So, the following may be difficult to read if English is not your first language, or if you're using an automatic translator, thanks to a certain Gungan. If you struggle, pm me, or leave a comment and I'll try to translate those lines back to regular English for you.
Chapter 5 - A Reason for Jar Jar
Things had all gone precisely as planned. Sure, there was a little bit of anxiety as the Queen escaped Naboo, but then it only took a few minor revisions to put things back on track, getting her Highness (spit, that should be no one but me!) herself to declare no confidence. (Genius, I impress myself sometimes.) The Queen even had the grace to clean up after the Trade Federation. Sure, it meant he'd have to put his plans for a secessionist movement on hold temporarily, (Five to ten, less with good behavior, pfah) but his grand scheme should still be possible.
His former apprentice, however… Maul proved to be a disappointment. To go up against six Jedi was unexpected. It was supposed to be just Jinn and the Padawan. Enough to make a statement, even if he failed to kill them both. But he went up against Five Masters, and it was the padawan that took him down. 'How embarrassing!' He didn't even take one down!
Still, with him out of the way, Sidious would have to fit in the training of another apprentice. And, speaking of which, the Jedi's newest recruit had a Midi-Chlorian count that was making this Sith envious beyond belief. 'The Power!' That boy, turned, would make an excellent apprentice. There was just one drawback: The Jedi found him first.
'My master used to say…' gee it had been a long time since Palpatine used that line. 'A Jedi's only use is as a tool.' Sure when they fell you could get them to cause trouble for their fellow Jedi easily enough. And when carefully factored into a scheme, could be quite useful. But a fallen Jedi can never be a proper Sith Apprentice. In his Master's opinion they were too soft, fixated on whatever crisis led to their fall, and too rigid, stuck in their old patterns of doing things.
'But it would be such a waste not to try,' Palpatine thought. He just needed to gain access to the youngling, 'What's his name?' And he'd need to experiment with his methods in training.
Palpatine smiled. Nothing thrilled him more than learning new ways to cause mayhem. He just needed a Jedi test subject.
'Hhhh, I know the perfect tool,' thought Palpatine. "Computer," He spoke up. "Call the Count of Serenno."
Mace was with the Jedi, having a meeting to discuss their investigations regarding the Sith. The lack of information they were learning was shocking. He was starting to believe Yoda's tale about them having a Sith under their noses for a decade as the Supreme Chancellor. 'If they've learned to hide this well…'
"Masters," Depa Billaba interrupted. "Before we go on, I wanted to bring up the subject of Anakin's training. Obi-Wan has been bonding with him, taking him out to see Naboo, but where should we start his lessons?"
"Emotional control... The Code… Beginning Lightsaber Forms…" The councilors started to throw out suggestions all at once.
"Reading," Master Even Piell suggested last, with a tone like he was stating the obvious. Everyone looked at him in surprise. He sighed. "I've been consulting Master Jinn about the details of Tatooine Slavery. The boy's master, I understand, had him working in a shop all day. Sithspit! He was a slave! It's not like they'd let him attend school!"
There was a moment of silence where everyone processed that answer. Mace felt his Master, Yoda, react with shock as well. He'd said that academic subjects were never Anakin's strong suit, but Mace supposed he never did know the reason why.
"Alright…" Mace was interrupted by a tapping on the council door.
"Enter," said Yoda as he used the Force to push the door open.
"Master Jedi," a casually dressed Padme greeted. "I come from the Queen with invitations to attend a Parade this weekend."
"Oh, uh…" Mace stuttered. None of the Jedi would say anything, but the royal switcheroo wasn't an impervious technique. Anyone with a strong Force sensitivity, and a little bit of training could tell it was really her. "The council was preparing to finish our work here tomorrow. Parades really aren't our thing, to be honest."
"But you have to stay. The parade is for the people's recovery, as much as anything else. And you've been so helpful for their recovery. It's important that the people see you at the celebration as well."
"A very good point, you make..." Yoda answered her. For a moment Mace felt relieved. He had always found these situations awkward, and was glad Yoda would refuse for him. But then the Grandmaster spoke again. "Attend these celebrations, we shall."
And the floor dropped out from under Mace. He was not expecting that answer.
"Oh good! And you have to attend a party the queen is throwing afterwards. It'll be right here, in the palace. All of her top councilors will be attending."
"The Supreme Chancellor?" Yoda inquired.
