Title: Sanity
Summary: Everyone thinks Sidney keeps Hawkeye sane. It's more reciprocal than that.
Pairing: Hawkeye/Sidney
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Pfffffft, I own nothing. I wish.
A/N: Thanks for the beta, Kelly. This was for the prompt word 'crow.'
I've never really liked keeping journals, probably because I'm afraid I'll analyze myself, but I've decided that I need a place to record my random thoughts, sometimes.
I'm not much for talking. I prefer to listen. That makes sense, right? I'm a psychiatrist. We're supposed to like listening.
It probably also makes sense that I would fall for someone like Hawkeye Pierce—he's a man who likes to talk, that's for sure.
We fit together. It's why we work.
However, while Hawkeye likes that I am quiet, reserved, calm, and a good listener, he also likes it when he can make me loud. Which he does, and on a fairly regular basis.
I'm amazed, really, by some of the noises I make when we're together. Most of the time I don't even know I can make certain sounds; I'm always amazed at how loud Hawkeye makes me.
I don't think I've ever had a lover who had 'make Sidney loud' always on their list of things to do. It's different.
It's Hawkeye.
It doesn't take much to figure out why he does it—he likes to see me lose a little bit of my control. I don't mind in the least, and if that's what it takes to keep Hawkeye happy, I am more than willing to oblige him.
I'm pretty sure this is part of the attraction anyone has to Hawkeye—especially myself. The man is wild and fire and explosions all rolled into one. He has the ability to take you to a new place, a high place, where everything is perfect and you never want to leave. I'm not comparing sex with Hawkeye to a religious experience,but it is certainly an experience of some kind.Now that I read over my loopy scrawl, I've come to the conclusion that I'd better not let him read this. He'd never let me hear the end of it.
The point I was trying to make, however, was that Hawkeye is someone who can take the lead and let you just let go and feel. And, even when you're used to the control, you still have no problem giving it up to Hawkeye. The passionate, outspoken doctor is just... inherently trustworthy.
It's nice.
I'm a psychiatrist, so all day long, I'm the one in control, helping, taking care of others, and as much as I truly love my job, it can be exhausting. Hawkeye helps with that, I think.
Ultimately, I feel that my relationship with Hawkeye is definitely a unique one. Hawkeye Pierce can be one of the most difficult people to understand, and even more difficult to have deep feelings for. I know what Hawkeye and I have is deeper than just sex and lust, but the man defines passion and fire. Sometimes I feel unsure as to how long the fire will last.
I hope it lasts awhile.
I've come to need his ways of making me lose control, making me cry out in pleasure, and making me forget about the exhaustion. I've come to need him.
Once, I believe I called him the sanest person I've ever met. I was right.
He's what keeps me sane.
-End