Chapter 20
So Close

The tendrils released Syaoran in front of a door. It was a modest, unassuming door with a brushed brass knob and a messy, cracking frame. The only odd thing about it was that it was painted white.

A splash of white in the heart of darkness.

Feeling like he had little choice, Syaoran reached out and turned the knob. The door creaked open and Syaoran stepped into the room beyond it. He reached behind him to shut the door, and thereby shutting out the Void and the horrible static noise it made, but the door wasn't there anymore. Now there was only an open hole where the Void brewed menacingly just beyond the frame.

Syaoran turned away from the blackness to examine the place in which he'd arrived. It was an all-white room, which was pretty much all that could be said about it. The light that illuminated the room seemed to come from nowhere, so nothing cast a shadow— not even the corners of the walls, if there were walls at all. Without a reference like a shadow, Syaoran found it impossible to tell if he had landed in whole other world that went on forever, or if he was inside a box the size of a closet.

After he spent a very long time peering into the absolute whiteness of the room (which was better than turning around and watching the absolute darkness of the Void), figures began to take shape in the space just beyond Syaoran's eyesight. It was like someone was fading into the distance as they approached, except they didn't seem to be moving.

"I think he's finally getting used to it. Are you okay there, kiddo?"

The voice made Syaoran momentarily think about jumping back into the Void. Of all the people in the world who he had to deal with now... But even they were better than the horrible blackness behind him.

Ruby Moon and Spinel Sun finally faded into view.

"It takes awhile to get used to this place," Ruby Moon said, her hands resting on her hips. "Too bad you can't see the rest of it. It's really something."

"What are you talking about?" Syaoran said irritably. The bright scarlet of Ruby Moon's hair and the deep blue of Spinel's fur against the stark whiteness was becoming painful. He had to shield his eyes. "There's nothing here at all. It's just a whole lot of white wasteland."

Ruby Moon chuckled softly. "That's such a human answer. It's so endearing."

"Enough, Ruby Moon," Spinel Sun said, his wings flaring. "Let's get on with this."

"Right, right..." Ruby Moon said. She stepped forward and rested one elbow in in the palm of her other hand while holding her chin. "Suppi was generous enough to let me sit in on this session. Usually I couldn't be bothered with something as mundane as a soul's Judgment, but you have me intrigued, kiddo. Just what will they do with someone like you? You've crossed just about every line that is remotely possible for an earthbound soul, and yet you didn't really mean any harm. I'm very, very anxious to see this."

Ruby Moon stepped back and Spinel Sun, while he didn't seem to move at all, became the center of Syaoran's attention.

"Before we proceed, let it be known that your fate is already sealed," Spinel said, his grandiose tone oddly fitting under the circumstances. "This is not a bargaining session. No answer you give me can possibly change the destination of your final departure, so you may as well be truthful and forthright. Do you understand?"

"Yes..." Syaoran said. He felt like the white was smothering him now.

"Tell me, Syaoran Li," Spinel said. Syaoran went ridged at the mention of his name. "What is it that you want most at this very moment?"

"I want to be together with Sakura," Syaoran said, surprised at the way the words flowed from him. It was as if everything else about him had been swept away, leaving only a strong desire to bear his soul for everything it was. "On earth."

"Why do you think you deserve such a thing?"

"Because..." Syaoran thought hard. Even with the irresistible urge plaguing him to pluck the answers from the absolute limits of his unconscious mind, he still found it hard to say exactly what he wanted. "Because I've sacrificed so much already. I don't understand why, after everything I've given up, more is taken from me."

"And therein lies the heart of your confusion," Spinel said. "You believe you are entitled to something that you never paid for in the first place."

"I paid!" Syaoran yelled, getting angry. "My life was taken from me and then I gave up what was left of it to save an innocent person! How does that condemn me to a place like this?"

"You are mistaken," Spinel said, speaking with the patience of an entity that knew exactly what it was talking about. "It's true that an unconditional sacrifice is always rewarded. However, when one offends the balance of the universe, a sacrifice is required as a penalty. You did not make the initial sacrifice. Therefore, your penalty has yet to be paid."

