Chapter 16
Unbecoming
Syaoran became conscious to his body flickering between solid and soul like a dying candle in the wind. He was surprised to see his hands pass right through the blankets as he lifted them to get a better look. After a few moments of teetering awkwardly between physical and spiritual, his body finally flickered solid and stayed that way. Rosy sunlight slowly spilled into the room through the sliding glass doors.
Syaoran gripped the blankets and slid the material over his fingers. With a sort of grim satisfaction, he found he could barely feel what he knew should be fluffy-soft fabric. He felt it only as if he were wearing rubber gloves. The sensation was still there, but it was muffled and dull.
Syaoran slowly got out of bed and headed for the balcony, feeling like he could use fresh air. He felt a little groggy, but it was nothing like what he'd felt the morning before. There was no instinctive urge to yawn or rub his eyes. In fact, he didn't feel tired or even particularly awake. He was stuck in that strange place between physical and spiritual that he'd been in before the full moon.
With a heave, Syaoran opened the sliding glass doors and stepped onto the balcony. It hadn't snowed the night before like he thought it would, but a thin layer of frost coated every surface, turning the morning dew into glass. Absentmindedly, Syaoran gripped onto the railing and looked over the park bathed in morning sunshine. It was a few moments before he realized that, despite the heavy frost that coated the balcony and strung icicles from the roof, he didn't really feel cold standing there in his light striped pajamas. Something was tugging at him as if he should be cold, but his skin wasn't responding. Only when the bitter wind picked up did he finally shiver a bit involuntarily, but it wasn't anything he couldn't handle.
The shadow of a nearly-half moon could still be made out near the horizon, rapidly being eaten by the sunrise. The full moon was now officially over and its influence had finally loosened its grip over Syaoran's soul. That was why his senses were slowly going numb again. He had been expecting this to happen eventually.
It was actually kind of a relief. Now he wouldn't have to waste eight hours on sleep or resources on food. And he could sense his aura again, finally. He'd felt naked without it.
And yet, he had kind of liked being able to feel things. He'd miss that. Even putting up with the cold seemed like a small sacrifice to being able to feel Sakura's hand in his...
But now it was only a matter of time before he went away forever. A strong feeling tugged at his stomach with the thought. But, like all the new emotions he'd experienced lately, it was a difficult sensation to identify.
He felt empty. Hollow. Dead... It was funny how it didn't bother him in the way he thought it would. Sure, the thought of total oblivion made him a bit nervous, but it was something else that was making him sad. It was something that made his hand tingle, even though he couldn't really physically feel anything anymore.
This sadness was not something he had expected. Nervousness, anxiousness, even relief, sure, but not sadness.
When he first heard about Sakura's fate from the plushie, his first thought was that, no matter what the cost, Sakura couldn't end up as a ghost like he was. She didn't deserve that kind of fate. At the time, he had convinced himself that he just didn't want to have to share his house with another ghost, but that excuse didn't hold up when he sacrificed everything to save Sakura's life. After all, wasn't it better to share something than to have nothing to share at all?
But now, looking back, he realized that he did it because he wanted to protect Sakura. Since he was the only earthbound soul that knew of Sakura's untimely fate, he felt obligated to do everything he could to change it.
And if he had to give up what time he had left on this planet to give Sakura her own time back, he considered it a fair trade.
He didn't regret his sacrifice. Really, he didn't.
"Really..." Syaoran said aloud, gripping the ice-laced railing hard until he finally felt something. "I don't."
His secret promise to Sakura was all that mattered...
No matter what happened to him.
Eriol had taken his usual post with Tomoyo by the gates to the school, waiting for Sakura and Syaoran to appear over the hill. The weather was warm enough to allow wearing a light jacket instead of a heavy coat. The sun was shinning down from the clear blue sky, making the ice everywhere gleam like polished marble.
It seemed like a beautiful day, but Eriol could sense the echo of something sinister just beyond the bright sky. It was as if the air was straining with the tension of a thousand rabid dogs about to snap their bonds.
It was the unmistakable feeling of Chaos on the move.
Eriol glanced at Tomoyo. They stood silently beside each other, perfectly content to not say a word. That was one of the best things about Tomoyo: Eriol never felt like he had to make frivolous conversation with her. In fact, their relationship seemed to deepen the longer they stood together in silence. She was unlike anyone he had ever met.
He wondered, briefly, if Tomoyo could sense the same imbalance that he could. Tomoyo was extremely witty, sharp, and observant, but it was doubtful that she was open to this kind of disturbance. Chaos was an omnipresent force, so most people easily tuned the presence out. Eriol was almost certain that even Syaoran, who had the most intimate contact with the forces of Order and Chaos, wasn't quite expecting the disaster that was about to unfold.
