Title: Hermione and the Mystery of the Sues
Summary: Hermione receives an invitation to attend a mysterious all-girls school in America for her seventh year. Anxious for the opportunity to experience new things, Hermione goes, but soon discovers that these girls have a VERY dreadful problem, and only Hermione can figure out their mystery, unless she becomes one of them first…
It was mid-August, the humid, sticky air hung low in the sky, and Hermione, Harry, and Ron sat slumped in the Weasley kitchen at the Burrow. All were looking very hot and uncomfortable. Ron was dozing off, and Harry looked as if he was having trouble keeping his eyes open as well. Hermione was attempting to stay alert, but the heat was just too exhausting. It wasn't until the three heard a hard tapping at the window behind the sink before they stirred.
"Wha's that?" Ron asked, shaking his head out of a lull.
"It's an…owl," Hermione responded, hoisting herself off of the sticky, moist from perspiration chair. She opened the window and let the sleek, large owl in. It stuck its leg out to her, and Hermione looked over to Ron.
"Take it. I'm not getting up," he said to her.
"Right." Hermione took the letter off of the owl's leg and read, "Hermione Granger, Kitchen, The Burrow. How strange. This isn't the Hogwarts seal, and I don't know who would be writing me…"
"Well read it, why don't you!" Harry called from his seat, but not moving an inch, for the heat was too stifling.
"All right, then," Hermione said, tearing open the seal. "Dear Miss Granger," She began, "It is our pleasure to invite you to spend your seventh year as an exchange student at our all-girls school in the United States of America. You are top in your class, and we feel that this would be not only a learning experience, but a wonderful cultural experience as well. Please send us your reply as soon as possible, and we will inform you with the materials you'll need and how you will be arriving. Sincerely, Bernadette Jaspers, Headmistress of Salem Witches Academy."
"Wow," said Harry, nodding his head. "Are you going to go?"
"Well, I don't know. I mean, this could be a wonderful experience, and I'll have to talk to Mum and Dad about it, and what about you two?" Hermione said very quickly.
"Ahh, we'll be fine, Hermione," Ron said, waving a hand in the air, and then dropping in heavily.
Just then, another loud knock was heard, but this time from the front door.
"You're up," Ron said to Hermione.
Hermione sighed. "Oh all right." She left the kitchen and went to see who was calling. A minute later, she peeked her head through to the kitchen and said, "It's Dumbledore!"
Ron looked incredulously to her. "But I thought he died?"
"Yes," Hermione snorted. "In canon. But this is fanon. Anything the author wants to happen can. So Dumbledore is alive."
"Oh. Right," Ron said.
The same held true with the defeat of Voldemort, which was why our heroes were not out hunting Horcruxes at this moment. At the very end of school, a mysterious girl had showed up at the Weasley's home, claiming to be connected to Harry and the prophecy and defeating Voldemort. She had also professed her undying love for Harry. When Harry had told her that his heart belonged to none other than Ginny Weasley, she sacrificed herself to defeat Voldemort. Now life was back to normal, and Dumbledore was apparently alive again.
Dumbledore walked into the kitchen behind Hermione and smiled to Ron and Harry. "Hermione," he said, "I see you have received the letter. Do you intend on taking this offer up?"
"Well, sir, I haven't really decided yet," Hermione replied.
"In my full opinion, I think you would benefit greatly in going," Dumbledore said.
"Really?" Hermione asked.
"Absolutely. We can owl your parents right now and tell them your plans."
Hermione nodded. "I guess so, then. Ron, Harry, I'm going to America!" Hermione said, beaming.
It had been only two weeks ago that Hermione had received her letter to attend Salem Witches Academy, and now she was only moments from arriving at the school. She was riding in a magical cabby, and Hermione could see the large school looming over the hill in front of her.
The cabby dropped her off at the bottom of this hill and she paid they fare. She was on school grounds now, so Hermione whispered, "Locomotor Trunks," and her trunks trailed behind her, Crookshanks scurrying along in their wake. When Hermione got to the top of the hill, she saw a sign that had "Salem Witches Institute" written sloppily above a scratched out carving. That's odd, Hermione thought to herself, but continued on.
The school was a very large manor house, that almost didn't look large enough to be a school, but there was a good chance that an enlargement spell had been cast upon it. Hermione approached the big double doors and knocked. The door creaked open, and a smiling, aging woman greeted her.
"You must be Hermione Granger!" she said. "My name is Bernadette Jaspers, but please call me Mrs. Jaspers. Serena, dear, come here and help Hermione with her bags."
One of the many girls who were congregated in the large hall stepped forward. She was tall, tanned, and skinny with very blonde hair that sparkled and shimmered and piercing blue eyes.
"Well, I have some work to attend to," Mrs. Jaspers said quickly. "See me if you've got any questions." And then she hurried off.
"That was rather unprofessional for a headmistress," Hermione muttered under her breath.
The girl called Serena laughed. "We don't have a headmistress. She's just…here. I'm Serena. And these," she motioned around her, "are my Su- I mean, sisters. My sisters."
Hermione looked around at all the bright eyed, beautiful girls surrounding her. Many of them were looking at her with the utmost disgust.
"Shall I take my bags somewhere?" Hermione asked.
"What? Bags? No, keep them with you. You don't have a house yet," Serena explained.
"A house? We had houses at Hogwarts!" Hermione said excitedly.
"Erm…Kind of," Serena said.
"What are their names?" Hermione asked.
"We can't tell you yet. You can't be sorted until you're finished, um, changing," Serena told Hermione.
"Changing? How? And how long will it be? And where will I sleep?"
"Oh, it could take a while, especially since," Serena looked Hermione up and down. "I have a good idea of where you'll go, but you have to finish the process first. And until then, I guess you can sleep in the shed."
"The shed?" Hermione asked, her eyes widening. "Isn't that a tad uncivilized?"
"Un-ci-vi-li-zed? That's an awfully big word," Serena said, looking to her Su—erm, sisters. They all shrugged their shoulders in confusion. "But we can start the process now, and maybe it will get finished quicker."
"Er, I'm actually rather tired," Hermione replied. "Could we start tomorrow after class?"
"Class?" one of the other gorgeous girls called out, and the rest of them began laughing.
"Let me show you to your…shed," Serena said, leading Hermione out of the hall, and then out of the hall and school. They walked behind the school, and Hermione saw a small shed. "There's a sleeping bag inside. Goodnight, then!"
Hermione sat huddled in the dark, and muttered, "Lumos". Now that her wand was lit, she saw that this shed had been inhabited before. There were tally marks on the walls that added up to fifteen. There was something extremely strange about this school. All of the girls were so odd. If she wasn't so curious, she would have left, but Hermione wouldn't rest until she figured out the mystery of this school. She shone her wand around the small inhabitance, and bypassed a book. At the sight of something to read, she shone her wand closer. Mary-Sues: Are They Real? How Do You Know How To Spot One? And How Do You Get Rid Of Them?
"Mary-Sues," Hermione muttered to herself, and immediately took the book from its place and delved into reading it, educating herself on the book's knowledge.
A/N: If you haven't guessed it, this is kind of a spoof. It is my version of where Sues come from, and how they recruit new Sues. I hope you enjoyed it! Leave me a review and tell me what you thought, because if it is bad, then I'll take it down.