A/N: Thank you for reading & reviewing. Your feedback is so much appreciated. This story has taken on a much bigger life than originally intended. Sometimes plot bunnies have a way of doing that. This will not be the end of this story.
Trigger warning: This chapter includes discussion between a counsellor and client re: consent.
This is a fan-made work based on the Star Trek universe created by Gene Roddenberry. This is AU.
For this first time in days Tasha felt at ease on her shift. She hadn't felt the need to avoid Lt. Commander Data on the Bridge. They were remaining in orbit above Styris IV to watch over the deployment of the vaccine. Thus far, they had managed to vaccinate approximately 40% of the colony.
Captain Picard had ordered the transport of supplies to the infected colonies in an attempt to bring a stop to the violence on the surface.
Luckily, it had worked.
But most importantly, their uprising had brought attention to some long standing issues of inequality between the colonies. Captain Picard would be hosting a summit between leaders from nine of the colonies in four days.
The Federation would oversee drafting of a new agreement for peace and mutual prosperity. As Chief Security Officer, Tasha would have her work cut out for her. She would be working closely with the general Operations team to oversee security and quartering for their guests. In addition, she would be hosting her own security briefing between the representatives of the nine delegations so they would be prepared.
But that was "just another day aboard the Enterprise" she thought to herself.
As the Beta shift came aboard the Bridge to replace them, Tasha found that she was looking forward to her appointment with Counsellor Troi. She had a lot on her mind and speaking with Deanna would be a good start to sorting it out.
She stepped onto the turbolift with Commander Riker.
"I suppose we have you to thank for all of this," he said with a smile. "Nicely done, Lieutenant."
"Thank you, Commander," she replied.
Exiting the turbolift on deck 9, Tasha made her way along the corridor to Counsellor Troi's quarters for her weekly session. After accessing the door chime, Deanna called for her to come in.
Tasha took a seat on Deanna's couch and Deanna offered her a cuppa.
"Thanks," Tasha said as she took the beaker.
"You are in a good mood," Deanna said as she sat down in the chair across from Tasha.
Tasha nodded as she took a sip.
"What's brought this change on?" Deanna asked.
Their last session had been informal and shortly after Ligon II. In fact, it had been right after Data had stopped in to check on her. Tasha was feeling frustrated and exhausted. In part, the emotional toll of having to actually kill Yareena had been the hardest part. Although Doctor Crusher had been able to revive her, it had struck Tasha in a way she couldn't put words to.
The first night, Deanna and Tasha had spent their informal session helping Tasha cope with this. Deanna had reminded Tasha that her efforts to secure that vaccine would save millions of people and that in the end, Yareena was better off for it.
That had brought Tasha some peace. Yet, at the same time she felt like a little part of her humanity had died along with Yareena.
"Tasha, are you alright?" Deanna prompted.
Tasha snapped out of her thoughts and back to the session at hand.
"Yes, I'm fine," she said with a small smile. "I'm sorry, what was your question?"
"I wanted to know what brought on this change. You seem so much more relaxed than you were a few days ago," Deanna said.
Tasha bit the inside of her lip. She didn't know why she was suddenly shy about this.
"Well, you remember what happened during the polywater incident?" Tasha asked.
Deanna nodded. Tasha had told her she had kissed a science officer on deck 2, pinched Lieutenant Lam on the turbolift, and made an utter fool of herself at the ship's stores when she asked Ensign Graham if he liked the blue or red outfit better. Poor Graham had blushed furiously, entirely uncomfortable with the situation.
Tasha had also told Deanna that she'd had a sexual encounter with a crewmate during the polywater incident. But she had notably left out the specifics of who was involved. Deanna didn't press for details. It wasn't important. Deanna understood that if Tasha was inclined to share it, she could. But it wasn't necessary or expected.
But Deanna was aware that Tasha had felt unnecessary guilt over the encounter and had been actively avoiding the crewmate since.
"So, I finally spoke with him," Tasha said as she exhaled.