And, even then, no one on this plane could possibly fathom the intricate design Chaos was weaving. Eriol may have been able to sense the impending disaster, but he was at a loss to predict its form. He could only hope that Order had done enough to prevent it. This was something that was going to effect the entire world if it couldn't be stopped.
Finally, at five minutes to the bell, Sakura came racing over the hill. Eriol shuddered just a bit to see the pressure of fate bulging in on her like a dam about to break. Syaoran was walking swiftly behind her, looking vigilant and rather... pale.
The second Eriol laid eyes on him, he knew it had begun: Syaoran's final descent toward the total oblivion his mind, soul, and spirit. He had perhaps a little more than a week left. But this wasn't anything unexpected. It was all part of Order's intricate plan to counteract and balance out the designs of Chaos.
Order's plans must go through if there's any hope of keeping Sakura alive, Eriol thought darkly.
Sakura was the catalyst. She was the one soul in the entire world that Order and Chaos had singled out to be their battleground. But why her? Eriol really couldn't put his finger on it.
There was no question that Sakura was special. The energy surrounding her was like an instant pick-me-up and there wasn't a soul on earth who considered her an enemy. She made everyone around her feel as if they could suddenly pluck the moon from the sky. Of course she was special, but Eriol couldn't understand why she was important.
Eriol assumed that Syaoran had something to do with Sakura's sudden popularity with fate. When these two souls met, it seemed like they created the perfect conditions for a war between Order and Chaos.
A war that had been a long time coming.
The two forces are always struggling for dominance. There is a balance to life, but neither Chaos or Order really want to strike that balance. Each one tries to project the image that they're working to maintain the balance, but both of them wholeheartedly believe that life on this plane would be better if their respective forces were totally in charge. Ironically, the constant battle between Order and Chaos is what actually creates the balance.
But, every few hundred years, the tension between the two forces reaches an intolerable point and it must be relieved somehow. And when two souls such as Syaoran and Sakura's seem to be pulling uncomfortably on the web of fate, it creates a perfect battleground for Order and Chaos. One of the forces will invariably emerge victorious from this battle and then the world will enter a new age.
When Chaos wins, it's not really a bad thing. Although the results cause horrible strife for everyone living in the world, it's only the balance attempting to right itself. It's no more malicious than someone shaking out a towel and dislodging all the extra debris attracted to it. The debris may not be happy to be falling to the ground, but the towel is fresher for it.
However, if there is a way to gently remove the debris without a violent uproar, that's even better. And that's why Eriol could only hope that Order won out.
Because everyone would rather not fall to the ground.
"Another perfect paper, Sakura-san," Mizuki-sensei said, marking down the score in her grade book with a flourish.
"Yay!" Sakura yelled, looking back at Syaoran and grinning madly. "I did it!"
Syaoran's rare, slow smile appeared gradually on his face.
"Good job," he said.
"This is your fifth perfect paper this week," Mizuki-sensei commented.
"I know," Sakura said, beaming. "I finally feel like I've got the hang of this stuff now."
"Which brings me to only one conclusion," Mizuki-sensei said, folding her hands under her chin. She smiled serenely. "You don't need extra lessons like this anymore, Sakura-san. I think you can easily do the assigned schoolwork on your own, don't you agree?"
Syaoran picked up his ears. Chaos was just letting Sakura go?
Sakura nodded slowly. "I guess so..." she paused. "But I'll miss you Mizuki-sensei."
The woman chuckled, a sound that to Syaoran was like the tinkling of a delicate china dish shattering into a million pieces.
"Well, we all must part eventually," she said.
It was uttered so casually, but her glance slipped to Syaoran for an instant. The supremely sad gaze sent a very real shiver down Syaoran's numb spine. He glared back.
"And besides," Muziki-sensei said, cheerfulness flooding back into her features so fast it was like it had never left. "It's not as if I'm abandoning your regular math classes. And I'm always available if you need me for a refresher course."
Sakura grinned, looking rather relieved. "You're right. I'm just being silly."
Mizuki-sensei smiled. "So tomorrow shall be our last lesson together." She looked around Sakura to Syaoran. "For you as well Reed-san. Unless you have objections?"
Syaoran shook his head. He would go wherever Sakura went and not a step further.
"Alright," Mizuki-sensei said. "And that's all for today. I'll see you two tomorrow."
