A/N: I'm going to attempt the impossible and keep two stories going at once. Wish my luck. I started up a Yahoo Group for both stories, just click the link on my author profile. I've got a new beta reader, Pheobie. She likes this story better than my other one (me too) so hopefully I'll still be cranking out this one when right now my mind is on Betrayal of the Phoenix. And she pointed out both of my stories have the word Betray in it. Whoops! And this story will be getting mighty philosophical and spiritual later in the story. Thought you should know. Also, after the Half Blood Prince comes out, I will change parts of the story that clash with it. Can't do that with my other story, but this one will be HBP compatible. I bet all I'll have to do is change a couple of characters around. This took a while to get out because now that I've decided to make a real fic out of this, I had to get together a viable back story together for many characters and get some major plot things in place and a basic outline together. I also graduated from Georgia Tech, and had to finish up finals and well, celebrating, and finding a job :-) Enough jibber jabber, on we go!

Betrayed, Used, and Royally Pissed

By LeTimbo

Chapter 4

There are some days, like today, when I believe that I really do belong here. This suffering, this torment, of being locked up is nothing compared to what I was going through outside Azkaban. The final battle was supposed to be the end of the torment, but in many ways it was only the starting point. After I finally offed Riddle, people began to tell me what they truly thought of me. Ron told me how he was sick of always being in my shadow, Ginny told me she thought I could have finished the job earlier than I had, Lavender told me she would never understand what she saw in me other than my fame, even the twins jumped on the bandwagon, giving me back the thousand galleons I gave them and telling me they should have never accepted money from a dark wizard. As if they were one to talk. Pranks can be funny, but they certainly have some darkness to them. Playing magical tricks on people, especially Muggles, was the first step many of Riddle's supporters took.

But I belong here. I would be lying if I said I never used Dark Magic, but honestly, who hadn't in the war? Using only light magic got many a good wizard killed, and using only dark magic got many a bad wizard killed. It took both light magic and dark acts to kill Riddle in the end: chopping off his head while cleansing his soul. But I did use it and because of that I do belong here in some fashion, but so do a lot of other wizards. I distinctly recall the Minister, Amos Diggory, using a killing curse or two when he was ambushed by Death Eaters. Is he still the minister anyhow?

With the wizarding world beginning to turn against me and my so-called friends betraying me, I was starting to live up to my reputation of being angry and violent towards others and myself. I would snap whenever I saw most of my old friends and the Daily Prophet always seemed to be there when it happened. I even got into a fist fight with Seamus in a pub when he started to proclaim to everyone in the Muggle pub that I was the darkest wizard that had ever lived, who was going to become the next Dark Lord, and that I had tried to use the imperious curse on him to compel him to sleep with me. I chalked the second one up to the large amounts of rum he had consumed, but the first struck a nerve with me, and before I knew it, a full scale barroom brawl had broken out…and I had broken his nose and a couple of other important bones. This was about a week or two before my incarceration and I can see how angry I was getting at the world. I should work on that, but every time I start thinking about being here I flare up in anger. And nothing gets me angrier than one of Ron's visits which, by the indications of the dementors' behavior, is coming sooner rather than later.

There only seems to be two members of the Weasly family left, Charlie and Molly. The others are dead, like Arthur, Percy and Bill, or betrayed the Weasly family name like the twins, Ron and Ginny. You would think that your best friends would actually stick up for you instead of constantly believing the worst about you. And Ginny…I saved her neck more times than I can remember, starting with her first year at Hogwarts. She started treating me normally in fifth year, but I never expected her to treat me like I was evil and about to snap. At the trial she said that I reminded her of Tom Riddle, the diary version that was about to become one of the vilest wizards ever lived not the one that I killed years later. I couldn't even tell if she was telling the truth or not…she must have been trained to have strong enough mental defenses to block me out. She seemed so innocent before the war, but I think that part of what happened in her first year corrupted that innocence…either that or it was all an act. I'll never forget seeing her throw Luna in front of her to take a killing curse. She tried to deny it, sure, but I know what I saw and Neville saw the same. After that she stopped being part of the active combat, claiming that she couldn't work without her partner. I guess she shouldn't have killed her partner if she wanted to keep on fighting.

