Another chapter! As always, thank you Ambush99!

Chapter 5

James staggered around the corner and slumped against the wall. What had just happened?! Sirius was dead. But why was he in school? Why had he just talked to him? What? He slid down the wall, drawing his knees up to his chest. He let out a dry sob. Why was his life so fucked up? Why was it so confusing? Why had Sirius lied again? He pulled his glasses off and rubbed his eyes. Nothing made sense. Where had Sirius been for the last few weeks? He hadn't been at home. Or did Regulus lie to him? But Regulus seemed as confused as he did. Had Sirius been in a pub since he had been suspended? That didn't make sense. Sirius came from money, but he rarely had money on his person. James frequently lent him money for their Hogsmeade trips. There was no way he could afford to go drinking for a solid month. Where had he stayed? Did Sirius have another friend? Non-Hogwarts friends? If he did, Sirius had never mentioned them. He closed his eyes as another dry sob racked his body. Had Sirius even been drunk? Maybe he should talk to Sirius again. He had just been so angry and confused. He slowly stood and rounded the corner.

"Sirius?" James called out. He sighed as he found the corridor empty. "Fuck!" he exclaimed, kicking the wall. His head dropped. He didn't know where to go. He didn't want to go back to the tower yet. The common room would still be full of people and he wasn't ready to face them. He looked around for a moment, before turning on his heel and heading towards the Astronomy tower. He knew no one would be there and he could be at peace with his confused, disturb, screwed up thoughts.

Ooo

The cold, pale creatures reached up from the murky water, their dead hands trying to grab him and pull him to their darkened, lifeless abode. He backed up, trying to escape them, but they started to crawl out of the water towards him. All he had wanted was a small sip of water to ease his unrelenting thirst. His back hit the plinth in the middle of the tiny, rocky island. There was nowhere to go. There was no escape. He had been left to die here. The pale, dead bodies were crawling out of the dank waters. They were surrounding him. He tried to fight them off, but he was weak from weeks of torment and malnutrition. He reached for his wand but found nothing. The bodies were pulling him now, pulling him towards the murky waters.

"No," he screamed. "No, please help. Please anyone, please help me!"

The water was ice cold; it took his breath away. He struggled against the pale creatures, but he knew it was a losing battle. There were too many of them, they were too strong for his weakened state. He looked up sadly as his world grew slowly darker and he was pulled under the murky depths. He stopped struggling now. He knew he couldn't fight it. They had sent him here to die, and that's what he was doing. As his world grew dark, he closed his eyes and accepted his fate.

Sirius woke with a start, gasping for breath. It was dark, so very dark. Cold sweat covered his shivering body. Pulling his knees up to his chest, he pulled out the wand.

"Lumos," he whispered. He watched as the wand flickered and then nothing. Tears began to brim in his eyes. Why couldn't he perform the most basic of spells? Lumos, a spell he'd mastered with hardly a passing thought when he was eleven, he could now barely do. What had they done to him? Was he losing his magic? Was he becoming a squib?

"Lumos," he said again, almost pleading with the wand. "Please, please work. I don't like the dark," he practically sobbed. As if the wand somehow was listening to him, the tip glowed. It wasn't as bright as he was used to, but it was light, it freed him from the darkness.

With the faint glow of the wand, he slowly managed to calm himself. "Thank you," he whispered. He let his head fall onto his knees. He knew he had to leave the cupboard, but he didn't want to. He didn't want to face his friends or anyone else for that matter. His head still pounded from last night, or was it from last week? He didn't know anymore. Come on Sirius, he told himself, you've got to get up and go to school. But with each movement causing agonising pain to rip through his body, he didn't know how he'd survive the school day. Maybe if he mentally broke down the day into smaller segments, it would appear more manageable to him. Clean clothes, he thought as he nervously fingered his damp and sweat-soaked garments. He guessed he could pick some out of the lost property cupboard. Then there was food. He didn't fancy facing the Great Hall, with everyone. With their stares. With their questioning and disapproving looks. He guessed he could go to the kitchens, a place that once was full of joy and adventure, as he used to go down there with his friends, laughing and clapping each other on the backs, but now it was just a case of survival.

