Title: Parody Parade

Genre: Parody/Humor

Category: Full Story

Summary: Randomly funny story about the trio. Random things appear. And if your story is something along the lines of this, and isn't a parody or humor fic, I feel bloody sorry for you mate.

Krysta's Notes: This matches to the 1st chapter. Hope you like!

Disclaimer:

List of Things In My Story That I Don't Own

Nelly's 'Over and Over'

J.Lo's 'I'm Real'

Rob Thomas' 'Lonely No More'

Gwen Stefani's 'Cool'

J.K. Rowling's 'Harry Potter'

Chapter includes:

Harry Potter trying to seduce Professor Snape.

Ron Weasley trying to figure out his sexuality.

Hermione Granger and Harry writing hate notes.

Tongue dying and make out sessions during Transfiguration.

The new edition of Play Wizard, with Harry on the front!

And of course, some more songs!

Chapter 2: Seduction and To Be Gay, or Not!

The next day was different. Harry was a bit more normal, Hermione wasn't a blonde, and Ron is now mentioned a lot. Well, a lot more than before. So... the tale begins.

Harry, of course, was skipping down the halls like he does every morning, singing songs and dancing weird dances.

"Cause its all in my head. I think about it over and over again. And I can't keep picturing you with him. And it hurts so bad, yeah!" Harry sang, waltzing through the dungeons. Then it hit him. He had a Potions Exam today!

"Damn, I don't know shit about Potions!" He thunked...

"Who can help me...Hermione's busy...Professor Snape, of course!" So, Harry walked towards the Professor's office, a horrible idea in his head. He was going to seduce Professor Snape.

Opening the door to the dungeons, the Slytherins looked at him weirdly as he pranced through the dark corridors, humming a Christmas song to himself. Knocking on the door to Professor Snape's office, he waited patiently for it to open. Snape opened his door al the way, and when he saw Harry smiling, he slammed it shut. Harry knocked again.

"What do you want Potter?"

"To talk about the exam." He let him walk in as the professor sat, glaring at him.

Harry stood on the desk and rip his robes off, revealing some shiny tight spandex pants and a pink muscle shirt.

"I met so many men, it's like they're all the same!"("I bet you did, Potter")

"My appetite for lovin', is now my hunger pain!" ("Pain? Where?")

"And when I'm feeling sexy,(!choke!) who's gonna comfort me?"("Certainly not me, Potter, I hope you get your superficial self off my brand new stone desk!")

"My only problem is,(!laugh! "You have more than one problem, Potter, get the fuck off my desk!) their insecurity!" Then he skips a whole other part of the song, but straddles the Potions Master, who has a look of sickness and horror on his face.

"Now people lovin' me and hatin' me,("I hate you, Potter!") treatin' me ungratefully. But not knowin' that they ain't makin' me or breakin' me.("I wish I could snap you in half, Potter.")

"My life, I live it to the limit("Which would be NOW!") and I love it! Now I can breathe again, baby, now I can breathe again!"("Who was choking you, Potter? I should get them to come back and do that again, maybe you'll die.")

With a wink, Harry("Finally!") left. Professor Snape took out an exam and wrote Harry's name on it. Unlocking the super secret drawer that hadn't been opened for a billion gazillion years, he took out a stamp and stamp his paper with a big fat...

"T! I got a T! After all that I did for you, Severus!" Harry said, collapsing in front of the desk.

"You're right, Potter. 200 points from Gryffindor for nightmarishly conduct and bribery of a teacher. And minus 10 points because you left your robes in my office." He cringed.

Harry was mad. As he walked into the Common Room, he saw Ron on the couch.(1)

Ron looked up.

"Harry, what do you think my sexuality for this week should be?"

"I dunno Ron, maybe you should be gay or something." Ron thought.

"Okay! I'll be gay!" He rushed up to the dormitory and ripped through all of his clothes.

"Oh man, I don't have any gay clothing... I was born a straight dude..." Ron sighed, propping his hands on his knees.

"What am I to do?" Suddenly, an angel came down from heaven, and he looked like Orlando Bloom.(2) The song that the choirs was singing was floating through the air as the angel touched the ground.

"I don't wanna be lonely no more! I don't wanna have to pay for this! I don't want to know the lover at my door! Is just another heartache on my list!" The choir became quiet.

"Ronald Weasley, you seem to have a request to change your sexuality. So, I tell you, just go for it! If it's truly what you want, you'll achieve it!" And the Orly Bloom look-a-like angel floated back up into heaven.

Ron thought about it. And he had the perfect plan.

-An Hour Later-

Draco Malfoy is on the front page of the Daily Prophet with a horrible story.

Local Wizard Spots a Traumatic Thing

Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry is the best school in England. The witches and wizards there are overwhelmingly smart. One student, namely a student of Slytherin House, has been hospitalized and put in the mental ward. We'll let him account the story.

"It was horrible." Draco Malfoy moaned, his blonde hair fisted in his hands.


"I was just walking through the halls, helping the innocent first years, when I saw him. That stupid spawn of a poor bitch Weasley."

-Flashback-

Draco glared at another first year. He ran off screaming and Draco cackled like a evil old witch with a wart on her nose. He was about to glare at a passing fourth year Ravenclaw, when Ron Weasley came skipping around the corner.

-Interupption-

"I was like, Weasley, did you forgot something? And he shook his head. I told him to look down, and.. oh! I can't recount the horrifying tale."

