Pansy Problems
"But Draco..."
"No. She's a professional and one of my oldest friends. She volunteered to do this for us at a very reasonable price and has even said I can help her. She's going to do it."
"But..."
"No! I know you would quite possibly rather be trampled by a herd of...of wild hinkypunks than employ Pansy Parkinson, but I like her. I like the weddings she decorates. You don't have a choice."
"I accept that, but..."
"There is nothing you can say to change my mind, so there isn't a point in arguing."
"Don't hinkypunks live in water?"
"Shut it."
"Draco, I understand that you like Pansy and blah blah blah..."
"Your memory is appalling."
"That's not the point. The point is, I don't trust the pug-faced twat around you. At all. I know you two had a...a thing at Hogwarts and the fact she volunteered to decorate our wedding is a bit unnerving."
"A thing? We didn't have a thing."
"Did so! You were always together and you were constantly feeling her up."
"For your information, I was her fashion consultant. Her taste in clothes was rather lacking."
"We wore uniforms, Draco."
"Yes, well spotted. Okay, so maybe we did have a bit of a thing. If it makes you feel any better the first time I saw her naked I nearly threw up. After that, I found it a fair assumption that I was gay."
"You saw her naked?"
"It was a very, very long time ago. If it was bad then, how to you reckon I'd react now? She's had two children and gained and lost that equivalent in weight. She's all...saggy."
"And how do you know that? Seen for yourself, have you? Send you nakes pictures of herself, has she?"
"No! She told me."
"Of course she did, she tells you everything. Just like you tell me NOTHING!"
"Harry..."
"Nope."
"Harry, I promise I won't let her harass me. I've been with you for nearly seventeen bloody years. Saggy old Pansy Parkinson is not going to steal me away from you."
"She can't have you. I'll hex her so bloody hard her head will fall off. "
"Of course she can't. I've got my own happy family, I don't need hers."
"Plus, I nhghtly doubt Flint would approve of his wife's sordid love affair with a gay man. He's pretty accepting, but I think that would push him over the edge."
"Probably. So...it's alright with you if she decorates our wedding?"
"I suppose. What theme does she have in mind?"
"You know..."
"Wait..."
"I was thinking..."
"Draco..."
"That since you vetoed it for your birthday..."
"Draco, no..."
"Rainbow and pink?"
"Absolutely not."
"Oh, you know you love me."
"You. Not the utter gayness that radiates from you."
"If it weren't for the utter gayness, Potter, we wouldn't be having this conversation."
"Yes we would, you would have just had a lesser array of vocabulary and a lacking fashion sense."
"Potter! You offend!"
"And you know you love me."
End