"What about giving up my life fifty years ago?" Syaoran asked.

"You did not willingly sacrifice your life," Spinel said. "It was taken from you."

A sense of doom was beginning to choke Syaoran. He knew he was getting truthful answers. Lies seemed impossible in this place. It was as if conversation was boiled down to its absolute essentials.

"What about the efforts I made to get close to Sakura so I could save her?" Syaoran said, knowing that he would get a perfectly reasonable answer. "No one else could do anything for her! I was the only one who knew!"

"When you say you were the only one who could help someone, you speak of obligation," Spinel said. "It was the weight of responsibility for Sakura Kinomoto's life that compelled you to seek something that was not yours to begin with. You were a ghost; a being that can float through life, but never interact with it. And then, suddenly, through a procedure that defies the cycle of life, you became something almost human. You were able to manipulate objects, people, and even the course of fate through this procedure— which is something absolutely forbidden to an entity that has already expired its chance to make its mark on the world. You had not sacrificed anything yet. You only gained. Gained life, gained wisdom, gained love.

"But these gains were not handouts. They are part of a cosmic contract you made the very moment you agreed to defile the cycle. In this case, the agreement was that you had a limited amount of time to meddle in the affairs of the Living. After the allotted time expired, you would be expected to make your payment at that time."

Spinel's last sentence rang harshly in the room as if the creature had shouted it, but he had not raised his voice at all. In this horrible white room, the essence of truth in every word was enough to make Syaoran feel like his soul was being turned inside out. All his misconceptions about his place in the world were being brought into the light to be scrutinized, dissected, and refuted. He couldn't possibly deny anything Spinel said because he could feel the truth in them like one sees the jagged hole in a broken window. In this room there was no doubt or uncertainty.

There was only an incredible sense of hopelessness and regret.

"Now is that time," Spinel said. His expression and tone hadn't changed in the slightest, but Syaoran could feel the power in the words. It was a heaviness, like a gavel about to come down in a courtroom. "You must understand that a sacrifice only has meaning when you give up something absolutely precious. Your time on Earth as a ghost was your intended sacrifice, but do you want that kind of existence again?"

"No," Syaoran whispered toward the white floor.

The very thought of being around Sakura, but never able to talk to her or feel her while she never even knew he was there... No, he couldn't stand that. It would be worse than oblivion; it would be torture. And the universe didn't want to torture him, it only wanted to take what it was entitled to.

"Then you know why you can't give us that in exchange for what you have done to the cycle," Spinel said. "We don't want your past, Syaoran Li. It is dead and worthless. For your sacrifice, we require something bright and full of life. That is why we are taking away your hopeful future with the person you care for the most."

Spinel got off his haunches and padded forward, which made Syaoran instantly stumble backwards. Something in the creature's eyes made Syaoran feel like he was being cornered.

"We sentence you to the Void for purification, Syaoran Li," Spinel took another threatening step forward while Syaoran backed up again. "There, oblivion awaits your soul."

Syaoran couldn't say he didn't deserve it. He couldn't complain about unfairness. All his pitiful excuses had been laid out before him and completely shattered. There was nothing left for him except to accept his punishment.

To make his sacrifice.

"I told you that I would be the one to break you," Ruby Moon's voice sounded clearly beside him. "But Suppi does such a good job, don't you think?"

Syaoran backed up again. The woman's presence was suffocating.

"And just so you know," Ruby Moon said, sliding up to touch Syaoran's face with the tips of her fingers. "This has nothing to do with how I feel about you. In fact, I really, really liked you, Syaoran Li. That's what makes this so hard."

Ruby Moon raised her hand and gave a confident, forceful push on Syaoran's chest. He stumbled backward again, and then, suddenly, he was falling. He had been pushed beyond the door to the white room and into the blackness of the Void.

The deafening static noise pressed in all around him.

"You didn't watch, Yue."

"I know what happened. As soon as his judgment was announced, I could see it play out in my mind. That was enough."

"He took it well, though. He hardly resisted at all in the end."

"They never do, do they? In the end, the truth is too much for their poor little minds. He never even stood a chance against Spinel Sun's undeniable logic."

