Ah yes... I've pulled myself out of that stifling abyss called Procrastination. :Gasp: Seriously, I wrote this last year amongst August and September...and I'm posting it now? Cripes, I finished typing it up yesterday...
Thank God I didn't have a word count restriction. I might have broken down and cried if I looked back and found out I did. I'm very happen with this one.
Okay. I really suck with names. I can't create them to save my life, so please take pity on me. Here's a run-down for simplicity sake:
Manami Yamino - Riku's Mom
Tatsuki Shimura - Sora's Mom
Yamoto Shimura - Sora's Dad
Kaoru Memoria - Kairi's Adoptive Mom
Reiji Memoria - Kairi's Adoptive Dad
Geez, I don't even recall if Kairi's Dad says anything in this yarn of weirdness. If he does, I don't make it known that it's him... I so suck.
I should also mention that I kinda made this story more centered on Riku's Mom than anything else. It's a selfish act, I know, but I figured she would probably be most affected of all. I mean really, her son WAS the one who destroyed Dentiny Island...
Also, I'm still sticking to my fiction of Riku wanting to leave the island to find someone that he lost to the darkness a year before KH begins. Self-promotion at its finest. It's not a crucial detail in this one, but I reference it at least once.
Dedication: Why to none other than RedCrow1120! After all, it was her challenge and her own story (Somewhere Out There) that inspired this story. Please go read her story. Oh... I think I kinda rebounded some of your images in here... Please forgive me if I did and to all reviewers, if you see similarities in the stories, credit all to her!
-
I watched you become the man you are today. Your eyes so determined, your face set in its ways. It hurts to realize that...even though you're all grown up and fighting your own battles...I know it's all my fault you have to face those strifes alone... I failed you and "I'm sorry" just can't fix things this time...
Broken Destiny
-I'm not scared, Mommy. I can see everything in the dark…-
Gone…gone…
-Why do the shadows look alive? Mommy? Are they real?-
Taken…Corrupted…
-They're angry… The Shadows… They're so angry…-
Lost… Trapped…
-I'm…I'm…n-not…afraid… I'm not…-
All for naught… He's gone…
-Don't cry, Mommy. I'll be strong and make everything better…-
Locked in hell… Eternal Darkness… What did he do to deserve this?
-I'll be fine, Mother… Sora, Kairi and I… We'll make everything right again…-
…It's all my fault…
-
The faint sound of rhythmic ticking eased itself from the silent woman's heart as she stared emptily at the night-enshrouded window. The deep indigo of the Island's vast horizon contrasted the intense light that illuminated the vacant living room of the Memoria residence. Her reflection was piercingly clear as the uncaring glass shone back the—her image of a failure—a pathetic mother who had failed to protect the only thing that was important in her otherwise pointless existence. The fingers of her right hand lay wrapped around a half-drained refill of some foul-tasting alcohol that she had quickly developed a habituated-plastic taste for. She sat rigidly straight, despite the soft comfort of the couch, her body in a numbing state of shock and loathing.
Her ecru-toned cheeks had become pained and struggling by nature, but the raw realizations that her heart had been subjected to not an hour prior tore at them greatly; as though the skeletal hand of death had scraped its ivory appendage over the anguished flesh. Her once beautiful lips were now bitten and cracked, set harshly in a hard line of self-hatred. Audible words had ceased from her earlier, leaving the reflections to attack her from within. Her pale blond hair hung limply, as though she had been walking in the rain; sad, angered, but mostly, empty.
The bitter and cold colour of her abnormally dark aqua eyes bit into her heart the harshest. It was the only thing he had of hers in physical appearance, and for so long, it was a great treasure that they both loved. But now, the empty and pained ocean tone slashed at her heart mockingly, tormenting her with the realizations that she failed the one person who relied on her to watch over him. Too many tears stained that sea tone over the past years and they left her eyes so cold…so hurt. Her fingers unconsciously tightened about her unaffected glass as his name slipped shakily from her lips.
-
"How is she doing?"
"Sleeping… Just exhausted. The poor child…"
"Losing her closest friends… God, I'm so glad one of them made it… I just--"
"Oh…S-Sora…"
"Oh Tatsuki… Don't worry, Sora's a tough kid and he has friends with him… He'll be okay."
"I know… I know… But—But…what…about—about--"
Despite their hushed voices, she heard them with slashing clarity, each note sharper than the last…she wished so deeply to be happy for the Memoria's; Kairi was safe. She longed to feel relief that Sora was surrounded by new friends and fighting to save the worlds…but the dark tendrils closed hatefully around her heart and further filled her with resentment. But it was still hate for herself…nothing else… Broken aqua—so bitter and cold…
"Manami…?" No reaction. Soft footsteps padded towards the frozen woman, regret and anguish staining her pale marine eyes—the eyes of the protected one—the light one. She felt so jealous of those eyes now…eyes that were endowed with hope.
