Just a short to explain where Elizabeth has been lately as she talks with a not completely drugged up Lucky. There is some language, so consider yourself warned. Reviews are always welcome. Enjoy!
Elizabeth sighed as she relaxed, falling deeper into Lucky's arms. It had been such a long time since they had been together like this, much too long. She felt a pang of guilt shoot through her, and she wished that she had been there, that she had spent more time with him instead of using this time for her secret meetings with Patrick.
She looked down at her husband, who shot a dopey grin in her general direction. He was what she was doing this for. Moments like these…that was what this whole thing was about, why she had finally taken Patrick up on his offer to talk to her about becoming a surgical nurse.
"Stay with me tonight." He whispered so softly that for a moment, she thought she had imagined the words. She rolled her head more completely onto his chest, her body ready to comply with any demand he made. She felt so relaxed, and she couldn't remember feeling this calm since the last time Lucky was in the hospital. All the peaceful nights they had spent together suddenly seemed very much within her reach.
But a promise was a promise, and Patrick did already buy her a ticket. She had to leave, had to get to the charity auction. Her brain repeated that fact, but her body remained firmly planted on the bed next to Lucky.
When he shifted slightly beneath her, she realized that she had yet to answer his question.
"I…I can't. I told Gram I'd be by to pick up Cameron. I actually have to be heading out."
He nodded, but his body stiffened. As she rose to her feet, she noticed that his usual bombardment of questions about Cameron had failed to come.
It must be the morphine.
She maneuvered around the crinkled balls of paper that still lay strewn around the bed and floor to kiss him.
"I love you."
He just nodded, not looking at her. She made her departure, looking in the window for a few minutes afterwards. She sighed, knowing it was time she got herself together in an attempt to imitate a rich pillar of Port Charles society. Walking down the hallway, she missed by seconds her husband's desperate grab at the magazine on his nightstand before he swallowed two more hidden morphine pills.
"Elizabeth?" Emily made a desperate grab for her friend in an attempt to slow her down. Catching her arm, she twirled her around so they were facing each other.
"What's going on?"
Elizabeth hesitated for a minute, then pulled Emily over to the far side of the room.
"I don't want to be one of those women who can't spend a single night away from her husband. Someone who whines and complains if they have to be separated, even when they're in the same room."
"Let me guess…but you're going to go rushing off to see Lucky?"
"He's in the hospital, Emily. I never should have left him."
Emily eyed her friend suspiciously, knowing there was much more going on than she was letting her in on, "Did something happen?"
"I just had a conversation with Nikolas, and I guess you could say he made me see some things that I've been trying to hide from over the last few days. I've never lied to him before, Emily, and I hate it. I can't keep doing this, living a double life because I'm afraid he won't understand. He's really hurting right now, and I'm only making it worse by keeping things from him. If I don't talk to him right now, I may be too late. This secret isn't worth losing him over, Em. Nothing is."
Emily laughed as Elizabeth ran away. She knew it was inappropriate. She knew it wasn't the reaction she should have let loose. But it was comforting how some things remained the same.
Ever since Lucky and Elizabeth first started dating, they had been intense. They were either disgustingly blissfully happy, or else everything was wrong in the world and they were experiencing a gut wrenching misery. Their feelings for each other were powerful and passionate. Embarrassingly enough, they had found something at the age of fifteen that Emily still found herself searching for all these years later. She had never seen anything like it or experienced anything that even came close. Emily knew that Lucky would forgive Elizabeth for whatever wrong she had committed, and was thankful that at least one couple would get their happy ending tonight.
The sound of her heels making contact with the floor resounded off the empty walls around her. She quickened her pace, just needing to see him.
Opening his door, she stood silent for a few minutes, watching him, and for a moment she wondered if maybe she shouldn't have come. The clock had ticked away into the early hours of the morning, and she didn't want to wake him for this now.
As her eyes adjusted to the darkness in his room, she saw that the crumpled pieces of paper they had been playing with hours earlier seemed to have tripled, some sheets littering the floor around his bed. His sleeping was fitful, and he was mumbling something that she couldn't make out from that distance.
About to make a move towards him, she stopped when his eyes suddenly rested on her.