"And?" Deanna said as she waved her hand indicating Tasha should continue.
"We talked for a long time and I learned a lot," Tasha explained. "The incident impacted him in a way I did not imagine it would. He experienced a lot of guilt. He also shared he has been very worried about me since it happened."
"And how do you feel about that, Tasha?" Deanna asked.
"I feel bad. He's been trying to check up on me for some time and I've been short with him," she said.
There was a pause as Deanna let Tasha collect her thoughts before continuing.
"He gave me some bath salts because he noticed I have been tired and anxious," she explained. "It was very thoughtful. He was concerned that all the events recently have taken a toll on me and he wanted to make sure I was confiding in someone."
Tasha leaned forward as she tried to explain how she felt both very touched by his care but also overwhelmed by the experience. She told Deanna about his desire to respect her personal space and his concerns that he was causing her frustration. Tasha also shared that he offered to resign or transfer if she wished him to.
"Your feelings are valid. You're a very independent person and having someone step into your life that seems quite understanding of that part of your personality would be overwhelming," Deanna explained.
"Yeah," Tasha nodded slowly. She hadn't thought about it like that.
Tasha had escaped Turkana IV when she was 15. Following her escape, she had been one of the youngest students at Starfleet Academy. Tasha had poured herself into her coursework. She had always felt that she had something to prove to her older classmates. While she certainly had friends, she had always been on her own. She retained no contact with her only surviving family member, a younger sister who had made her own choice to stay on Turkana IV.
The Enterprise had been Tasha's longest posting and it was the first place she had ever felt like she was "home."
"It sounds like he's a man that's very in tune with his emotions," Deanna said with a kind smile.
A strange smirk spread across Tasha's face as if there was something she wanted to tell Deanna but was not ready to say aloud yet.
"I think there's a lot more to him than meets the eye," Tasha replied with a knowing look.
"If I may ask, one of the things that bothered you about the encounter was you felt that you had taken advantage of him in some way. Did you address this with him?" Deanna asked.
"Yes," Tasha said as she set her tea down on Deanna's coffee table. "Deanna, what I'm about to say I would ask that you keep between us."
Deanna waved her hand.
"Everything that is said her is confidential, Tasha," Deanna assured her.
"Part of why I felt that way was I inaccurately assumed he had little experience in the matter," Tasha explained. "Turns out I was wrong about that."
"You did say you felt that he was surprisingly intuitive about your needs," Deanna reminded her.
'Yes, he most certainly had been,' Tasha thought to herself.
Tasha went on to explain to Deanna his questions about her attraction to Lutan.
"When I explained to him that I wasn't attracted to Lutan but to the idea of being desirable, he told me that he accepted my advances because he enjoys the sound of my laugh, finds me intriguing, and that he finds me physically attractive," Tasha said nervously.
"Oh? So, there was some attraction outside of the polywater?" Deanna asked. "Was that attraction both ways or only on his part?"
Tasha hesitated. She had not thought much about her feelings for Data before the polywater incident.
She had always viewed him like a child. His inquiries about jokes and phrases, his technical wording, and his awkwardness made him seem so youthful and naïve. Yet at the same time, he was a highly decorated Starfleet officer, a considerate and patient friend, and emotionally mature in ways that were hard to describe.
Everything since the polywater incident had left her reeling with confusion.
"I sense you are feeling conflicted," Deanna said.
Tasha agreed.
"I feel like I had never considered him in that way, but I find I'm questioning why I didn't before," Tasha described. "He said he had an attraction beforehand. In fact, he shared that he was not affected by the polywater until after our encounter began."
Deanna raised her eyebrows.
"Eleven minutes to be precise," Tasha said.
"How could he even know that?" Deanna asked with a chuckle. "I would theorise that he was exposed at some point and lost track of the time."
"I looked up the report from Doctor Crusher," Tasha said matter-of-factly. "The average time between exposure and intoxication was 8-10 minutes. He was exposed after I touched his hand."
Deanna mulled over Tasha's statement.
