9

Katniss opened her eyes with a start, body tense and ready for a fight.

She ached from all the fighting in the last few days but it was a distant sort of discomfort that she was sure she would have felt a lot more without her accelerated Slayer's healing. She was curled up at the foot of Peeta's bed, still in her pajamas, burrowed in the fleece dressing-gown Effie had forced her to buy. She didn't remember falling asleep and she wasn't sure what had woken her up.

Until her grey eyes fell on the boy huddled against the headboard.

She scrambled to sit and he recoiled in a clicking of chains. His gaze was tracking her every move, a little clouded.

"Peeta?" she called in a soft voice, hope making her heart clench. She had been asleep and at his mercy, chains or not, if he had still wanted to kill her…

He watched her a moment longer and then tilted his head to the side, a small frown on his face. "Katniss."

"Yes." She laughed. She laughed in relief and didn't realize it was a broken laugh until she felt the tears rolling down her cheeks. She reached for him but he jerked back again, hitting the headboard. Hard. "Peeta…"

His frown turned into a hardened expression that didn't belong on his face. "I know you."

"Yes." Her tone was begging but she didn't care. If she had to beg him to remember her, she would. She reached for his hand again, more slowly. "Yes, you do."

He snatched his hand back before she could make contact. "I want to kill you."

"No." She shook her head. "No, that's a lie. That's something that was put in your mind."

He frowned again, licked his lips, his eyes never looking away from her… "I want to kiss you."

"That's more like it, boy." Haymitch snorted from the threshold. Katniss's head turned fast, alarmed as she hadn't heard him approach. Cinna was right behind him. The Watcher shot her a long look but stepped aside to let the warlock pass.

"Peeta?" Cinna sat down on the bed, ignoring the way the boy drew back away from him. "Do you remember who you are?"

It took a long long time for Peeta's blue eyes to leave Katniss to travel to the warlock.

"I don't like you." he said.

Cinna's eyebrows shot up in surprise. Haymitch and Katniss exchanged a glance, that was not something he would usually say or, at the very least, not like that.

"I suppose you wouldn't." the warlock acknowledged. "I hurt your mentor."

Peeta stared at him long and hard. "Effie." The name slipped past his lips, hesitant at first and then more urgent. "Effie. Effie!"

"Easy. Easy, kid." Haymitch coaxed, stepping in the room with both hands up in an appeasing gesture. "She's here. She's fine. For the most part." He added the last sentence with hesitation. "She's resting. I promise she's safe." Peeta's stare was unblinking and unnerving and Haymitch must have felt the weight of it because he shifted awkwardly on his feet. "You had us worried, boy."

Finally, Peeta blinked a few times in rapid succession, his face going from set to confused to set again. "Haymitch."

"Yeah." Haymitch smirked. "Yeah… Take it easy, alright? Someone scrambled your mind bad."

"So, you remember who you are." Cinna said gently, bringing them all back on track. "Are you in control of yourself? Can we take the chains off?"

Peeta looked down at the manacles on his wrists and drew his hands back toward his chest even if nobody had tried to reach for them. He was shaking his head. "I want to kill Katniss. I want to kill Katniss. I want to kill Katniss."

"Yeah, I get that urge on a daily basis." Haymitch joked, cutting off the muttered litany. "Thing is… Do you want to kill her or do you remember wanting to kill her? Cause that's not the same thing, kid."

Peeta was rocking on himself and Katniss couldn't help it, she laid a comforting hand on his arm. He went rigid and stared at her fingers on his forearm as if he wasn't sure he didn't want to bite them off.

Then, slowly, he looked up at Cinna who was the closest. "Don't take them off. Don't." He shook his head.

"Alright." the warlock agreed easily. "We will leave them on until you feel a little more confident you won't hurt anyone, shall we? They do not hurt, do they?"

Peeta shook his head again but Katniss wasn't sure he was telling the truth. She squeezed his arm, careful not to hurt him with her strength, and he closed his eyes hard. He hugged his legs close to his chest, buried his face in his knees.

"Katniss." he whispered. "Katniss. Katniss. Katniss. Katniss."

She looked up at Haymitch, startled by the way he was repeating her name again and again…

"He's still confused." Her Watcher made a face. "He hasn't attacked us. That's good."

"How is this good?" she hissed, nodding at the boy with her chin. "He's… He's…"

"He's recovering from deeply invasive mind control magic." Cinna cut in, squeezing her shoulder. "He is doing alright considering the circumstances. He will get better."

