Chapter Nineteen
Leaving a Void

Sakura didn't know that a color itself could be physically painful, but the green of the walls was so blinding that it made her eyes feel like they were being pushed inside her head. Even when she closed them, the color seemed to seep through the lids until she only saw green there too.

She had no idea how long she'd been wandering the endless maze, but it had been long enough to make her certain that there was no way out that would lead her back home. She was as sure of that as she was sure the maze was green. And yet, she couldn't stop her feet from wandering through the halls. They seemed to move her forward on their own, her energy draining into the ground with each futile step.

It didn't matter how many different paths she took, or how many times she backtracked to turn a corner she was certain she hadn't seen before. There were probably hundreds of thousands of different ways that she could make a path in the maze, but they all ended in only one place.

And, as her being filled with a dark, smothering dread, she found herself facing the only exit the maze had to offer— the place to which every path seemed to flow toward.

It was a hole in the center of the maze, its bottomless depths so still and black that it could have been painted there, except for the way tiny flecks of green were tearing away from the floor and disappearing into the blackness. She had been faced with the sight hundreds of times since finding herself in this place, but it never failed to take the breath from her body.

Sakura found herself suddenly on the ground, exhaustion overwhelming her with the realization that her legs had finally given up. The green floor was so cold that it felt as if she were sitting on a block of ice. The cold tore at the skin on her bare legs until she was sure that they were on fire. But she couldn't even find the strength it would take to simply reposition her legs. All she could do was sit there helplessly, staring at the hole as it gobbled up the maze a few inches at a time.

She felt a horrible wave repulsion and sadness as she stared into the total blackness. She had no idea where the hole would lead her, but she knew that it wasn't back to her life. It went somewhere else final and total; somewhere that would make the people who loved her very sad. Once she went in, she could never come out.

But she was so tired. The blinding green walls seemed to be closing in on her and the stale air was suffocating. A wave of chills slid down her spine and she quaked violently. Her breathing was rapid and shuddered and no matter how long she sat there motionless, she just couldn't catch her breath. When she tried to move, even if it was just to lift her hand off the ground, a stabbing pain erupted from her fingers and down into her toes.

It hurts, Sakura thought, too tired even to speak. A few tears fell from her eyes, taking the last ounce of her strength with them. The hole seemed to feed off her weakness and gobbled a nearly a foot of the floor in a matter of seconds. The ground under her right leg began to crumble as the green gave way to black.

Sakura sat as limp as a rag doll, unable to summon the tiniest bit of strength it would take to simply move her foot.

I'm sorry everyone, Sakura thought, feeling an overwhelming sadness, even though no tears could come. I'm just so tired.

The blackness had swallowed her leg. The next time the floor crumbled, her entire body would slip inside...

"SAKURA!"

And suddenly, her entire body surged with protest, even as she slipped into unconsciousness.

No... I'm not ready to leave yet

Syaoran grabbed Sakura's limp body and tried to tear her away from the black tendrils of the Void that had wrapped around her ankles and waist. The tendrils looked fragile enough, like brittle strands of ink-colored hair, but they held onto Sakura as if they were steel cables. He pulled as hard as he could, but the more he pulled, the further she seemed to sink.

"No!" Syaoran yelled at the hole. The darkness flared at his words. "You can't take her!"

The Void shuddered for a few moments and then the tendrils around Sakura's legs and waist slipped back into the hole like someone slurping up spaghetti. With the resistance suddenly gone, Syaoran was able to stumble back a few feet, dragging Sakura with him. Then he reached down and scooped Sakura into his arms, taking her as far away from the hole as he dared to move her. He gently put her on the ground in front of one of the many openings that lead from the twisting hallways of the maze.

She was so pale that the fever in her cheeks looked like red wine stained on white carpet. Even her disheveled auburn hair seemed to have lost some of its color. When she took a breath, her entire body trembled with the pain of trying to jam air into her liquid-filled lungs.

Behind him, the Void grumbled hungrily at the sound of Sakura's strained breathing. It was a haunting noise, like the howl from an alien beast on the hunt.

Syaoran's gaze skipped to the bright green walls and he realized with an odd sinking feeling that he'd been in this place before. It was a long time ago when he had accidentally wandered into Sakura's dream. The memory was so strange and hazy that it seemed like it happened in another life. With a jolt, Syaoran realized that it kind of had happened in another life... He was a completely different entity than he had been in that memory. And it was all because of her.