"Elizabeth," he smiled, his voice coming out deep and muffled, an endearing sound that she would never tire of.
"You look even more beautiful than I remember."
She laughed, moving over to sit next to him, "I haven't been gone that long."
"Oh. Maybe you're right."
He was starting to wake up now, awareness returning to him. She picked up one of the papers crumpled on the bed, needing something to take the energy out of her body. She crushed and unfolded it a few times before his writing caught her eye. She unfolded it completely, standing up and switching on a light as the words registered in her brain. How could she have not noticed this the last time she was here?
"Lucky, what is this?" Her voice was low, dangerous.
"Do you hear me? What the hell is this?" She was more frantic now, and she closed her eyes to trap the tears that were beginning to form there.
"It's not finished yet…"
Elizabeth - I know what happened between you and Patrick.
She picked up another one and read that one as well.
…All I've ever wanted is for you to be happy. And If he can give you what I can't…
…I'm just asking that, if there's even the smallest part of you that still loves me, I want to make this work. I promise that I will become whatever you need, whatever you're missing…
…You're the best thing that ever happened to me. I will always treasure the time that we had together…
She picked them up, one after another, bunching them up and throwing them across the room with all of her strength when she was done. Pieces of his words, fragments of his paragraphs caught her attention, pushing everything else aside.
When she could speak, he words escaped through her teeth, which were tightly clenched together.
"How. Dare. You."
He reached out to her, attempting to take her hand before she yanked it away.
"I told you I hadn't gotten it right yet."
"You're a bastard, and I'm never going to forgive you for this, Lucky."
"I don't blame you. I know that this whole thing has been my fault. I've been a jerk, and I drove you away. What are you supposed to do when you can't turn to your husband? I take full responsibility for this, Elizabeth, and I just want to make it right."
"Make it…just like that? Without even asking me, without having any of the facts? You assume that I'm sleeping with another man and you just throw it out there, just like that?"
"I know that you've been lying to me. I know that you left the hospital with him."
"That doesn't mean I'm having an affair with him! God, Lucky, I thought you knew me better than that. I thought you knew that is one thing that I would never do."
"I also thought that you wouldn't ever lie to me." His voice had been coming out more softly as their conversation progressed, and now it was barely a whisper.
She looked at him, saw the pain that was scrawled across his face. How had everything gotten so screwed up? She was keeping this secret to protect Lucky, to ensure that this wouldn't hurt him. And now that idea was completely shot to hell as he sat in front of her, convinced that he had done something so terrible that she had been forced to find solace in the arms of another man.
She knew that this was her fault. She shouldn't have lied to him, shouldn't have been sneaking around. But of all of the conclusions to draw, he came up with that?
Elizabeth took a deep breath as tears began to form in her eyes. Lucky reached out to her, hating to see the pain that she was in.
"Come here."
"No," she moved away from him again, "I hate you."
"I know. But hate me from down here."
And before she knew what had happened, she was lying next to him, resting her head on his chest. Damn it.
No wonder she never won an argument with him. The slightest physical contact drained all of the anger away from her, leaving her in a level of calm comparable only to sleep.
He stroked her hair gently, trying desperately to take away some of the pain that he had caused her.
He waited until she appeared calmer before trying to speak with her again.
"You know we have to talk about this."
"There's nothing left to say. You think I'm a two timing tramp and I think you're an assuming son of a bitch. Let's leave it at that."
He tilted her head so she was looking at him again. She appeared peaceful now, but he knew it was only a matter of time before he pissed her off again.
Choosing his words carefully, he knew he was fighting a losing battle.
"Maybe so. But I still love you. And I need to know…"
"I don't get you. I know how much you love me, and how hard you've tried to give me the life that you think I deserve. I've tried to tell you…I've tried to show you that none of that matters, but I can't make you believe me. Why can't I convince you, Lucky? Do I not try hard enough? Do I not love you enough?"
He kissed the top of her head, resting his own there. He had made a royal mess of things, and now he was clueless as to how to clean them up.
"Of course you do. But Elizabeth, we've promised each other over and over again that we wouldn't keep anything from each other. And as far as I know, you haven't until the last few days. And I didn't know what to think…and I can't help the places my mind wanders to."
