What Makes Me, Me
Disclaimer: I don't own ER, Warner Bros, Constant C, and Michael Crichton do.
Note: I apologize if there are any errors, my computer was on the fritz, and I just wanted to post this because if I didn't, it never would see day light.
Kerry POV
Looking into the mirror and staring at my reflection all I could do was take in a deep breath and sigh. When I walked through the doors leading into the ER everyone would be staring at me, and whispering things about me behind my back. Telling their friends and my coworkers exactly how they thought about me walking around without a crutch, and lying to my face telling em that I look great. Abby was wrong, this was the biggest mistake of my life, my crutch was everything that had made me unique. My leg made me different, even if it made my life hard sometimes, especially winters, it was who I am… well was. Turning away from the mirror all I could do was stare at the crutch I had used for years. One last time wouldn't hurt, would it?
Walking around to the official front doors of County was odd. A lot of the desk clerks didn't know who I was, or exactly what I was doing, but I did. I just wanted to remember the walk to the doctor's lounge with a limp, and the sound of the rubber base of my crutch making the soft squeaking sound one last time. Pushing the door open with my shoulder, I headed over to my locker, and placed the crutch gingerly against the door of Abby's locker. Twisting the combination, I placed my coat inside. Looking down at my crutch I felt as if it was a puppy begging not to be put in its cage. I felt so lost as I picked it up and placed in the back behind my coat. It was like leaving a good friend behind. Shutting the door, I felt as if I was doing something wrong, but that same feeling made me not want to tell everyone I was a lesbian, and had made me lose Kim.
Walking through those lounge doors had to be one of the scariest moments of my life. When I walked past the front desk and looked up at Jerry I noticed he wasn't in utter shock. I took, it was just because he couldn't see over the side that I didn't have my crutch, and just safely assumed it was there. My Mom and Dad taught me assuming will only make an ass out of you and me in the end. I saw Chuney walking over and she didn't stop in her tracks, I don't even think she blinked. She just smiled, and asked me to check on a chart. "Sorry Chuney, I'm not on." I said with a small smile. Walking down the hallway even Dr. Clemente didn't notice. Walking into the elevator I pushed the button for the second floor, and sighed heavily as the door closed.
I just couldn't believe the one moment I thought was going to completely embarrass me made me realize that the crutch was never actually part of who I was. Sure it was always there, and sometimes got in the way, but it was never used to identify me. Now that it is gone people still see me for who I am, and its just the most amazing feeling. I cant wait to thank Abby for helping me make this decision, and my surgeon for putting up with me and my constant rescheduling.