Sakura went back to gather her things, but Syaoran already had everything in his hands.
"Ready?" Syaoran asked, Sakura's pink backpack over his shoulder.
Sakura smiled, forcing back a laugh. "Yeah. But let me carry something. It's my stuff after all."
Syaoran shook his head frantically. He shrugged Sakura off as she reached for her books. "I got it."
"Alright," Sakura said, giving up and heading for the door. "If you're sure."
As they were walking out, Mizuki-sensei headed off Syaoran. Sakura kept walking, unaware that Syaoran wasn't following anymore.
Syaoran glared at the teacher as Sakura rounded the corner and out of sight. Panic welled up inside him. He prepared to barrel through woman by force, but she held up her hands.
"I just wanted to give you some advice," she said. Her expression had lost all hint of happiness. All that was left was anxiety and defeat.
"Get out of my way," Syaoran said through gritted teeth. Every moment Sakura was alone was the moment she could lose her life.
"What happens when you piece together all the little pieces of a puzzle?" the woman asked, the words tumbling out of her mouth as if she had a limited amount of time to say them.
She didn't seem to want an answer, and Syaoran wasn't about to supply one. He just stood there, glaring. He hoped he looked intimidating enough even while carrying a pink backpack and a load of textbooks.
"Remember that a piece doesn't equal a puzzle," Mizuki-sensei said. "If you can comprehend that before time is up, everything will definitely be alright."
Then, suddenly, she moved aside as if granting Syaoran passage. Syaoran slunk past her, glaring as he went.
To his utter relief, he found Sakura waiting for him by the stairs.
"A last-minute chat?" she asked.
"Something like that," Syaoran said darkly.
They headed down the stairs side-by-side. Their footsteps echoed noisily in the stairwell. As they got near the bottom, Syaoran ran ahead to open the door. He needed to make sure there were no unpleasant surprises waiting on the other side.
Sakura passed through the door. She smiled. "Thanks."
Syaoran's shadow smile appeared on his face in return.
They headed for the school gates. A figure was leaning against one of the columns. Syaoran could sense an air of hostility wafting from it, but it was directed at him, not Sakura. Nevertheless, he moved in front of Sakura as if to shield her.
"Onii-chan!" Sakura yelled suddenly, running up to the figure.
The brother waved casually. "Yo."
"You got out early today?" Sakura asked. Syaoran slunk up behind her.
Touya nodded. "I was passing by so I thought I'd walk you home."
Without a word, Touya lifted the books out of Syaoran's hands as if he were some kind of walking table. Syaoran glared, but the gesture had no effect on someone who wouldn't even look at him.
Sakura looked back and forth between the two with anxiety laced in her cheerful expression. "Onii-chan..."
"Get your backpack and let's go," Touya said, putting the books in the basket attached to his bike. "Dad'll be home early tonight too. I need to get dinner started." He started walking his bike down the sidewalk, his back to them.
Syaoran handed over Sakura's backpack.
"Sorry," Sakura said quietly. "I don't know what his problem is."
Syaoran shrugged. "It doesn't matter to me. I'll see you tomorrow, right?"
"Yep!" she said. She backed away, waving.
Syaoran was waving back before he realized it.
Touya rode away, forcing Sakura to run beside him.
"Why are you such a jerk?" Sakura asked in a playful tone as their voices began to fade away.
Syaoran could see Touya shrug. "Some people just want to be left alone..."
"Leave me alone."
It was the first thing Syaoran had ever said to a Living.
But that's not true, he thought, unconsciously fingering the green scarf around his neck.
Not anymore.
It was sunset by the time Syaoran reached the park. Even as the sun headed toward the horizon, he could feel the familiar tugging on his spirit that signaled his transition into the spiritual plane.
It was too soon. Wasn't it just yesterday that he was wishing he could stay pseudo-human forever? And now, already, he was starting to slip from the world. All this wasn't unexpected, it just seemed so... sudden.
He was still holding onto the hope that he would stay physical through the sunset until the very last few seconds before the fading light stole his wish away. With a breathless sigh, Syaoran was dumped back onto the spiritual plane like the words to a forgotten song.
"Welcome back!" a voice like an atom bomb exclaimed from behind him. "I was worried that we wouldn't get another chance to chat."
Syaoran snuffed the urge to groan. Dealing with Chaos' mind games was the last thing he wanted to do right then.
But she'd be ecstatic if she knew that. He didn't want to seem weak, so he had to play along.
"What do you mean?" Syaoran said, his voice itself somehow emitting a fierce glare. "I still have six days at least. That's six more sunsets and six more 'chances to chat.'"