With the thought of how much he owed Sakura, Syaoran took her hand and held it tight. Now that he was sitting here with Sakura's life draining away right before his eyes, he wasn't sure what to do. He figured that if he wanted to give his energy up to her, he just would. But nothing happened.

Syaoran gritted his teeth. This was it: the reason he was here; the reason he risked so much and threw away so much— all for her. If at this very last moment he couldn't do anything for her, what was the point of his existence? He had made a promise that day in Sakura's room… a promise that he had no idea would be so difficult to keep. But it wasn't the burden of responsibility that was so difficult. It was what he was giving up that hurt him more than he dared to tell his heart. Because if he was truly honest with himself about how he felt, he wouldn't have the strength to do what he was about to do.

So he turned his thoughts to why he'd come to Sakura in the first place. He told himself that he was obligated to protect her because he was the only one who knew she was in danger. And if nothing else, he was going to keep his promises.

With that small epiphany, Syaoran felt a hole develop in his soul like a crack in a dam wall. Green energy spilled out down his arm and glowed a bright pink where his hand met Sakura's.

"Come on, Sakura..." Syaoran said softly. "Please let this work."

Moments later, to Syaoran's utter relief, Sakura's eyes fluttered open and the color returned to her face.

"Syaoran?" she whispered, the word escaping her lips like a sigh. She smiled softly up at him for a moment before seeing the green walls just behind him. Then she sat up like someone had grabbed her shirt and tugged, her eyes wide with dread.

"What are you doing here?" she said, her words clipped and panicked. The grip on Syaoran's hand loosened just a bit. "There's no way back once you come in! The only way out of here is through that hole. And I don't know where it goes, but it's not home..."

Syaoran followed Sakura's gaze to where the hole gapped in the ground. A shiver ran down his back. "I've seen that before. It's the called the Void," he couldn't stand to look at it any longer, so he turned back to Sakura. "You don't belong in there."

"But there's no other way out," Sakura whispered, her voice strained and tired. "And I'm so sick of this place. I feel like it's eating me alive. A few seconds ago I thought that I might go crazy here... I just wanted somewhere that wasn't green."

Her voice has risen to a frightened, shamed crescendo. Tears began to leak from the corners of her eyes. "Syaoran... I was about to give up. If you hadn't come, I'd be in there right now."

She reached up and grabbed him tightly as if he was the piece of driftwood that kept her afloat in a turbulent ocean. "It was so stupid. How could I ever think that wherever that hole goes is better than here?"

Syaoran just held her for a moment as she cried softly and trembled in his arms. He didn't know what he should say, but the words began to tumble out of his mouth anyway.

"When you're in pain, all you can think about is when it will end," Syaoran said. "And if the pain stays long enough, you start wondering what you can do to stop it. Giving up is so easy, I know. But you didn't give up, Sakura. Somehow you knew that everything you see here is just an illusion. The Void weakened you and then tried to trick you into thinking the only way out of here is into the darkness."

Sakura nodded vigorously. "I don't want to leave through there. But I swear that I've looked everywhere for another way out. Every path leads right back to that thing."

"There's always another way out," Syaoran said quietly. "It's just that sometimes it's not exactly straight forward."

Syaoran lifted his head to look up to the ceiling and, after a moment, Sakura followed his gaze. It seemed so natural, but she hadn't thought about it until that moment.

It was a beautiful night sky with the hint of sunshine just peeking over the edges of the maze walls. The green was still assaulting, but the color seemed to soften and blur at the edge of the sky. The stars twinkled softly like faraway street lights.

"Why did I think the maze had a ceiling?" Sakura asked quietly, staring at the sky. "I always thought that I'd look up and only see more green."

"That's why I'm here, I think," Syaoran said. He seemed lost in the sky as he held her hand tightly. "I needed to show you this. You couldn't see it before because the maze didn't want you to."

"But I can't climb the walls," Sakura said, her mind beginning to move again. "They're way too high. I'd get nowhere."

Syaoran nodded. "Yeah. To get over those walls, you'd need wings..."

He trailed off and then stared at Sakura for a long moment as if trying to memorize the exact color of her eyes and count every hair on her head. Then he slowly drew his arms around her shoulders and brought her close to him, his arms wrapped around her back.

She could clearly feel his hands resting on her shoulder blades. It felt as if he had touched warm cotton to her skin where his hands were and the sensation began to spread all down her back. Then it seemed to melt inside her and shot deep within her soul, exploding like a firework that lights up the dead of night.

