A WORLD WITHOUT HER

Summary: Two years after defeating Voldemort, Harry (Harriet) Potter can't stop thinking about Snape. She decides to go back to 1991, in another world, where she doesn't exist but in her place a boy named Jamie Potter was born, a world where Sirius was never sent to Azkaban and where the Potter child grew up with him. She plans on defeating Voldemort much sooner than she did the first time, so to save as many people as possible. And perhaps, along the way, gain at least Snape's respect, if she can't gain his love as she might wish to.

Pairing: FemHarry/Severus.

This story is also an alternate version of my other stories: 'A Jump Through Time and Space' and 'Changing History', hence why most of this chapter is basically the prologues of these two stories mashed together.

Warning, this story will probably have underage sex (17 years old) - though it's technically the age of majority in the Wizarding World so does it really count as underage? Also, FemHarry might look 17 physically but mentally she's 20 years old.

By the way, I imagine FemHarry in this story to look like Danielle Rose Russell (aka Hope Mikaelson in Legacies), but with emerald green eyes.

One last thing, I'm very aware of the fact that, since Snape swore an Unbreakable Vow to protect Lily's son, if that son were to die, that would probably cause Snape's death as well - but I'm ignoring it here. I'm going with the loophole that Snape swore to protect Jamie from Voldemort and since Jaime's death was not caused by Voldemort in this case, the Unbreakable Vow wasn't broken so Snape is safe from it.

Hope you like it. Tell me what you think!

Prologue

Grimmauld Place – 2nd May 2000

Harry knew that what she was about to do was possibly the craziest, most foolish thing she had ever done and if Snape was there, he would tell her exactly that but that was the point, wasn't it? He wasn't. Snape was dead like countless others. She wasn't naive enough to think that she could save everybody but she hoped, by doing this, a lot of people's lives would be spared. If everything went to plan, she would have more time, at the very least, to do what needed to be done.

And yet, that wasn't the main reason why she was doing this.

She was doing this for Severus Snape. Maybe she was feeling guilty for what happened to him, because she wasn't able to save him, because she didn't realize until it was too late that Snape had been on their - her - side all along. Maybe she didn't find it fair that, after everything that Snape had been through, after everything he sacrificed, all he received in return was a painful, pointless death.

Or maybe because, in hindsight, she should have realized that her obsession with the Half-Blood Prince wasn't exactly normal. She didn't know what she felt for him, but she knew she felt something. Perhaps she hadn't been physically attracted to him – or she had never bothered to think about it before because there were so many other feelings taking precedence (hatred and disdain most of all), that she hadn't realized what she was feeling until it was too late. But she knew she had been attracted to his mind.

Snape had been so smart, going as far as inventing his own spells and improving the potions' recipes in his sixth year, maybe even before that. Before finding out about the Half-Blood Prince book, she had thought Hermione was the smartest person she knew, but Snape was on another level entirely. And he was so brave. He was without doubt the bravest man she had ever known.

Of course, by going back to the past, she didn't actually expect for anything romantic to happen between them. Snape had been in love with her mother after all. And Harry wasn't even actually sure if what she was feeling was actually romantic in nature or simply respect and admiration. But whatever it was, it had become an obsession.

It had started small. She would spend hours re-watching the memories Snape left her. But once she returned to Hogwarts for her eighth year, so that she could take her NEWTS, she noticed the changes in herself. The sudden drive to learn, to know everything. She started to study obsessively, much more than Hermione, brewing and then taking Wit-Sharpening Potions, Memory Potions and Wideye Potions to improve her memory and her concentration and to stay awake for days just so she could continue studying. Potions, Defense and the Dark Arts most of all, but not only that – Charms, Transfiguration and Herbology as well (the last one because it went hand in hand with Potions).

She decided that she wanted to create her own spells, but to do that, she needed to know Arithmancy and Ancient Runes (nobody had ever told her that before, though she had never bothered to ask either), so she started to study them as well. She took her OWLs on these two subjects during the winter holidays so that she could take all her NEWTs together. And she got Os in all subjects this time. Applying herself in her studies had certainly made a huge difference, but it was more than that. After the horcrux inside her had been destroyed, her magic – perhaps no longer bound by the need to restrain the influence of the piece of Voldemort's soul over her own – had increased tenfold. Executing spells now felt as easy as breathing.

After leaving Hogwarts, she basically locked herself up in Grimmauld Place, avoiding all contacts with her friends, just dedicating days and nights to research – creating her own spells and potions, just so she could feel somewhat closer to him.

Today was the second anniversary of his death. It felt appropriate that, if she meant to do this, that she would do it today. Perhaps if he knew that she didn't really mean to go back in time, but more like jump into another world, – just 9 years earlier than her present time, – not risking to destroy the very fabric of time by changing her own timeline, he would forgive her – but most probably not. He would call her arrogant and self-centered and foolish and perhaps he would be right. But it didn't matter. She was determined.

She had found a world almost completely identical to her own that really seemed perfect for what she had in mind. The only difference was her, or rather, the person in her place. It seemed in this world there was no girl-who-lived, but there was a boy-who-lived instead, Jamie Potter. In this world Sirius would be granted a trial and found innocent while Pettigrew would eventually be captured and sent to Azkaban. That meant that the Potter child would grow up with his godfather instead of the Dursleys.