"True, but not really," Ruby Moon said, leaning casually against a tree. "After tonight, everyone moves into position and all the traps are sprung."
Her expression changed suddenly from smugly casual to devilishly elated. Her scarlet eyes burned with the thrill of the hunt. She'd never looked more in her element.
"After tonight, kiddo," she said, her aura throbbing like an excited heartbeat. "The war finally begins. I'll be a very busy entity."
"I didn't know that things between us had escalated to an all-out war," Syaoran said, determined to stay casual despite the unpleasant vibes Chaos was emitting.
But Ruby Moon suddenly threw her head back and began shrieking with laughter. It wasn't an insane kind of laugh, it was just as if Syaoran had said something extremely amusing.
Syaoran drew his aura tight around him in indignation. "What's so funny?"
It was a few moments before she could answer. "No... I'm sorry. You're just so cute that I couldn't help it." She composed herself quickly, but her eyes still twinkled with amusement. "There's no war between us, kiddo. I meant the war between Yue and I. The war between Order and Chaos."
Syaoran felt a pang at the mention of Yue's name, but ignored it the best he could.
"I'm sorry I laughed like that. It was rude of me," Ruby Moon said. "It just struck me as extremely amusing to think there's a war between human beings and Chaos."
She pushed off the tree she was leaning on and took a few sauntering steps forward, her arms crossed loosely over her chest. "There's no more a war between humans and Chaos than there is between you and an opponent's chess pieces. To me and Yue, you people are nothing more than plastic game pieces. And now all the pieces have moved into position and a checkmate is only a matter of time." She smiled savagely. "Isn't it funny how you can make a metaphor out of just about anything? A chess game though... that's almost hitting the nail on the head. Except Yue and I each play with the same set of pieces."
Syaoran felt a sweep of anger fall over him and darken his aura. "So this is all just a game to you? Sakura's life is like some kind of sick prize to be given to the winner?"
Ruby Moon stifled another fit of laughter. "Yes, it's all a game, but it's one we take pretty seriously. However, you're wrong in thinking that the girl's insignificant life is the prize. The 'prize' is actually something much bigger. It's so big that it's hard to describe to you, even in a metaphor. The girl and her life are simply another part of the game, albeit an important one. She's the one we'll call checkmate over."
"Why are you telling me all this?" Syaoran grumbled. "You seem to be giving out way more information than I need to know, especially to an insignificant plastic game piece."
Ruby Moon sighed. "Unfortunately, there are so many rules to this game. You're quite the anomaly, kiddo. We had to make up a whole new set of regulations just to deal with you. And besides..." she glided up to Syaoran and put her face very close to his. He recoiled, but she only pressed closer. "I kind of like ya. You've really grown on me, you know. It's a shame that next time we have a talk, I can't be so nice— no matter what the outcome. In fact, next time we meet, win or lose..."
She began to fade and the waning sunlight shone through her, making her seem more like a ghost than he was.
"I'll shatter your soul."
Chaos disappeared from view, but Syaoran's transition back to the physical plane was like trying to crawl out of a vat of molasses. It was several intense minutes before the spirit world finally released him. By then it was well past sunset and the half-new moon was hanging ominously in the sky like a broken symbol of hope.
Syaoran sat heavily on the bench and brought his hands close to his face. For some reason, he expected to see right through them. With a deep sigh of relief, he found them completely solid. He wiggled his fingers just to be sure.
Chaos' threats meant little to him. In fact, the part of their conversation that bothered him the most wasn't even supposed to be so troublesome.
Yue. Had he really been toying with Syaoran all this time? Was he really Chaos' counterpart and just another enemy...?
Syaoran shook his head. He didn't need to be thinking about that sort of stuff. In a little more than six days his relationship with Yue wouldn't matter one bit, so why give it another thought?
In six days, nothing about Syaoran would matter at all.
"It's been a long time," Wei said to the iridescent figure floating in his kitchen. It had human form, but it was insubstantial and burning with a white light that drowned out the figure's features. All Wei could make out with his limited perception was long, floor-length hair and huge, flared angel wings.
But it was enough to recognize the figure as the same force who stole his client's son's life away 50 years ago.
"It takes a lot to summon me away from my work human," the figure said. The voice was vaguely male with a definite air of indifference. "But you have made mention of something I can't ignore."