Warmth flooded her painfully frozen limbs, reaching all the way to the tips of her fingers. The heavy pain finally washed away, replaced by a feeling of weightlessness, as if she could waft away on the breeze.

"What was that?" Sakura whispered to herself as Syaoran guided her to her feet. He kept one hand on her back while he held Sakura's hand with his other. Sakura's mind began to sharpen and the things that had once been blurred with tears came back into focus.

"Feel any better?" Syaoran asked. His voice had taken on a strange quality, as if he were talking from very far away.

Sakura nodded slowly. "A thousand times better, actually. But why—?"

She turned around to find Syaoran standing there, gazing at her serenely as if everything in the world suddenly made sense. However, it was right at that moment when Sakura's own world plunged into confusion.

He was disappearing right before her eyes. Already, she could see straight through him to the green walls that stood looming like the sheer side of an unclimbable mountain. The only thing left of him was the faint outline of his body lined with skin tones and his smiling amber eyes.

"Syaoran!" Sakura said, grabbing the line of his shoulders. She could still feel him there, but it was like his skin was made of water that was sliding down a drain. He began to slip from her grasp. Panic welled up inside her. "What's going on?"

It was only then that Sakura realized that it wasn't Syaoran who was slipping away at all. It was her. She was being drawn into the sky as if she were a feather on the wind. Syaoran gripped her hands tightly, but the look in his eyes told her that it was only a matter of time before he would let her go.

"I don't understand!" Sakura said, tears falling from her eyes. They drifted upward as if gravity had reversed. "Why is this happening?"

"I finally figured it out," Syaoran said so softly that Sakura had to strain to hear him. "I can't change anything by just flinging energy out into the world and hoping that it will make a difference. Energy must be focused and shaped before it can help anyone do anything."

While Sakura tried in vain to figure out what Syaoran was talking about, he reached up behind her with a hand that she could barely see and plucked something from her back. He brought it into Sakura's line of vision.

It was a long, pure white feather that was shining so brightly that it seemed to be made of light. He put it behind Sakura's ear and smiled faintly.

"These will get you over the wall," Syaoran said.

Sakura put a hand behind her, groping wildly around her shoulder blades where Syaoran's hands had been just a few minutes before. Using her sense of touch, she made an image in her mind.

Wings had grown on her back. But they weren't made of feathers, really; more like light captured inside shards of glass. The wings were lifting her upwards without moving at all and she realized with a sinking sensation under her lungs that she had no control over them. She couldn't stop herself from slowly drifting from Syaoran's grasp.

Even as she was realizing this, her grip on Syaoran's forearms slipped and she jerked a few feet further into the air with a yelp.

"Come with me," Sakura said pleadingly. The tears were falling freely from her eyes now, sparkling suspended in the air like bubbles glinting off the sun.

But Syaoran only shook his head, the impression of his messy chocolate hair falling into his eyes. "I can't."

"Why?" Sakura sobbed. She hurt so much more now than she did when wandering alone in the maze. Now it was her soul that was throbbing with an emptiness, as if all her bones had suddenly disappeared from her body.

"Because I'd only weigh you down," Syaoran said. "Those wings were made for you... and only for you."

Sakura's grip slipped a few more inches. "No!"

"I have to go, Sakura," Syaoran said. "I know it seems like you're the one leaving me, but I'm just sending you back where you belong. It's just like I promised I would."

"Then promise me that you'll come back," Sakura yelled. A sound like static was beginning to pulse in her ears. "If you can go, then you can come back!"

Pain welled up inside Syaoran's eyes. It was the same pain that was leaking from Sakura's wings and into her soul. "I've made way too many promises, Sakura. I think that's why the universe if angry with me. But... maybe you can promise me something instead."

"Anything," Sakura said. She was hoping with every molecule in her body that his next words would be some magic spell; something that would give them a way to escape the maze together.

"Be happy, okay?" Syaoran said, reaching up to brush a strand of disheveled hair from her face. "Because if you don't enjoy the life that these wings give you, then everything was for nothing."

Sakura wanted to shake her head wildly in protest. She wanted to scream at him and demand answers. She wanted to do anything but leave him by the hole that would eventually take him the way it wanted to take her...

But Syaoran's eyes pleaded with her silently. They seemed to be saying so much more than he could ever possibly explain. A certain painful sadness was trapped beneath that glassy, amber surface. She knew that if she were to tell him what she wanted to say — that she couldn't possibly be happy without him in her life — the glass would shatter and the pain would devour him.

