13

Haymitch crossed his arms in front of his chest and watched the scene unfold, leaning against the wall for support. He was still feeling the effects of withdrawals although he had now been off the potion for a few days and it seemed to have worked well enough – he had cravings and headaches, his hands weren't always steady but his mind was clear and he could focus. He was also feeling the consequences of the heavy magic Cinna had coached him through.

The wards on the Village felt uncomfortably heavy on his shoulders, stretching his meager magical competences to the thin. They were a variation of Effie's, Cinna's had been too hard and too complicated. Still, he hated magic. He hated the way it ate at him and ebbed his strength.

Cinna was certain Effie would eventually recover and be able to take over for him.

Haymitch hoped that would happen soon but he didn't see it realistically turning out like that. She had improved a little during the last few days but she could still barely sit without help.

"I have something for you." Cinna told Katniss, his hands buried deep in the pockets of his black jeans.

It was a short farewell committee that was seeing the warlock to the door. Effie obviously was still in bed but Peeta hadn't come down either. Hell, Peeta hadn't been out of his room since they had brought him home aside for short trips to the bathroom. The boy was recovering his strength more quickly than the witch but he was withdrawn, didn't talk for hours at a time – not even to Katniss – and sometimes seemed so lost that it broke Haymitch's heart to see him like that. Prim was awkwardly hovering near the stairs, already having said her goodbyes. That left him and Katniss.

"Yeah? What?" Katniss asked, not really happy with the warlock taking off – she had expressed that a few times and loudly.

Haymitch wasn't any happier about it but he understood his reasons.

Revenge was a powerful driving force.

He watched Cinna pull something out of his pocket, not quite surprised to catch the glint of gold in the pale hallway light.

His Slayer snorted. "So you stole my pin and you're giving it back? Nice gift."

If Effie had been down there with them, she would have probably chided her for her tone. Haymitch rubbed his eyes and tried not to imagine it could have been worse. The witch could be dead instead of lying curled up in bed upstairs.

"I gave that pin to Maysilee as a gift. So she would remember to soar." Cinna continued, more amused than offended. He pinned the golden bird on Katniss' sweater where it resided more often than not since Madge had given it to her. "I also casted a protection spell on it back in the day. It faded when she died. I enchanted it again. For you."

Katniss brushed her fingers against the pin, her hostility decreasing a notch. "Thanks."

"It is a mild protection spell, note." the warlock insisted. "It will help some but do not do anything crazy like jump off a building. Or set yourself on fire."

The girl rolled her eyes. "That was an accident. Both times. You and Haymitch really need to let that go."

"Never." Haymitch snorted. "No way."

Cinna smiled but there was a tinge of sadness in there. "You have not met me at my best, Katniss, and I apologize for that. Hopefully when I come back I can be a better friend and ally to you."

Katniss nodded and accepted the hug the warlock went for before retreating to where her sister was standing. Haymitch waited until they had scampered off the stairs, probably to Peeta's room, to push himself off the wall and closer to Cinna.

He offered the warlock a hand that the man used to pull him into a hug of his own.

"I will come back when you need me." Cinna swore.

Haymitch resisted the temptation to tell him they needed him right then.

"Remember to check your phone." was all he said instead. "And if I don't make it…"

"Do not think like that." the warlock advised.

He flashed him a bitter smirk. "I'm surprised he hasn't tried to come for me yet. You know it's gonna happen at some point and when it does…" He shook his head. "Look, just… Save as many of them as you can. I don't care if you have to knock them down and kidnap them. If I'm not there anymore and it turns ugly and you don't think it's winnable… Do what you have to do."

Cinna stared at him for a long time and then tilted his head in a solemn bow.

Haymitch nodded back.

He wondered if he imagined how lighter the house felt once the warlock was gone for good. He wasn't usually too sensitive to magic although he had enough experience to sense it but he knew Effie had felt Cinna's presence more acutely because the weight of his powers was oppressing. And, he had to admit… But maybe it was just the knowledge that the basement was now corpse-free and they could go back to training – which they really needed to do.