"So my bargain is enough?" Wei said, his tone deadly serious. "Take what's left of my life and give it to him. I know it isn't much but—"
"What you are suggesting is impossible," the figure said, it's energy flaring as if frustrated. "Your intended sacrifice is admirable and I can see you are truly prepared to make good on your word. However, human lives are not something that can be bargained with, replaced, or even exchanged— at least not in the way you're intending it. Your life belongs to you alone and no one else can ever claim it."
"So you brought him back only to destroy him again," We said, leaning heavily on the kitchen counter. He felt as if he'd aged 100 years during Order's speech.
The figure's energy suddenly dwindled. "I'm not proud of what I've had to do. Syaoran's death was a preventative measure. Now he has come back to take on a burden that I hoped he would never have to bear. But now, unfortunately, the sacrifice is necessary."
"That's exactly what you told me 50 years ago," Wei said. "It never changes, does it? Each sacrifice just brings on more sacrifices. Where does it end?"
"It ends only when you people realize that all these sacrifices..." the figure said, practically spitting the words. "Are just part of a grand illusion."
There was a knock at the door at the same time the figure disappeared. Whether the conversation was over or the knock had simply ruined Wei's concentration was hard to determine.
But regardless, Wei had nothing more to say.
He moved to the door and opened it, wiping away all the gloom from his face. He knew a sad disposition was the last thing the person on the other side of the door needed to see.
"Syaoran," Wei said kindly even before he had opened the door entirely. "You really don't need to keep knocking on the door. Feel free to come and go as you please."
The boy in front of him was only a shadow of the one Wei had come across two nights ago. His skin was several shades paler and his face was mostly expressionless. The only thing that gave his appearance any color at all was the messily crocheted emerald green scarf wrapped snugly around his neck.
"I just came to say thanks for everything," Syaoran said, looking mostly at the floor. "I don't need a place to stay anymore, so..."
"Nonsense Syaoran," Wei said, opening the door wide and stepping aside. "There's not a soul in the world that doesn't need a place to call home."
Syaoran shook his head. "Really. I don't want to bother you any longer."
"Bother me?" Wei said, grinning. "Whatever gave you the impression that you were a bother? Please come in."
Without waiting for a response, Wei swept Syaoran inside.
This is the least I can do for you, Wei thought to himself, determined not to let any of the hopelessness he felt leak into his expression.
"Hey," Sakura said, looking up. Syaoran was sitting in one of the big oak trees that overlooked the school's courtyard.
He hid it well, but Sakura could tell something was really bothering Syaoran. The very fact that he was up in a tree proved it. He never sat in a tree unless he had something really important to think about. She had known him just long enough to know that.
"Hey," Syaoran said back. He was always watching her. Sakura couldn't believe it used to bother her. Now it would be weird if she didn't feel Syaoran watchful gaze on her.
"Let's do something really fun this weekend!" Sakura said, bouncing a little to emphasize the fun part. "There's a carnival coming to town on Saturday. We should go!"
A hint of a smile crossed Syaoran's face. It was as if he wanted to smile, but was having trouble remembering how.
"Okay," he said. "As long as it'll be fun."
Sakura grinned. "Of course it'll be fun. We'll be there together."
Syaoran's shadow smile got a little brighter.
"Oh, and I'll invite Tomoyo-chan and Eriol-kun too!" Sakura said. "We can all go!"
A brisk wind picked up then, carrying Syaoran's groan of protest at the mention of Eriol far away.
The rest of the day passed normally. Mizuki-sensei threw a little informal party for Sakura and Syaoran's last tutoring session. She wrote silly, sappy messages on the board and strung a few streamers from the ceiling. It seemed more like a farewell party than anything else. The oppressive feeling of finality wafted off the woman, especially as she brought some store-bought pastries into the room. Sakura had several since she was so late that morning that she had to leave without breakfast.
Mizuki-sensei offered Syaoran a pastry, but he had to refuse, citing that he wasn't hungry. He could feel Sakura's eyes on him as he did.
The next day came way too fast. Syaoran left Wei's apartment several hours before he was supposed to meet up with Sakura, mostly because he was restless, but also because he didn't want Wei to offer him breakfast only so he could refuse. He wandered the town aimlessly, trying to busy his thoughts with the effort it took to walk.
Sakura had told Syaoran to meet her in the park by the penguin slide, but he ended up at her house anyway. He was a little early, but Sakura didn't come bounding out the door until five minutes before they were supposed to meet up in the park. Syaoran smiled to himself. She would never change, would she?
The weather must have been unusually warm because Sakura was only wearing a light sweater. At least Syaoran didn't feel so under-dressed anymore in only his school uniform and a light scarf.
