pretear's safety is always their concern, and Himeno's emotional instability is one of the things that they should carefully watch out for.

Mannen could not understand why all Pretears have to be emotionally weak. According to the stories the elder leafe knights told before, even the pretear before Himeno was kind and gentle. Then all of sudden she transforms into Saihi, and all her kindness was whisked away by the violent winds.

Taking another step towards Himeno's bedroom, Mannen decided to talk to the Pretear later. If was difficult to imagine Himeno becoming the evil Saihi. So difficult and painful that he felt like crying. Once he reached his destination, Mannen quickly pushed the door open and opened his mouth to shout at the sleeping children on Himeno's bed.

For the second time today, all his breath got stuck in his throat. His voice leaving him hanging there. He didn't see Shin & Hajime on the bed, but instead, he saw someone else sitting on the Princess' bed.

Wearing only his white pants and nothing over his upper torso, Hayate sat there in Himeno's bed in silence & shock, his sky blue eyes wide & still at the sight of the young Leafe knight staring back at him.

But this time, Kaoru-san doesn't seem so happy. His daughter wasn't there. Mayune, Mawata & Natsue has already started eating. But he couldn't. He felt like vomiting right then & there. Its been two days since Himeno left home. Two days since he told her the truth.

He really didn't marry Natsue for love. He married her for Himeno's education. He married her for Himeno's soft silken bed, rainproof roofs, winter heaters & summer air conditioning. He married her for Himeno's monthly medical check-ups. He married her for Himeno's food three times a day, plus snacks in-between meals.

And because of guilt, he couldn't even eat.

Mannen couldn't eat either. This surprised everyone sitting on the table with him.

"Oi, Mannen. Are you sure you're ok? You don't usually let your steak get cold." Go looked at him with worry. He then stole a glance at Sasame who was also casting a meaningful look at him, and Sasame knew he was right.

After taking the spoon out of her mouth, Himeno blushed a little in embarrassment. "Is it too bland, Mannen? Sorry, I don't really feel all right, maybe I've put too little of something?"

Mannen shook his head hard. "No it's not like that, Himeno-neechan. It's really good." He picked up his fork & knife again and continued to eat. "Actually it's soo good, not even Go can make something like it!"

Hajime interjected. "Yes, neechan. It is delicious. Nee, Shin?"

Shin nodded. Then he turned to look at Himeno. "It shows how beautiful Himeno-neechan is." And the two youngsters nodded at the same time.

Himeno smiled at the obvious fulfilment of the children at something she has done.

"I'm happy you liked it. I'm happy..." She paused to think, everyone else turned to listen. "..I'm good at something."

The last few phrases were barely audible, but the Sound Knight heard everything. The rest continued to eat like nothing's happened. Go laughed. Mannen choked on his steak. Go slapped Mannen's back a little too much, and he complained. Hajime & Shin also laughed, even Kei grinned, and mocked at children's happy & carefree lifestyle. Himeno tried to laugh, but she couldn't. And all the while her loyal leafe knight stared at her in agony.

After tucking Mannen, Shin & Hajime in bed, and making sure that they were already asleep, Himeno left the tree house, making sure no one will see her leave, and decided to wander around Leafenia. And when she found a suitable spot to watch the beautiful night sky, she sat down, tucked her skirt properly & turned her attention to the sky.

The Night sky in Leafenia wasn't so different from the one she knew. It was black and grey and blue mixed together. The Earth's moon glowed with all it's majesty in a closer distance. Stars twinkled overhead while the cold wind blew gently and caressed her.

Himeno allowed her mind to wander off a bit, attempting to relax her strained muscles and her broken heart. She closed her eyes and listened to the sounds of the night, and complimented its beauty.

For the first time in 16 years of her lifetime, Himeno loved loneliness. Yet, she couldn't deny the tears that wanted to flow from her eyes.

"I don't know where I am. I don't know why I'm here. But I am sure of one thing, I am proud of my loneliness."

Himeno turned around to gaze at the lovable Sound knight standing several feet from her. Despite the darkness, she could make out the gentle smile drawn beautifully on his face.

"Hello." She smiled.

"Hello." Sasame took a few steps towards her, then stopped, and raised a slender eyebrow at her. "You wouldn't mind, would you?"

"No, really. It's a pleasure to have you here. You can sit here beside me if you like." She watched as he closed the gap between the two of them.

"I'd love that." Then he sat down to the cool grass and smelt the fresh night air.

And then there was silence. Long, and comforting silence. Until Himeno decided to speak.

"Isn't the sky beautiful?"

"Yes. It sure is."

"I think I'd like to run around Leafenia all night and really feel the sky right next to me."

"And I guess I can help you with flying." Sasame chuckled, and turned to look regard the Princess. Yet his smile ebbed swiftly when he saw that her face was far from looking happy.

"But you know what, Sasame?" Without hesitation, she lay down on the grass, and rested her head on Sasame's left thigh, with her sight still searching far & wide the mystic terrain.

"Hmm?" A little surprised at the Pretear's last move, Sasame cast his amber eyes to her face resting on his thigh.

"No matter where you're from, no matter where you're going, whenever you run, the strong wind always blows against you..."

Sasame paused, thinking carefully of the most decent way of asking her of something very personal, but gave up right away and decided to be more tactful.

"Is this about Hayate, Himeno?"

He thought of hearing her heave a deep sigh. "It's always about him. But this time"
Her hand searched the ground for his. "It's not just him."

"You can talk to me. I'm willing to listen, and help in any way I can." When their hands touched, Sasame lifted her hands and lowered his head to kiss the back of her hand.

He felt relieved of seeing her genuine smile again, but it was soft and carried a hint of sadness & despair. Still, he was happy that she can still smile. He was happy to know that she trusted him and loved him dearly.

"Can every man be like you, Sasame?"

Sasame laughed. "Then no one will love me anymore."

"Come to think of it, that doesn't sound like a good idea."

"And you wouldn't love Hayate either." Sasame laughed again, then heard her own.

"He wouldn't be the unique, cold & distant man I loved."

"You see? There's a reason for everything." Sasame ran his left hand through her fiery red hair, and touched the tip of her earlobe. "If you think a little harder, you won't learn to love if you haven't seen or felt indifference. You can't acknowledge goodness if you're not aware of evil. The world is composed of Yin & Yang in equal amounts."

"Tell my father & Hayate that."

"Why so?"

"They're all 'bad'."

"Truly? Then how did you learn to love them?"

Another long silence. But this time, it was slightly unnerving.

"Hmm... How I wonder..." The Pretear sighed to herself, closed her eyes and slept.