Here I Stand
In the boat, I watch him. His back faces me, and his stance is mature and grave. Yet on the inside, I know he is smiling with excitement and anticipation. I stand behind him, a feeling of dread held in my gut. The boat ride seems to go very fast even though we are going so slow that we create no wake.
"Just think Prop," he says using the name that I only he and Bo to use. "Just think."
That's all he says, and he doesn't look at me while he says it. The silence is driving me crazy, and I crave to hear the sound of his voice.
"Think about what Scip?" I ask.
"All that we can do," he replies. "No one will be able to tell us what to do. No one will ever call us children again."
I say nothing.
"Second thoughts?" he asks, still not turning to face me.
Again, I stay silent.
"If you won't do it for yourself," he begins and I know I won't be able to resist if he asks me to do it for him. "Think of Bo. Think of what you can do for Bo. You can get a job, and you'll be able to actually support him."
"I've already talked to Bo," I reply slightly relieved. "He doesn't want me to do it."
Silence.
"So I'm on my own?"
"It…would seem that way."
I hear him sigh, and I know he's upset. I wish it didn't have to be this way…I wish…
I wish he were going through it with me. I wish I could tell him how I feel. I wish a lot of things. I wish he felt the same way I did. Even if he did we couldn't be together. I mean…no one would accept us. Ida and Victor wouldn't. My father sure as heck would never accept us. Ida would probably throw Prop out of the house and Bo would demand to go with him. They wouldn't be able to stay at my house. My father would never allow it.
No, it was best that no one found out.
He probably liked Hornet anyway. Everyone knew that she liked him. A lot. She didn't exactly do a good job of hiding it. I'm just a freak. No normal boy likes another boy the way I do. Normal boys only like other boys as friends.
"Scip?" he asks. His voice sends chills down my spine.
"Yeah?" I reply softly.
"What are you thinking about?"
'You, us…' I want to reply. "Nothing special," I lie. 'Forgive me Prop,' I think to myself. 'You are more special than you know.'
Even though I am not facing him I can see a look of disappointment on his face. It's like he can read my thoughts and he knew I had just lied to him. I really do hate lying to him, but it's for the best. It's best that he never know. The two of us can never be together. I move my eyes to the bottom of the boat. I'm doing very poorly at stopping the tears that threaten to fall. Memories rush into my mind. The first was the time when Prosper, Bo, and the others found out my secret about my life as a "rich boy." The image of Prosper's face is still engraved in my mind. I told myself I would never do anything to have him make that face again. Yet here I stand, doing it again.
Then I remember the time when Bo almost found out my secret love for Prosper. I had been watching Prosper while he slept and accidentally let slip that I love him. I had said it out loud. The Bo appeared behind me and asked me what I had said. I lied and said it was nothing. Well I'm nothing. Nothing more than a liar and Prosper deserves better.
"Prosper," I say.
"What?" he replies.
My hesitance is noticeable. I want so badly to tell him how I feel.
"I…" I begin. "I'm sorry." What's wrong with me? All I have to say is 'I love you!'
"I'm sorry," he says to me.
But what is he sorry about? Did he do something horribly wrong that I don't know about? Or is it something I know about but can't figure out? What do I say? Unsure, I say nothing. Then I wonder if he thinks I won't forgive him.
"Sorry about what?"
But a reply doesn't come. It's almost as if he was saying it to himself. I love that he's mysterious.
We ride the rest of the way in silence. The only noise being made is the heavy breathing that escapes from both of our mouths. As I see lights coming closer and closer I realize that we are approaching the island. We slow down the motor even more so that it can barely be heard, even by us. I can see Scip turn rigid. He's even more anxious now that we are so close. I still can't believe he is going through with it.
We decide it would be too obvious if we put the boat up front, so we dock it down a bit where no one would see it. We begin to walk with me following him. This is his night, and he will shine. And I have no idea where we're going.
Soon, however, we are caught by a young girl and two big dogs. She tells us we're going to go see her brother and he will know what to do with us.
Her brother is kind, kinder than she would have liked him to be, but he is the eldest sibling. He tells us of their first childhood. I'm confused, but Scip acts like he has heard this story over and over again. The brother tells us how he and his sister were child servants, how they were robbed of their childhood, and as they aged, their younger years seemed to disappear. Then it clicks in my mind.
The Merry-Go-Round. It worked.
They had used the Merry-Go-Round to restore their youth and get back the childhood they never had. I know now that Scipio would never turn back. I hang my head in despair.
The young boy brings us to the back yard where the Merry-Go-Round is located. Scip's eyes become round and bright with joy. I know this is the end. The young boy tells us to choose the wooden creature of our liking, and I inform him that Scipio will be the only one riding. Scipio gives me that look that makes my heart melt. He chooses the Seahorse. As he climbs on I find myself wanting to shout, 'Scip, don't do this! I love you!' But I stay silent. If I told him, he would probably just scoff at me and call me a freak anway.
The young boy started to crank the Merry-Go-Round and it began to spin. It spun faster and faster and tears sprang to my eyes. Soon the young boy backed away and the Merry-Go-Round continued to spin by itself.
And I just stand there, watching the boy I love become the man I cannot.
A/N: ok so that was my first ever Thief Lord fanfic! Yes it is a one-shot, so plz don't say "update soon" in your review. Plz tell me what you think!