"Aw, come on Yue. Lighten up, okay? It's not like it was for nothing. We did it, we won another era! That's something to be happy about, right? What's one life for all we've gained?"

"But he only accomplished half our goal, Keroberos. We came up short once again."

"Hey, but he was so close. I really thought the kid would pull through."

"It certainly was the best opportunity we ever had. But even after everything that we subjected him to— all the signposts we put down and all the things that were practically handed to him, he still didn't understand in the end. Perhaps it truly is impossible for humanity to comprehend the lesson we've tried to teach all these millennium."

"We'll try again, Yue. We were so close his time. It's all a matter of trial and error. We'll get it someday."

"But it's too late for him. I suppose I should be in mourning for his lost soul, but it won't matter soon. He probably doesn't even remember me now. And maybe that's for the best. Perhaps, knowing that, I can try forget it all as well."

"Now I know that's a lie. You never got your forgiveness, Yue. If I know anything about you, you'll hold this dark spot in you for a long, long time. You shouldn't, but you will. Man, I hate having to spend time with you when you're all mopey."

"Then I suppose you had better get used to it, if you know me so well."

It was such a strange sensation: falling down and down while he stared up to where he came from, but seeing only black. With such an absolute blackness surrounding him, he may as well have been blind.

It felt as though he were falling through a canopy of cobwebs. Every movement downward was met with a whisper of resistance, like something was trying to keep him from sinking further. But the weight of his own weightless soul was too much for the fragile threads and he simply continued to fall.

To fall and fall and fall...

Eventually, with a mind that felt like it was made of cotton being pulled thin, Syaoran realized that there were other souls around him. He passed dozens of beings as he sank lower and lower. Most of them paid him no mind, but he could feel a handful watching him with confused and frightened gazes as he fell away from them like a stone sinking in a vat of ink. He wondered, fleetingly, why he was dropping so fast compared to everyone else.

And then, finally... finally... the sinking motion slowed. After struggling awkwardly for quite a bit, he was able to take control of his soul and pilot it around inside the darkness. It was like trying to swim while tied up inside a canvas bag, but he was grateful even for the tiniest feeling of liberation. His sense of direction was extremely impaired after such a lengthy fall through complete darkness, but he was eventually able to at least make out which direction he'd fallen from, and which direction he was headed toward. In the direction of what he'd aptly decided to call the "bottom" of wherever he was, he could make out a tiny pinpoint of light. Well, "light", if that was the word for it. It was more like the eerie, non-glow that emitted from a blacklight. And it was very, very far away.

"What is this place?" he asked himself.

"You couldn't have forgotten already."

It took a moment for Syaoran to piece the words together in his mind and make sense out of them. And it took even longer for him to figure out just where the voice had come from. The sound was strange— not at all like the voices he was used to hearing. It seemed to speak beyond words, with just feelings and vague impressions of senses. And it didn't seem to come from anywhere, really. More like it spoke right inside his own mind.

But, eventually, he found the source. It was coming from the faint outline of a human body next to him that seemed to be etched into the blackness like lines scratched on a dark piece of wood.

"I know you can't be that far gone already," the soul said. "It's probably only the shock. Just think back as far as you can."

When Syaoran made the tiniest bit of effort to remember anything before the darkness, a flood of colors, sounds, and faces swept all the grogginess from his mind. Memories came back to him like reality hits someone who has just awoken from a dream.

"This is the Void," Syaoran told himself. The memory of the darkness wiping Sakura's face from sight played over and over in his mind. "I'm inside the it."

Syaoran could feel the soul beside him nod. "That's right. I knew you couldn't have forgotten so soon. After all, I've been here a lot longer then you have and I haven't forgotten."

"How long have you been here?" Syaoran asked.

But the soul just shook the vague outline of his head. "I don't know. Every moment seems like an eternity. It's kind of hard to judge time in here. In fact, I don't think it even exists here at all. Not for us."

"Why are we all here?" Syaoran asked, sensing all the souls around him. "I thought... I thought that once I walked into the Void, that would be it. Why am I still here?"

"No one tells us anything," the soul said after a few moments. "But I think it's because of things like that."