They would need to train Prim too. Just in case. He wasn't having anyone in this house not know how to use a stake. Effie had taught her some self-defense already but not enough in his opinion.

He wandered upstairs, not quite surprised to hear voices coming from the boy's room. It sounded like Katniss and Prim were trying to coax him into a board game to distract him with little success. He didn't stop to check on him because he didn't want to bother them. The boy responded best to Katniss anyway.

All he felt when he walked closer to his own bedroom was dread.

He had become really accustomed to that feeling in the last few days. There was an awkward tension between Effie and him that didn't use to be there and that made sharing a room difficult. She claimed she didn't mind but she shied away from his touch, she didn't seek his warmth during the night like she used to and every time the subject came a little too close to them, she danced away from the topic.

There were a lot of things he could face without blinking or hesitation but, funnily enough, he wasn't sure the break-up he could see looming in the distance was one of them.

Still, he pushed the door of the bedroom and stepped inside, hoping his face didn't reflect the anxiety he felt.

"I don't know how you did it." he grumbled with a sigh. "I've cast the warding spell yesterday and my skin's still crawling."

She was curled up on her side, the brand new phone with its pink glittery case he had purchased for her in her hand, her blue eyes tiredly tracking his progress around the room. "I barely felt it."

Of course, she had barely felt it. She was a powerful witch. He was an amateur who was hoping he hadn't fucked the spell up.

"You reached Coin?" he asked, dropping in his old frayed armchair.

"She wants me to come home as soon as I am able to travel." she told him.

"Home?" he repeated with a frown. What did Coin care if Effie slept in his house or across the street? And why had Effie felt the need to tell her?

"England." she corrected softly, not meeting his eyes.

"Since when is England home?" he scoffed.

She had been referring to the Village as home for so long now that…

"It was my home once." she argued, pushing herself up against the pillow. He bit back his protest even if she was shaking and looked exhausted once she was sitting. She got frustrated quickly and didn't take it particularly well when he tried to manage her. "There is to be a hearing. The Council is not happy with my performance."

Not unexpected but a blow nonetheless.

"Well, you ain't going so she can suck it." He shrugged. She didn't answer at once and he frowned again. "You ain't going, right?"

"I am a Watcher, I serve at the pleasure of the Council." she reminded him and then licked her lips. "I am not going any time soon anyway. I cannot even stand, much less take a plane."

"It's a waste of time, sweetheart." He scowled. "You're gonna waste a trip, we both know they're gonna assign another Watcher sooner or later."

Officially, to assist him, like Finnick with Annie.

Unofficially, to manage him.

And the only Watcher he would accept to be managed by was Effie.

"We will see." she whispered.

"If you go, they won't let you come back." he insisted. "They're gonna send you on a mission to India or Africa or to the fucking Arctic. You know I'm right." Her silence was telling and he let a few seconds pass before it dawned on him that she was seriously considering it. His chuckles were low and bitter and, maybe, a bit betrayed. "You'd do it. You'd go where they tell you to go and you'd leave us to deal with this shit."

Her eyes flashed with anger but her face was a perfect blank mask.

"I am not really useful anymore, am I?" she retorted. "And whose fault is it if we are in this shit to begin with, as you say? What happened, Haymitch? What the hell happened during the Reaping?"

His hands curled around the armrests. "Couldn't control Katniss. I fucked up. Yeah. But so did you."

She stared at him with pure disbelief. "Are you kidding me? I did what you should have done. I went to dispatch the real threat instead of running into the fray like a sixteen year-old without any experience. Why didn't you try to stop the witch sooner?"

"Because Katniss and Prim were in danger, for fuck's sake!" he snapped.

"And Snow?" she challenged. "Did you fail to stake him because your Slayer was in danger or was it because you were distracted by…"

"By what?" he snarled, shooting out of the armchair to pace the length of the room. "By you and the boy dangling right above the Hellmouth? Damn right it distracted me. And if you hadn't jumped in…"

"I did not jump in!" she screamed right back.