"He accepted the invitation because he wanted to," Tasha explained. "And he felt so guilty about it he tried to resign."
"Tasha, this is very important," Deanna said slowly. "Did he know you were under the influence of the polywater?"
Tasha shifted in her seat. She could sense where Deanna was going with her question.
"I want to make very clear that what happened was consensual," Tasha stated stiffly.
"Tasha if you were under the influence of the polywater intoxication then you would not-" Deanna started to say but Tasha cut her off.
"Look, this is just theory from Doctor Crusher, but her research from the incident suggests that the polywater is different than intoxication. It lowers inhibitions but it doesn't remove the capacity for rational thought," Tasha said. "Plenty of people were tempted but chose not to act on those feelings."
Deanna had read through Doctor Crusher's theory on the polywater intoxication. But she was concerned given Tasha's past.
"Tasha, sometimes people will try to rationalise sexual assault by convincing themselves they consented," Deanna said.
Tasha shook her head.
"I know, Deanna," Tasha stated. "And you know that I know that. But that's not what happened."
Deanna's concern grew. She could sense Tasha was feeling defensive.
"Troi, he asked me for consent at every step. 'May I kiss you' and 'do you wish to continue'," Tasha trailed off. She turned her head to the side to break eye contact and Deanna could sense she was feeling embarrassed.
"Tasha even if he had feelings for you before the incident, he should not have allowed his feelings to overcome-" Deanna tried to say but Tasha interrupted.
"That's not what happened," Tasha said.
"But you can't know that," Deanna replied.
"Yes. I can. It's not possible for him to-" Tasha stopped suddenly as if she had caught herself before saying something she shouldn't.
Deanna waited for Tasha to proceed at her own comfort.
"I need you to trust me that he wouldn't do that," Tasha said.
"Answer me this, would he have stopped if you had said no?" Deanna asked seriously.
"Yes," Tasha answered without hesitation. "In fact, he did stop because I asked him to. And he waited for me to initiate before continuing."
Deanna's dark eyebrows shot upward in shock.
Every word of what Tasha had said was true.
"Data stop for a minute," Tasha had said.
He stopped immediately, moved away, and sat back onto his knees.
"Are you alright?" he had asked cautiously as he scanned her with yellow eyes full of concern.
"Yes," Tasha nodded. "It's just very warm."
Data nodded.
"I have noticed a marked increase in your body temperature," he replied. "Can I get you anything?"
Tasha shook her head and wiped the sweat from her brow.
"May I offer a suggestion?" Data asked as he cocked his head to the side.
Tasha nodded.
"Computer, lower ambient temperature by five degrees," he said as the computer acknowledged his request and Tasha felt cooler air begin to circulate into the room.
Resting her head back against the headboard she closed her eyes.
"Perhaps we should get you to Sickbay," Data recommended.
Tasha shook her head. She felt like she was being watched. She opened one eye and saw he was sitting motionless staring at her.
"What?" She asked with a small smile.
Data leaned forward and brushed a strand of hair behind her ear.
"I am thinking that your tousled hair is very becoming," he said softly.
Tasha grinned wider and bit her lip.
"But I am also thinking it may be best to get you to Sickbay and we can continue this activity at another time," he said seriously.
He swung his legs around and his feet made contact with the carpet. Before he could stand up, Tasha reached out and wrapped her arms around his chest. Resting her chin on his shoulder she placed a kiss on his neck.
"I don't want to take a rain check," she whispered against his ear. He quickly searched through his memory bank to determine the meaning of 'rain check.'
He took a hold of her hand and turned to face her.
"Are you certain you wish to continue?" he had asked in earnest.
"Yes," Tasha replied firmly with a smile as she pulled him back onto the bed.
Tasha snapped out of her thoughts as Deanna called her name.
"We don't have much time left before my next session," Deanna explained.
"Of course," Tasha said as she prepared to wrap up their session.
"Before you go, what's your next step?" Deanna asked.
Tasha froze. She hadn't discussed that with Data.