Syaoran could feel the soul gesture to a place in the darkness where another soul was floating past. It was sobbing softly, its vague body balled up with the hands covering the face. Syaoran watched it cry for a few moments more before turning back to the soul beside him.

"We've all lost something," the soul said. "It's those memories of loss that keep us linked to the world we left behind. Before we can move on, we need to forget everything, so the Void steals our memories. One by one. And so, little by little, we forget."

"Forget...?" Syaoran said. The word frightened him to the core.

"That's what the Void does to you," the soul said with conviction. "Do you remember that strange feeling as you were falling? The feeling that you were dropping like a rock through wet rice paper?"

Syaoran nodded slowly. "I thought they were cobwebs. They tore so easily."

"Those were your memories," the soul said. "Each time you sink, you leave another one behind. That way, nothing will keep you hanging onto your old life once you get to the bottom."

"No!" Syaoran yelled. He filled his mind with images of Sakura just to make sure that he still could. "I won't just forget her."

The soul nodded with sympathy. "I know exactly how you feel. That's why I'm here. I refuse to forget her."

The two of them floated in silence while the lifetime of a star seemed to pass. But the oppressive static noise in the Void eventually spurred them into talking again. They talked about things like the shapes clouds took and the way ice tasted; stupid, mundane things that reminded them of what they left behind.

Syaoran could only hope that talking about things would keep the memories from slipping away. But as he sank once again and suddenly couldn't recall the word for the color that swirled around inside sunshine, a feeling of hopelessness crushed him.

Please, Sakura... Don't let this be for nothing.

It was a few days before Sakura was able to get out of bed. She felt like she had been trampled by a horde of stampeding elephants. Everything was sore, especially the muscles around her lungs. Every time she took a deep breath, it was as if the organs in her middle were trying to stretch outside her skin.

The doctor came back one morning to examine her. He raved the entire time about how lucky she was and implied, with a very tactful stream of words, that she should be dead. When Fujitaka asked him what they should do, the doctor's advice was: bed rest for few days to ensure a total recovery. This would give the fluid in her lungs some time to empty out and her immune system a chance to settle down.

So, with not much else to do, she spent most of the time drifting through the fractured memories of the last few days. Every so often, whatever she was thinking of was washed out by a blindingly bright green color. And it always happened whenever she thought about Syaoran. She could remember the warm feeling of his hand in hers as she shut her eyes, but anything beyond that was just... green.

Why green? Sakura asked herself constantly. You'd think my memories would be black if I was just unconscious.

Tomoyo visited often during the week, and Eriol was usually with her. Chiharu and everyone also dropped by once or twice to give her get-well cards and charms. They talked about how everyone missed her at school and what they would do together once she had totally recovered. Sakura smiled and acted cheerful enough, but she was always glancing toward the door as if expecting someone else. Whenever someone would step into her room from the hallway, her face fell.

"Tomoyo-chan..." Sakura said one afternoon while Tomoyo was visiting.

"Yes?" Tomoyo said. She was cleaning up around the room even though Sakura told her it wasn't necessary.

There was a long pause as Sakura squeezed her bedsheets in her hands. A tingling sensation was building at her fingertips, but she ignored it.

"Sakura-chan...?"

"Have you seen Syaoran?" she asked, finally blurting out the words like an uncontrollable cough.

The painful part was, Sakura already knew the answer. She could feel the emptiness as if she could actually see the hole he'd left behind.

"No, I haven't," Tomoyo said, her eyes to the floor. "Reed-kun hasn't been to school since the day you got sick. The funny thing is, everyone keeps asking me if he's with you."

"Well, he's not," Sakura said.

An awkward silence floated between them. The oddest part about it was that Tomoyo and Sakura had never shared an awkward silence the whole time they'd known each other. Sakura was sure it was her fault, but Tomoyo was wrestling with her own emotions, too.

"Where do you think he went?" Sakura asked eventually. "I know he was here, by my bed. I remember that much. But anything beyond that... It's just a blur."

Sakura looked over to Tomoyo and was surprised to see something almost like anger on her face.

"I really believed him," Tomoyo said after few moments. "When he promised me he'd tell you, I actually believed him."

