A/N: sorry it took so long to update. Was on holiday on the Isle of White (speak of boring places), anyway, here's the next instalment.

Enjoy

Chapter 10: Hopes and Fears

BEAST: I ask nicely, but she refuses. What a...what does she want me to do--beg?
(Picking up the MAGIC MIRROR)
Show me the girl.

(The MAGIC MIRROR shines, then glows green and
reveals BELLE in her bedroom, talking to the WARDROBE)

WARDROBE: (in mirror pleading)
Why the master's not so bad once you get to know him. Why don't you give him a chance?

BELLE: (still disturbed by the attack)
I don't want to get to know him.
I don't want to have anything to do with him!

BEAST: (setting down MAGIC MIRROR, speaking tenderly)
I'm just fooling myself. She'll never see me as anything...but a monster.
(Another petal falls off the rose.)
It's hopeless.

-Disney's Beauty and the Beast-

Lily sat by the lake, watching the snow drift down from the stars, whispering of tears and loneliness. Her toes rested on the thin ice encrusting the black crystal depths, separating two worlds. She sat frozen, like the ice on the lake, like an ice statue devoid of emotion, not one snowflake melting on her hair, allowing herself to become one with all that surrounded her. A vision of cold beauty.

Lily felt someone sit down next to her, melting some of the snow, and with it, melting some of the coldness she felt.

'What's the matter Lily?' whispered a friendly voice, full of concern.

'I don't know Remus' she whispered back to him. She had no idea what she was feeling, why she had kissed James, why she had run away… It was a rare occurrence for Lily Evans to be unsure of something, but to have absolutely no idea what was going on inside her was a first. She leant in to Remus and he put an arm round her.

'Tell me' he whispered

'I can't' she shook her head

'Then tell me something else'

'Something else?'

'Something else'

'Like what?'

'Anything'

'I…used to eat books…' Remus couldn't suppress a snort of laughter

'You ate books?'

'I thought I wouldn't have to learn the stuff if I ate it, because I would have already had it inside me.' She could feel her cheeks turning crimson, the snowflakes that had managed to settle on them melting rapidly. 'Until one day I ate too many potions notes and was sick for days. I've hated potions ever since…' Remus chuckled and Lily smiled. They talked nonsense for ages, until it struck Remus that they were sitting under a blanket of snow, that it was past curfew and they should really be inside.

'We'd better go in, the party's probably still going, we can talk there.' Lily allowed herself to be pulled up out of the snow and kept hold of Remus' hand as they walked back up to the castle.

James hadn't taken his eyes from the opposite corner of the Gryffindor common room ever since the moment Lily and Remus had returned. He watched as they chatted and laughed, how Lily's eyes twinkled like stars, how her flushed cheeks glowed in the firelight, how her lips curved into that irresistible smile… Only a few hours ago, those lips had been on his… and it had felt so right… yet there she was, flirting with one of his best friends. His eyes bored into her slender form, oblivious to the crowd of hopeful girls hovering around him.

Lily glanced up to see James once again surrounded by a crowd of girls. She sighed, she'd had him figured right from the start; some guys could go to extraordinary lengths in order to uphold their reputation… It hurt. Being used. But she wouldn't give James the satisfaction of seeing that. She pointedly looked away from him and turned back to Remus. He whispered something in her ear and she was all smiles and laughter again.

When Lily leaned in to kiss Remus, James' insides convulsed, he couldn't bare to look. He closed his eyes. He knew it was inevitable, she'd chosen Remus over him from the very start, but nevertheless, it came as a shock. He wouldn't have thought it was physically possible to experience so much pain from so simple a gesture. It was. James stood up and walked out of the common room, unable to look at Lily.
Several weeks dragged by, one dismal grey day fading into the next. The Christmas holidays had come and gone, James had gone home, yet he felt no release, every waking moment was spent thinking of Lily, her face even haunted his dreams. He had no idea where he stood with her, they hadn't spoken properly since their kiss and James had no idea what to do. She seemed untouchable, the only time she revealed her vulnerability was when she woke in the middle of the night, screaming and sobbing into her pillow.

James was avoiding her. Lily couldn't deny the fact that she was grateful. She wanted to talk to him, to explain herself, to apologise for that night, but she didn't know how. She didn't know what had made her kiss him back, or why she had ran away. She reminded herself that he was a manipulating womaniser, and would only have used her, but now this thought seemed feeble, unreal; just that, an excuse. James looked so lost and alone, sitting on his own by the fire, attempting a potions essay, as Lily cuddled on a sofa with Remus. He had been a great friend, always helpful and supportive; they could always find something to talk about, ranging from studies, to phobias. They were extremely alike, and maybe that was what made Lily feel there relationship wasn't ideal. Remus was very quiet and careful with what he did, she always knew what was coming, and she was increasingly longing to do something impulsive for once in her life.