She shot a look at Haymitch who mustered something that was probably supposed to be an encouraging smile. He didn't look so well himself but the potions were doing their work and he seemed to be clear-headed enough. He was standing a little straighter too.

Katniss wished people she loved would stop being sick or hurt. It was… She didn't like it.

"Stay with him." Haymitch unnecessarily suggested, signaling to Cinna they should go.

"How's Effie doing?" she asked before they could leave.

Peeta stopped muttering her name and the sudden silence was chilling. As was his sudden immobility.

Clearly Effie's name carried some power over him…

She tried not to feel jealous that the witch's name seemed to get him when hers was making him act unpredictably.

"She hasn't woken up again." Haymitch grumbled, rubbing his face. "She's moving in her sleep though. No fever, nothing worrying. Prim's with her." Katniss nodded but let out a small sigh. She wanted everyone to be fine, not just okay but fine. "I think a short patrol tonight, sweetheart. We ain't in any state to do much."

She wanted to protest but… He had a point. He wasn't in any real shape to fight although she knew he would insist on coming along, Gale would probably show up before dark too and she wasn't really happy to bring him with her because chances were he wouldn't listen to her orders, and… She supposed she could go by herself but the last few days were taking their toll, Slayer or not, and she felt…

She didn't really feel up to staying up all night to kick some demon or vampire's ass.

Her body hurt, she was going on too little sleep and she was just… She was tired, down to her bones tired.

"Okay." she agreed, glancing at the clock. Sunset would be there before she knew it, she had slept longer than she had meant. "You're coming, Cinna?"

She wasn't sure about bringing the warlock on patrol but it might be good to have some magical support. And if Cinna was coming, she might just leave Gale behind to guard the house. That would solve a few problems…

"I will look for Elindra again. Just in case." Cinna denied, his dark eyes flashed with something dangerous and Katniss stopped asking questions.

It wouldn't be pretty when he would get his hands on Effie's mom.

The two men left, Haymitch shooting a last worried look at Peeta, and she stared at the fingers still coiled around the boy's forearm.

"Peeta…" she whispered, hoping it wouldn't spook him again or send him in a litany of her name.

He shook his head and she fell silent, her heart breaking a little.

She didn't let go though.

She wasn't sure how long she sat like that, holding on to him while he remained curled in a tight ball.

Long enough that the light spilling through the window started dwindling and she heard the front door opening and closing, followed by Gale's low tone. It seemed he wasn't bothering with knocking anymore.

Slowly, she took her hand back and went to stand up, surprised to feel her body vehemently protest at the change in position. She must have been more tense than she had thought.

She needed to get dressed for patrol and…

Peeta's hand shot out, chains clicking.

His grip was tight and almost painful but she didn't try to shrug his fingers off her wrist.

"Don't go." he begged. "Don't go. Don't go. Don't go."

She opened her mouth to tell him she had to and then closed it because… Did she have to? What would that accomplish? They had already established they couldn't take the fight to Snow or the Careers, that doing so would not only be potentially suicidal but also give them exactly what they wanted. What change would it make if she went on patrol or not?

She would kill a few vampires. A few drops in an ocean.

And save a few people, a little voice at the back of her head reminded her, the ones she could.

And that was enough of a reason.

Even if she wanted nothing else than to stay right there and make sure Peeta was alright and safe.

"I will be back." she promised. "Are you hungry? Thirsty?" They should have thought about that before. He hadn't had anything to eat or drink in… She wasn't sure how long. "Prim made chicken soup yesterday, there's some left."

She wasn't sure he understood everything because he stared at her as if he was trying to make sense of all the words.

"Why…" He shook his head, tapped his forehead… "Why don't I hear you here? You're not here."

It took her a moment to get what he was trying to tell her. Had he become so used to telepathy that he forgot they were not, in fact, telepaths? Was it all more serious than Haymitch and Cinna thought?

"That was magic, Peeta." she explained. "Bad magic. They hurt you."

He frowned, his grip tightening a little more around his wrist. "Effie."

"Effie is fine." she promised even if that might potentially turn out to be a lie.

"No." Peeta groaned, giving her arm a small shake and tapping his forehead again with his free hand. "Effie."

She frowned. "You… hear Effie? In your mind?"

Was the witch trying to communicate?

He shook his head. "No Effie. Not anymore."

"Oh." She understood suddenly. "She was talking to you all that time? Like she did to Haymitch when we attacked the castle?"

"Murmurs." Peeta nodded. "She said I'm not alone. She sent… I felt… Loved."

