A/N This fic contains spoilers for the 9th book

(Still A/N) I can't believe he died. He was my favorite character. I'm serious; I cried right in the middle of reading class when I read that, then when it looks like he was going to be saved, I nearly yelled at my friend who accidentally let it 'slip' that he died. Then I went on…and found out that he really did die. So, what did I do after that? I cried again. Ok, enough of my rambling on with the story.

This is a fic about Darren's feelings after Larten Crepsley's death. Sorry if Darren is kind of ooc, I tried my hardest to portray him right.

Numbness. Emptiness. That's all I could feel as I heard the horrible cries of my mentor. My friend. And my father. Those cries he screamed as he was impaled on the stakes and burned alive. They will be in the depths of my heart, forever etched in there.

He was dead. I could not accept that.

Now, I'm standing in front of his grave. I have been here for over four hours, and I know that soon someone will come to take me away from here.

The vampires all decided to bury him in his original hometown. It was most fitting; he loved that place even after he had left for over a century.

I wonder if there is really such thing as paradise. If there is, I know he's there. Maybe he's even watching me from there.

I heard someone walk up behind me. It was Harkat. "Darren…" He said slowly. "Maybe its best if you…got some rest now. He is gone…and you cannot bring him…back."

I couldn't speak. I just shook my head and stared at the tombstone.

"Darren…" he said again. "You know he wouldn't…like to see you like this."

I looked over at him and choked out, "It doesn't matter anyway." I said angrily. "He can't see or hear me anymore. He is gone forever."

Harkat sighed. "You are wrong, Darren. You know as much as I do…that he is watching you…from paradise."

It was strange. Talking about him made me feel slightly better, though I knew I'd never get over the hurt. I reluctantly stood up. Mostly because I was weak with hunger and fatigue. "You are right, though. I really do need to rest." I gave a big fake yawn to prove my point. The Cirque du Freak was set up nearby and I could get there within 5 minutes if I walked quickly.

"Are you coming back too, Harkat?" I asked the little person. He nodded. "From now on, Darren, wherever you… go, I go." I gave a faint smile as my thanks and started walking with Harkat beside me. Within 7 minutes we had reached the circus.

"Harkat, before you start with the whole glued-to-me-for-life thing, can I rest alone in my room for a while?"

He grinned, "Of course. Come and get me later…if you want to talk."

With a quick nod, I set off to my 'room'. I looked inside. No one was there. That was good. I lay down in my hammock. Then, I did what I hadn't done since Mr. Crepsley had died. I started to cry.

I woke up three hours later, with puffy eyes and a stuffy nose. I was locked alone in my deep despair. No one could get me back. I unsheathed my short sword that I always carried with me. Yes, this would suffice. I dragged the long sword down my arm. Blood shimmered, leaking out of the wounds.

There was only so much pain I could take.

My first Cirque fic. Please be nice when reviewing, alright?

-Kirara