"Manami…" Still nothing, even when the younger woman's shaking fingers touched her wrist gently. The woman's sadness was almost irritating to the faltering one, but that frustration eased itself into a greater pain as the "truth" finally began to take its toll on her heart.
"Manami. Please--"
"It's my fault…"
"No! Don't say--"
"It's my fault!"
"No, Manami--" Another voice this time…she couldn't tell which…
"I'm his mother… It was my job to care for him… I failed."
"None of us could have--"
I failed him. All I had was him and my life was only kept to keep him safe. I was supposed to be his guardian!" Her fingers tightened harder about her now trembling glass as her words grew harsher and her eyes hardened more so. The other moms were already crying; she could feel their warm tears as the crystal drops stained their cheeks. But they couldn't understand…ever…
…Still warm…
"Manami…please! Stop!"
"I let him down! I promised to protect him and I couldn't do it! Not once! Because of me, my only son is lost in a bitter and hateful hell!" The brutal sound of the hard glass shattering against the pale-coloured wall sent shocks ripping through the others as broken horror burned within them. What could they possibly say? Sora and Kairi were always protected…the light was their guardian, let alone their parents. What could they say to the anguished mother who only knew darkness and unconditionally gave it to her son…the only light she had left…
"Oh Manami…"
"I don't deserve this life if I can't protect his!" Her fractured gaze fell to the gleaming shards upon the alcohol-soaked wood; so smooth but so dangerously sharp…the broken remnants of her soul. She could feel the tears now building once more beneath her pained cheeks…icy as the consuming darkness. Straight, slick…deadly…
…Inviting…
"Don't say that!"
"I don't deserve to exist in the light when Riku is trapped in the cruel darkness!"
"M-Manami--"
"I don't ever deserve death…" She dove for that piece, her gaze never once leaving that beckoning shard.
"Oh God, Manami! Stop!" Tatsuki went after her broken friend, fear gripping her heart. A chorus of gasps and shocked protests reverberated amongst the others, but none of them could help without creating a pileup--though they were on the brink of accepting mass hysteria when Manami threw Tatsuki away and grasped the shard desperately. Crimson droplets speckled the air as the edges bit into her shaking fingers. She didn't hesitate; the 'dagger' leapt for her wrist like a ravenous dog eagerly intent on savouring the sweet taste of raw meat.
Entering a state of splintered sanity herself, Tatsuki dug her small fingers into Manami's wrists before the glass could do the same and flung her arms apart.
"God damn it Manami! Get a hold of yourself!" The shattered mother could feel the utter fear from Tatsuki's eyes, the ice-tone glistening sharply with tears. Their glares clashed angrily as tempers flared and sanity faltered into awry; an image once portrayed by their offspring… The irony was sickening…
"How dare you! You can't possibly understand!"
"Yeah, that's right! I can't! I'm sitting here with my son home safe with a big smile of relief!"
"So why are you so happy inside, huh? It must feel nice knowing your son is protected and surrounded by friends!" Tatsuki flinched harshly at her friend's raw anger and bitter tears. Her body was shaking malevolently at the faltering struggle between them. She knew Manami was stronger and easily more destroyed mentally. But she was hesitant to request for help. Whether it would cause greater issues or seem wrong, she wasn't sure…and that scared her even more.
"Manami, please!" This isn't the answer!"
"What the hell do you know? You've never failed anyone in your life!"
"That's a lie! Sora--"
"What about him? The warrior of Light—the Keyblader! Right! You did him no wrong!"
"You didn't fail Riku!"
"The hell I didn't!"
"You did the best you could…the best any mother could! Riku knows that!" Shattered aqua burned masochistically at the utterance of her son's name. Fury pooling within her depths, Manami released a strangled sob and tore away from Tatsuki's grasp.
"Then why did my best land my child in the hellish depths of oblivion!"
"Manami, stop!" Crimson tears fell sorrowfully as a clean gash brought vicious colour to the woman's faded flesh. She heard Kaoru suppress a scream and bury herself in her husband's chest while Tatsuki cursed tearfully. The glistening red hue reflected harshly within her tear-stained ocean eyes, the severe darkness in the tone burning the ugly tint into her soul. Spread right across her limb, a very steep angle from beneath her palm to two and a half inches down her forearm on the opposite side. The cut released small rivers of scarlet to race each other before convergence upon the floor. It wasn't deep enough to be fatal; her clouded eyes burned at the realization.
