Sooo; firstly, I apologize for the long wait, but there was a time when I had lost faith in this fanfic, and in me. But now, I'm back, or, better, the chapters that I've written a few months ago!
Thank you very much for your reviews. I really appreciate it a lot that you review and even sometimes write me e-mails. It makes me very happy to talk to you! I'm so totally stressed out with school. Around whit week I'll write my final exams (English, German, French and Math) and I'm almost sure that I won't pass Math. I'm totally desperate... But I won't cry here.
Have fun with chapter two !
Chapter two
It's not right when it feels wrong...
Kagome's POV
Just when you think it can't get worse, it does.
It really does. Just when you try to get accustomed to the feeling that you are not the only one and not loved, then the beloved one comes. And destroys all the hope you ever had. Or, in some cases, makes a new one:
In the night, when everything is dark, she comes, as always. She's such a show-off. She always makes sure that I know she's here. And that I notice he's gone to see her.
She's jealous, because he touches me the way she wants to be touched, because I can feel the warmth of his body. Because I have his body and she just has his soul and heart.
I am jealous too, but I just love the way she looks when I call his name... priceless.
"Inu Yasha, where are you? I'm waiting for you...!", I call as seductive as I can.
I must admit, I do this because I'm feeling a bit triumphant when he blushes. When she looks like she was bitten. When he turns away from her, with searching eyes, a bit hectic, because he doesn't know that I am well aware of the fact that he sees her frequently.
He calls something back to me, something even sweet or seductive so that I don't become suspicious, then he looks at her with apologizing eyes and goes away, without giving her a kiss or even a hug.
She likes to see me suffer, I like to see her burn with rage an jealousy.
That's just the way things are going.
I know I'm a bitch, but I am his bitch. And this is enough for now: to know that he needs me and always will come back to me. Always.
Inu Yasha's POV
She's here again. It's amazing how Kagome never knows that Kikyo comes.
Or she does know and hides it away. I'm not so sure about that. I still don't understand her. There are so many things I want to know but I'm afraid to ask, because I don't know how she will react.
So I stand in front of Kikyo and I don't know what to do. I love her, but something is wrong. So very wrong.
I'm about to say something, then I hear Kagome's call.
"I'm coming, sweetie! Just a second!", I call back and hope that she doesn't know who's here with me. I look at Kikyo and let her know that I am sorry, then I go away.
Now I know what's so weird and wrong. I can't even embrace her, let alone kiss her.
Since when do I have this feeling of disgust when I smell her, touch her?
For now, I have to go back to my mate. I'll never leave Kagome alone for too long. She's the most important person in my life. I'll always come back to her. Always.
They were searching for shards the whole day by now, and had found nothing yet. Kagome thought that she would feel a shard in the south, but she wasn't quiet sure.
It just kept moving and moving around. It had done so the whole day through. She had a bad feeling about this.
"I don't know...", she murmured.
"What's wrong, Kagome-chan?", Sango asked.
"Somehow I think this is a trap. First It's moving and we're running after it all day and then... we'll be to tired to fight and then it'll attack us. Who or whatever is carrying the shard. I see something very unfortunate coming...this is going to end bad.", she sighed.
Inu Yasha rolled his eyes. "Oi, wench. You're so pessimistic today!", he snorted.
"I have every damn right to be!", she said loudly. "Everything had been going wrong lately. Everything! First my years' final exam in school. I couldn't concentrate! And I think I'll never go to an university and study! I'll never become a doctor! That's just so unfair! Why me? Have I ever done anything wrong! I don't know. "
Now everyone stopped and looked wide eyed to her.
She now listed things of with her fingers: "I'm listening to everyone's problems, I'm always kind and caring, I always doctor your wounds, I never complain about anything but going home for a bit to learn –and don't you dare think I'm doing nothing in my time- and I never ask anyone of you to do me a favour. How do I deserve this mess?", a tear ran down her cheek.