"Morning Syaoran-kun!" Sakura exclaimed cheerfully, the mention of his name resonating pleasantly deep inside him. She seemed less than surprised to find him waiting for her. "Ready?"
"Yeah," Syaoran said. "Daidouji will be at the park, right?"
"Yep," Sakura confirmed. "Eriol-kun said he'd meet us there too."
Syaoran suppressed an intense wave of disgust. If Eriol's presence made Sakura happy, that's all that mattered, just as long as Eriol didn't try anything. Syaoran couldn't bring himself to trust him, no matter how much Sakura liked him. In fact, just thinking about Sakura liking Eriol sent hot waves of hatred down his aura for no apparent reason.
The walk to the park was brief (because Sakura insisted on running to make up for lost time) and uneventful, but Syaoran's senses were still on high alert. Chaos' threat from the day before was still fresh in his mind and he was determined to stay more vigilant than usual— if that was even possible.
The penguin slide and the surrounding play area slowly came into view. Since it was a Saturday morning and the weather was wonderful, there were little kids crawling all over the park, but two figures sitting on the bench near the slide stood out from the crowd.
"Sorry I'm late!" Sakura said, stopping short in front of Tomoyo and Eriol. She put her hands on her knees to try and catch her breath. Syaoran came trailing up behind her, looking more like a bodyguard than a kid spending a day out with friends.
"It's alright Sakura-chan," Tomoyo said, her video camera at the ready. "We came a bit late ourselves to compensate."
Sakura laughed. "You know me too well, Tomoyo-chan." she turned to Eriol who was standing beside Tomoyo with his hands behind his back. "Hello Eriol-kun. I'm so glad you could come with us."
Behind her, Syaoran rolled his eyes. Tomoyo chuckled discreetly.
"And I'm glad you invited me, Sakura-san," Eriol said, bowing gentlemanly.
"Ready to go?" Syaoran said, pushing his way between Sakura and Eriol.
"Yes!" Sakura exclaimed, beaming madly. "Let's go."
It was a short walk to the carnival, just beyond the park and a bit outside town. It wasn't very big or modern, but it had a ferris wheel, bumper cars, and a ton of game booths that kept the four of them very busy. Syaoran didn't have any money, but somehow his tickets always got paid for. He was almost sure that Eriol was behind it all, but he never actually saw Eriol pay for anything. Syaoran would've just told Eriol to knock it off, but Sakura seemed so happy when everyone played together.
"Reed-kun," Tomoyo said quietly as Sakura and Eriol played the last round of a water-gun game (Tomoyo and Syaoran had already lost). "What were you planning to do for Christmas in a few weeks? I was thinking we could all get together and..."
But as soon as she let the words slip, she knew she had said something careless. Syaoran's expression had been cheerful all day (well, cheerful for Syaoran anyway), but it suddenly collapsed and darkness seemed to sweep over him like thunderclouds swallowing a sunny sky.
"I..." he said, tearing his eyes from Sakura to glare at the ground. "I won't be around for Christmas. I'll be gone by then."
"You're leaving?" Tomoyo asked.
Syaoran nodded slowly, but firmly.
"When?" she said.
"I'm not exactly sure," Syaoran said. He gripped the tails of the scarf around his neck. "But really soon."
"For how long?"
He paused for just a moment as if thinking about it for the first time.
"Forever."
Syaoran turned his gaze back to Sakura. She was still in the lead, but Eriol was gaining on her fast.
"Please don't tell her, Daidouji," Syaoran said quietly, his gaze locked on Sakura again. "It'll just make her sad."
Tomoyo wrapped her arms tightly around herself, feeling a little shocked at the sudden revelation. She didn't say anything for a moment, but simply mulled the short conversation over and over in her mind.
Syaoran turned to her, seemingly wary of her silence.
"Swear you won't tell her," he said. It was like he was trying to be intimidating, but the tone in his voice just came off as pleading.
Tomoyo was quiet for a few more minutes before she finally assimilated the information and came to terms with what it really meant.
"Did you ever stop to think that perhaps your sudden disappearance might upset her more than the shock of letting her know right now?" Tomoyo said rationally. "Then she could at least prepare herself and not leave a regret behind. That is what will make her sad, Reed-kun. I'm sure there's so many things she wants to say—"
"It's not like I won't say goodbye," Syaoran said, his quiet voice filling with indignation. "Just... let me have these last few days. Then I'll tell her."
Tomoyo eyed Syaoran with her best disciplinarian glare. But she quickly folded under his pleading expression.
"Alright..." she said as if dropping her side of a tug-of-war. "I promise I won't say anything to her— but only as long as you eventually do."