He hadn't realized he was shouting before she raised her voice but he made an effort to lower his. He didn't want to alarm the kids. "You let yourself fall and that's the same fucking thing."

"There was no way, no way, I was leaving Peeta alone and you would have done the very same thing." she replied. "So spare me the lecture."

"Fine." he granted. "You had to protect the boy, fine. Did you have to try and kill yourself when I was this close to rescuing you?"

She stared back at him, her defiance slowly fading into regret. "I did not think my body could recover. You don't understand what it felt like. He fed from me. Not just my magic. Me. I was fading away to nothing." She snorted. "Perhaps it would have been for the best if you had left me for dead anyway. I can't bear this."

She slapped her own chest, over her heart, and he figured she meant the loss of her magic.

"Don't you fucking dare say that sort of things to me." he growled. He had lost too many people. There were too many dead women in his past who would have given anything for just another day.

She deflated suddenly, looking tired and lost. "Why do you care anyway? It is not like you love me, Haymitch." She rubbed her eyes. "Or perhaps you do love me but you are not in love with me, is that it?"

And there it was…

The real crux of the problem.

"It ain't that easy an answer." he mumbled.

He wanted to tell her about Mabel and what she had said – ghost or hallucination – but not like this, not in anger. She was the only one he would have told, he realized, the only one he would have trusted enough to confess that much. And now…

"It is, actually." she whispered. "It's a straightforward answer. Either you do or you don't." He was silent too long again and her face crumbled. She stared at the phone clutched in her hand. "This is my fault. We did say there would be no feelings involved but clearly…"

"I never said there weren't any fucking feelings involved." he spat, swallowing hard. "There are too many fucking feelings if you ask me."

Her eyebrows shot up. "I see."

"No, you don't." he scoffed. Because he didn't mean that to say he regretted those feelings. "You're the best thing that happened to me in a fucking long time." Admitting that much was easy. When was the last time a woman had genuinely made him laugh like she did? When was the last time a woman had made him this happy? When was the last time a woman had carved herself under his flesh ? When was the last time he had felt his heart beating so fucking hard? "I went to hell in a heartbeat for you, Effie. I ain't good with the words. Fuck, I don't think I can even ever say those words again. You know why. That's not fair of you to decide I don't feel shit for you 'cause I can't fucking express it when you know why I can't."

Because everyone he had ever loved had died a bloody death.

Almost all of them at the hands of Snow.

"I went to hell for you…" he repeated slowly.

Her eyes were full of unshed tears that she was hastily blinking away.

She didn't protest when he sat on the bed next to her though, his body flopping down on the mattress as if it was too heavy for him to stand any longer.

"It scares me." he confessed. "I can't lose you and it scares me shitless."

Her hand found his. He turned his palm so he could entwine their fingers.

She took a deep breath. "I'm sorry."

"Don't." He shook his head. "I…"

"No, Haymitch…" She winced and he had the feeling he wasn't going to like what she was about to say. "I love you. I do."

He flinched. He couldn't help it. And that probably didn't do him any favor. "But?"

But he had missed his shot like an idiot, he mused.

"But if we hadn't been involved you would have staked Snow and we wouldn't be in this situation." she finished in a soft voice that she painfully tried to keep judgment free. "And President Coin is not wrong when she says that opening a hell portal and jumping through it when you did not know what was on the other side when Coriolanus Snow is free was a sentimental mistake."

He scoffed. "Like you wouldn't have done the same for me."

He knew she would have.

He knew it in his guts.

"I would have." she granted. "But I would not have taken the Slayer with me."

He rolled his eyes. "You try stopping her when her boyfriend's in danger, sweetheart. You try."

"Did you even try to convince her to stay behind?" she challenged.

He didn't answer.

There was no answer to give.

She knew perfectly well he hadn't because Katniss had been his best chance of getting them back. Both of them. Going alone would have been suicidal.

"I needed muscles. I'm not a powerful witch." he retorted defensively.