Katniss swallowed hard. "She does love you. And you're not alone, Peeta, even if you can't hear her anymore. We're together now. And I… I…"

"Catnip?" Gale's voice interrupted her, barely preceding a careless knock on the open door, prompting a growl from Peeta. "Abernathy says he's ready to go when you are. Oh, you're awake…" Gale buried his hands in his pockets and cleared his throat. "Good to see you're okay. And… Thanks. For my brother." Peeta stared at him, tense and unsure. There was no real recollection on his face. Gale frowned. "You're okay, Mellark?"

The other boy glanced at Katniss for an explanation and she shook her head. "He will be fine. He just needs to rest a little more. Right, Peeta?"

Peeta didn't look convinced and he seemed to realize she was about to try and stand up again because he wrapped his other hand around her forearm to better hold her back. "Stay."

It broke her heart.

"I will be back. I promise." she whispered. "Prim and Gale are gonna stay with you while I'm gone. Look… Eat something and sleep a little more and I'll be right back before you know it."

That was a trick she used to do with Prim when she went out for food and had to leave her baby sister alone. Distract her with something else.

Slowly, Peeta nodded.

Even more slowly, he let go of her.

Stepping out of that room was the hardest thing she had ever done.

"What do you mean I'm staying with him?" Gale scoffed, as soon as she had closed the door. "Like hell. I'm coming with you."

"Someone needs to stay and make sure Prim, Effie and Peeta are safe." she argued.

"Abernathy…" he started.

"Haymitch is coming with me." she cut him off. "He's better."

"He's better?" he mocked. "He's a drunk who needs his next fix. All the magic hocus pocus in the world won't change that."

She pursed her lips in a tight irritated line. "Either you stay here and make sure everyone's safe or you go home. Your choice."

She stormed to her bedroom and slammed the door behind her. She was a little relieved he didn't try to follow her in but she was quick in slipping jeans and a sweater on all the same. Her hair had dried in the messy bun on her head and it was tangled beyond measure. She didn't have time to sort that out now so she just tied it back up again. She glimpsed herself in the mirror before she left the room and she wasn't impressed with what she saw.

She was pale, there were dark bags under her eyes and she didn't look at all like the fierce Slayer she was supposed to be.

Clearly, Gale had taken his complaining to Haymitch because there was a new tension in the kitchen. Cinna was already gone but Gale and Haymitch were glaring at each other from either side of the table and Prim was stirring something in a pot – more soup, she figured. She ignored everyone, helped herself to a leftover donut and finally turned to her sister.

"Can you get Peeta some of that soup to eat, please, little duck?" she asked. "But be careful and don't go too close to him, alright?"

She didn't think Peeta would attack Prim for the good reason that he hadn't attacked her even though he claimed he wanted to kill her – or kiss her – but, still, there was no point being reckless about it.

"Can I sit with him?" Prim asked.

"As long as you keep your distance, sure." Katniss nodded. "He's not totally himself yet, though."

Prim nodded her understanding and she turned toward Haymitch, studying him. He didn't look good but he didn't look as bad as he had the previous day and he certainly looked better than he had when they had been in that hell dimension so… She decided he was up to the task of dispatching a few vampires and that she would be there to make sure he was alright if it turned out he wasn't. If anything, he could play bait.

"Ready?" she challenged.

"Ready." he confirmed. "I say we go on foot. Make our way to Ripper's through the cemetery and back by cutting through the woods."

"Sounds good." she agreed. That should allow them to check vampires' favorite hunting grounds.

"Katniss." Gale snapped. "You're…"

"Either you stay here and watch the house…" she repeated, enunciating every word clearly. "Or you go home."

Her friend growled in annoyance. "You're gonna need…"

"I need someone here." she cut him off. "Can you follow instructions or not?"

She was half-expecting him to storm out, which meant Haymitch would have to stay behind, but he gave a grim nod. "It's a mistake. He's going to fuck up and put you in danger."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence." Haymitch snorted. "Ain't like I've been doing this my whole life."

Katniss chose to not answer either comment.

Peeta is AWAKE! Is he alright? How are we feeling about Effie exhausting herself all along to make sure he knew he was loved even when he was brainwashed? Is Haymitch actually going to get Katniss in danger? I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Let me know your thoughts!

(also a short word of update: I feel muuuch better than last week anxiety wise, thank you for bearing with me. I just wanted to let you know however that for now I plan on going back to the once a week update for HADS (on Wednesdays) because I find it difficult to juggle work, anxiety and updating every two days. It takes time away from writing because my time is cut short since lockdown changed my routine. I will probably go back to twice a week soon but for now I will keep it on Wednesdays. Thanks!)