Jack wondered what on earth he did in this life to deserve where he was at right now. He was only in a tent, laying on the hard ground, but it was with Ennis. Ennis, the man that he loved more than anything in this world, the reason why Jack breathed in and out every day.
Jack promised he would make this all worth it for Ennis. I'm nothing. I'm nowhere. I can't stand this anymore, Jack. Jack could not get those desperate, sorrowful words that came pouring out of Ennis' heart yesterday, out of his head. Jack felt a dull ache all through his body, wanting to fix the past 20 years of Ennis' lonely life.
Jack brought his hand to Ennis' face as he continued to sleep, and whispered "Ennis, you're not nothin'. You're the only person I ever loved. And you're not nowhere, you're with me now"
-
When Ennis awoke, he could smell the breakfast Jack was cooking over the fire. He dragged himself up and out of the tent, and stumbled over to the fire, not quite awake yet.
"Mornin' Cowboy! I was wonderin' when you was gonna get up!" Jack's face lit up, just as it always did when he saw Ennis. Ennis let out a big yawn as he streched and put his cowboy hat on.
"What'ch ya got goin' on there?" Ennis said as he sat down on the log next to Jack, wrapping an arm around his waist and kissing him on the cheek.
"Just fryin' up the last of the bacon. Last of the food for that matter. Here, have some coffee," Jack said as he poured the last of it into a mug for Ennis. Ennis gladly took the hot mug and took a drink, hoping it would wake him up. Jack split the food between the two of them, and they both chowed down.
When they were done, Jack took Ennis' plate "S'pose we should start packin' up." Jack started to clean things up, packing them away, again. Ennis sat quietly on the log, watching Jack pack. Ennis had a million thoughts going through his head. He knew there was a lot to talk about, and figured this was a better place than anywhere to start talking.
"Jack..." Ennis said, getting Jack's attention. "Jack, we gotta lot to talk about 'fore we leave here today." Jack stopped what he was doing, and looked over to where Ennis was sitting. He could tell Ennis had a lot going on in that head of his. Jack walked back over by the fire, straddling his legs over the log, one leg on each side, facing Ennis.
"Ok" Jack said, letting Ennis start the conversation.
"I's just wonderin'. What're we gonna do now? I mean where we gonna live? What about you and Lureen? And Bobby? What about my girls? What're we gonna tell our families? Where we gonna work? What're we gonna do for money?" the reality of things were starting to set in on Ennis. In a matter of seconds he went from quiet and calm to frantic and worried.
"Whoa, there, Cowboy" said Jack, placing his hand on Ennis' leg trying to calm him. "Ever'thing's gonna be alright. We'll figure this out. I promise."
"Jack, ther's just so much to figure out. I don't wanna be far from my girls and you probably don't wanna be far from Bobby. How's this gonna all work out?"
"Well, I been thinkin about this too." Jack's face lowered as he thought about Bobby. He somehow knew they wouldn't be ending up down in Texas. "I's thinkin' maybe we'd stay up here in Wyomin' somewhere. I got nothin' in Texas, but Bobby. And he's gonna be headin' off to college next year. Takin' some business classes, followin' in his mama's footsteps."
"Are ya sure that's what you want, Jack?" Ennis sounded almost relieved, knowing he wouldn't be too far away from Junior and Francine. At least not as far away as Texas. "I'm not sure about us livin' in Riverton, though. It'd be hard on the girls, at first, seein' me an' you together every day. And I'd just soon not be in the same town as Alma once she hears a'this." Ennis was starting to panic again.
"I's thinkin maybe we could settle up north a bit, in Lightning Flats. Build us a little place on my daddy's ranch, whip it into shape. There's a lot a work to be done, but we could do it, Ennis, you and I. Yeah, it'd be hard as hell for a few years, but once we had that ranch up an runnin', it'd be a good life, Ennis. There's some money to be made. I seen Lureen take her daddy's business and triple it. I know how to run a business, Ennis, an' you workin' all these years from ranch to ranch..." Jack paused for a minute trying to read Ennis, trying to see what he thought of this idea.
This idea. This idea that Jack had run over and over again in his head. Him. Ennis. Building a life together. Jack had been telling his dad for years that he and Ennis Del Mar were going to come up there someday. They were going to get the ranch up and running again, just like it used to be, but even better. His dad would snicker at him of course, and mumble something about Jack's ridiculous ideas, his eyes trying to break him down to nothing.
But Jack never gave up hope, despite what his dad said. And here he was, looking at Ennis as the wheels turned in his head. "Well...it sounds awfully good, but Jack, you and I just gonna go take over the place like that? Do your parents even know about..." Ennis trailed off. He didn't know what he was thinking anymore.
Jack looked down. "They know what I am, Ennis. They never ask me nothin' about it. My mama don't care who I am, long as I'm happy. My dad...he an' I just never been right. But I know it kills 'em to see that place the way it is. I even told him we was gonna come live up there an take care of things after you called me about your divorce..."
Ennis looked down, ashamed, remembering the crushed look on Jack's face as he drove away that day. Jack drove 14 hours for him, and he just let him go. All that driving, all that for nothing. "Jack...I'm sorry."
Jack cut Ennis off before he could go any further "Ennis, that's the past. As far as I'm concerned, I ain't never lookin' back. All I care about is that we're together now." Jack took Ennis' hand in his, squeezing lightly. He scooted in closer to Ennis, gently bringing his face close to his and kissed him lightly on the lips.
Ennis drew back from Jack's lips. There was a twinkle in Ennis' eye that Jack had never seen before. Come to think of it, Jack had never seen Ennis look so alive. The corners of Ennis' mouth turned up into a smile, taking Jack's breath away.
"Jack, let's do it!"
"Really!" Jack couldn't believe it.
"Yes, really," Ennis said as he took Jack in his arms, holding him tightly. Jack burrowed into Ennis' neck as he held him. If Ennis weren't holding onto him as tightly as he was, Jack would have floated up to the heavens, he was so happy, so high.
"I love you, Ennis" whispered Jack, bringing the smile back to Ennis' face as he drew Jack into an even stronger embrace.
As Ennis held Jack, his eyes were closed, savoring this quiet moment. He whispered into Jack's ear, "Right back at ya, bud."