Narrator: ...And here our story begins.
We open with Frodo sitting lazily under a tree reading a book titled '101 ways to avoid being the protagonist in a series of very long movies'. Suddenly we hear hoofs clattering against a road of some type.

Frodo: Yay! jumps up and runs off leaving his book behind

Narrator: We now see a cart rolling steadily along a very small road. The old man sitting atop the cart slowly looks up at Frodo.
Frodo: You're late!
Gandalf: ...I was...busy.
Frodo: I missed you, Gandalf! I missed you so much!
Gay's in Audience: Sob so...beautiful!
Concerned parents in Audience: covers childrens eyes
Narrator: So Gandalf and Frodo drive off to Hobbiton were they share a pretty pointless conversation.
Audience: What was the conversation about?
Heart: I don't feel like telling you.
Audience: Oh, come on!
Frodo: No way! It's private!
Audience: (0o)
Heart: ...yeah, like I said, I don't want to talk about it. Narrator: Anyway! Frodo says a few POINTLESS words and then leaps off the wagon and runs off somewhere. Narrator: Finally Gandalf reaches Bilbo's house.
or hill as it appears.Gandalf knocks on the door.
Gandalf: Knocks on the door, then flashes the camera a cheesy grin
Bilbo: Go away! I will have no visitors, well wishers, or realitives!
Gandalf: What about old freinds? You didn't say anything about them.
Bilbo: Shoot!
Gandalf: barges in Why, Bilbo, you haven't aged a day!
Bilbo: Liar.
Wings: Yeah!
Heart: Shut up and give me my Keyboard!
Wings: whimper
Gandalf: ...so what do you do now adays?
Bilbo: I don't think I'll tell you!
Gandalf: pouts
Bilbo: Fine! I'll show you.

Narrator: We now see a scene of Bilbo and Gandalf enjoying a smoke.
Gandalf: What do they call this again?
Bilbo: Weed, It's new. Watch this! blows smoke rings
Gandalf: blows a boat that sails through the rings
Bilbo: ...Show off.
Narrator: Five minutes later we see both Bilbo and Gandalf rolling on the ground in hysterical laughter.

ANOUNCER:WE' RE SORRY TO INTERUPT THIS MOVIE WITH A MESSAGE BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE TEENS AGAINST WEED SOCIETY.
RANDOM TEEN: WEED IS WACK!
ANOUNCER: THANK YOU.

Audience: Can they do that?

Heart: They just did, get over it!

Narrator: Now it's time for the birthday party. There is a bunch of dancing, and smoking, and drinking, also there are a few conga lines.

Frodo: Hey, Sam, why don't you go ask Rosie for a dance? (pats him on the shoulder)

Sam: Because, I'm much too embrassed Mr.Frodo. Also I secretly admier And long for you.

Frodo: oblivious Oh, well. spots Bilbo Speech!

Bilbo:get's up to make a speach Bagginses and Brandybucks, Gamgees and Tooks,Proudfoot and...uh...well anyway this party's not about you so let's get back to me.Today is my 111th birthday! Now this is the part of the speech where I'm supposed to tell you all that I have great feelings tword each and every one of you, and would like you to bear my children.
Audience: () covering ears MAKE IT STOP!
Bilbo: But I'm not a pimp and honestly I don't feel that any of us have anything in common. That's all I feel like saying so goodbye.
Narrator: He disappears, Frodo (and everyone else) gasps. Gandalf magically transports himself to Bilbo's house, and lets himself in.
Gandalf: O yeah! You wish you had my mad skills!
Bilbo: This town sucks! These people suck! I missed the I'm only 3 feet special on Jerry Springer and I have no clue what to do!
Gandalf: No way! That episode rocked!
Bilbo: glare
Gandalf: Ah it burns!
Bilbo: Anyway I'm leaving and leaving all my posessions to Frodo.
Gandalf: What about the ring?
Bilbo: What ring? looks innocent Heart: you're about as bad at lying as Wings is!
Bilbo: don't insult me!
Wings: hate
Bilbo: Fine! drops the ring
Gandalf: O baby, baby how was I supposed to know.
Wings and Audience: WTF! That wasn't in the script!
Heart: evil laughter, holding pen and script
Wings: ...why are you holding the script?
Heart: What script?
Audience: SINNER!
Gandalf: ...I like that part! Sheer genious!
Wings: ANYWAY!
Bilbo: picks up bags and leaves
Frodo: He left! Oh the sorrow!
Gandalf: Yeah well all of this stuff was left to you. Here, take the ring. I gotta go. Frodo: YAY!
Gandalf: runs in 5 sec later Is it secret! Is it safe!
Frodo: (0o) what?
Gandalf: The ring Idiot!
Frodo: takes an envalope down from mantle place here.
Gandalf: throws ring and envalope in the fire
Frodo: says quietly...Hey...that's mine.
Gandalf: Hold out your hand, it's quite cool.
Frodo: obeys OH THE PAIN!
Gandalf: SUCKER!
Audience: (TT)aww Gandalf: Is there any writing on it?
Frodo: how should I know? I'm blinded by my own tears!
Gandalf: looks at ring It is as I had feard... come with me.
Narrator: Five minutes later, Frodo is packed and ready to go.
Gandalf: You must leave the Shire. Go to the village of Bree I will meet you there. Do not put on the ring!
Frodo.
Gandalf: ...oh I almost forgot, MERRY, PIPPIN, SAM!
Merry/ Pippin/ Sam: burst through door
Gandalf: These three will be your support and comic releif throughout your trip.
Merry: We're going on a trip?
Pippin: I love trips!
Merry: I love your accent!
Sam: I love Frodo!
Narrator: So the hobbits start off on their trip, enjoying the sights.
Frodo: Tree!
Pippin: Tree!
Merry: Tree!
Sam: Frodo!
Nasgul: Hobbits!
Hobbits: Dementor!