"Tomoyo-chan," Sakura said quickly. She leaned forward in her bed. "What are you talking about? Did he say something to you?"

Tomoyo turned to her, guilt in her eyes. "I should have told you earlier, Sakura-chan. I'm sorry, but when he begged me not to say anything to you, I just couldn't say no."

Tomoyo came over, dragging the chair from Sakura's desk to her bedside. She sat daintily in the seat and looked directly at Sakura as she talked.

"That night at the carnival... You remember it, don't you?" Tomoyo asked, wary of how confused Sakura had been acting lately.

"Of course," she said, remembering the paramedics and the feeling of being dunked in ice water. "How could I forget?"

"Way before the ice skating, when you and Eriol were playing a game together, I asked Reed-kun what he was doing for Christmas," Tomoyo said, talking as if she was unloading a huge burden from herself. "And I'll never forget his response. He told me, 'I won't be around for Christmas. I'll be gone by then.'"

Sakura's heartbeat froze. Even back then he knew he was going away and he never said anything? Why? Maybe he thought that she wouldn't care. After all, they'd only known each other for a month— even if it seemed like they'd been friends for years.

"Where did he say he was going?" Sakura asked. "Why did he have to leave?"

But Tomoyo shook her head. "It never came up. I'm sorry, Sakura-chan. I just never thought to ask. But he did say..."

"What, Tomoyo-chan?" Sakura said, leaning forward and rest her hands on Tomoyo's. "Please tell me everything. I really need to know."

Tomoyo took a deep breath as if a lot of air would soften her words.

"He said that he wasn't coming back, Sakura-chan."

Promise me you'll come back!

Sakura felt her eyes widen. For just a moment, the curtain of green had parted and she could see a little piece of memory. It hadn't been there long, but something about the conversation was stimulating her into remembering just what had happened behind all that green.

"He wasn't trying to upset you," Tomoyo said quickly, mistaking Sakura's glazed expression for hurt. "He was just afraid that you would be very sad if he told you."

Sakura's head snapped.

"What did you say?" Sakura asked.

"He just wanted you to be happy."

Be happy, okay?

That was his voice. Syaoran had said that. What was more, Sakura could clearly see Syaoran's amber eyes surrounded by all the green.

But the memory was odd, as if it were déjà vu. She couldn't be sure if it had really happened at all...

Even if it felt so real.

Where have you gone?

"What's her name?" the soul eventually asked Syaoran.

"Sakura," he said instantly. "What about yours? What's her name?"

"Mitsuki," the soul answered.

They were silent for the longest time.

"I won't forget her. I can't."

"You shouldn't worry," the soul told Syaoran. "I think there are some things the Void can't take from us."

But Syaoran wasn't so sure.

Because the soul that had been crying had stopped suddenly.

And it wasn't because she had run out of energy.

By the time the weekend rolled around, Sakura felt good enough to go outside. The last of the soreness had left her muscles and she was able to keep her head up without any dizziness.

"What do you want to do?" Tomoyo asked over the phone. She had been calling constantly lately. "Let's go somewhere to celebrate your good health."

"Actually, I'd kind of like to go down to the park," Sakura said without really thinking about it.

"Great idea," Tomoyo said, a soft smile in her voice. "I'll pack a lunch and we can head down there. I'll invite Eriol-san too. I think the fresh air will do you good, Sakura-chan. You've been cooped up in that house for way too long."

"Yeah," Sakura said.

Tomoyo kept talking, but Sakura wasn't really listening anymore. Instead, she was looking out her window to the place where Syaoran had waited for her nearly every morning.

But, today, there was no one there.

And it pained Sakura to think no one would ever be there again.

Be happy, okay?

Sakura shivered. Had she really agreed to that?

Was it even possible?

"How is she, Tomoyo-san?"

Tomoyo glanced at Eriol and sighed a bit.

"She's feeling much better, if that's what you mean."

"You know that's not what I meant at all."

"She's understandably upset," Tomoyo said after a beat of silence. "And very confused. Truth be told, so am I."

"I'm sure he didn't mean it to happen this way," Eriol said, hoisting the huge picnic basket further up his arm. "He liked her very much."