"I plan on it," Syaoran said seriously. "Even if it's the last thing I ever do, I'll at least tell her..."
The supreme sadness on his face was heartbreaking. Tomoyo wished she'd never brought up the subject, unintentional though it was.
"I won!" Sakura yelled suddenly, breaking the heavy silence. She turned around to where Tomoyo and Syaoran were standing a few feet away. "What should we do next?"
Syaoran's expression instantly lightened. He shrugged. "Whatever's fun, right?"
"Right!" Sakura exclaimed.
"I think I saw some fun over this way," Eriol said, pointing in a random direction.
"Me too!" Sakura said, bounding ahead. "Come on you guys! You're too slow!"
"You just have too much energy," Syaoran said, a smile creeping over his face. He shoved his hands into his pockets and started walking toward Sakura. But then he paused and turned back around to face Tomoyo.
"Thanks, Daidouji," he said it so quickly that he left Tomoyo wondering if he'd said anything at all. And then he was next to Sakura, an air of protectiveness all over him again.
Tomoyo watched him and Sakura together, feeling uneasy. She knew she was betraying Sakura's trust by keeping such a hefty secret from her. There wasn't a doubt in Tomoyo's mind that Sakura would definitely want to know what Syaoran had just told her.
And yet, she trusted Syaoran. Even though she hadn't even known him for an entire month yet, he came off as someone who kept his promises.
And, even more importantly, Syaoran would do whatever it took to keep from hurting Sakura. That was probably the trait that Tomoyo found most meaningful.
Besides, maybe in the end Syaoran wouldn't have to go anywhere. It was obvious that he didn't want to leave.
And, Tomoyo thought firmly, if he really didn't want to leave...
He would find a way to stay.
"Wow!" Sakura gasped as the small group cleared the hill. "Ice skating! Let's go, we have to go!"
There was indeed a little frozen lake at the bottom of the valley that the carnival had set up for ice skating. There was a tent beside the lake where attendants were handing out skates and a small heater that was running on a generator for people to warm up to after being out on the ice.
"Do you know how to ice skate, Sakura-san?" Eriol asked as their group made their way down into the valley.
Sakura grinned sheepishly and put a hand behind her head. "Well, it's been a few years. But I bet I can pick it up again fast enough."
"Can you ice skate, Eriol-kun?" Tomoyo asked, her camcorder out again.
"Yes," Eriol said, smiling humbly. "It gets very cold in England, so most children grow up around frozen lakes."
"Syaoran-kun, what about you?" Sakura said, turning around and walking backward, her hands behind her back.
Syaoran just shook his head, having nothing to contribute to the conversation.
Sakura grinned and hooked his arm in hers. "Then we'll just have to teach you."
Ice skating turned out to be rather difficult for Syaoran. He tended to lose his balance and fall a lot because he couldn't feel the force of gravity pulling on his body. The only good thing about falling was that he couldn't feel pain or cold anymore, so falling on the ice was more annoying than anything else. To Sakura and Tomoyo, he seemed very resilient and determined to learn to skate, but the truth was that he was just numb and had nothing better to do.
It took him the better part of an hour, but eventually he found his center of gravity and was only falling every few minutes, rather than every time he put his foot down. Sakura began to skate further and further away from him, which only motivated him to improve his own skill faster. He got nervous every time she disappeared into the crowd, even if it was only for a few seconds. He became determined to keep up with her.
It was a while before Syaoran realized that he was actually having a good time. The sensation of movement was thrilling and he found himself trying to pick up as much speed as he could without leaving Sakura behind.
"It's fun once you get the hang of it, isn't it?" Sakura said, skating a cool little loop around him.
"Yeah," Syaoran said, flashing a shy smile. "It really is."
Sakura finished circling Syaoran and skated ahead a bit. Syaoran followed.
Suddenly, he felt a yank on his aura. At first he thought he was falling again, but the familiar release of his soul made him think otherwise. He found himself abruptly back on the spiritual plane as the sun melted into the horizon. How did the day pass so quickly? He had completely lost track of time.
"Syaoran-kun?" Sakura said, skidding to a halt just a few feet away from where Syaoran was standing, invisible. She began to scan the crowd. "That's weird. He was just right here..."
Syaoran sighed through his aura, trying to think of excuses to tell her once the sun finally set. He'd also have to be careful to stay out of her line of sight when he suddenly reappeared...
He heard the noise only seconds before Sakura did: a sound like two sheets of glass being slowly crushed into each other, or an ice cube suddenly meeting lukewarm water— only on a much bigger scale.