After that the tensions between us were high – Hermione was still friends with her, but quickly learned not to try and get us to be friends. I was furious with Ginny after the Luna debacle, which she just didn't seem to get. She should not have sacrificed Luna like that…if she had enough time to pull Luna in the way she had enough time to duck. I assume she just panicked. About two months after is when Arthur was killed by Percy and she wanted to blame somebody; she decided that I was the right target. By that time everyone in the Order knew the prophecy and she started to blame me for not going after Riddle sooner and getting her father killed. I think she even blamed me for Percy going dark. As if I had control of that. As for going after Riddle faster, I wanted to, but we had no ways of killing Riddle at the point, so it would have either been a stalemate or I would have been killed. The one time I mounted a serious attempt to go on my own and fight Riddle, Kingsley stopped me before I could leave, and he knew just what I was about to do. Early in the war I took every death personally, but as the war progressed there was just too many deaths. After Hogwarts I was fighting people myself and couldn't take deaths personally anymore. At least that's what the trainers taught us. So she blamed me making those last few years were mightily uncomfortable in HQ.

I think Ron had the same thoughts as Ginny, but I'm pretty sure Hermione calmed him enough to not say anything. After Hermione fell in the final battle, he didn't have any calming force and he exploded, saying that I was evil, that I was the next Voldemort (which was the first time he managed to say his name without stuttering), that I was responsible for not only the deaths of Hermione, Arthur, Percy, Bill and Dumbledore, but would go after him and Ginny next. The two Weaslys were after my head and were the ones that led the charge to throw my ass in jail. They tried me for all sorts of crimes, but by that point I didn't even bother paying attention to the litany…I knew when I was taken into the courtroom that I would be sent to Azkaban. They called me a traitor to the light…what a joke. They are the ones who betrayed their principles and their friend.

I can't believe I gave him a key to the Potter family vault. After Hermione's parents were murdered in seventh year, I decided to give Hermione a key to the Black family vaults, which I was in control of after Sirius was killed and I was of age. I told her that she should feel free to take as much as she needed for her SPEW campaign or whatever else she needed the money before. After Arthur was murdered, it seemed only fair that I give Ron a key to the Potter family vaults, so that his family could keep fighting and surviving after Arthur's death. I'm sure the Potter vaults are completely empty by now and Hermione never really had the chance to use her key.

I was right about Ron's impending visit. It must be the anniversary of my imprisonment. I could tell he was coming before he even stepped foot in the prison. The dementors started to lollygag outside of my cell and I would see an auror every now and then. They had learned not to put aurors I was familiar with on my hall after Ron's first visit when I recognized those that escorted Ron and we got into a minor verbal confrontation. My throat was sore for days afterwards, but they usually are after Ron visits.

"Well, Well, Well Mr. Potter, we meet again." That sneering voice sounded all too familiar. "Is the little traitor insane yet?"

"The little traitor I'm looking at must be insane to be carrying on with this charade."

Ron's face turned red. He is still easy to bait after all of these years, and his face still clashes with his hair. "You will not speak to me like that again."

"Oh who are you to be telling me what I can say and what I can't?"

"I'm the Assistant Minister of Magic, that's who."

I snarled externally but grinned internally. Too easy. "Percy's old stomping ground. Should someone warn Molly to watch out?"

I wonder if his head could actually explode from being angry. Maybe I would just hope for a stroke. It drives him even angrier that I'm totally calm talking to him.

"You think you could get out of here and you want to go after my mother? You sick bastard." I rolled my eyes. Sometimes I wish Hermione were here just to act as an interpreter for him, going from grown up talk to the dumbed down version of English that Ron understands.

"I was referring to you, treacherous moron. Why would I go after Molly when her and Charlie are the only ones left in the Weasly family with any sort of redeeming qualities? Arthur would be ashamed of you."

Charlie never believed what Ron, Ginny and the twins were telling him, but he never outwardly spoke up…or if he tried his voice was always drowned out by his siblings. It wasn't news for Charlie to speak up in my defense, but it was special edition worthy for the best friend of Harry Potter to speak up against him with trumped up charges.

"My father is dead because of you and if he were alive he would see you for the Dark Wizard that you are."