""Uhm... Kagome! I didn't-", Inu Yasha begun, but she interrupted him.
"And you're no good either!", she cried as she stood in front of them and wiped her cheeks. "You just make it worse by breaking my heart...", she whispered for no one to hear except of him.
He gasped. Everything she had said was true. No one ever really took care of her. Except of protecting her in a fight, what had they ever done for her? All she wanted was his love and that was the only thing he couldn't give her.
Fate was cruel. And against them.
"We should stop here and set up camp. We'll sleep here tonight.", he ordered softly and the others nodded, quickly beginning to work.
Inu Yasha stood beside the crying Kagome and took her hands gently. "Wanna go for a walk?", he asked her.
She looked up to him with big, sad, innocent eyes and nodded.
They were going through the forest, both of them silent. Kagome sighed.
Inu Yasha looked down to her. "So, what's bothering you?", he asked.
She sighed again and looked up into the starlit sky. "Everything.", she finally stated and looked at him.
"Everything?", he said with an asking look on his face. He didn't understand exactly what she meant.
"This. Us.". She threw her arms into the air. "Silence when there is really something to speak out. Fucking when no one of us can express their feelings."
He knitted his brows.
She continued. "There is a whole lotta silence between us. And we fuck hell of a lot. Do we really have such a sick relationship? Can't we speak out and discuss this? Do you really just want to fuck me or is it more?"
He was stunned. "Relationship...?", he slowly repeated. He'd never had a real relationship. Not with Kikyo nor with any other girl. He slightly knew what it meant, but he didn't knew exactly if he had an relationship with Kagome. What exactly was this?
She looked a little bit shocked. "Don't you think we have an relationship?".
"Tell me what it is.", he just said.
She furrowed her brows. "Uhmm... it's when two people, as you and me, do very much together in the beginning, going out and such stuff. This is called building a relationship by getting to know each other. Second, there is the point where the people come together. Monogamy, you know?", she said slightly ironically and he blushed.
She kept going. "Then, the two have an relationship. But only outside. For the others to see. Inside, there is much more trouble. They have to get accustomed to the other one, all of the mistakes the other on makes. All of the mistakes you, yourself make and try to not make them anymore. And trust is also very important. And truth. If someone is lying, every thing can go wrong. And I think friendship is also very important. It lets you talk more easy with the other one. To say it shortly: It's not right when it feels wrong, you know?", she finished.
He nodded. She said nothing about love... on purpose? Is she trying to make herself feel better?
Ok, I left out the love part, she thought. But it comes along, it comes along, for sure.
He seemed to think about her words. "I think we have an relationship. One that begins, at least.", he finally said.
She broke out into a wide grin. "Do you really think so?".
He nodded. She jumped into his arms and kissed him. He couldn't know how happy she was! Everything inside of her seemed to explode. Oh, how she loved this guy!
"I love you...", she whispered against his lips as he placed her on the ground again.
He smiled. "I lo-know.", he corrected himself , and was shocked afterwards.
Hells... I nearly said it... does that mean... No, it can't be ... I'm still in love with Kikyo... aren't I ?
She also noticed it. "What was that?", she gripped his haori. "Say it again!", she said loudly.
"What... I ...uhh...", he stammered.
"No stammering! And don't you dare lying to me!", she narrowed her eyes, tightening her grip on his clothing, pulling him closer to her face, looking him straight in the eye.
"Well...see...!", he tried to explain with big eyes, full of that not-knowing-what-to-say look. "I said-!", she begun, but he interrupted her. "No stammering, I know, I know.". Suddenly, he had was in a bad mood. He took her hands roughly and pushed her away, his look and voice dark. "Leave me be". "Wha...", she begun again.
"I'm not in the mood for this kind of shit.", he grumpily murmured and stormed away.
She broke down on the grass, crying. "Asshole! Fuck yourself! Because I wont do it any longer !", she screamed, making sure that he heard every word.
What a great relationship...