"Umm… He hasn't confirmed either way yet. He did ask me if young Anakin would be attending though." The Queen Giggled. "He's been asking the queen about him a lot lately. Apparently none of the times he's tried reaching out to you, has young Ani been available."
"Yes, a lot to teach him, there is. Busy, young Skywalker has been. But attend the Queen's Party, he shall," Yoda confirmed.
"Oh, thank you Masters." Padme bowed in polite reply, and ran out of the chamber.
Mace glared at the little green Jedi. He opened their old bond to discuss this. 'Master?'
'Yes?' Yoda inquired.
'I thought our priority was to keep Anakin away from the Chancellor.'
Yoda nodded. 'Our priority, it continues to be.'
'Then why did we just tell her that Anakin will attend her party? At such an event it will be difficult, no, impossible to keep them apart.'
'Impossible, few things are.' Yoda answered, and he turned back to the group.
"From touring the hangar, Anakin and his Master soon will return. Lessons in reading Basic, I can start teaching." Yaddle volunteered. "A fine Library, Theed has."
"A good idea, Master Yaddle." Plo complimented.
Depa winced. "Wait… Should we even be using that word around him? Master, I mean as a slave it's probably got a lot of bad memories associated.
"But it's for that reason that we must use it." Even insisted. "We'd never be able to get the whole order to stop using a word that for over a millenia has marked achievement. If we avoid the word it will only make his reaction worse. Master Jinn has already explained the meaning difference. Now I suggest we flood him with the term. By hearing it often, he will eventually stop reacting to it." He paused for a moment to take in Depa's cold stare. "Remind him of the meaning if you must, but don't stop using it."
"I agree, he'll reject it if we cradle him." Saesee Tiin turned back to Yaddle and changed the subject, "Take him the back way to the Library. Chancellor Palpatine goes for regular walks up the main street."
"Uh-" Mace was surprised. He and Yoda hadn't mentioned any details about Palpatine to any of the other councilors. But then Saesee had always been good at picking up other people's thoughts, even when they had shields up.
"Does this have to do with Master Yoda's vision?" Ki-Adi-Mundi asked.
Mace and Yoda eyed each other in surprise. "How did you know about that? Did Master Rancisis tell you?" Mace eyed the Master, remembering his excuse from before.
"No," Oppo Rancisis started.
"I told him," said Adi Gallia. "I heard about it from Master Koon, who heard it from Master Koth."
Mace rolled his eyes. It was easy to forget how much gossip goes on outside of council sessions. "Yes. We believe Anakin is a sensitive youngling, and want to limit influences from outside of the order. Plainly, we don't trust him yet."
'Good words,' Yoda confirmed over the bond.
"It is odd that he is so insistent on seeing Anakin in person. Any politician would have left a message with us for him then moved on," Plo Koon noticed.
"I think we are unanimous in this. The Chancellor stays away from the boy," Oppo said.
"We can run him ragged with false statements saying he is busy, but perhaps a more permanent solution is called for." Adi suggested. "Master Poof, could you perform a mind trick, impersonating Anakin for us? I'm thinking, during the Queen's party."
Yarael Poof closed his eyes and a few seconds later Anakin appeared in the center of the room.
"Marvelous!" Adi approved.
"Wizard!" the boy seemed to say. The council laughed.
'See. Impossible, it is not.' Yoda gloated in Mace's head.
Jar Jar Binks was loving his new life. Once rejected by his own people and exiled for mere accidents, his life now could not compare. His people called him Bombad General and asked, no begged, him to represent them in the big city, Theed.
"Jar Jar, there you are. Quick, I need you," Padme ushered him over to her.
"Uh, what yousa needen mesa per, milady?" Jar Jar asked.
"I need you to find Anakin. He'll be coming to the party tonight. I was going to meet him, but Jedi Master Gallia came to me at the last minute and wanted to talk economic policy. I've tried to get out of it but she won't take the hint." The young Queen's eyes got big.
"Do yousa wanten mesa to talken tada Jedi mastah?" Jar Jar offered.
Then Padme sighed. "No, I'm sorry, it's my job. Just, when you find Ani, give him this." She handed him the shell of a Yobcrab. "He gave me this from Tatooine." She pulled a necklace from her dress to show him. "And I wanted to return the favor. Tell him, it's so he can keep a piece of Naboo with him."
"Mesa will give Anakin disa bu-utiful lob from yous da boss," Jar Jar agreed.
Padme nodded and laughed. "Oh, and will you tell him that I know he will make an excellent Jedi."
