From where they were sitting, the trio could monitor all of Crankshaft — its newcomers and regulars alike.
Progress was made beneath the eaves of such places. This was Drunkard's Philosophy: a civilization was only as good as its alcohol, and Kjerag had some damned good booze.
"Yo, Deg. What'll ya have?"
The Perro bartender didn't need a name tag. He also, apparently, didn't need sleeves — despite the fluttering snow just beyond the pub's walls.
Degenbrecher was ready with her reply. "Breakfast," she told him.
"Did ya sleep well last night?" Crank asked.
"Does it look like I slept well last night? I have a headache."
He smiled. "A big breakfast, then."
The Perro placed two glasses side by side on the bar counter. First came the whiskey: Crank poured an ounce of the aged amber liquid into the first glass, following with equal parts absinthe, vermouth, and bitters. A bit of crushed ice here, a meaningful stir there, and the first drink was done.
For his next trick, the bartender filled the opposite glass with soda water before tossing in 800 milligrams of aspirin. The tablets melted into the beverage, fizzing and disintegrating until the fluid became murky and opaque.
"There ya go, ya big bitch," said Crank. "Breakfast and medicine."
"Which one is breakfast, and which one is medicine?" The Caprinae asked.
"Yup."
Degenbrecher started with the whiskey then.
"It's about a girl." The Sarkaz sitting next to Degenbrecher was, as always, a step ahead of the curve. When Degenbrecher sighed, it was all the confirmation that she needed. "Yeah, it's about a girl."
"How do you know?" Crank asked.
"If the swordbreaker herself is drinking before ten o'clock, then it's about a girl," the Sarkaz said wisely. She smiled knowingly at the Caprinae beside her, tilting her head to the side. "Am I right, or am I right?"
Degenbrecher didn't speak again until she finished both drinks, sitting the empty glasses side by side on the bar counter. "Can we talk in the back," she asked, pinching the bridge of her nose. "I have some things I want to say."
"Oh, it's that serious, huh?" Crank glanced around the room. It was early enough that the pub was mostly empty, and the hired help was competent enough to tend the bar for a few minutes. It's not long before the three pass through an employee-only door, where they're greeted by a worn-out couch, a glass coffee table, a microwave, a refrigerator, and nothing more, because Crank needed nothing else.
"Fera, I've got a pizza in the fridge," Crank offered. At that, the Sarkaz's tail shot straight up, and she grinned wolfishly.
"This is how we're doing breakfast now?" She asked.
"Are you complaining?"
"Hell no." Fera made a beeline for the refrigerator, taking the entire box out of its rack and dropping it onto the coffee table. She sat squarely in the middle of the couch, making herself comfortable as she popped the lid on the pizza box.
"At least heat it up first," the Perro suggested, crossing his boxy arms over his chest.
"Pizza is better when it's cold," said Fera. "I'm too dignified to use a microwave." She gave a playful flourish of her short, jet-black hair, before holding her hand out towards the pizza and raising an eyebrow at the Black Knight.
"No thank you," said Degenbrecher. "I'm not very hungry."
"Right, right, you have a problem," said Fera. "A girl problem, again." She gorged herself on cold pizza while Degenbrecher leaned against an adjacent wall, stroking her chin with a troubled expression on her face.
"Not a girl," said the Caprinae. "The girl."
"The girl?" The Sarkaz raised an eyebrow. "What do you—oh? Oh, wait… You don't seriously mean…"
"Mm."
"Really, Dee? You're not kidding around?"
"Mm-mmm."
"Shit, this is serious! You DO know how serious this is, right?"
"Mm…"
"Yeah, exactly! Fucking hell…" Fera spoke between large bites. "Did you and her…?"
"Mm-mmm."
"But did you…?"
"Mm."
Crank decided that he'd had enough. "Can you both please talk fuckin' normal? Or am I supposed to just pretend I don't give a Zalak's ass about what's going on?"
Fera hid her smirk behind her half-eaten pizza slice. "Dee's got a crush on her client."
"The fucking Silverash princess up in her castle? Are you for real? No shit?" Crank's canine ears perked up with intrigue and surprise. "I didn't take her for your type."
