By Chinesemoon
A/N: #3 in the Generation Before Us. I understand that this story could be slightly controversial to some people. I made Peter act and think in a certain way. I personally, am not totally sure what's behind Peter Pettigrew. I'm only putting out ONE possible theory. I hope no one is mad or offended. I'm only experimenting.
"Can you manage not to wrinkle my papers too much?"
Peter looked down at his lap. The comment evoked a sudden nervousness in him, and he mistakenly clutched the Transfiguration papers so they wrinkled around his chubby fingers. Peter gulped and looked up at Sirius.
"Right, I knew you would. You always do," Sirius sighed, leaning against the bark of their famous "study" tree. In fact, Peter was sure Sirius never opened a book while he sat against that large oak.
"S-sorry, Sirius."
"Yes, sorry indeed," Sirius replied. Despite it, he smiled a little. Peter withered inside with a growing anger. Like you care about your damn notes, Peter thought. I'd like to see you transfigure a tea cozy, you prat.
Peter turned away from Sirius. Instinctively, he turned his attention to James. The tall, dark haired boy sat next to Sirius. As was always, James held a snitch tightly between his slender fingers. Peter knew that every few seconds, he'd let it go, and grab it again. He could never exactly pinpoint why this amazed him so much. He supposed it was because of his own awful reflexes.
From the corner of his eye, Peter saw Remus move his head. Remus was the good one. He always attached himself to his books, making sure he knew every last detail of every last thing on the quizzes and on tests. James was talented- he was the best Chaser Hogwarts had known in years. That never stopped him from playing endlessly with the golden Snitch. Sirius- looks, talent, and brains, all in one. He had it all, and it wasn't fair.
What was Peter? Zero. A big, fat zero, to his friends and the world around him. Pity was what kept him attached to his friends. Pity- and it annoyed the hell out of him constantly.
Peter scrunched up his eyes. No, he mustn't think of that now. He had work to do. He turned his attention back to the notes. Study harder... because you're not stupid. You're not. Show them; show them all.
"Will you ever put that thing down?" Remus finally said, peering at James over his large, thick book. "It's very distracting."
"But it's so fun," James said, playfully.
"Blast your playing," Remus retorted. "Why don't you actually pick up a book?"
James let the Snitch fly free, and snatched a book up, fast as lightning. Sirius grabbed the Snitch, and it started all over again. A game of cat and mouse was often the object of most of their study time.
"Why were you held back in class today, Peter?" Remus asked.
James laughed. "Sleeping in class again, I'd wager."
Peter could feel the heat rising. His face was a deep crimson and he prayed for it to go away. He willed himself to speak up against James's jokes, just once, even. His outrage came stuttering out:
"I-I'll have you know, I-I was not—"
"Covering up, Wormtail," Sirius hooted. "You're guilty, I can see it!"
"Am not!"
"Are too!"
"Anyway," James said, cutting them off, "in all honesty, Pete, you really should learn to speak up in class. It will help you raise your grades."
Peter cringed. Learn to speak up in life as well. Maybe it will make me a different person. You'd all like that, wouldn't you?
Remus, simply being himself, sensed the tension. He turned to James and Sirius with a scolding look.
"Leave him alone, you guys."
Peter shot the light-haired boy a look. Remus smiled slightly at him.
You're my only true friend, Remus. You'll help me out.
"We were only playing, Remus," Sirius pouted at his friend. Peter watched them exchange glances. It was always the same. James ran off with Lily Evens and somehow, Remus and Sirius seemed be made for friendship. Peter felt left in the dust.
Who did he have? Himself, that's who.
"Besides," James laughed. "Someone's got to keep him on his toes."
Peter hid his glare. Why does it need to be you? You're not interested in real friendship, James.
James glanced at Peter and dropped his grin. "Hey," he said, seriously. "I'm only kidding Peter."
Of course you are James. That's all you ever do, kid me.
Peter shrugged. He tried to distract himself with something. School work, the grounds around them, a book. It didn't really matter. He knew somehow his mind would wander back to what James and Sirius were saying.
He couldn't concentrate around them, but he couldn't leave. He needed them. Without them, who was he? Without them, where was he? No one would know his name if it weren't for James, Sirius and Remus. They made him popular. They made him powerful. When he was with them, he felt that power. It was wonderful—
He had to have more of that power. He had to.
"What's the second ingredient in Polyjuice, Remus?" Peter asked suddenly.
Remus frowned and started thinking.
"Want to be someone else, Peter?" Sirius said seriously. He tilted his head at his small friend.
"We like you this way, Wormtail," James laughed. "Don't go changing on account of us!"
I don't like me this way, Peter thought. I'll find a way to stand out. Wait and see. You're always the best, James. Always the best… someday I will be better.
The subject changed, and Peter never heard what the second ingredient was. He vowed to look it up later. He was sure it would be on a test.
The skies grew darker, and the four Gryffindors walked back up to the Castle.
"Another good study day," Sirius yawned, stretching his arms.
"And you didn't lay a finger on any books," Remus said, smiling weakly.
"I'll cheat off of Peter during the tests," Sirius laughed.
"Make sure you stay away from him," James said, patting Peter on the back. "Sit next to me. I won't cheat off you."
"Yeah, right," Sirius shot back.
"Why do you tease me?" Peter asked, timidly.
"I'm only kidding you, Peter," James said honestly. "It's harmless fun. Hey, I'll lay off you now."
They walked on in silence for several minutes. Seeing, as always, the desperate need to laugh it off, Sirius added, "But I didn't say I would!"
James laughed with the other two. Peter walked ahead of them and took the stairs two at a time.
Someday Sirius… I will pay you back for every teasing comment you ever made. Peter tried to calm down, but he always got this way. Something inside him was screaming. He had to prove himself to the cruel world outside.
Why was power so important? He thought of every snide remark the Slytherins shot at him and every gentle tease his fellow classmates said. It was just a joke, they always chimed.
His life was just a big joke. He kept on living his joke, day after day.
I'll show you, James Potter.
FIN