She sighed, "How did we become so far apart?"
"We had a no lying policy for a reason. They mess with you head, create doubt when there doesn't need to be. I need you to tell me the truth, Elizabeth. Our whole relationship is counting on this. If you can't be honest with me, than we have nothing."
Elizabeth nodded, thinking back to the conversation she'd had with Nikolas earlier that night.
"You know how he feels about lies and betrayal, however imaginary they may be."
She had known that once. That had been the one rule they'd had for each other, the very foundation that their relationship had been built on. And now, she knew the whole thing was about to crumble if it wasn't resolved. She never thought something this harmless would impact them so deeply.
"I will. Just…please don't be mad?"
He didn't respond, and she bit her lip with nervousness. And then she remembered how this whole thing had started…
She wiped at her eyes aggressively with the back of her hands. After Emily had left, she had allowed herself to break down, absorb the unfairness of the whole situation. But the time for that was over. Action had to be taken.
Once she was sure she had erased all evidence of her tears, she made her way towards the Nurses Station, pulling Patrick Drake rudely away from Robin and into a sitting area.
"I've changed my mind."
"Am I supposed to know what you're talking about? Or you mean…ohh."
He started sizing her up, his eyes widening with her forwardness.
"Dream on. I take that back - don't bother. I need you to help me become a surgical nurse."
"Sure, we can set up a time to meet in a few…"
"Not a few weeks. Now."
He looked at her skeptically, "What's the big hurry?"
She nearly exploded at his inability to read her thoughts, "Do you know they won't even let you in the OR if you're just a lowly nurse? My husband is in there, fighting for his life, and they won't let me within twenty feet of the outer door!"
She took a breath to calm herself before speaking again, "He has saved my life more times than I can count, and I'll be damned if they're going to stop me from doing the same."
"Elizabeth, I admire your dedication…"
"I don't want to hear it. I'm not going to stand by and just wait while somebody that I love is being cut open. I'm not going to stand by and wait to find out whether they live or die. It's just not happening. So are you going to help me or not?"
Patrick paused. He did have a few important cases coming up, but alone time with Elizabeth could have its advantages. He let his eyes trail down her body again. Yeah, he could definitely see some benefits for him.
"Okay. Let's do this."
Elizabeth paused outside of the door. She hated leaving Lucky so soon after his operation, but he was going to be out for the next couple of hours anyway. The sooner she started, the sooner she could get this over with.
She looked down the hallway before knocking on the door. The guy made more money than God and he still hadn't managed to find himself an apartment yet? For some reason she couldn't quite place, it made her uncomfortable to think of him still living in a hotel after all of this time.
He opened the door, leaning on the doorframe in what he probably thought was a sexy and nonchalant manner.
"Hey gorgeous."
Elizabeth brushed past him, ignoring the continuous come-ons. Taking a seat on one of his chairs, she silently reminded herself why she was doing this.
"Okay, so what's the first thing I need to know?"
Elizabeth huffed again. He hadn't answered her latest question, and she felt his hand make a home on her leg and try to steal its way upwards.
She looked up at him just in time to see his face leaning in towards hers. Pushing him away, she stood up and crossed the room.
"Patrick! I told you that this was strictly business. If you can't keep this professional, I'll just have to find somebody else to help me who can."
"I promise I'll behave. Come sit back down."
She grudgingly did so, making sure to keep a safe distance between her and Doctor Feelgood.
She began twisting her wedding ring nervously around her finger, unable to hide the smile that crossed her lips as she did so.
Patrick frowned as he watched her. Sure, he liked a challenge, and he was used to being rejected on the first few attempts. But her complete disregard for him, coupled with her continuous babble about her husband left him more than discouraged. She was going to be a lot more work than he had anticipated.
He leaned towards her again, and she stood up with a huff that was louder than before.
Had she really only been here for an hour? It had seemed like an eternity. Although Patrick had seemed charming at the hospital, it had quickly become a tedious annoyance, and she had endured his company long enough for one day.
"Thanks for your help, but I need to get going."