"And he would see you for the treacherous rat you are."

"Go to hell Potter. Azkaban is clearly affecting your sanity if you think you are even worthy of talking about my father, much less knowing what he would say. You are the reason he died, the reason my Mum's insane, the reason why my oldest brother is dead AND THE REASON WHY MY GIRLFRIEND WAS MURDERED."

"Your girlfriend had more honor in her pinky than in you and your sister combined. She was more honorable in death than either of you are alive."

"HOW DARE YOU TALK ABOUT MY SISTER!"

"She threw her partner's body in front of her to save her own hide than apparated away out of the battle, leaving all of those muggles to die at the hands of Death Eaters."

"She was trying to save her hide. If you thought about saving people's lives, then you wouldn't be in here you traitor."

"Oh, I never cared about saving people's lives. That's why I saved your sister's life first year, the reason why I even bothered in fighting against Riddle in the first place."

"You fought against Voldemort so you could take his place."

This ticked me off. How could these sheep believe that I wanted to take Riddle's place as the Dark Lord. "What evidence do you have that I would want to ever take Riddle's place? That's ridiculous!"

"You killed him to take over! Why else would you?"

"Maybe to save everyone's lives?" Merciful Merlin, how was I ever friends with this guy. If he's Assistant Minister of Magic…what kind of organization are they running?

"Well you certainly didn't care about saving…"

"Oh shut up already. Why didn't YOU do anything to save Arthur or Bill? You had just as much training as I did you nitwit."

Ron seemed to completely ignore my point and kept ranting. "…when you had the chance and the duty to."

"I had the duty to. Why is that Mr. Self Righteous?" not like I actually expected him to know what that term means.

"The fates decreed it." Ah that damned prophecy once again. Most people in the Order believed it, and it did explain a lot actually, but there was a contingent that saw it as a fake. Some didn't think any prophecies were real and some thought it was just Trelawny. I did believe the prophecy, whether or not it was self-fulfilling, as Hermione swore up and down. Trelawny's prophecy was right about Pettigrew after all, and this had the same creepiness to it.

"As I recall you weren't quite sure that prophecy was indeed real."

"Well, you believed it to be real, and if you took it on your shoulders to save the world then you should have thought about saving Dad and everyone else – they were part of the world too."

"Well that's the first right thing you've said all day. People are part of the world too. Although I doubt that we're living on the same planet…"

"Because you're off in dark bonko world…"

"And you're on self-righteous-jealous-moron-pratland with your dear sister."

"If anybody's jealous it's you. You were always jealous of my family, so you had to kill some of them and destroy my family from the inside. You were jealous of my relationship with Hermione, so you got her killed. Even now you are jealous of my freedom." This did it. This was the final shove over the edge.

"I may be the green-eyed one, but you are clearly the jealous one, which is why you led the fight to throw me in prison, so you could finally come into your own on the front page, with the tell all completely fake story behind the boy-who-lived-to-be-evil to sell to the highest bidder. You got money and fame, something that I think if Riddle ever thought of offering, you would have joined him in a heartbeat…"

"YOU THINK I WOULD HAVE GONE TO RIDDLE!" Ron tried to scream over me but I kept on ranting and rolling…

"…and you found the perfect scapegoat for your precious ministry. The first step in any fascist regime is a communal rallying against a common enemy. After Tom was dead, who still managed to divide Britain fairly effectively, you had to find a new enemy to maintain your power and who better than the guy who killed the evil Voldemort? You got both the Voldemort supporters and the Voldemort haters on the same page, all against Potter. Well newsflash, people will eventually see through this sham and you will be held accountable." Ron looked ready to pull his wand and hex me oblivion, but that would require him to step inside my cell. And I doubt he wants to face me anytime without a 100-person army. I turned my back on him and decided to practice some of my magical training exercises.

I doubt Ron got the whole fascist thing…the only reason why I know about it is Hermione and when we were talking about the neutral problem. She got angry, screamed we were all bloody fascists and stormed out of the meeting. I had no idea what she called me, so she sat me down and explained it all after she had cooled down. She mentioned that rise of Hitler and Grindelwald, and Riddle the first time, involved rallying around a common enemy and seeking to unite society behind getting rid of that enemy. That started to blend the masses together, united by hate, into the fascist machine. Well they had their enemy that united society: me.