He closed his eyes for a moment. Why didn't he just run away? He was going to be expelled at some point, so why let them go to the trouble of expelling him? But where would he go? Did it really matter? How would he get there? He shook his head. His whole life was fucked up. But who's fault was that? It was his. Aside from his home life, he had had a great life until he had betrayed Remus. Why had he told Snape about the bloody tree? Yes, he knew, or at least suspected, that Snape knew Remus was a werewolf, but why had told the greasy haired git how to get past the tree? It had been Remus' safe place on his worst night of the month. Yeah. He had blown it. It didn't matter where he went, he would never belong anywhere. He would always be an outcast.

Sirius ran a hand over his face, trying to ignore the pain. But he couldn't. The physical and mental pain was overwhelming. Was it worth it? Did he really value his life that much? Maybe he could do everyone a favour and just end it. No one would care. After a week, everyone would back to normal. They would forget him. He doubted they would even remember him for more than a week. Maybe if he ended it all he would be doing them all a favour. But how? His magic was so unless, he doubted he could end it. What about muggle methods? Maybe he could stab himself? He could slit his wrists. Would it hurt? Tears began to stream down his face. He was so lost, so scared. He had no one to turn to. He was alone in all of this. He pulled his knees up to his chest and rested his head on them. He just wanted to be free. He just wanted to escape all of this pain. All of this fear. All of this emptiness.

Ooo

"Are you sure it was him?" Peter said, almost accusingly.

"Pete, I know what Sirius looks like!" James bit back, as he paced up and down their dorm. He had finally slipped in, gone midnight when everyone was asleep.

"And he was pissed?" Remus asked, bitterness dripping off each word.

"Yeah, I fucking told you that. He was pissed as a fart! I overheard Dumbledore and McGonagall talking. Dumbledore was under the impression he had been at the pub for the last four bloody days!" James growled, barely looking up.

"But Regulus and Bellatrix said he was dead," Peter cut in.

"Merlin knows. Probably all part of his sick plan. I guess his family were trying to save themselves from embarrassment," James replied, as he stopped pacing and ran a hand through his hair. "But-"

"But what?" Remus asked.

"It doesn't make any sense."

"What doesn't?"

"Sirius rarely has much money on him. How could he fund a month-long drinking spree?"

"But he was only four days late," Peter cut in. "I don't get it. Why is a month?"

"Regulus."

"Yeah," Peter pushed in again. "What did he say? You never did tell us."

"He said Sirius was dead before he got back."

"Wait, what?" Remus said, sounding utterly confused.

"Yeah," James managed. "See what I mean. I don't get it. I heard Dumbledore and McGonagall talking. They sounded pretty pissed off with him."

"So, they thought he was drunk?"

"Yeah. I know he sometimes fucks up, but this makes no sense, even for Sirius. Add that to what he did to you last term. I'm not sure if I want to be around him."

"What are we going to do?" Remus asked.

"I don't know about you, but I don't think I want to be associated with him again. He's bloody messed up. First, he betrays you to Snape of all people and then betrays us by making us believe he's dead. I'm bloody done with him!" James spat, his anger rising. He took a breath. Maybe he was being too harsh. Why did Sirius tell Snape about the tree? Why did Regulus think he was dead? Why had he returned back from the pub four days late for term?

Remus nodded. "Me too. Pete?"

"Why would I want to hang out with a lying, traitorous bastard?"

"What are we going to do when he's in the dorm or in lessons?"

"That," James said holding his hands up. "That I don't know, mate."

"Shall we head to breakfast?" Remus said tiredly. After James' revelation last night, none of them had slept well. He had barely slept at all. Too angry, too confused to work out what to do.

"Sure," James said, nodding. "The day of doom, double History of Magic!"

"Well, at least we can catch up on some sleep," Peter said, yawning.

James laughed. "Yeah," he said, swinging an arm around Pete's shoulders. "Yeah, we can do that. I can't wait for breakfast."

Meanwhile, Sirius sat, slightly curled up in the broom cupboard, carefully nibbling at a dry piece of toast. He didn't trust his body to stomach anything else. He closed his eyes again as his vision swam. He knew he needed more food than he was eating, but he couldn't risk throwing up what little nutrients he had left in his body. Despite the clean, dry clothes, he was still shivering. Why couldn't he get warm?