"Disa me will do," Jar Jar replied as he took the gift from Padme's outstretched hand. "Now to searcha da younglen," he muttered to himself as he entered the room.
"Mesa sawry. Itsa axadent." Jar Jar apologized to the two servers he had crashed into in less than thirty seconds of attending the party. They cleaned up the remains of the fish dish they were carrying, and left without a spoken complaint, choosing to give the Gungan resentful looks instead.
"Oh, but Chancellor, blah blah blah blah," Jedi Master Mace Windu went on about one topic or another.
Jar Jar supposed he should try to show more interest in the political goings on that were being discussed, with him working for the Naboo Boss Lady.
"Blah blah blah blah," The Chancellor replied. From what Jar Jar understood, he was the Supreme Boss Man of the Galaxy. All that being said, even he didn't look very interested in the conversation. His eyes kept roaming around the room..
Jar Jar's attention was drawn around the room as well. Just then he saw a little blond boy enter the party room with a short, green Jedi and a very tall Jedi with a long neck and grey skin. 'Mastah Yoda and Mastah Poof,' Jar Jar named. But he remembered his task from the Boss Lady and talking to the boy had to be more interesting than this anyways.
"Ani yo Ani," Jar Jar shouted. The boy didn't turn to him, but continued walking upstairs to a set of doors and out to the balcony. There weren't any lights lit out there, as most of the guests were inside the Palace.
"You must know that it is against blah blah policy to blah blah blah." Mace went on without realizing his companion's disinterest and pulled the Supreme Boss's attention back to him.
Jar Jar abandoned them both and ran for the balcony.
Yoda sat with Yarael, hidden on the balcony away from their illusion. Everything was going well so far. Adi Gallia had successfully distracted the Queen, the one person here who'd interacted with Anakin the most and who could see past their illusion. Mace was keeping Palpatine busy and distracted until the ideal moment. Now that they were almost in position, all that remained was to distract his fellow Master at the ideal moment.
'The doors are opening, wait this is too soon.'
"Ani," Called the Gungan Jar Jar Binks. Yoda breathed a sigh of relief. "Me have a lob per yousa from da boss lady, uh Padme." He went to pull something from his pocket, only then realizing there was a spilled fritter on his vest. He pulled it off him then made a yuck face as he pulled a sardine off of it. He threw it away onto the floor of the balcony saying, "Yuck, who eats doze." He then threw the fritter into his mouth and exclaimed, "Yum! Good foosa. Oh, Ah. Hair yousa gos."
While Yarael was manipulating the force illusion, Yoda used the Force to make the seashell Jar Jar handed over hover above the illusion's hand.
"Thank you Jar Jar," fake Anakin said.
"Disa from Padme. Yousa know, a lob from da sea supposed to besa lucky. What elder gungan's sayen."
"There's no such thing as luck." Fake Anakin said.
"Me no know. Me never had any," Jar Jar answered.
Yarael looked at Yoda who shrugged.
"Tell the queen I said thank you for the gift, and I'll keep it with me always," Fake Anakin said with a smile.
Jar Jar nodded. "Goodbye Ani. Me will missen yousa."
"Goodbye Jar Jar," Fake Anakin said, and the Gungan turned away.
Just then there was activity on the earpiece comms the Jedi all wore. "Guys, we have a late arrival of Knight Kenobi and Initiate Skywalker." Plo Koon's voice was frantic.
This was unexpected, sure. But it was also an opportunity. "Go downstairs. Hide Anakin. A personal chat with him, perhaps the Queen would like to have." Yoda held out his hand and the shell landed on his palm. "Go. Hold the illusion, I can. Not wholly unpracticed, my skills are."
Jar Jar walked away from the balcony, feeling a touch depressed. Ever since he was a younglen, he knew others cringed when he approached. Was it his fault everything seemed to fall apart to his touch?
"Hey you. Have you seen Anakin?" asked an old man Jar Jar only belatedly realized was the Supreme Boss, Palpatine.
"Yesa, hesa out dalee." Jar Jar pointed towards the balcony. Palpatine didn't stay a moment longer.
Jar Jar's thoughts went back to his larvae-hood. 'Mother and father, daysa sayen mesa ba-aad luck. Daysa no wanten Jar Jar.' The Gungan wiped a tear from his eye. 'Elder Fenta Kess wanten jar jar. Shesa sayen dalee a reesin per every younglen. Some hard to see, but dalee always a reesin.'
Jar Jar stood there, he didn't know how long, before he finally remembered part of the message he was asked to give Anakin. "Ooh. Me'd frogrets headen ef not attachen. Ani!"