"There were so many signs… I knew for so long…an yet…I could do nothing about it…" Her head leaned forward, resting upon her wrist just above the cut's start. Her tears fell straight from her eyes now, plummeting through the thick fog of her self-hatred.
"Manami… We've always known that the darkness exists within us…"
"No! I mean that… R-Riku always had an affinity for it. A-And I knew it… I just hoped it would fade…"
"That's all you could--"
"But it's like…the harder I tried to avoid it—the stronger their connection became…"
-x-
He was never afraid of the shadows…of the dark… Every child I knew feared the night, but never once did he. Heh…I was so pitiful. I used to work myself up, waiting for him to cry out in the night about the stray tree branch looming in the moonlight, the spooky wind, the "bump" in the night… But he never did. He was never afraid…
I was never with him enough…working that stupid job to keep us together. I know my parents loved him, but he couldn't be with them all the time. Damn it…even when he was young, he wanted to make me happy. He wouldn't cry, wouldn't complain about being alone. Constantly acting brave and creating his friends…
He talked about them all the time, his beautiful shining eyes alight with happiness… I'm so naïve, I couldn't distinguish if he was just humouring me or not. They were best friends—He never felt alone… I'm so stupid…
-x-
"Manami, none of us are perfect. It made you feel good to see him smile. He used to talk to Sora about them all the time. I didn't even think anything of it…"
"Neither of us did…" Tatsuki looked to her husband with hurt tears in her eyes, glad for his support, his presence there for her. But it still made Tatsuki feel worse at the same time. Manami didn't have someone here with her anymore. Husband or no, she always had Riku, her one light. To have such a light extinguished so fluently and carelessly...Tatsuki couldn't begin to understand that loneliness. This fact made her hurt more than anything else.
"It wasn't your job to know..." The shattered woman didn't move, her body set as though she were stone. A small, tight laugh soon rose from her depths, but it only caused more tears to fall.
"But Manami--"
"I wanted to tell him that the shadows were bad, that I didn't want him to get involved...but how do you tell your child that his only "friends" are evil and corrupt? E-Especially when they were created to keep him happy...so that I would be happy..." Tatsuki's arms slowly hugged Manami's collarbone, hands gripping her opposite shoulders. Resting her cheek upon Manami's head, she lay against her friend's back and struggled to comfort her, tried to keep her hope alive. Manami could feel Tatsuki's tears within her hair, crystal drops that pained for her.
"Tatsuki, Yamato-kun... You'll never know how relieved and happy I was when Riku met Sora... It gave me so much hope. Riku could finally receive real attention and happiness... But...he sc-scared me too." The others sat gently around her, intense worry and concern etched into their eyes and expressions. Bitter anguish built within them; despite what happened to their families, none of them could fully acquiesce the emotions in Manami's heart--it made them feel unconditionally guilty.
-x-
'Sora's mother called earlier to confirm the plans. He'll meet you at the docks in an hour. She told me Sora is totally ecstatic about touring Destiny Island with you. I could almost hear him more than her. You must be excited, too.'
'...Mmhmm...'
'Well... That's not exactly the reaction I was expecting. Is something wrong, honey?'
'Mom? Is being friends with Sora a bad thing?'
'What? I thought you and Sora got along so well... What would make you believe something like that?'
'No, we do. It's just that...well, the shadows don't seem to like him.'
'Wh-What do you mean?'
'Ever since I started hanging around with Sora, they avoid me a lot and I always get kinda cold when I talk about him to them. I thought maybe if being with Sora was bad, then I could understand why they don't like him...'
'...Uh...uh...Riku...'
'...hhhh... But it doesn't work... Sora's not mean or selfish or--he's so kind. Heh--But that could be because he's a bit--okay, really "d'uh". Heh heh heh...but he's so funny; it's so much fun being around him. And...'
'A-And what, honey?'
'And he doesn't care about me being friends with the shadows. He says I'm just weird and laughs at me...but he never makes me feel guilty about associating with them.'
'...Riku...'
'Thanks Mom.'
'Hn? For what, Riku?'
'For helping me deduce my problem without making me choose. I know what to do now.'
'O-Oh--really?'
'Yup... If the shadows won't accept me being friends with Sora, that's too bad for them. They can't be good friends if they're going to make me do what they want. Sora's a great friend and doesn't mind them, but they don't want to do the same--so that's their problem. Heh, okay. I'll be home whenever Sora collapses from exhaustion and I have to drag his sorry butt to the canoes. Bye!'
-x-
A sharp pain stabbed through Manami's chest as she tried desperately to stifle the violent sobs that arose from that memory. His innocent smile and excitement brought such an anguished shine to her heart's emotion.
"He had no idea... I mean, how could he? He was only five. His eyes were shining so brightly and he was so happy... Damn it! Damn it!"
