A/N: hey guys. I'm sorry that it took me so long to update, I was doing a drama course and didn't realise that it would eat up my time like it did. Thankyou so much for your reviews. I have to say one thing that involves my grammar and spelling. Both are really crap. I know this, and I try really hard to fix them, but I never do really well. I plan to go threw all my chapters and fix every mistake up, but that will come when I have time. I've tried really hard with this chapter going threw every detail and making sure that there's no mistakes, but I'm sure there's bound to be some in there. Also you may have noticed that there are lots of name changes for Cam's brother, I've been switching between Jack and Jake without noticing. His name is Jack and I will fix up the other names when I get time. Thanks! (Oh, and I'm not quite sure about the rating for this chapter, it may have to go up… just to warn you)

This chapter is dedicated to all my new reviewers!

Ashes… Tragedies and Funerals

Cam

The rain still pours down as I step off her balcony. I step out into the rain and open my arms. I growl, lifting my face to the rain. I watch the rain appear in the grey sky. Nothing looks like rain. Water from a tap doesn't look like rain. Rain is too delicate to look like anything. I let myself get wet all over again, before I make myself walk away from her house, and as soon as I do, I know that that's it, that I have to do it, because it's over. Em and Peter were the only things that were keeping me from Neverland and their ties with me have been cut.

A sigh escapes me. I close my eyes and head towards Kensington letting water drip off my nose. I can see her kissing me all over again. It felt magical, like flying for the first time. Except not with a feeling of uncertainty. I felt like I knew what I was doing, and so did she.

'Don't you dare tell me that you don't have the same feelings for me Cameron, that kiss…' her words haunt me, not for the first time. There was no real excuse for me to get out of. I should have told her the truth, and even ask her to come with me. But that would be betraying Peter, and I couldn't do that. I stop at the park bench and wonder if Bella will be coming tonight. She will know of course of Peter's death, all of Neverland will feel it.

I think. I have to disappear now, but how? Could I just disappear like Peter, or make my decisions even more final, by faking my death. I don't want to do either, because I know both will hurt Em, and the main thing I wanted to do was avoid that.

The funeral is a couple of days later. It's raining again. The ceremony seems to rush past me, I don't take it in at all. I arrive and watch it, as though in a trance. I can't tell any sense of time. I can't remember what was just said. I feel jetlagged like the world's spinning and I'm just floating along. I try to concentrate, but I find it impossible, my thoughts are drifting and I can't catch any of them.

I hear my name being called and walk to the microphone. It seems to take an age. Like each step I take is only a centimetre long. Almost as though there is a secret force pushing against me. I finally get to the stand, and am glad that there is something that is hiding at least a little of my hands. They seem intent on shaking. I stare at my speech in front of me. But instead of starting to read, I look up, feeling everyone's eyes upon me. I put my hand over the paper and speak into the microphone.

'Peter was my grandfather, he was a man on the outside, but was a boy mind and heart. He was the best grandfather a boy growing up could want, but there always comes a time for goodbyes, and this is his. He could have ended up dying in a fight, or even in an old nursery, but it is still Peter wherever and however he died. And this is my goodbye.'

I step down off the podium, and then I hear a clap. I look up and see Em. She doesn't look me in the eye, but she starts a continuos clap, and everyone joins in. I sit and they stop, listening to the next person to stand.

I don't know what to think of Em. I don't know whether she has forgiven me, or whether she has called truce. I think back to the way she held me, long with a passion, and how a single tear dropped from her full eyes as I said my goodbye to her. But I don't get much time to think as my mother puts her hand in mine and takes me out to the cremation.

I still can't believe that Peter is being cremated. He didn't want that. Everyone knows that. I don't understand why though. Why must they cremate him? It didn't say to in his will, it didn't say much in his will, but that doesn't matter.

I watch as his coffin is put into the fire, it's horrific. It would probably be as bad as seeing him being buried, but watching him go into the fire, it makes it seem as though he is really dead. It just makes it seem so final. It comes crashing down on my head as I realise it. Something that my head couldn't quite get around. I will never see Peter again. My head doesn't want to believe it. It physically believes that I will see him again, but I won't. My brain tells me so, but a fight with heart and brain leaves me confused.

Soon it's over and the crunching sounds finally come to a stop. I feel shaken, and I can feel no warmth in my face, as I watch the ashes are put into the urn we chose. Dad's hands are shaking as he collects the ashes. I can't bear it anymore. I have to get out of hear. The walls seem to be closing in on me. I feel claustrophobic. I silently leave.

'Cam!' Jack comes after me. I'm outside in the rain. I look up at him his face pouring with raindrops already. I have to be cold. To feel pain, to be numb, I shake in my bones. 'Why did you let that happen?'

'What do you mean?' I ask, frustrated. I'm sick of doing everything wrong.

'Why did you let Peter be reduced to ashes? You know that he didn't want that.' He's getting pissed off now.