She intended on appearing in 1991, ready to start her fourth year at Hogwarts once again (the spell would de-age her until she would look 15 again and make it so that everyone would think she had been attending Hogwarts for three years already), so she would be old enough to participate in the Triwizard tournament in the 1994-1995 school year (she hoped that would save Cedric from having to compete and then die by Voldemort's hand), and be old enough to join the Order of the Phoenix the year after that.

She had wanted to choose 1981 at first, but she knew the temptation to try and save her parents would have been too strong so she had decided not to, in the end. Who knew what would happen by messing up that night? It was too dangerous. As painful as it was, Halloween night of 1981 needed to go exactly as it had in her own world, because that night Voldemort would fall and he would only manage to return 14 years later. She couldn't take that decade of peace away from the Wizarding World, even if the price was the death of her parents.

So 1991 it was. It made sense after all. Her first year at Hogwarts was also the year Voldemort had tried to steal the Philosopher Stone to regain a body. She had to be there to stop him or, at the very least, help Jamie Potter stop him. And, really, four years would still give her enough time to plan and prepare. She would do things differently this time. She would destroy the Horcruxes. She would find a way to save Snape, Sirius, Dumbledore, Remus, Tonks, Fred. Everyone really.

There was a forbidden ritual that would help her establish her place in this new world, creating a history and an identity for her where there would have been none otherwise. It wasn't difficult either, she only needed to write on a piece of paper her new name, date of birth, family and blood status (plus any other additional information) and bring it with her once she would cross the portal. Of course, both paper and pen would be spelled beforehand and the paper would disappear once she was in the new world. The really complicated thing was finding a background history for her that would be believable and that would allow her to keep her bloodline, her (abusive) muggle upbringing, her half-blood status, the fact that she was an orphan, and explain her parseltongue ability.

Fortunately, the solution appeared in front of her one day while observing the Black family tapestry. There was a Charlus Potter who had married Dorea Black and together they had one son. After some research and Gringott's records she had been able to find out that Charlus had been Fleamont Potter's first cousin – son of her great-grandfather Henry Potter's younger brother, Matheus – and he had been sorted into Slytherin with Dorea – something that had surprised her since she was led to believe that all Potters had been sorted into Gryffindor.

Their son Hardwin attended Hogwarts and was sorted into Ravenclaw, where he met and later married Maia Sayre (a ravenclaw student as well), a witch whose father had been a squib from the Sayre family (a distant branch of the Gaunt family) and whose mother was a muggle (technically not a muggleborn by blood but still considered as such at school).

Charlus and Dorea had died from Dragon Pox in 1977 while both Hardwin and Maia died in the summer of 1981, killed by Voldemort himself; Hardwin had been an Auror and Maia a healer and they had refused to join Voldemort when Voldemort had threatened them. It seemed Voldemort had targeted everyone even slightly connected with James and Lily Potter. James Potter's parents as well had been killed by Voldemort the same year.

By assuming the identity of Harry Potter, the orphan daughter of Hardwin and Maia Potter, she would even get to keep her own name. It was absolutely perfect.

She decided on 1976 as the year of her birth, the 31st of October as the date (it was morbidly ironic). She wasn't looking forward to the idea of being a teenager once again, but it was necessary. If everything went well, she planned to remain at Hogwarts as an apprentice to Madam Pomphrey (and perhaps Professor Snape as well, if she was lucky) once she would graduate Hogwarts in 1995. She wanted to become a healer eventually, but also an inventor of new healing potions and spells. But it would take many years of study for that to happen. What better place to spend her time studying than at Hogwarts?

She planned on attending Hogwarts again because, first, she needed access to it for obvious reasons – especially to get to the Horcrux in the Room of Requirements, but to also get rid of the Basilisk in the Chamber of Secrets; second, because she needed time to study and prepare as much as she could and there was no better place to learn what she didn't know than Hogwarts. But, most of all, she missed Hogwarts – Hogwarts was her home, after all – and she wanted to remain close to Snape.

She knew he wouldn't even notice her, or, if he did, it wouldn't be in a positive light, since her name would still be Potter – even though she wouldn't be that Potter anymore – but she didn't care.

Everything that she could carry would appear in the other world too. She would bring with her only what she absolutely needed (inside a seven-compartment trunk she had bought specifically for this): her invisibility cloak, the marauders map, all the gold she inherited from Sirius and her parents (just in case), all the books she owned (those that came from the Room of Requirements and all the books from the Black Library as well). After much internal debate, she decided on bringing her holly and phoenix feather wand with her (she fixed it after the final battle with the Elder Wand – no other wand would ever fit her as well as this did, she was sure), though she had to make sure no one would realize it was the brother wand to Voldemort (especially not Ollivander or Dumbledore).

She wrote on the spelled parchment her name (Holly Potter), her new date of birth (31st of October 1976), the name of her parents (Hardwin Potter and Maia Sayre Potter), that she was an orphan and a half-blood, that she was a fourth-year student at Hogwarts in Slytherin house (also including the school electives she had chosen: Arithmancy, Ancient Runes and Care of Magical Creatures), and her place of residence during the summer holidays (muggle orphanage in London).

The only thing left to do was for her to spell the mirror that she would use as a portal for the other world. It had been a tedious job, carving all the runes needed but after days it was finally ready.

After a rotating movement of her wand and a muttered spell the mirror in front of her started to glow, obvious sign that the ritual had worked. She shrunk her trunk, put the spelled paper in her pocket and in a single step she was walking through the mirror. Her eyes closed, she let herself fall.