He was looking at the upcoming day with dread. But the small mercy was the double period of History of Magic, followed by Potions. Originally, he hated those lessons, but it gave him time to rest his broken, exhausted body, and in Potions he could nick some ingredients to make a painkiller. He didn't think he could get through another day if he didn't. He questioned if he'd even survive this day, but he had to. "Come on Sirius," he thought to himself, "Come on, get up. You need to do it for the Marauders, for Regulus and for Muggle-borns." The dark cloud of war was rapidly descending on them and he could shift it for a moment, just a moment, and help the people he loved. Slowly, and with great effort, he forced himself to stand. He took a moment to listen for movement outside. He couldn't be caught. If someone caught him staggering out of the cupboard, questions would be asked and then, well, it didn't even bear thinking about.

"Oh, little cousin has made an appearance."

Sirius froze halfway down the corridor. "Bella, I don't want any trouble," he replied calmly.

"Oh, but I know you do, otherwise you wouldn't have done what you did," Bellatrix said playfully, as she twirled her wand between her fingers.

"No, Bella, I just want to get to class," Sirius replied, forcing himself to stare her in the eyes. He needed to act defiant. He needed to act fearless.

"Deal with him," Bellatrix said dismissively, her head nodding towards two burly seventh years to her left.

"Bella, what are you doing?" Sirius replied, trying to sound bored, but he knew he was probably failing. What chance did he have? Ten against one. No one was going to help him. No one wanted to stand up to his deranged cousin. He tried to fight against the two burly seventh years, but to no avail. They roughly grabbed him, pinning him against the wall. When he was fully fit, he might have had a chance, but not now. "What do you want?" he hissed.

"You were given such an honourable task, but yet, I feel you feel disgusted," Bella sneered, running her wand down Sirius' cheek. "Search him," she hissed.

Sirius tried not to wince as he was slammed against a wall again and roughly searched. "What are you looking for, you freak!" he spat.

"He only has this old wand," one of the burly seventh years grunted.

"Oh, a wand," Bellatrix replied lightly, taking the wand between her fingers, and examining it. "This isn't yours, is it? No, it's not the Noble Wand of Black. But you never deserved it. You could never live up to its honourable and noble power, you filthy blood traitor. Rough him up, but don't touch the face. We don't need any questions!"

"Yes ma'am. Should we use a wand?"

"No," Bellatrix said, shaking her hand. "It will leave too many traces. Beat him like the mudbloods he so loves."

Sirius concentrated on his cousin's face as the fists and feet began to fly. "Be defiant," he told himself. "Don't let them win." Pain consumed his body, his vision darkened but he couldn't pass out. He couldn't let them win. He hoped they would get bored and leave him, as he didn't know how much he could take.

"Get him up," Bellatrix sneered, looking down at her cousin in disgust. "Here," she said, thrusting the wand into his hand. "Perform some magic."

"What?" Sirius replied breathlessly, biting back the pain.

"You heard me!" Bellatrix spat, leaning in so her face was touching her cousin's.

"Perform some magic. Come on little cousin, hex me."

Sirius looked around him. Ten against one. He wasn't going to get out of this in one piece. He didn't trust his magic at the moment. He could barely perform 'Lumos' so what chance did he have? They were staring at him. They were waiting for him to act. "Flipendo," he muttered, pointing the wand at his cousin. It wasn't a powerful jinx. He knew he used to be able to perform it, but he doubted he could do it anymore. He watched with choked disbelief as the wand flickered and died.

"Ha!" Bellatrix laughed, tapping Sirius' face mockingly with her wand. "Little Sirius can't perform magic. Little Sirius is turning into a squib." The others laughed with her, pointing and jeering. "Let's leave the dirty squib. He's pathetic and worthless to us. He's not worth our time. He's an oxygen thief. I guess you wish you had died out there, squib."

"Then just fucking kill me if you think so little of me!" Sirius bit back.

"Maybe I will," Bellatrix replied dangerously, as she stepped forward.

"Just do it," Sirius whispered, as he tried to turn his face. Bellatrix's face was so close he could feel her breath against his face. "Go on. I know how much of a rush a kill gives you."

Bellatrix let out a high-pitched giggle. "Oh, it does. There's nothing like it. Watching your power hit a filthy muggle and them crumple into a dirty, still heap," she said, as she ran her wand down Sirius's face.

