Author's Disclaimer: First of all I'd like to state that this story contains jokes that pretty much make fun of certain imperfections in the Sonic characters. This is not to be confused with bashing Sonic for I am a long time (old school to be exact) Sonic fan and I have grown to love the characters in the Sonic continuity very much. So much that I felt compelled to write a story that pokes fun at their personalities and behaviors and just be silly. In other words, this is satire. So don't flame me or say that I don't know what I'm talking about and that I'm stupid because I have played all the games and watched every Sonic cartoon, including Sonic X, and have thus formed my own opinion on the Sonic characters and their personalities. There, just had to get that out of the way.


All characters are © to Sega.

KiraKira, Diamond Insanity
By: Iris Sweetheart

Chapter 1: The Situation
"Just look at them. So shiny and pretty. Makes you feel all gooey inside, huh Tails?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Why these!"

In the dazzling sunlight, Sonic held up a tiny sparkling object in between his index finger and thumb. A spectrum of colors shone through the object and onto Sonic's face as he stared at it in awe.

"Such wonder… such beauty…" the blue hedgehog said caught in a spell.

As he continued his awe inspired stare at the tiny object, a less than enthusiastic Tails sat next to him bored and generally uninterested.

"You know, you're letting those things get to your head." the fox pointed out bluntly.

"So what?" Sonic asked.

"IT'S JUST CANDY! ORDINARY ROCK CANDY!" Tails smacked a hand against his face. "Geez, this is just going to be like last time…"

Sonic immediately came out of his "spell" placing the candy back in the tiny brown bag in his lap. He didn't like to be mean towards his little buddy but he had to respond to the boy's comment.

"Hey, this is not going to be like last time." he defended himself. "This time we know these things aren't diamonds so nothing crazy is going to happen."

"Pfft… easy for you to say…"

Sonic stood up with the bag tightly in his grip. Tails' moody behavior was questionable and, quite frankly, out of character as far as Sonic knew.

"Tails, what's gotten into you? How could you possibly act so moody and out of character over something so… so… delicate?"

The young fox let out a short growl and shot up snatching the bag from Sonic. In an instant he took out a rock candy and tossed it into his mouth just to get his point across once more.

"CANDY! C-A-N-D-Y! You have to eat it sooner or later, that's why it exists." He chewed apart the small piece. "And on top of that, you've been sitting here looking at those things for an hour! Pfft… and you say I'm out of character."

"Yeah, you're right." Sonic agreed going back to his old self. "Let's get out of here."

Together the two zoomed off through the afternoon fields not knowing where they would go… at least until an explosion nearly blew Sonic off his feet. Among the vastness of the olive knolls and multicolored flowers, a tiny blue hedgehog soared above it all, his tiny brown bag of rock candy in hand. The hero face planted the ground hundreds of feet from the explosion and amazingly still had a strong grasp on his precious candy. Rushing to his aide, though a few seconds too late, Tails landed nearby and checked on Sonic.

"Hey, are you ok?" the fox asked. "You flew through the air like some awesome missile!"

Suddenly Sonic shot up, spitting out a mouth full of grass and dirt.

"What the hell was that!" he demanded.

Tails gazed off where the explosion had occurred. Smoke was still rising from the crater that was left behind.

"I don't know. I didn't see anything fall out of the sky." he turned to his friend. "Maybe a land mine."

Hardly believable in Sonic's mind. He stood up dusting himself off but still kept a firm grip on his rock candy. The young fox noticed the strange obsession with the tiny bag.

"Right, land mines. Who in their right mind would put a stupid land mine in the middle of nowhere…" A sudden realization hit him and his ears perked up. "…Unless they were expecting us to come this way."

His two-tailed companion tried to ask about his thoughts but Sonic was already long gone, heading back towards the scene of the incident. The blue blaze came to a screeching halt just outside the perimeter of the large crater and was down on his hands and knees trying to see if there was anything at the bottom. Tails arrived just seconds later.

"What's up? Did you find something?" he asked.

"Maybe." Before Tails could respond, Sonic hopped into the crater and slid to the bottom.

The thick black smoke seemed to be resonating from one small area at the bottom. As Sonic neared the source, he could make out a small hole and stopped a few feet from it.

"What the hell…?" he murmured bending over to get a closer look.

So it was a land mine… well probably. But whatever exploded was definitely buried underground… or did it come from above? Anyways, Sonic knew what was going on so--

"H-hey!" He felt something moving under his feet.

The ground beneath the hedgehog moved violently until a large red rock, smooth and round, unearthed itself. Sonic hopped off caught by surprise and watched as the red object emerged from the ground, then followed by two eyes, and a tanned muzzle.

"Knuckles?" Sonic asked. "What are you doing?"

The red echidna struggled to dig his arms out and finally came to a rest with a long exhale.

"Whew! Not the best idea I've had all day…" he said nearly out of breath.

"What's that suppose to mean?" Sonic inquired crossing him arms with a smirk.

"Well you see-- hey! What the…?"

Something was crushing Knuckles as it tried to unearth itself as well from underneath him. The echidna struggled in protest shouting over and over to just wait for him but whatever it was wanted out now. The dirt next to the helpless guardian exploded and out popped a silky white head with a large pair of ears attached to it.

"Rouge!" Sonic shouted.

Right between the bat and Knuckle popped out another familiar face. A black and red hedgehog with glaring red eyes surfaced for a breath of fresh air.

"Shadow!"

Left speechless, Sonic wasn't sure what to make of the situation. Luckily for him Tails arrived at that moment and filled in the silence.

"Knuckles! Rouge! …Shadow? Why are you guys in a hole?" the boy asked curiously.

Knuckles adjusted himself volunteering to answer on behalf of the others.

"Well you see--"

"THERE THEY ARE!" Rouge smashed the echidna's face into the dirt as she pointed out Sonic's candy bag. "THE DIAMONDS MUST BE IN THERE!"

"Let's move!" Shadow added.

Together the two exploded from the ground leaping out towards Sonic. Their eyes overflowing with madness and hunger. Their mouths drooling of excess saliva like wild animals. Tails immediately grabbed onto his friend shaking in fear.

"S-Sonic?" the fox asked.

"I know Tails…" is all the blue hedgehog could say.