Remus looked down at Lily's glowing red curls and smiled slightly, but his expression quickly reverted back to a frown. She seemed so innocent and serene, cuddled in his arms, her slim body felt so frail and vulnerable in his arms; there were things on her mind, things she wasn't telling him. And he knew that however great a friend she may be, however much he wanted to, he wasn't the one who could help, to whom she could poor out her troubles, who would be able to make her troubles go away. Remus often saw things others didn't. His 'condition' also had its good points; it increased his perceptions, things no one else noticed, to him, seemed blatantly obvious. James was in love with Lily, he saw it clearly as if it were written in black and white. They hadn't spoken since he and Lily had started going out, but as Remus looked across the room, he saw the pain in James' eyes every time he looked up at her. James was so unlike himself; he ignored the people around him wherever possible, he hadn't rumpled his hair in over a month, and had retreated into his studies (an idea James would have been on the floor laughing at before he had met Lily Evans). His only contact with the outside world was their monthly moonlit runs, even at his greatest low; James had not abandoned his friends. But that had been a month ago. Things had still been better then, Remus wasn't so sure now, as his head spun with dizziness, an unwanted reminder of the night ahead. He wondered if James would turn up

He even felt that somewhere, deep inside, beneath everything, Lily also harboured feelings for James. It could have been any of these reasons that made Remus do what he did next, it may have been just the simple fact that he wanted his friend back. Either way, Remus, albeit reluctantly, did what he felt he had to do. He just prayed Lily wouldn't take it the wrong way.

'Lily?'

'Hmmmmmm?' Lily murmured

'I…I'm not sure how to say this, but ah…you're a great friend, and always will be, but… ah….'

'What are you getting at?' Lily frowned, looking up at him quizzically as Remus took a deep breath and blurted out what had been bugging him

'I think someone else needs you more than me…' Lily still didn't get it 'I think we should break up' Lily's eyes widened with surprise 'It's not that I don't love you Lily, you're an amazing girl, an amazing friend, but…someone else is suffering from our relationship…and so are you' he said quietly.

Lily wanted to shout at him, wanted to slap him round the face, to tell him that he was just making up excuses to get rid of her. The thing was, he wasn't, and she knew it. A few moments passed in silence, as Lily sat lost in thought. She looked up at Remus' worried face and smiled.

'Don't worry, it's fine.' She squeezed his hand 'seems like you understand what's going on in my life better than I do' she lightly kissed his cheek, stood up, and with one last sad smile, left the room.

James looked up from his potions essay to see Lily kissing Remus on the cheekbefore leaving, for the thousandth time pain seared behind his eyelids, and James decided he'd had enough. No girl was worth the pain Lily Evans was putting him through. Look what he'd sunken to, writing potions essays in the evening rather than pissing about with his friends. It was impossible to break into her world, to make her understand, so why bother trying? No. This was it; James Potter was through with Lily Evans. And what better way to mark the return of his old ways than to go for a run in the moonlight? James grinned to himself as he crumpled his potions essay and threw it into the fire, all thoughts of Lily Evans out of his mind.
Lily couldn't sleep, even the nightmares wouldn't come to her tonight, she'd gone to bed early, yet she had been tossing and turning for hours and couldn't get to sleep. Her mind was filled with worries of what she'd say to James, how she'd apologise for her actions…She glanced over at the clock on her bedside table; it was 01:30. She sighed and pulled herself out of bed. She'd go for a walk outside, clear her head.

Lily walked through the silent hallways of Hogwarts in her pyjamas, her bare feet pattering across the cold flagstones, the castle was completely silent, apart from the slight rustling of clothing behind her…She stopped in her tracks, her eyes wide as she looked round her. Her hand reached for her wand, but it wasn't there. She'd left it in the pocket of robes up in her room…

She heard the rustling behind her once again, but before she could react, she had been shoved forcefully against the cold wall. A hand clamped over her mouth just as she was about to scream. Lily looked up at her captor, who looked down at her; blue eyes cold, greasy blonde hair framing a potentially handsome face, twisted with a smirk.

'Well, well, if it's not dear Lily flower. Didn't expect to see you out at night' Lucius Malfoy smirked, his face contorted with hatred.

A/N: ooh, cliffhanger!

Yeah, most of this chapter was a tad uneventful… more on the philosophical, pondering the situation side…

But yeah, I'm really looking forward to writing the next few chapters…the ideas that got me started on writing this fic in the first place. XD

But for now, R&R, or else:P