So she slowly nodded, tears sliding from the edges of her eyes with the motion. Her movements were soft and strained so that she wouldn't disturb that fragile glass.

"Okay," she whispered as if agreeing to alter the planet's orbit. "I promise."

Sakura could almost see the relief flood through Syaoran at her words and he smiled. It was a sad, sad smile, but it seemed to eclipse the pain by just a bit. Sakura felt that she would make a million more promises if she could make that smile stay.

And then Syaoran was pulling her close to him even though it was like pulling a boulder straight up through the pressure of a thundering waterfall. He gripped her shoulders tightly and brought his face so close to hers that she swore she could see into his soul. Their lips brushed softly and she could feel the heat from her own breath beating against his face. She had the fleeting thought that maybe it would be possible to be happy if she could keep the very next moment in her mind forever...

But it was just then that Sakura's hands slipped right through Syaoran's body as if he had suddenly turned into mist. Without his grip holding her down, she began to drift into the sky like a leaf swept away by a strong river current. The shadow of Syaoran's mouth was moving, but she couldn't hear him. Sakura tried to say something — anything — but she was couldn't even clench her fists. All she could do was look down into his eyes that got smaller and smaller until tears blurred her vision and she could see only green.

Syaoran watched Sakura fall into the sky until the clouds above the maze swallowed her from sight. As soon as she was gone, Syaoran felt his legs give from under him and he fell to his knees. He gazed at his hands, finding them transparent with only the pale hint of an ashen skin tone brushed onto the air where his hands were. He felt like a puff of air must feel as it carries someone's last breath into the world.

Suddenly, the maze melted all around him like colored water sloshing down the side of a wall. Sakura's room appeared in its wake, tinged orange from the sunrise. Tomoyo and Eriol were sleeping slumped against the wall across the room, Tomoyo's head resting gently on Eriol's shoulder. Touya was laying stretched out on the floor beside Sakura's bed, snoring fitfully.

"What happened?" Syaoran asked no one. His voice was strange, like an echo from a noise that died long ago. "Where did the maze go?"

"Sakura-san's nightmare has ended. And thus, the maze no longer exists."

Syaoran turned his heavy head toward the sound. There, standing by the door, was the same sleek, black panther-like creature Syaoran had seen during his first sunset after Clow's procedure. Its deep blue butterfly wings were tucked close to its flank as it stared at Syaoran with piercing sapphire eyes.

"It's really quite impressive what you have done here," Spinel said. "Even with all the help you received from Yue and Clow, your chances of actually changing that girl's fate were... slim at best. But it seems you have done the impossible."

Spinel's words sparked something in Syaoran. He turned around and dragged himself over to Sakura's bed. Each movement was like trying to pull himself out of quicksand.

But eventually he was able to get over to where Sakura was laying in her bed. The red had disappeared from her cheeks and color had begun to drain back into her skin. Relief flooded him with the sight.

But the feeling of relief quickly turned to ice with the sudden realization that not everything from the maze had gone away. With a dread weighing in his soul as heavy as lead, Syaoran found that Spinel Sun was standing beside the Void. Somehow, in the dim morning light flooding in from Sakura's window, the pit looked more black than it had in the maze.

"Why is that here?" Syaoran said, stumbling up against Sakura's bed. "I thought you said Sakura was safe."

Spinel nodded slowly. "She is. The Void is here for you."

A strange mix of relief and hopelessness surged through his soul. He could feel the Void breathing.

"You must forgive me," Spinel said after a few moments. "Leading souls into the Void isn't my usual post. However, Keroberos doesn't seem very cooperative at the moment, so I've taken the duty upon myself. I hope you will understand the lack of finesse. Now, Li-san, if you please..."

Syaoran slowly got to his feet and began walking toward the Void. It was as if he were a person made of sand who was walking into the wind. With each step, he felt a little piece of his soul fly away until he felt like there was nothing left of him.

He knew this day had been coming. He had been prepared for it since the moment he woke up in Clow Reed's home with a tangible body— something that should have been completely impossible. He understood that the only way to make everything balance out was to do something else that should be completely impossible.

And, for him, that was leaving Sakura.

Much too soon, Syaoran found himself on the edge of the pit, gazing into the absolute darkness. He turned back to look at Sakura laying on the bed. She stirred a bit as he watched her.