The next day
Sango looked up into the grey sky. Oh no... she thought. It's going to rain buckets!
"Kagome, what's up? can you feel something?", she asked.
"No.", came the short reply. Oh yes, she felt a shikon shard, but she had no intention to travel the whole day through, just that he was satisfied. She was not charitable today. No, not today. It was going to rain (hard, she could tell) and she was not in the mood for stomping through the mud and getting herself a cold.
This sucks. He's such an asshole! What have I ever done wrong? , she asked herself the umpteenth time today.
She sighed.
"I know exactly that you can feel a shard, you just won't tell because you're mad at me, wench!", he said loudly.
She glared a t him, but said nothing, then she turned away in the direction where they came from, Kaedes village.
"Hey! You're going in the wrong direction!", he barked.
"I'm going home. And you will NOT follow me, did you hear me!", she almost screamed, never turning around. She marched further.
"Oi, bitch, who do you think you are?", he said angrily.
"I'm not the person you want me to be, as far as I know. Osuwari!", she said with venom and just loved the sound of Inu Yasha being crashed into the ground.
Sango and Miroku looked at each other, shook their heads and sighed in union
What a fucking great relationship, Inu Yasha thought and let his head sink back onto the earth again.
Should I go after her?
"Argh!", she stomped with her food again into the mud that once was called ground. She was wet, dirty and in a very, very bad mood.
"AAAAAAAAAH!", She let out a very angry (and very loud) scream.
He's so... so...so ... BAKA! I hate him! It's all his fault! When something like a demon attacks me now tha-
"Iiiiiiek!", she suddenly cried as she was swooped up into a pair of arms in bridal style.
"Leave me be, you...", she looked into the face of her attacker, which was also known as: "Koga?", she stammered. "What the hell?"
"Hello, my angel. How have you been? Has the damn puppy treated you bad? Why are you out here in the rain?", he let out a stream of questions.
"Wait, wait , wait Koga! Not all in one! First, thank, you, I'm fine. Second... could you please bring me to a place where it's dry and at least a little bit warm?", she begged.
"For sure, my angel, for sure!"
Okay, this will be Koga OOC... Sorry for that.
Kagome stared into the burning fire in front of her. Koga had brought her to his cave and as soon as they had a arrived they were greeted by a few dozens other wolves and demons from his pack.
Now it had gone quiet in there and she was thinking about Inu Yasha, again, when Koga sat beneath her.
"Are you warm now?", he asked a bit awkwardly and rubbed her shoulder.
She smiled at him. "Yes, thank you.".
He nibbled on his bottom lip, a sign that he wanted to say something but didn't know how.
"Uhm... Kagome?", he asked. "Yes?", she answered.
"You and he ... uhm... did you... uhm...?", he blushed a bit.
She also blushed and nodded. "You know... we have kind of an... relationship.", she said, but then the tears came. They just came and flowed down her cheeks, there was nothing that she could have done against it.
"What did he do? Did he hurt you?", he asked angrily when he saw her crying.
"That wou-would be a y-yes an-and a n-no.", she said between sobs.
"Tell me what he did!", he said loudly with anger in his voice. "If he hurt you, than I'll kill him!".
"NO!", she said, a bit too forcefully, because he looked a her with an confused expression.
"No.", she repeated. "It's not like he hurt me physically.", she added whispering.
"Perhaps you can tell me...?", he asked gently, taking one of her hands in his. It was not meant in a flirty way, but in a friendly.
"I don't know...", she said, hesitating. "I don't know if I'm able to say it in words.", she tried to explain it to him.
"If you're ready to share it with me, just start talking, okay?", he said softly, looking into her face with an friendly smile.
He can be so polite, she thought And he's a real friend of mine.
They sat there for a couple of minutes in silence, till she begun.
"It all began when...".
And she told him everything. Everything broke out of her. The happy times and the sad ones. She left nothing out.
He gaped lightly at the end of her story.
She was crying again. "Now you know...", she said and threw herself into his arms, weeping and shaking.