-Flashback-

"Weasley! What the hell are you doing with no pants on, goddamnit!" Ron smiled.

"I'm gay!" And he skipped over to Draco and kissed him, right on the lips.


"Weasley, what the--" He was cut off when he noticed a part, or a tiny microscopic piece, of Ron's anatomy.


"What the fuck!" And Draco passed out.

-End Flashback-

"Draco Malfoy has been admitted to the St. Mungo's Ward for Mentally Confused. He is still in touch with his therapist."

Hermione laughed. Ron couldn't have done anything stupider. Well, besides stick his knife in a muggle toaster; Hermione still laughed about that at night.

Harry looked at the paper.

"Gods, Ron's wiener is fucking mini minuscule microscopic." Harry exclaimed. Hermione grabbed some parchment and a quill and began to write a giant hate note.

Dear Ron,

You are the most fucking retarded being of the existence of the whole world. Who decides to be gay and go around school naked? And kiss Draco Malfoy?((Even though he's the sexiest person in school so far...)) Well, you still suck major balls, whether you're gay or not. And next time, be a tranvestite.

I Can't Stand You,

Hermione.

"How's that, Harry?" She said, showing it to him.

"Not mean enough. How about this?"

Dear Ron,

You suck ass. You're gay, but you still need a life and some money. Maybe with the money, you can buy yourself a bigger dick, cause I don't even think that the term 'wiener' suits that poor excuse of human body. I think you should be a lesbian, even though your a guy. Become a girl. A transvestite. Then, be a lesbian. Maybe you'll feel better.

Your Dumb,
Harry.

"I like it. But, let's put some more of my quote in there."

Dear Ron,

You are the most fucking retarded being of the existence of the whole world. You suck ass. Who decides to be gay and go around school naked? And kiss Draco Malfoy? You're gay, but you still need a life and some money. Maybe with the money, you can buy yourself a bigger dick, cause I don't even think that the term 'wiener' suits that poor excuse of human body. Well, you still suck major balls, whether you're gay or not. I think you should be a lesbian, even though your a guy. Become a girl. A transvestite. Then, be a lesbian. Maybe you'll feel better.

Neither of Us Likes You,

Harry and Hermione.

"It warms my heart to see such a hateful letter.." Harry said, wiping a fake tear from his eye. They sent it off.

"Let's write another one!" Hermione said, pulling out some more materials.

The hate letters consisted of the following:

McGonagall- You should be the leader of the sissy-ass-wuss house(Hufflepuff)(3), and not Gryffindor, cause maybe you'd get some ass from those students.

Snape- Your nose is fat. And you suck for giving me a T. And you know you want to keep Harry's robes, and you still have my t-shirt in that locked up drawer. I want it back! And my ketchup!

Dumbledore- I can't really write you a hate letter, cause you let us drink alcohol, and you haven't suspended us for jumping around the school playing poker all the time. You rock!

They had Transfiguration, where we had to transfigure a blue pillow to a green one. Everyone instead, prompted by Neville's mistake of making his tongue blue, turned their tongues colored. Hermione turned her tongue yellow, and then made out with Harry, who's tongue was blue, turning her's green.

"Awesome!" Dean exclaimed.

"Harry's on the cover of Play Wizard!" Seamus said. Harry and Hermione ran over. Of course, there was Harry in Molly's bra and the furry thong. Harry blushed.

"Colin took your picture and sent it in. He didn't think it would make a page at all, not even a half of one!" Dean said, surprised.

"I know, I'm special." Everyone chanted speech!

"I'll tell my speech, in a song!" Everyone clapped, as the light's dimmed, and Harry had a new getup. It was a black t-shirt and blue jeans, with sparkles in his hair.

"It's hard to remember how it felt before. Now I found the love of my life. Passes things get more comfortable. Everything is going right." Everyone was watching him intently.

"And after all the obstacles. It's good to see you now with someone else. And it's such a miracle that you and me are still good friends. After all that we've been through, I know we're cool." McGonagall left the classroom as Harry jumped on her desk.

"We used to think it was impossible. Now you call me by my new last name. Memories seem like so long ago. Time always kills the pain. Remember Harbor Boulevard. The dreaming days where the mess was made. Look how all the kids have grown. We have changed but we're still th--" He was cut off as Hermione took of her stiletto and threw it at Harry.

"Party!" She yelled, as she pulled out a boom box playing Rob Thomas' Lonely No More.

I don't wanna be lonely no more
I don't wanna have to pay for this
I don't want to know the lover at my door
Is just another heartache on my list

I don't wanna be lonely no more

I don't wanna have to pay for this

I don't want to know the lover at my door

Is just another heartache on my list

I don't wanna be lonely no more...

The song faded out as everyone passed out from alcohol poisoning.

Thanks to, imfeelingthis182, demented sock monkey, Signature F, Minako Sohma, MionePotter17(x2).

Now, for the explanations.

(1) I hate Ron, so prepare for some Ron-bashing! Terrible bashing...

(2) I have nothing against Orlando Bloom, I like him! I just thought he deserved to be an angel.

(3) I have no harborage against Hufflepuff House, I apologize to anyone offended.

Read and Review! Next Chapter: Continuation of Hansel PotSmoker and the Chamber of Victoria's Secrets.

Love,

XxCrystallinExX

xAnDx

XxCookiExX