"I sense you are feeling scared," Deanna said suddenly as her eyes widened with alarm.
"I am," Tasha admitted. "I just realised that I can't have what I want."
Tasha had left Deanna's quarters feeling a hurt she couldn't explain. In the pit of her stomach she felt like she'd had a moment of joy snatched away. Deanna had inquired as to why Tasha insisted she felt she couldn't have what she wanted. Tasha had just shook her head vaguely. She could not explain it to Deanna. It would lead to too many questions.
Angrily, Tasha entered the turbolift. Crossing her arms in a huff, she closed her eyes as it made its way up to her quarters.
The familiar noise of a Klingon clearing his throat came from behind her.
Tasha turned around and apologised.
"I'm sorry, Worf," she said meekly.
"Is everything alright?" He asked.
"Just got a lot on my mind," Tasha said.
Worf nodded and did not press the issue. Worf and Tasha had a good understanding. They were both, in a sense, orphans and very independent people. They had found a mutual bond during their time on the Enterprise. They enjoyed challenging each other with holodeck adventures – rock climbing, martial arts, and high-impact workouts. She'd taught him how to spelunk and he'd introduced her to downhill skiing.
"After we have concluded our business on Styris IV I will be engaging in a new holodeck program," he said. "It's called Psicobloc. It is a solo rock climb above a body of water. It will be a most difficult climb. Although it is typically a solo activity, you would be welcome to join me."
Tasha smiled widely.
"You're on!" She said competitively as she stepped off the turbolift.
Worf gave her a rare Klingon smile in response.
Stepping off the turbolift she gave him a quick nod and made her way back to her quarters. Data would be stopping by later. She changed out of her uniform and into her workout clothes. Tasha needed to burn off some of her energy and frustration before then.
"Computer, play music Tasha's Workout 2," she said as she pulled her foot back to stretch her left quad.
Two hours later Tasha had completed her workout, showered, and had a quick meal for dinner. She was sitting on her sofa with her PADD as she input the instructions for the security for the Axtarre colony. It was one of the colonies that would be participating in the forum on the Enterprise.
The door chime sounded, and Tasha called for them to enter.
Data stepped into her quarters but moved no further than a foot inside. She took in his appearance as he stood there stoically. Standard duty uniforms were well-fitted, and Tasha couldn't deny that he wore it well.
"Hello," he said.
"Hi," she said as she turned around and motioned for him to take a seat.
Instead of sitting next to her on the couch, he chose to sit in the chair on the opposite side of the room. Unlike most of the other officers' quarters, Tasha only had the chair in the far corner and her sofa. She liked to keep the main space of her quarters open so she had ample room to workout.
"How are you doing?" Data asked as he cocked his head to the side.
"You're going to sit all the way over there?" Tasha asked as she cocked an eyebrow at him.
Data looked around before he got the hint. Standing up he took three long strides and sat down on the opposite side of her sofa.
Tasha set the PADD on the ledge of her window and soaked him in. He was sitting upright, his android body maintaining perfect posture. His hands rested on his thighs. He had beautiful hands. She had always anticipated that his hands would be cold, like a machine.
She bit her lip as she thought back to when his hand had gently tucked an errant strand of hair behind her ear. His hands had been pleasantly warm when they'd caressed her cheek and ghosted softly down her spine.
She calmed herself and folded her hands in her lap.
"I'll be honest, I'm not great," she replied.
Data's brown furrowed and a look of concern flashed across his face.
Tasha turned her gaze downward as she wrung her hands.
"The more I think about you the more I realise I want something I can't have," she confessed.
"Ah," Data replied softly. "Are you referring to Regulation 1138 regarding fraternisation?"
Tasha looked up at him and left her answer unspoken.
Although he knew he could not feel emotion, Data would describe the thought as 'bittersweet.'
Data reached out and took her hand. Pulling it toward him he covered it with his other hand.
"Then I am glad I did not destroy my memory engrams," Data said in a voice that was barely above a whisper. "Because I will treasure them."