He embraced her and stroked her back, making soothing noises. "Shhh... everything will be all right...", he tried to calm her down but didn't know what to say.
"Oh Koga!", she sobbed, "What should I do? I love him so much... I'm so sorry...".
"Hey, It's okay. I can understand you... I think.", he added.
She giggled sadly. "Thank you Koga. I really appreciate what you do for me. But tell me... what should I do now?".
He sighed. "I don't know... I don't think talking would help you much. But what I know is that he's searching for you now and is worried about you. I'll bring you back if you want to."
She thought about it. "Well... maybe you're right. Take me back, please.".
"Ok. But you have to know, angel, that you can't force him to love you. I will not ask if you'll come to me when you really think it's over. I don't think this would be the right thing to do. Just think of the fact that love doesn't come over night. Give him time. Love will come with it.".
She stared at him in awe. She'd never thought that he could say such things. Then she nodded and smiled at him and embraced him once more.
"Daisuki, Koga."
"Thank you. I also like you very, very much."
With that, he swooped her up in his arms again and took off.
Where is the damn wench, Inu Yasha thought angrily and bit worried. She should have been back to her home, but her scent's nowhere near the well!
He sniffed again and suddenly got furious. There was her scent, and that of the wolf, too. What the hell...?
The scents came nearer until they finally stopped in front of him.
He growled dangerously as Koga let her down carefully and she embraced him.
"Thank you very much again. Talking with you helped me very much.", she said.
"It's okay. You can always come and talk with me. I'll always have an open ear and a shoulder to cry on, remember that. ", he whispered into her ear, then he nodded once towards the hanyou and turned around, running away.
She waved after him and then turned to face Inu Yasha, smiling. "Hello, Inu."
His eyes almost fell out of his head. He gave her a very unbelieving look, then he started to yell.
"What the fucking hell are you thinking, bitch? Cheating on me with that dirty wolf? You're mine, and nothing else's!", he grabbed her wrist violently and pulled her towards him, so that she almost tripped.
She looked angry, but her look was nothing against his.
"Who do you think you are? Let me go imm—", she began but was interrupted.
"WHO DO I THINK I AM? HAVE YOU REALLY ASKED ME THAT RIGHT NOW?", he gripped her wrist tighter.
Oh yes, he was furious. And nothing, nothing could've stopped him right now.
"You're mine, bitch! You are definitely NOT allowed to run to other men any time you want!", he yelled further.
She looked at him with fear and amazement in her eyes. What was going on? He never reacted this angry before. She didn't understand. And she was afraid right now. Very.
"AND DON'T YOU DARE BEING AFRAID OF ME NOW!", he shook her, his sensitive nose had sensed that she was frightened.
She wanted to say something, but no words had the intention of coming out of her mouth.
"And top of all, you LIED to me! You broke a fucking PROMISE we made!".
"I didn't lie!", she protested, almost weakly though, but was shushed a gain.
"You can explain yourself later, right now, I'm angry! And worst is, that I feel stupid because of being worried about you!". With that he released her and shoved her back so hard, that she landed on the muddy ground, still wet and dirty from the rain.
He stormed off and yelled , his back facing her. "WHAT A VERY GREAT RELATIONSHIP WE HAVE! AND I TRUSTED YOU! HOW STUPID AM I, TO MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE TWICE! AND YES, TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTION, I JUST WANT TO FUCK YOU!".
With that, he was gone and she found herself sitting on the grass, shocked and so very sorry. "Inu Yasha! Please don't be mad at me. Come back!"
No response.
Kagome buried her face in her now dirty from the mud hands and started crying, the sobs shaking her body violently.
I'm so sorry!
Sooo... what do you think? I just loved to write the "Inu Yasha out of control"- thing. I'm really depressed because I can't write long fics. I just don't get it... I'm a bit sad. But that's okay for now. As long as I can write the kind of stories I like...
Review, please! Say what you think. I can cope with critics!