Playing with Voldemort
I was sitting with Hermione on a tree branch. My short legs were swinging about, and hers were as well. We were cute, Voldemort told me afterwards; he even took a picture. I still have that picture, tucked away somewhere deep in my secret pocket on my ugliest pair of boxers. Did we kiss? I can hardly remember, but Hermione looked so cute in her pink and white striped sleeveless dress and the yellow straw hat. I guess I didn't look very hot in Dudley's baggy trousers and yellow sweater, but hey, nobody's perfect, and it's actually those green eyes and sexy scar that count most. We were three at the time, and I called Hermione Herm-own-ninny-poo, because I couldn't pronounce her name. She called me "Hair". I suppose I did need "hair". Aunty Petunia cut my hair every two days, to keep it from growing out of control. Voldemort was my best friend back then. We spent hours comparing our bug collections and blasting furniture. And scaring the crap out of the neighbors when we ran around the block playing "giants and wizards". Oh how I miss the times when me and Vol could just have fun together, without the whole nemesis shit in between. But Mister Dumbledore is strict, no playing with your enemies. I guess I can accord him that much, seeing as he saved my life at least twenty eight times (from the snake, the tree, the pillow, the pink bowl, the shrinking toy car, the smelly scissors, the spitting teapot, the little red beach ball, the little red key, the little red teddy bear, the big white furnace, the green and grey striped balloon, the terracotta mansion, the tree, the cat, the pinstriped trousers, the elephant, the baby foot figurine, aunty petunia, uncle Vernon, the devil, a little cube of dough, two angry mice, three blind mice, three dumb monkeys, a doorbell and my shoes).
I owe him THAT much…
But I saved him twenty five times! HA! Three more times, and we'll be equal. And then I'll be able to play with Voldemort again…
But for now, I have to play with Ron Weasley. He's boring. He's got a card collection and likes food as much as Dudley. He's got ORANGE HAIR for god's sake…! I don't want to be prejudicial, but OH. MY. GOD! Orange hair is soooo not my thing! Although I once saw a cute red haired chick in the park making sandcastles. Voldemort told me not to come close to her, although I really wanted to. We later found out she was really a ghoul in disguise. I guess Voldy saved my life there! I'm very grateful, and that's so IN YOUR FACE MISTER DUMBLEDORE! See…my so-called nemesis saved my life! I love you Voldemort! -kiss, kiss- (Voldemort) Thank you, thank you, I love you too Harry! –kiss,kiss- (Hermione) AND MEEE? (Harry and Voldy) WE LOVE YOU TOO HERMIONE! –kiss, kiss, chmock- (Ron) AND MEEEEE? (Harry, Voldy, Hermione) NOOOOO! We don't love YOUUUUU! (Ron) I-you-I-Uh…BOOOOOHOOOOOOHOOOOOOOO YOU KILLED MY LIFE YOU WOKE MY DEATH AND NOW I DIE MY TEARS ARE SHED YOU SEE THE BLOOD YOU SEE HE PAIN AND DRIVE THE KNIFE IN ME AGAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIINNNN! -falls on the ground-
(Harry, Voldy and Hermione) Good riddance -smirk- !
Yeah…those were good times. Now, even though I'm wearing expensive Dolce and Gabbana vermillion robes, and I'm on Top of the pops and "The Coolest guy On Earth", I still miss the times when I was sitting in a tree with Hermione and Voldemort was laughing and taking pictures. I miss the times when me and Voldemort ran around shouting "DEMENTORS, DEMENTORS" on the top of our voices. I miss playing with Voldemort. Three more times to save Mister Dumbledore's life, and maybe I'll see Voldy again…
I hope so! I REALLY, REALLY DO!
This was a random, weird fic, which came upon me when I was being bored (aka NOW). Don't worry if it spooks you. It spooked me… ;P