"What...?" Sakura said, locating the sound as coming from under her feet.
A wave of dread washed over Syaoran at the same time that Sakura went pale.
Tiny cracks had appeared in the ice beneath Sakura. Even as she stood there motionless, the cracks got bigger, erupting like tiny, permanent lightning streaks on the ice. Each new crack made a horrible snapping noise as if the entire lake was going the collapse in on itself in a matter of seconds.
"Everyone! The ice is cracking!" Syaoran jumped when Sakura suddenly started yelling. "Get off the lake now! Hurry!"
There was a sudden eerie quiet, then a surge of panic as everyone made their way to the outer banks of the lake. Sakura tried moving herself, but the ice snapped threateningly with each mere twitch. And, as far as Sakura could see, the ice was only cracking under her. If she tried to make a run for it, she could end up endangering the people who would otherwise make it to safety.
The lake emptied in a matter of minutes. Only Sakura was left, standing motionless near the center of the lake as water began to welt up menacingly between the cracks.
"Sakura-chan!" Tomoyo's voice sounding strange when it was so panicked and upset. She was making her way through the crowd with Eriol following close behind.
Syaoran could only stand by helplessly as more cracks appeared in the ice like they were painted there by an invisible brush. Sakura was looking around alertly, trying to think of a way to get off the lake, but every move just made the ice break faster.
"Rescue is on their way!" Syaoran heard an attendant call from the banks. "They said the best thing is just to stay still! If you move, the ice will collapse! Hang in there!"
Sakura nodded frantically. It was obvious that she was frightened, but she was trying her best to stay calm. A few brave people tried to come over to her, but they couldn't get very close because the cracks were spreading all the time like ivy over a picket fence.
Syaoran paced, frustrated and panicked, in front of Sakura, glancing back at the sunset every few seconds.
"Come on sun," he said to it. "Go down!"
It didn't matter that the stink of Chaos was everywhere. It didn't matter that Syaoran had been completely blindsided by her once again. It didn't matter that a dark, panther-like figure was sitting on its haunches in the crowd on the bank, ignored by everyone.
All that mattered was that Sakura was in mortal danger...
And he was powerless to help her.
A few quiet, tense minutes passed as Sakura stood motionless and Syaoran floated next to her, trying to think of ways to help her once he became solid again. He decided he was going to use the push strategy again. If he pushed her hard enough, he could send her gliding past the cracks and onto solid ice. Then he'd take her place and if the ice gave way under him, it was no big deal...
But then, suddenly, the ice gave a final threating groan and snapped, revealing the freezing liquid water under it. Sakura screamed, then she was swallowed by the lake and disappeared beneath the surface.
"Sakura!" Syaoran yelled, his desperation reaching its peak.
Some people in the crowd on the bank began to rush forward, but the ice cracked and gave way all around them. Getting to Sakura now would be nearly impossible.
Just when Syaoran was about to get desperate, he suddenly realized he was in the water too. He looked frantically at the sun, seeing that it had finally totally set.
Even though he couldn't feel the temperature, he could sense the debilitating cold just beyond the numbness of his skin. If Syaoran had been human, the cold would've struck him breathless.
Just then, Sakura popped up beside him, her hair plastered to her face and her skin a sickly shade of pale blue. She'd been in the water for no more than ten seconds, but already she was feeling the cold's effect.
"Sy-sy-aoran," she gasped, relief flooding her shivering voice.
"Here, get on my shoulders," Syaoran said, grabbing Sakura's weak arms and pulling her over to him. He dived under the water and came up beneath her, hoisting her onto his shoulders like he would a hyper five-year-old. This way, only Sakura's legs were still in the water as he began to ferry her toward solid ice.
"Get those towels!" people were yelling. "Find anything you can to cover them."
Once Syaoran hit solid ice, he lifted Sakura onto it, then hoisted himself up. Then he was able to carry Sakura, cradle-style, safely to shore.
As soon as he and Sakura came onto the bank, they were instantly covered with towels, jackets, and sweaters from the people in the crowd.
"Let's get you two over by the heaters," someone told them.
"Are you okay?" Syaoran said, instantly turning to Sakura even as the crowd surged them forward.
"Just cold," Sakura said, shivering from head to toe. "What about you?"
Syaoran shook his head, dislodging tiny droplets of water from his hair as he did.
"Never mind me."
Disclaimer: Cardcaptor Sakura is the property of CLAMP and all related companies.
Non-A/N: See my profile for update information and ramblings. ;D