This is actually a post to a character-journal for a LiveJournal Batslash community called batcity. If you can't tell, the character is Dick Grayson.
Background: Yes, it's a one-shot, but you at least need to know Dick's been off at Bludhaven a few years as Nightwing. Oh, and he has a few cracked ribs, because some baddies escaped Blackgate.Recently, due to overwhelming concern for Bruce, he came back to Gotham. Construe it as slash, or not if it pleases you. Whatever, dude.
DISCLAIMER: Are you kidding? I break almost everything I have ownership of.
I cried today, and I have no idea why. One second I was calmly-- even happily-- rediscovering my old room (Al's determined to make sure I don't strain myself, with 'my condition,' and that I just obey Bruce 'for once'). The next, tears were coming out of my eyes. They wouldn't stop, and when I fought them a sob welled up in my chest and I couldn't breathe right.
Al's been really great, and even Bruce has been pretty compliant, for Bruce. I just... I don't know what happened.
I guess I expected it to be different. My room.
I just assumed that when Bruce and I had that falling out all that long time ago, when I struck out on my own, that he would have Al get rid of my stuff, or at least have it put in storage. I assumed that he would erase me.
Instead, other than the upkeep Alfred has been doing, it's untouched. Hell, there's even still some of the VERY old candy in my old stash in the drawer of the nightstand.
It's almost like I never left, and I don't know if I like that or not. I didn't like thinking about Gotham, or the Manor, or anyone here when I left. I can't say I hated anyone, but I didn't want to be drawn back, either. But then, it feels good, too, to be back. It feels like stepping into the shade and cooling off when you didn't know you were too hot.
Or like that moment when your eyes are full of tears but you don't want to cry, and that one caring person sends you teetering over the edge.