"Oh, that was obvious. From the first gaze he gave her, I knew," Tomoyo chuckled to herself. "I knew long before he did."

"You are ever the observant one, Tomoyo-san," Eriol said, smirking.

They fell silent as they approached Sakura's house. As they cleared the little hill, they could see Sakura standing by the entrance to her house with her back against the little wall in front.

Her head was down, but as soon as she heard Tomoyo and Eriol's footsteps on the pavement, she lifted her head and waved enthusiastically. But the odd smile on her face made the Tomoyo and Eriol exchange glances. It wasn't exactly like her old smile. It was like a poorly-made counterfeit that she was desperately trying to pass off as the real thing.

"Good afternoon, Sakura-chan," Tomoyo said as she pulled Sakura into a little hug. "Are you sure it's alright to wait out in the cold like this?"

Sakura waved her arms and grinned. "What are you talking about? The weather's wonderful. Besides, I couldn't stand to be locked up in that house for another second."

"Shall we?" Eriol said, faking a grunt of effort. "This basket may look innocent enough, but it seems as if Tomoyo-san was successful in packing an entire dimension inside."

Tomoyo chuckled. "Oh, close enough. I couldn't very well be stingy on the first day of Sakura-chan's full recovery."

Sakura giggled quietly and the three of them started down to the park.

Eriol and Tomoyo found themselves doing most of the talking, which was odd in itself. Normally, Sakura would never run out of things to say, but now she was oddly silent and seemed content to listen to Tomoyo and Eriol discuss things that weren't really important at all.

When they entered the park, Tomoyo and Sakura instinctively headed toward the Penguin Slide, only because it was the most noticeable landmark around and there was a large open field to one side.

"Actually," Eriol said, splitting off in a different direction and beckoning them forward with a toss of his head. "I think the field on the other end will be less crowded."

"Oh, right," Sakura said, trotting after Eriol. "Kids'll be swarming all over the slide on a great day like this."

Tomoyo gazed quizzically at Eriol because she was pretty certain that there wasn't a field on the other side of the park. There were just a few big oak trees, a lot of dirt, and an apartment building.

But Eriol only returned her confused glance with a sly smirk.

There he goes again, Tomoyo thought to herself. I'm sure he knows what he's doing, but I wonder...

Eventually, the trees came into view, followed by the whitewashed apartment building.

As soon as Sakura saw the huge complex looming near the park's horizon, she knew why she'd wanted to come. Without a word to Tomoyo or Eriol, Sakura broke away from them and walked quickly up to the stone path that lead into the building's front lobby. Behind her, a confused Tomoyo was calling softly, but Sakura was afraid that if she spoke a word or turned back around, the memory of being with Syaoran inside the building would be scared away like a grazing doe at the snap of a twig underfoot.

She entered the lobby and looked around, following her memory.

Third floor, Sakura thought almost frantically. She opened the door to the stairwell and began to climb, her clanging footsteps echoing loudly against the walls.

Fifth door down, she thought as she emerged onto the third floor.

She counted the doors as she went down the hallway, her heart thumping. When she reached the the fifth, she was positive it was the right one. There wasn't a doubt in her mind. And yet, she couldn't bring herself to knock. The emptiness was strong here. If Syaoran was behind that door, would she still feel so lost?

And then, suddenly, she was knocking as if some unafraid part of her mind had taken over. It was the part of her that knew, just knew, what wasn't beyond that door. And that part wanted her to get it over with.

Moments after the knock, the door opened and Wei appeared in the frame. He smiled softly, but it was a sad, sad smile. Something about the expression made Sakura's vision fade to green.

"Sakura-san," Wei said. As he spoke, his face softened into a genuine smile. "I heard you weren't feeling well. It's good to see you back on your feet."

"Who told you I was sick?" Sakura asked, slightly surprised.

"Syaoran, of course," the old man's expression darkened. "Right before he left."

"He's..." Sakura strained for the words. "Really gone?"

"Yes, Sakura-san," the old man's face fell. "He has moved on from here."

"Moved on?" Sakura said. A tingling was expanding inside her nose as tears threatened. "What do you mean? Where did he go? Why?"