"So soon? I thought that maybe we could have a little…"
"No." She answered simply before walking towards the door. Seeing her hesitation, he smiled as she turned back around.
"Oh, and Patrick?"
"Yes?"
"Touch me again, and I'll use my new scalpel know-how to chop off your fingers."
Having said this with a smile, she left the room, leaving a dumbfounded Doctor in her wake.
Elizabeth paused outside of the door. She hated leaving Lucky so soon after his operation, but he was going to be out for the next couple of hours anyway. The sooner she started, the sooner she could get this over with.Elizabeth huffed again. He hadn't answered her latest question, and she felt his hand make a home on her leg and try to steal its way upwards.She had hated seeing Patrick. But every time she checked in on Lucky, saw the amount of pain that he was in, she knew she had to continue. He wouldn't understand, but she knew she was doing the right thing for her family. After a few meetings with Patrick, she was beginning to learn just how much she could put up with and just how far she would go for her family.
"I don't understand. Why would you keep this from me? How could that have possibly upset me?"
"Lucky, I love you. And I love being married to you. But the biggest block we've had between us since we got together is the money issue. And I didn't want you to feel like I was doing this because you couldn't take care of us in the way that you've convinced yourself you need to."
At his continued silence, she knew she had struck a chord, and that's exactly where his mind had wandered to. She sat up, looking at him more directly.
"Lucky, you need to stop this. I know you want to give me everything, but baby the truth is that you have given me more than I ever dreamed possible. And whether you believe it or not, I would rather spend a lifetime living on the street with you and Cameron than spend a day in a mansion with anybody else."
"Baby, you do more for me than you will ever know."
He smiled at her in what he hoped was a reassuring manner.
"Lucky, my parents bought me anything that I could have possibly wanted. But I was so lonely in that house. Everything was so fragile. I was afraid that if I touched anything, it would shatter, right along with whatever affection my parents had for me. So me and Boris, we just tried to stay out of the way, and nobody ever came looking for us."
"And then with Ric," she broached this subject carefully, fully aware of Lucky's feelings towards her ex-husband, "He bought me everything I ever wanted. He took care of me so I could quit my job at Kelly's, but I just felt isolated. He bought me a huge house, and it turned out he was hiding a woman in there that he had kidnapped."
"The point is," she continued, realizing just how long she'd rambled, "The point is that I've spent way too much of my life being lonely, being provided for but ignored, or lied to. But when I'm with you…all of that just disappears. The sadness and the bitterness. With you, I'm never anything but happy and fulfilled. And I don't care if we're living in our apartment or sleeping under the docks. Nothing is going to change that."
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry that you spent so much time…"
She put a finger to his lips to silence him.
"I just needed you to know why I'm doing this. None of that other stuff matters anymore. Just please tell me that you understand."
He nodded, "I do. And I'm proud of you. You're going to be fantastic."
She smiled before leaning down to kiss him. It felt like weeks since she had been able to do this, been able to connect with him without any hidden barriers between the two of them. And she once more remembered why they had implemented this rule in the first place. She wouldn't trade what they had for anything.
"And what about this?"
He gestured towards the dress she was still wearing.
"You look beautiful, but somehow I doubt you got all dressed up just for me."
She sighed, "Carly had a benefit for Uncle Tony."
Lucky smiled. Not long after they had gotten back together, Elizabeth had begun to drop some of the formalities regarding his family. Now it was just 'Uncle Tony' and 'Aunt Ruby'. It made so much sense to him. Two unified hearts, one united family.
"I'm sorry I couldn't be there. I would have loved to dance with you tonight."
She laid down beside him again, needing him close to her.
"You owe me big. And as soon as I can take you home, I plan on collecting."
He nodded slowly, feeling sleep creep over him again.
"Lucky?"
"Yeah?"
"Can I stay with you tonight?"
He wrapped his arms around her more tightly before responding, "Every night."
She smiled before relaxing more fully into him, maneuvering herself carefully so her presence wouldn't cause him any more pain.
"Can I get you anything? Another blanket?"
She shook her head slowly, "No. All I want is you. All I want is this."
"Elizabeth." He sang the last word to her, serving as a lullaby as she fell into a deep and peaceful sleep.