'Do you really think that mum or dad fucking care what I say. Even if I suggested it they'd be down my throat in a second, saying that they knew him better.' My throat is closing and I feel a lump growing. I want to let out all the anger. All the anger that I've kept bottled up since Peter's death. A fire now burns brightly, no longer the burnt out ambers that I left it to be. It now thrives on the oxygen I give it, my anger.

'Fuck Cam, you could have at least tried. You knew him best, everyone knows that. They tried to hide it by organising this themselves. I thought you had some sense.' That really ticks me off.

'What the hell are you saying. I did fucking try. But they didn't think did they? And you can't talk you didn't even try. You have no idea what it was like to have him die in front of my own eyes.'

'I know you watched him die, but you got the privilege of speaking to him last. We all knew that he was going. Even you who didn't dare believe it. It could have been any one of us that he spoke to last, and you had that privilege. Besides, at least you're not the one who has failed in life?'

'You are so stuck up! Fucking hell. I watched my grandfather die, the only person who understood me, and your saying that it's worse to have people not look up to you. Ever think that because you're so busy being a rebel that I'm stuck with picking up the rubbish after you. I'm stuck with a path that I never wanted to fucking go down!'

'A path that you never fucking wanted to go down? What path would that be?'

'I don't want to be a freaking doctor Jack, and if you bothered getting to know me, you'd know that too!' I turn my heel and walk into the rain, not caring anymore. My fire was burning deep inside me. It was too big, I would explode in any second. I felt my hands clench and unclench unconsciously. The rain slowly started killing the fire and I am left cold and shaking. I'm leaving tonight anyway, no matter what anyone says.

I walk into Jack's room later. I'm still wet from just coming home. I had spent the last couple of hours walking around in the rain, making sure that my fire was definitely out. He's not there so I leave a note; I know that he'll never forgive himself if I disappear with us having just had a fight.

Dear Jack,

I know that you will hate me for this, and that you won't forgive me but I have to do this. I forgive you for what you have said in the past, and I hope you can forgive me too. I'm sorry if I cause pain in any way. Please don't show this to anyone, it's between you and me.

Cam

I leave it where only he can notice it and go to my room to pack.

My dad walks into my room later on. For a moment I think that he found the note, but then I realise that he carrying Peter's ashes. He paces the room with them still in his hands. I'm glad that he is too caught up to notice that my room has been turned upside down and a couple of bags have been packed.

'Cam I'm so sorry,' he finally bursts out. 'I knew Peter shouldn't have been cremated, he wouldn't have wanted that. I just wanted to show that I knew him better than you, but I didn't.' I look up at him. He seems really frustrated with himself.

'You take them. Put them where you think is best,' he says shoving them at me. Once he knows that I have them he leaves. I look down at them in my hands and hold them as though they are a prized possession.

And it's the ashes that help me gather the bags and the ashes that help me step off the window, letting the night take me.

Em

I'm there when it happens. In the morning when Trish comes running down screaming.

'He's gone,' she sobbed into Simons' chest.

And I'm there afterwards when the police come and ask questions and when the search party returns without him.

I was there for a check up early in the morning when Trish called him for breakfast. He didn't answer so she went upstairs to his room. That's when the screaming started, it seemed to never stop. Never ending.

The police came after mum went to call them. Everyone was in pieces, but I noticed that Jack silently crept out of the house.

After they stated that it looked like a voluntary leave they sent out the search party. They asked me questions.

'What's your name?'

'Em- Emmaline Darling,' I self-consciously wince. No one actually knew that was my full name, I always go after Em. The policeman wrote it down on his clipboard. It reminded me of the time that Simon had interviewed me.

'How did you know the boy missing?' The boy missing was of course Cam. But the police didn't reefer to him that way. The boy missing was now Cam's name.

'I'm his dad's patients, we were really good friends.' I wanted to emphasis the 'were' but I didn't. I still don't know what possessed me to clap him at Peter's funeral.

'Anything else, you weren't boyfriend and girlfriend?' That really stings. I close my eyes and shake my head, not trusting my voice.

'They could have been.' Jack comes back and opens the fridge. I'm being interviewed in the kitchen for some strange reason. I put my head in my hands. I just want to scream with frustration. I feel someone's hands on my shoulders. I know that they're Jacks.

'I'm sorry officer, but could you please postpone this interview, Em has had a really hard time lately and she was here when we found out Cam was gone. I think it would be best if she could relax now.' I am silently thanking him. The officer shows a little complaint and then Jack is off with me.

He takes me to the wharf and I'm hit with memories of me with Cam.

'What happened between you two?'

'What do you mean?' I don't want to act dumb but I have to act something. He gives me a look and then goes on walking.

'You don't have to tell me, but I want to somehow make sense of this.' It's that and the comforting thought of telling someone something that makes me tell him.

'The little bugger,' he says as I finish. We head back to the house and that's all he says. We are deep in thought.

Jack

After she tells me about the fight I am taken back to last night when I found the note. I got home at two in the morning after wandering about. I had picked up the piece of paper and read it. I had known then and there that he had gone and wasn't coming back. I wish that he had told me where he had gone. I had run into the room and found his clothes spread everywhere. I saw footprints scattered on the floor as though he had been pacing.