"Oh, Dee! This is so cliche that it hurts!" The Sarkaz laughed, scooting to the left end of the couch and patting the right cushion. "C'mon, sit down. You need to chill out, alright?"
"And how exactly am I supposed to chill out about something like this? I haven't even told you the worst part about this situation yet." Degenbrecher sat down beside her Sarkaz friend, resting her hands on her own knees.
"You know I'll always listen to you, Dee. Why don't you start from the beginning, okay?"
"Fuck the beginning. Jump right to the middle." Crank pointed straight at Degenbrecher. "Did you fuck her, Deg?"
"No," said the Caprinae.
"Did you fuck Little Miss Silverash?" He pressed again.
"I said no," Degenbrecher repeated herself with a frown.
"Ain't she like half your age?!" Crank threw up his hands. "This is some goo goo ga ga shit! I'm in a fuckin' sitcom!"
"You need to relax," Degenbrecher warned. "You're making my headache worse." She rubbed her temples with a long, drawn-out sigh. "I haven't been in a situation like this before," she confessed.
"You've crushed pretty hard on clients before," Fera reminded.
"This is different. This is so much worse."
"Because she's Silverash?"
"Ah… that's… part of the reason ."
Fera raised an eyebrow. In all the time that she'd known Degenbrecher, she'd never once seen the Black Knight so flustered. Three Kazimierz Major victories, and the hulking blonde found more and more ways to surprise her.
"So you didn't fool around with her…" Fera trailed off, watching Degenbrecher for any obvious tells.
"No," Degenbrecher insisted. "But we had an incident last night."
"And that's why you didn't sleep so well." Fera pieced it together with a sympathetic nod. "Aw, Dee… What happened? Is she alright?"
"She's fine, I think." The Caprinae sighed and rubbed her forehead to better nurse her headache. "I went to apologize, but when I opened her bedroom door, she was already gone."
"What did you do?" Fera asked.
"I think she caught me… in the middle of a fantasy."
"In the middle of—" Fera's mouth fell open. Degenbrecher stared at the floor with shame.
"She caught you jerkin' it?" Crank asked.
"Yes… She caught me doing that. It was late, I was pent-up, and I was moaning her name, and saying such filthy, deplorable things… And I think she heard and saw everything through the keyhole."
"Wow." The Sarkaz slowly nodded. "That's… Wow. You're right, that is a lot worse."
"Okay, hold up a sec." Crank held up his hand. "You're tellin' me that Little Miss Silverash caught you jerkin' off to her, and come morning, she left her own damned house? So where'd she go?"
Degenbrecher held her chin. "If I were to guess, I'd say she's speaking with her sister right about now. I had plans to escort her to the mountain myself, but given what's happened, that clearly didn't pan out."
"Well, shit."
Crank took a beer bottle out of the fridge. "So what's the plan now, Deg? You gonna say your sorries and then kiss the prom queen?"
"I don't—"
"Where the hell's my bottle opener? Did I put it on the counter?"
The Sarkaz held out her hand. "Gimme."
Crank handed the beer off to Fera, and he watched as the baggy-eyed woman put the mouth of the bottle against the tip of one of her curled horns.
Tchk!
And with that, another reminder of why it was always good to befriend a Sarkaz.
"Thanks," Crank muttered.
"Mm-hmm." Fera turned back to Degenbrecher. "You were saying, Dee?"
"I don't even know what to say to her," Degenbrecher admitted.
"Tell her you're sorry for smackin' your salami. Wait, ya said she peeked on ya, right? So this is her fault, clearly." Crank nodded. Yes, he had decided that it was exclusively Cliffheart's fault. "But say sorry anyway. Girls love it when you say sorry for shit that isn't even your fault."
"You just have to find her first, obviously. Just let her talk to her sister," said Fera. "Give it some time, send her a message, and I'm sure everything will work out fine."
"I hope you're right. The last thing I want to do is make Lady Ensia uncomfortable with my presence," said Degenbrecher. "I'm supposed to protect her, and to have something like this happen…" Degenbrecher shook her head with a scowl. "I got careless."
"It'll be alright, Dee. Do you want my advice? Just take it easy until you see her again. If she really hated you, or if she wanted you out of that house, she'd have told you. That's what I think."