Yoda did not stay crouched down behind the planters as Yarael left. He stepped out and stood under the illusion, letting it Masquerade his appearance. Yarael was proficient enough to build this illusion as detailed as he could make it, with a near copy of Anakin's Force signature. It was all as Yoda had asked.
'He's on your way. Master, do you want assistance? Without Yarael…" Mace offered over their bond.
'No. The others, you should help. At the party, stay.' Yoda knew this next part would be easier with an aid, but he just could not risk it. If everything was to go wrong, they must have plausible deniability.
Yoda didn't have to wait long. The door to the balcony opened again to reveal a much younger version of his former adversary.
"Hello young one. Uh, Anakin, your name is? As a representative of Naboo I wanted to thank you for your part in setting my world free."
Yoda had Fake Anakin turn slowly towards his, would be, future Master. "Unnecessary. Your thanks are not necessary. I did what anyone would do." Yoda breathed a sigh of relief. One of the more difficult parts to these illusions was remembering to talk like the person you're imitating. And Yoda did not have as much practice as Yarael had.
"Yes, yes you did. Still your achievements were spectacular. Did the Jedi tell you that? I know they often neglect to say such things. It's an effort to encourage humility. But I think you have plenty of that, my friend. May I call you that, my friend?
"Friend?" Fake Anakin held his hand out in front of him. "Are you sure? Not Your apprentice? Master?" The illusion of Anakin crackled and reformed into Yoda's memory of older Anakin. At that moment Yoda used the force to push Palpatine towards the edge of the balcony.
Palpatine's eyes opened wide in shock. Then with a glare of anger he pushed back. Palpatine took a large step forward, and his foot stepped on a discarded sardine, lying on the balcony floor. Still coated in it's sauces, the sardine slipped out from under Palpatine's shoe.
Yoda recognized the opportunity when he had it. He dropped the illusion and pushed again.
"Ani! Huh, Where Ani?" Jar Jar stepped out onto the balcony. All he saw there was Yoda and Palpatine, leaning back, dangerously so, against the balcony railing.
Yoda was going to tell him to go back inside, but before the words left his mouth, Jar Jar stepped forwards. His foot stepped in the new smear of fritter sauce on the floor and he slipped. His body collided with Palpatine, who pushed him away in a frantic attempt not to fall back. One he failed at, as his body crashed down below.
Yoda walked to the edge of the balcony to peer below at the no longer future Emperor.
"Me'm sawry." Jar Jar shed a tear. "Hesa saved mesa. Did yousa see dat? Boss manen saved mesa!"
Yoda nodded to Jar Jar. He did not see a point in correcting the Gungan's impressions of a dead man.
As he left the balcony, a crowd was already starting to gather to see what dropped out of the Palace's upper floor. If asked, Yoda would say he tried to help, but the chancellor leaned too far off the edge.
Padme would mourn her former mentor, and attend his funeral wearing a black dress. And a new, taller railing would be built in this one's place.
Much of the universe would never know what dark future died this day. Much of the universe would never have to.
Hey guys,
I'm betting none of you saw that one coming. Yoda trying to off Palpatine was one of the logical things I thought he'd add to his to do list. And I liked the idea of it being the unlucky, clumsy gungan Jar Jar that really does take him out. This story is not over yet, as I do have more ideas. And, yes, there will be more angst.
I tried writing the party scene in a few other POV's before I decided on Jar Jar's. It felt best in the scene, and it allowed me to blah blah over the small talk scenes. There's nothing I struggle with more than small talk, real world or fiction.
I used an English to Gungan translator on the internet, only really making up a few words. Yeah, the internet has one of those. Because, why not. Spell check hates me now.
And I know the Canon did not mention any party after the Parade, but… Why not? It's logical. And Padme didn't give Ani a gift at the end of the movie either, but I thought I'd add one anyway. It is a common cultural phenomenon to give a gift for a gift, and Ani did give her that carved Japor Snippet in the movie. From my reading Naboo culture did celebrate the water, so I thought a seashell was a nice gift.
This is not the last of my Jar Jar ideas. He will be back, possibly in the next chapter. There will be some fluffy Anakin training scenes, alright a lot of those, and I promised you angst. Sidious may or may not be the last Sith out there. I read up on the obvious character's wookieepedia pages, both legends and canon, and decided on my own interpretation of the story and timeline. It's not exactly either, but it's close enough there shouldn't be any complaints.