"Sakura..." Syaoran said. Tendrils slithered out from the Void and wrapped around his limbs— or what was left of them. "Remember what you promised me. Please don't let it all be for nothing."

The tendrils tugged fiercely and Syaoran found the blackness rapidly swallowing his field of vision.

And then, suddenly, there was only the blackness.

Blackness, and a sound like static.

Sakura opened her eyes to a blurry gold color covering her field of vision. It took her a few moments to register that the gold was emanating from the sunlight streaming into her room from the window.

Why in the world had she expected to see green?

She tired to sit up, but her muscles screamed in protest. It was like she had run a marathon the day before, but she hadn't... had she?

Come to think of it, she couldn't remember anything about the day before. She strained her memory, but the only thing that came back to her was Syaoran's face, his eyes heavy with concern. Sakura felt her stomach twist with the image. Something must've been very wrong to make him look like that...

In her memory, she was looking down on him from someplace very high. Then the memory jumped like a warped section of an old filmstrip. Now the image had changed slightly and she wasn't looking at him from so high up, but she still wasn't quite on the ground. The vision faded to black, but not before she caught a glimpse of Touya's black hair to one side of her head.

That's right... Sakura thought. Touya was carrying me home because I was sick. I couldn't walk and everything hurt so badly...

She felt well enough now, though. Maybe a little sore, but certainly better than she had been feeling in her memory.

However, something about the fact made her wary. It was as if someone had told her that she'd won the lottery when she didn't remember buying a ticket.

With considerable difficulty, she was finally able to pull herself up on her elbows to take a look around. She was surprised to see Tomoyo, Eriol, and Touya all sleeping in various spots around the room.

Why in the world is everyone in here? she wondered. It's like they were keeping vigil or something...

A horrible feeling of uneasiness began to grow in the pit of her stomach as the sleep cleared from her mind. When she glanced around the room, she had the distinct feeling that something was missing. It was as if something had been stolen from her while she slept.

As Sakura's mind began to whirl, Tomoyo stirred and opened her eyes. She rubbed them daintily for a few moments before looking in Sakura's direction. When she saw Sakura sitting up, every trace of grogginess instantly disappeared from her face.

"Sakura-chan!" she exclaimed, jumping up from her spot on the ground. "You're awake!"

She came up to the bed and touched a gentle hand to Sakura's forehead, almost as if she couldn't believe what she was seeing.

"Tomoyo-chan..." Sakura said, surprised at how gruff her voice sounded.

When Tomoyo heard her voice, it seemed she was finally convinced that she wasn't dreaming. She turned around to address the room.

"Sakura-chan is awake!" She yelled. It was the first time that Sakura had ever heard Tomoyo actually yell something.

But it had the desired effect. Moments later, Touya was up and feeling Sakura's forehead as Fujitaka came rushing into the room. After a few hectic moments and some general questions, everyone seemed to breathe a collective sigh of relief. Well, everyone but Eriol. He was standing by the wall with a kind of bittersweet smile on his face. Sakura got the impression that he knew exactly why she felt like she was full of holes...

"Why is everyone here?" Sakura asked Touya as he reached over her for the compress that had fallen from her head during the night.

"We were worried about you, Sakura-chan," Tomoyo answered. She took Sakura's hand and squeezed it. "It didn't seem right to leave you like that."

It was when Tomoyo grabbed her hand that Sakura was finally able to place what was missing. The realization hit her like a lightning strike.

"Where's Syaoran?" she asked. She looked wildly around the room, expecting to see him somewhere, his amber eyes serious and locked onto hers.

Out of the corner of her eye, Sakura could see Eriol's body sag ever so slightly.

"Hey, yeah," Touya said, his eyes darting around the room suspiciously. "Where did he go? I didn't hear him leave."

"I'm sure Reed-kun just went home to get some rest," Tomoyo said quickly. "He must be exhausted after just watching you all that time. He'd just sit right here, holding your hand. He refused to leave your sight for even a second."

Sakura brought her hand to her chest. It was warm and tingly— such a different sensation from the rest of her sore, tired body.

"He'll be so relieved to know you're feeling better, Sakura-chan," Tomoyo said, smiling. "I bet you that he's already on his way back over here to see how you're doing. I know he can't stay away for long."

Sakura smiled faintly, but she was so sure.

Because that emptiness she'd felt before, the emptiness that could only be filled by Syaoran's presence...

It was back now.

And it hurt so much more than the soreness that the illness had left behind.

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