"Maybe you're right." Degenbrecher closed her eyes with yet another quiet sigh. "I think that's a good idea."
"Of course I'm right, and it is a good idea! She's probably just as freaked out about this as you are, catching her bodyguard masturbating to the thought of her. And if she watched you do it… Well, maybe there's something interesting there, right? Maybe she's interested."
Degenbrecher perked up visibly at the mere prospect.
Maybe she's interested…
"Maybe she wants you," Fera said, "and she just doesn't know how to get you without getting hurt. You're the family bodyguard, for Goddess' sake. That's some taboo stuff, Dee."
"I wouldn't hurt her," Degenbrecher insisted. "I would never hurt her."
"Well, love hurts. And she's young, so…" Fera shrugged her shoulders. "Take some time away from the manor. I just know it'll all work out. And then you can buy me a drink when I'm proven right."
Degenbrecher said nothing for a moment. She only rubbed her temples worriedly, considering what the Sarkaz had told her. She decided that it all sounded good, then: after a minute of deliberation, the Caprinae's demeanor shifted to a noticeably more positive one.
"Very well," Degenbrecher said at last. "I'll… do my best to give her the time she might need."
"Well good then." Crank spoke after downing half of his beer. "I'm sick of hearing ya sigh and whimper like a damned schoolgirl. That ain't the Black Knight I know and love."
Fera scoffed. "You're all heart, Crank. Everyone has love problems, you know."
"Not me." The Perro scowled. "I can't afford that."
As if on cue, the shatter of glass followed the man's claim. Crank growled with frustration as he left the staff room to check on things, leaving Degenbrecher and a giggling Fera behind.
A lull passed between them before the Sarkaz spoke again. "Are things really okay, Dee?"
"Hmm?" The Caprinae glanced over, rocking her leg as she sat.
"I've never seen you this thoughtful before. You usually know what to do — even with girls."
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"Don't play dumb with me, Dee." Fera waggled her forefinger in the Black Knight's face. "Remember the orgy after your second Major victory?"
Degenbrecher scoffed. "God, yeah."
"I already knew you were a beast in the arena. But in a bedroom? Well, I had my suspicions…"
In one fluid motion, Fera slid her pale finger down along the Black Knight's uniform. Down, down, down towards the woman's abdomen.
"I still remember that look in your eyes," Fera whispered. "The same look you gave your opponents in the arena. As if it was just another competition for you. Just another game."
Degenbrecher closed her eyes. She remembered exactly what the Sarkaz was referring to. Her second Kazimierz Major victory against the Azure Knight was a sight to behold: Kawalerielki Sports was extravagant with its synopsis of the duel.
One of the most exciting matchups in the last two decades! The Black Knight has been in top form. An all-out collision of traditional martial arts, physical strength, and spiritual will! Twin swordbreakers versus twin blades — every moment is a surefire classic!
Fera described the fight as more of a ball than anything else.
Like two ballerinas dancing on knives.
The Black Knight's victory followed an intense clash, and celebration was beyond welcome. Degenbrecher sampled all manner of women and wine all night long, in a revelrous rampage that lasted from dusk until dawn.
Liberi…
She remembered plucking feathers to take as trophies. Her fingers flexed around their throats to hear them chirp and warble for more.
Cautuses…
The sounds they made when you pulled their ears. So energetic, so eager to please. Pliable, precious little rabbits.
Kurantas…
Plentiful in Kazimierz, and always generous lovers. Despite their endurance, none could outlast the Black Knight — inside and outside the bedroom.
Sarkaz…
A favorite. Most of them even came with handlebars, although there was no guarantee that a Sarkaz who wound up in Degenbrecher's bed would leave with them intact. The orgy was but one of a handful of such incidents. A poor girl's horns snapped right off her head, rousing Degenbrecher from her stupor mid-thrust. The Caprinae would have left if the girl hadn't demanded that Degenbrecher keep going. To not stop, even if it killed her.
And then Degenbrecher opened her eyes again. She turned to look at Fera, who always found it so easy to smile.
"You know, for a second," she said, "you were that Beast again."
The Caprinae said nothing. She just stared in silence, watching as Fera stood up and held out her hand.
"Who knows? Maybe the Silverash girl will be your Beauty."