Title: Cabin Fever
Author: MindyH
Chapter: 12 Lucky
See chapter one for details.
It's the last few days of our vacation and I'm starting feel sad already that our time up here is coming to an end. Today we packed up the car and headed further up into the mountains. There's a particular fishing spot that Gibbs wants to visit tomorrow. For tonight though, we have set up camp by a shimmering lagoon and are lying under a sky full of stars.
It took us three hours of dusty roads and a further half an hour hike to get here. But it was worth it. It's a beautiful spot, and we wasted no time in ripping off our clothes and wading into the sparkling water to cool down. There is a small waterfall over the opposite side of the water – more like a high rock with a gentle trickle than a downpour. We took turns climbing up and diving off into the deep water below. We swam and floated and held each other in the lapping, enveloping water.
We're almost dry now. Gibbs has built a fire and made us some campfire fare – something he is very good at, unsurprisingly. The sun set about an hour ago and I forget, being out of the city, how dark night can get. And how still. Insects skate across the surface of the water, and the birds rustle in their beds. The wind has stilled, and we lie sprawled, side by side, on a big rug, in comfortable silence.
I am quite capable of being quiet and there's no one I'd rather be quiet with than Gibbs, but a question has been developing in mind recently and I know I need to ask it soon. I'm trying vainly to summon up the guts to break the silence and broach the subject. This is the time and place for us to be discussing these things, but I guess I'm just afraid of his response.
"What?" Gibbs asks, hearing my unvoiced worry.
I bite my lip and turn my head to look at him. "Why don't you have children, Gibbs?" I ask tentatively, after a long pause.
He told me that Gillian, his first wife, miscarried twice during their marriage; it was one of the problems that drove them apart and lead to their separation. Shortly after their eventual divorce, she adopted a young teenager called Holly, who despite the acrimonious split, Gibbs had a special fondness for, faithfully taking on the role of the girls' surrogate father.
But when a dangerous case he was working on put both Gillian and Holly quite literally in the firing line, he felt he had no choice but to pull away. Something the young girl never understood he did only out of care and concern.
He also told me that Diane, his second wife, was not very interested in sex. Personally I find this utterly unconscionable, having had the pleasure of knowing her ex-husband, but explains the lack of off-spring from that union.
That still leaves one wife unaccounted for though and it seems so odd that a man of his age and appeal has never procreated. I have wondered whether family life is something he foresaw for himself but that didn't eventuate; or something he simply doesn't think about. I desperately don't want him to tell me that he doesn't want children and never has.
I have observed him with kids through our work and he certainly doesn't seem adverse to them. In fact, he is great with kids and seems to have a real soft spot for them.
I'm convinced he'd make a wonderful dad and I can't think of anything more perfect than being able to come up here in a few years with our little Gibbs-ites and let them loose to run about the lake and woods.
It feels a little soon to be talking about it but as much as I fear being heartbroken by his response, it would be far worse to be heartbroken years from now when I am more deeply in love with him than ever and truly ready to start a family.
I watch his face as he struggles to find an answer for me, then I turn on my side and speak more directly: "I really want children, you know."
He turns and looks at me, an inscrutable expression on his face.
I avert my eyes, unnerved by the patented Gibbs stare, and fluster unfunnyily: "I mean, not right now, not this very second…"
He smiles slightly, looks down and answers: "I know."
I nod -- I knew he knew; he understood that I wanted a family before we got together. Only now it's a reality we need to honestly address as a couple. I wait for him to say something more, to tell me what his thoughts are on the topic. His face remains unreadable, his eyes impenetrable.
"How do you feel about that?" I prompt a little impatiently.
I'm asking about our future and what it's going to look like. I watch his face as he considers my question, eyes turned towards the stars and jaw clenching repetitively.
Finally, he replies quietly: "Lucky."
I smile in relief and turn his face so he meets my eyes. I give him a little kiss on the lips then lay my head next to his on the pillow that we are sharing. I sigh as I slip my hand into his and he throws a blanket over the two of us.
Gibbs is still gazing at the stars when I close my eyes and I drift off to sleep.