"Or are you too scared? Will the Dark thingamajig lordy be angry with you? You know, for killing a pureblood? I hear he's even more fanatical about that shit than our family," Sirius replied dangerously, not caring about anything anymore.

"You will respect the Dark Lord!" Bellatrix yelled, as she stepped back and drew herself up to her full height.

"Why? Why should I? He's a sadistic bastard who wants to kill muggles and muggle-borns! How fucked up is that?!" Sirius yelled, glaring at his cousin.

"You brat! He values our family. He values the true wizards, the only wizards. He values purebloods. He'll never value you, you dirty little blood traitor," Bellatrix yelled wildly, as she raised her wand ready to curse her cousin.

"Now, now Miss Black, we've talked about this before. It's against school rules to duel."

"Sorry Professor," Bellatrix apologised sickly, not sounding sorry at all.

"Now off to your next lesson. What do you have?" Professor Slughorn said, as he bounced up and down on the balls of his feet.

"Charms."

"You better go. You don't want to be late and lose points for Slytherin do you?"

"No. No of course not," Bellatrix replied, shooting Sirius a cold glare. "We're not done," she growled quietly, running a finger down Sirius's cheek. Without another word, she swept past Professor Slughorn and towards the Charms classroom.

Sirius looked down at his feet as he tried to avoid the stares from the growing crowd. He could hear the whispers.

"I thought he was dead."

"I heard he was at the pub."

"Nah, apparently he was running a brothel in Diagon Alley."

He wished they would just go, but what did he expect? Especially with the lie his brother had spun. They all thought he was an evil, thoughtless git who deceived his mates. And yes, that was true. But he just couldn't remember the pub. He couldn't remember much of being at home. Nor could he remember where he had been taken on Christmas Eve. There were flashes of fragmented terror, and that was it.

"Okay, everyone move along quickly. You don't want me taking house points from you," Professor Slughorn said loudly, motioning the crowd to disperse.

Sirius felt relieved as the crowd moved on. But now he had to deal with Slughorn. He was already stepping on dangerously thin ice and now he had been caught fighting. He bit back tears; he was going to be expelled for sure. He just needed Slughorn to give out whatever punishment he was going to and then leave. Sirius wasn't sure how much longer he could remain conscious.

"Mr Black?"

Sirius made an attempt to straighten himself, but the pain flaring across his ribs made it challenging. "Yes Professor."

"What happened?" Slughorn asked curiously.

"Nothing sir. Just a minor disagreement between family members. I'm sorry it took place on school grounds," Sirius said quickly, as he attempted to keep eye contact with the Professor.

"And before?"

"Umm, err things just got a little out of hand."

Professor Slughorn took a step closer. Was it his imagination, or was Black shaking? He did look a little pale. Was the child hungover? Or was there something else in play? He, like the rest of the teaching body, had been devastated to learn of Black's demise. He had seen this devastation first hand. Regulus had become a zombie. So lifeless. And now to find it was all a cruel trick. Slughorn was at a loss to know what to think.

"Mr Black, is everything okay?" Slughorn finally asked.

"Yes!" Sirius replied quickly, perhaps too quickly. "I was just going to History of Magic."

"Right. Just as long as it is."

"I'm all good," Sirius replied earnestly.

"Well, you better get yourself to your class. You don't want to get into any more trouble."

"Yes sir," Sirius said quickly, feeling relieved that he appeared to have escaped any form of punishment.

"Oh, and Mr Black, have you thought any more about my Slug Club? It could be a great opportunity for you to network."

"I certainly will, Professor," Sirius replied, as he tried to keep a straight face. Like hell he would. There was no way he would be joining some stuck-up club full of snakes. But he couldn't outright turn down the Professor, especially given what thin ice he was on.

"Well, I'll see you in my class later," Slughorn replied, nodding as he headed down the corridor towards the potion's classroom.

Sirius watched them disappear down the corridor, before he slipped down the wall and collapsed. His world darkened and he embraced it. He didn't know how long he had been lying there, when he finally came to his senses. The latest beating had drained him of his strength. He knew he had to get up and go to his classes or he would be expelled for sure, but how, he did not know.