"I wish I could ask him," Wei said softly. "Because he is the only one who really knows."

"I don't understand," Sakura said, squeezing her right hand to her chest. It was tingling. "He was there. I can remember..."

But then green flooded her memories, swallowing Syaoran's amber eyes.

"I'm sorry," Sakura said, shaking her head. She was also trying to shake the tears away. "I'm just really confused. Sometimes I think Syaoran was there, and then..."

She looked up at Wei and smiled shyly. "I must have been dreaming."

The smile disappeared from Wei's face as if Sakura had flipped a switch.

"Wait here," the old man said suddenly. "I have something for you."

"Something for me...?" Sakura began, but Wei had already gone back inside the apartment.

He reappeared a few moments later, holding a green scarf. Sakura recognized it immediately. After all, she'd spent two days working on it nonstop.

"That's..." Sakura stammered.

"He asked me to keep it," Wei said. He folded it neatly and then held it out to Sakura. "But I think you need it much more than I do."

Sakura took the scarf and held it as if it would vanish if she squeezed it too hard. She looked up at Wei with an expression that was beyond the words "How?" and "Why?" Besides, she would never get the answer she needed out of this man. He seemed just as helpless and empty as she was.

Wei leaned close and put a gentle hand on Sakura's shoulder. He looked directly into her eyes when he spoke, as if he could see a movie playing in her head.

"It wasn't a dream, Sakura-san. Never allow yourself to think otherwise."

Touya was setting out plates for dinner as the front door opened and Sakura stepped into the foyer.

"Hey kaijuu!" Touya called to her. "Dinner will be ready in half an hour."

Sakura appeared in the doorway a moment later. She was smiling softly, but her eyes were holding back tears.

"I already ate with Tomoyo and Eriol," Sakura said. The cheerful tone of her voice did not match the expression in her eyes. It made her words sound strained and fake. "So I guess I'll just go to bed. I'm feeling a little lightheaded after being out for so long."

Touya stared at her for a few moments, trying to think of something to say. But, as her big brother, there was only one thing he could tell her.

"Okay. Goodnight, then."

"Goodnight," she said, flashing another odd smile before heading up the stairs.

As she disappeared up the stairway, Touya caught sight of the green scarf balled up in Sakura's hands. He instantly recognized it. After all, he had watched Sakura work on it night and day for two straight days— only to give it away to a certain brown-haired gaki.

"I knew it," Touya said through gritted teeth as he stared at the dining room table. "I knew he'd just end up hurting her. That stupid little brat."

Just where the hell did you disappear to?

"Come to think of it, I don't remember your name," the soul beside Syaoran said over the static noise of the Void. "Have I forgotten it?"

Syaoran shook his vague head. "I don't think I ever told you. It's Syaoran."

"That's a nice name," the soul said after a few moments. "I'll try not to forget it."

"What's your name?" Syaoran asked after several long beats of silence.

But the soul simply shook his head. "I lost that a long time ago. In fact, I've forgotten almost everything about myself. I don't even remember my favorite color."

"Doesn't that scare you?" Syaoran asked quietly. "Aren't you afraid that you're missing something important?"

"Not really," the soul said. "You can't miss what you don't know is there."

"But if everything else is disappearing from your mind and you don't care," Syaoran said almost frantically. "Then aren't you afraid you'll react the same way when you forget Mitsuki?"

The soul was silent for such a long time that Syaoran thought he'd drifted away. But finally, he spoke up.

"Who is Mitsuki?"

Dread washed over Syaoran and the Void's static pulsed loudly in the awkward silence.

"Mitsuki!" Syaoran yelled finally. He wanted to grab the soul and shake it, but he didn't really have limbs anymore. "She's the one thing you swore you would never forget!"

"I did say that, didn't I?" the soul said. It paused for a few thoughtful moments. "But now I can't remember why. Well, if I can't think of it now, then it probably wasn't worth remembering."

"No..." Syaoran threw up images of Sakura in his mind like a wall between himself and the light at the Void's bottom.

But the light was growing stronger all the time, getting bigger and brighter.

He must have been sinking again.

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A/N: This is not the end. Please see my profile for ramblings.