As if I wanted to be in a society like that anyhow. Wizarding society has never impressed me that much. What other society idolizes a baby for something that he had no power and no control over? These people stalked me before I even know that wands were real, and these people believed everything they heard about me, good or bad. Who wants to be part of their world when they change their minds based of what people tell them? Who wants to be part of a world that idolizes an infant and automatically reverts to said infant in a time of crisis? Sheep. They're all brainless sheep. Well, that's a little far. Not everyone in the Wizarding world is brainless, just most of them, particularly the British ones.

One Ron visit is all it takes to reaffirm that I do not belong in here. Sure, I have a slight anger problem, but this certainly isn't the place to fix it. Well, it's not really a problem if the anger is directed correctly. Anger directed at Riddle was necessary for the survival of the Wizarding World. But I did get angry with people who didn't really deserve it. Albus? He deserved it more often than not, but once he realized that we were equals in the war and I wasn't automatically subversive to him, then we got along pretty well. My friends rarely deserved it, but every now and then they did. Snape…I remember when I blew up at Snape. He deserved my anger as a student in my early years, but I blew up at him after Hogwarts and I admit he really didn't deserve it.

It was when I was close to breaking after Percy killed Arthur, and Ginny and Ron were blaming me for everything under the sun. We had no warning that Percy was a death eater...he never showed up in my sporadic visions and Snape had never told us. And I wanted to know why he didn't know. He was the spy afterall…

Snape! WHY THE HELL DIDN'T YOU WARN US ABOUT PERCY?

-Potter, it is not my duty to tell you things you should have already known.

YES it IS your job you git! That's what spies DO!

-Did it ever cross your mind that the Dark Lord kept him secret in order to avoid any leaks?

Hunh? You didn't know? YOU DIDN'T KNOW? WHY IN THE HELL SHOULD WE BOTHER WITH YOU WHEN YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO ARE DEATHEATERS AND WHO AREN'T?

-Mr. Potter you will calm yourself now.

Shove it Minerva. How many MORE people do you want to die? How are you any less responsible for Arthur's death than Percy?

-Or you?

At that comment I snapped. McGonagall thought I was channeling Riddle but Snape knew that my Occlumency was well beyond that happening again. I was just ticked off and I needed to vent on someone and he was there. I don't think I got the punch in before Hagrid pulled me off of him. I was still struggling, but eventually I was hit with a full body bind…and the whole situation's fuzzy after that.

My relationship with Snape wasn't the same after that…but that's not saying much. Sure after he killed Dumbledore he seemed he was on Riddle's side, but after a few attempts to kill him when he tried to explain himself, I finally listen to what his reasonings - he had to, and Dumbledore wanted it. Dumbledore was on death's door already, Snape not only did him a favor but firmly planted himself in Tommy-boy's inner circle. Still...we were never close, but we did have a working respect after my graduation, before Arthur's murder. After that we just kept away from each other as much as possible until that final week before the last battle. The research team had finally come through with a way to kill Riddle for good and we needed the right set up. The night that Snape was to go to Riddle I kept my mind open and initiated a vision so I could see how it went. Snape was going to feed Riddle misinformation to lead him into the battle, but Riddle expected something was up and Riddle had the perfect punishment in mind. Snape was always teased about being a vampire and this constant teasing eventually caused Snape's dislike of vampires to become a fear of them. Riddle knew this and had Snape turned that night. It was gruesome to watch…

Snape was able to make it out after that and came back to HQ. Albus whisked him off to St. Mungos and I never saw Snape again. The War ended a week later, after we stormed Riddle's HQ. After that the Order was disbanded, so I never saw him at a meeting, and why would I voluntarily see him again? A couple of months later I was thrown in here and certainly did not see him at my trial, which surprised me. I thought he would have showed up just to laugh at me.

Clang

The sound of the evening bowl of water. They give us water twice a day and bread only in the morning. Yelling at Ron made my throat pretty dry, so I grabbed the bowl, which immediately warmed to my touch…that normally doesn't happen…and what's that feeling? It feels familiar…wait…what the…