It had been me who had found him not there. It had been me who had done nothing about it. And it had been me who had the fight with him. I think back to the stupid things I said to him. God, I wish I could take it all back.

Cam

I take the ashes to the cemetery and scatter half of them all over it, and ironically most of them land next to Wendy's grave. Then I make my way to Neverland.

I spend the next couple of days perfecting my skills and not worrying about Em… much. I try not to think of Peter's ashes, it just makes it seem so real. I always see them when I enter the tree house. They sit there as though they are haunting me.

Living in Neverland is really different to being there, or visiting. You are there all the time, and have all the time to do anything.

The real change is that flying has clicked for me. It was really strange. I woke up the night after I arrived, to find that I was hovering over my bed. So I got excited and went around Neverland five times, which was great. Suddenly I could do anything in the air. I could dance and twirl and every other thing you can think of that you can do on the ground, but in the air. Everyone was so excited that the fairies held a ball in my honour.

The fairies, the Indians, the mermaids and what seemed to be all the other creatures living in Neverland, came to the ball. It was held in the treetops of the trees on the shore of the lagoon. The fairies had made it absolutely beautiful. They had put little fairy lights among the trees as a joke, and somehow had made everything seem neat. The moon shone in the velvet sky, reflecting on the rippling water. We sat and ate in the trees for the first half of the ball, and then went to the shore and danced with sand in between the crooks of our toes.

Finally, the Indians made a fire and we danced around it in a tribal dance, kicking the sand everywhere. Then one by one they all left until all that was left was the fairies and I. Then with a flourish, they too seemed to disappear until I noticed the fairy King still on his throne. He beckoned me forward.

'Sir Cameron, we have decided that in honour of the late Peter Pan, we will hold a funeral tomorrow, and empty his spirits to Neverland,' he said and pretended not to notice as I winced at his choice of words… the late Peter Pan. Sir Cameron was what they called me, the fairies. Emptying his spirits was emptying his ashes. They had never really understood the reason for cremating.

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The next day again everyone in Neverland arrives in the fairies cemetery. Its an elegant place with weeping willows silently swaying in the breeze. Delicate white flowers are sprouted around each of the graves. It's a silent place, eerie in a way. Everyone knew Peter in one way or another. If they knew him through another person, or knew him personally you couldn't tell, they were all mourning in their own way. It was a quiet ceremony and peaceful. Then, I empty the ashes over the cemetery, where you can see the ashes leaving marks on the white delicate flowers. They slowly float up twirling and moving with the wind, landing here and there throughout Neverland.

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After that they leave me in peace, even Bella who always seems to be on my case. I go flying, every little place in Neverland that I haven't seen yet I explore now. It seems not to register in my brain though. If someone asked me where I had been, I wouldn't be able to tell them.

I come to a place that is a beach. It is long, curving in the middle and ending with rocks. Sand dunes with tufts of grass on them rise and fall to the side opposite the water, only a thin strip in between them. I land on this strip, liking the feel on the sand on my feet. I walk slowly and see a set of footprints beside mine. They are small, as though they belong to a child about three or four. I follow them and see as the child went from running to walking. They moved to the sand dunes, and obviously jumped of them, tumbling into the sand. I follow, and as I jump I see a pattern in the sand, almost like an artwork. It is an engraving of a girl wearing a dress, jumping off a sand dune. I know that she belongs to the footprints. I smile. This is her homeland, I have come into it, and she has let me.

I decide to go to England, to see what was happening in my own homeland. I leave the girl, taking one last glance at her, noticing her smile and her eyes that are too big for her face.

I arrive in England and go straight to Em's house. I find her siting in the middle of the nursery, her back to the window. Her whole body is shaking, so I suspect she is crying, cradling something in her hands. I know she knows and I feel guilty.

I watch her for a while until she gets up suddenly and screams. She gives me such a shock that I almost fall from the tree that I'm resting on. She chucks the thing that was resting in her hand and I see that it is Wendy's diary.

She runs to the mirror, sees her face and roughly wipes away the tears, but they keep falling. She collapses onto the ground sobbing again.

'How could he does this to me? They're all leaving me, first dad, then Wendy and now Cam. And these fucking headaches that won't bloody go away,' she sobs.

That's when I leave. She collapses again onto the ground, her whole body shaking. And that's the last I see of her as I fly into the dark black night.

A/N: So that's that chapter done. Thanks for everyone's reviews! Auriela- I agree with you in every way, yes so sad!

Tinkerflyinbell-thanks for reviewing all my chapters!

Tearzofblood-thank you so much, your review meant a lot to me!

SarahE7191-thanks for your review, I'm glad you like it, my lips are sealed about Em though.

hp6-I'm so sorry that I had you crying, hopefully you won't have to in the future, but I'm glad you find my fic that emotional!

Eva Sumpter-thanks for reviewing!