"Neither am I anymore." she pointed out wistfully. "And I am not quite sure who I am without my magic…" She closed her eyes and licked her lips. "I think I am well enough to go back to my house now. And I am sure Peeta would be more comfortable in his own room. We imposed on your hospitality too much already."

"Bullshit." he scoffed, a lump in his throat.

"I need some space." she confessed more plainly.

"I know I fucked up." he insisted. "I know I fucked everything up. But, Effie…"

He was growing desperate and it probably showed because she squeezed his hand as hard as she could – which wasn't really tight.

"I am not angry with you, darling." she promised, forcing a smile that didn't reach her glistening eyes. The pet name she usually tossed around in jest barely soothed him. "I just… It was a lot. For you, it was hours but for me…" She stopped talking to swallow hard and licked her lips again in a clear attempt at stopping the tears from falling. "It was a lot. And I feel so weak…"

"You're not weak." he argued. "Cinna said…"

"Cinna cannot give me a timeframe because there is a chance my powers will never grow back and perhaps not to the levels they were at." she cut him off. "I used to be content being a mediocre witch but I tasted true power and now…" She shook her head. "I need space. And we need to put boundaries in place anyway. Duty has to come first."

He thought that over and then made a face. "I've never been that guy. I always put my Slayers first."

"I am not your Slayer." she pointed out.

"No." he snorted. "You're the one person I can't lose."

And once Snow figured that out… Maybe she should go to England, after all. Accept her reassignment to whatever country they would send her to. Take the boy with her. Maybe, if he and Katniss survived this, he could go find her once everything would be over. Maybe…

"I need to be by myself for a bit." she insisted. "In my own bed. In my own house." She forced a smile. "But you will need to carry me there. And probably feed me too. I am not banning you from my life."

"Just from your bed." he mocked bitterly.

She started to frown but caught herself and schooled her features into casualness. "Is that what bothers you? That sex is off the table for a bit?"

"I'm bothered that everything is off the table." he countered. "Are you dumping my sorry ass?"

"No." She shook her head and squeezed his hand again. "But I think we should take a break."

He didn't have enough experience with steady relationships to figure that one out by himself. "What does that mean?"

"That means we will be friends for a little while until we can figure out where we want to go from there." she replied. "You need to decide what you want from me because I do not think I can do casual anymore." She let go of his hand and cupped his cheek briefly. "It is not so different than what you proposed before the Reaping. If we survive this, we will see."

And, if they didn't, they would have wasted what little time they had left.

But his scent wouldn't linger on her anymore and there were less chances of Snow picking up that she was important with his vampire nose alone.

It was the principle he had always lived by anyway, wasn't it? Alone was safer. For him and for the poor woman that would end up dead because of him.

It didn't matter if it hurt. It didn't matter if it felt like a huge mistake. It didn't matter if it felt like getting gutted yet again.

"I'm… I'm gonna go tell the boy you're going home." he offered, before clearing his throat because his voice sounded too hoarse, too raw.

He stood up before he could do something stupid like kiss her senseless.

She had made her choice and he wanted to respect it.

She wouldn't have begrudged him a kiss goodbye though…

But if he kissed her…

If he kissed her he would never stop.

She had that effect on him.

Effie Trinket…

The greatest fucking temptation of his life…

The end

This is the end of the episode! Who saw that break-up coming? Well, it's not a real break-up it's a break (do you hear Ross and Rachel scream in the distance? XD) They really need to start better communicating haha.

I don't have a definite date for the next episode. I am currently working on it as I had a long stretch where I didn't manage to write much of anything, I won't lie. I feel much better now, Christmas one shots went a long way into pulling me back, and I'm making good progress on the next episode so there is that. I can tease you by saying it will be an au episode of sort... Think Anyanka if you know buffy... (might also be a good time to read TBOSAS if you intend to, as a character will appear, no spoilers but you know better safe than sorry) I am tentatively hoping that the next episode can maybe start in a month? Like let's say on January 10? But I can't say for sure right now since I haven't finished it yet.

I will upload one shots for the Hayffie Advent Calender for the rest of the month on Sundays. Don't miss those!