"What could you have done, Manami? How could you possibly have known it would come to that?" She didn't answer for several seconds, the anguish of the response steadily possessing her shaking entity.
"I lied when I said he was never afraid." Manami paused, struggling desperately to keep control. Tatsuki's embrace tightened and Kaoru gripped her free hand for comfort. Manami opened her stinging eyes to stare blurrily at her stained red arm, her palm still against her forehead. The image glared angrily within that blood hue; the crimson spotlight of hell's performance.
"It was 10 years ago...on the night of the meteor shower?"
"The one that brought Kairi?"
"Yes. I had this uncomfortable feeling after putting him to bed and that storm began to pick up. I couldn't explain it; this chill that made my body feel like ice. I just had to check up on him. I could hear him shuddering even before I opened the door--Huddled against his backboard, tightly gripping the stuffed creature that Sora gave him, Riku was shaking and almost in tears. His usually bright eyes were so wide and alit with such fear.
"I rushed to him and asked what was the matter. He wouldn't look at me...not when I touched his arm or hugged him or anything! He just...He just--"
"Just what, Manami?"
"--He just kept repeating that 'they' were angry--"
"They?"
"'The Shadows'. 'The Shadows are angry. They're angry...' I couldn't understand what he meant or why. I can't remember if he slept at all... The one time my son needed comfort and I couldn't give it to him!"
"You did what any mother could, Manami! You did more than any of us could have for their child!"
"It's true, Manami."
"...I've lied to him so many times... About where Kairi came from--"
"We all did."
"About his father--"
"A-And about--"
"Yamino-san, nothing you did caused this. Riku's fate was intertwined with the darkness long before he was born." All attention snapped backwards as the saddened ultramarine hues of the anguished pure-heart princess glistened with empathy from the stairway.
"Kairi! You should be resting!" Her adoptive parents were almost immediately at her side, but she brushed past their concern and worry. Her sad, tired gaze met Manami's eyes with a fresh shine of tears and the broken mother felt a harsher burning flare up within her. The image was heartbreaking; only 14 years of age and this child looked as though she had lived through a millennia of hell. This girl knew more than any adult should and had watched her life be destroyed twice over, and instantly, Manami's emotions shattered. She couldn't cease them this time, the agony of this child's heart filling her with the tears she thought long gone.
"He's the warrior of darkness and his heart refused to let him forget about her. He wanted you to be happy, wanted life to be enjoyable...for everyone. I know it sounds impossible to believe he asked the darkness for a request like that...but that's his power. His strength. But just because the darkness empowers him, it has no effect on the purity and beauty of his heart." Kairi knelt down in front of Manami and pulled her injured hand and arm from her forehead. Pulling out a black and gold bandanna that Riku gave her years ago, Kairi gingerly bound the broken mother's wound without a break in movement. Tatsuki slowly let go of Manami and accepted her husband's arms to embrace her protectively.
"He always used to tell me how much he admired your strength, Yamino-san." The raw shock that enveloped Manami's eyes was achingly sharp, the prospect of Kairi's statement completely surreal to her tear-stained heart.
"I know you don't believe me, but try to see it from your son's eyes. Despite the adversity and darkness you had to face, your heart guarded him without a whisper of hesitation or distraction. You showed him love and how to give it to others, never letting any situation turn his heart sad or bitter--There are many people who cannot say the same. He didn't fall to darkness; he embraced it with light in his heart. There's such a difference." Tiny shards of memory began to awaken within Manami as Kairi's words gingerly soothed away her sense of failure.
"He used to go on about your smile and how it always made him feel so warm and gave him 'the will to enjoy fate's chain...no matter how rusted'." Gently pulling the fabric taught, Kairi placed her hands on her lap and smiled. Shimmering tears shone at the corners of her eyes as she closed them and let her lips spread happily.
"Then, of course, he'd get all embarrassed and went silent for hours. But always referring to how red he went would be the favourite inside joke that he and I shared since he was always so mysterious and "cool"..." Her voice began to shake a little as emotion slipped down her cheeks.
"So please, Yamino-san: Smile and be happy for him He's not alone; the King of Disney Castle will stay by his side. He'll find her and his heart will bring him home. He and Sora will make everything right in the worlds." Manami's heart stopped for a solitary second before she hugged the pure-hearted child.
--...I'll be fine, Mother. Sora, Kairi and I... We'll make everything right again...--
Kairi accepted the strength from Manami's embrace, finally allowing her heart to want comfort for all that had happened. Manami could feel Kairi's undying faith for her son and Sora, their success and their safe return.
"Thank you, Kairi. I'm sorry for putting you through this. I believe in them...in Riku. And I'll smile...for him...and for you."