Pants Problems

"I am not wearing those. They're ridiculous. And possibly cursed. They look like they're breathing."

"They aren't breathing, and they aren't that bad. I think they're rather sexy, myself."

"What in Merlin's name do you find sexy about them? There's a bit of suspicious-looking fabric held together by a flimsy string and a few well-placed spells, I assume. There's absolutely nothing there."

"That's the point, Draco."

"But...Don't you think my regular pants are sexy? They're silk. And I'm one-hundred percent sure that they aren't deadly. This is...is this silk?"

"Yes, just...less. I like the silk, I like the feeling of your hard cock under the fabric."

"Harry...Using dirty language isn't going to persuade me into putting on underwear that looks like the lacings of a shoe."

"It's our honeymoon.You like dressing up, why won't you just humour me?"

"That's the problem. You're going to find humour in this, aren't you?"

"Draco, you can be completely naked wearing a waistcoat make out of bogeys and you'd still be sexy. Underwear isn't going to change how I feel about you."

"Bogeys? Seriously?"

"It was the first thing that popped into my head."

"And where, may I ask, has your head been, Harry?"

"I just thought the pants would be fun, is all."

"I can see how this is fun for you, you're dressing me in horrible silky pants and planning to laugh at me. Possibly point and jeer."

"I'm not going to laugh at you. I may very well do other things to you, but I most assuredly won't laugh."

"This doesn't seem very fair. I've got to wear thePants of Perpetual Torture while you just ogle. Why can't you dress up too?"

"I can, if you want me to."

"I do. I've actually got an outfit..."

"Should I be scared?"

"Probably."

"What have I got myself into?"

"What's your name, young lady?"

"This is weird, Draco."

"You don't know my name, bitch."

"Weird."

"You promised to play along, lover. I'm wearing these pants, they aren't that bad, by the way, and you promised to cooperate. Now, cooperate, damn you."

"Really Draco, a skirt? I didn't know you still had a fascination with women. Especially women who wear this..."

"I don't. I have a fascination with you in a skirt. There is a very big difference."

"You really like me in a skirt? That's still a tad suspicious..."

"You've got the legs for a skirt, love. Now, can we have sex now?"

"I don't know. Can I enjoy your pants for a while? Holding them in your hand is one thing, but sliding my hand over the fabric when it's stretched over your arse...that's much more desirable."

"About as desirable as cupping your bare arse under that little skirt you're wearing. Come here, Harry."

"Oh, but sir, I don't even know your name. I'm just an innocent young virgin who seems to have forgotten her underwear today. How curious and exceedingly handy. Oh what shall I do?"

"You're right, it is creepy."

"Told you. Can we have sex now?"

"Yes, I love you and let's just have sex now."

"Good idea."

"You can take off the skirt."

"Oh thank Merlin. You can take off the pants if you want."

"I think I'd rather them on, thanks."

"You pervy bastard."

"You know it."

End

The next chapter is the last one...sniffs