2. Pain of a seventeen year old
Ashley cried. It was the first time that she had cried since she was 10. She hoped that no one would hear her. She didn't want to look weak. She didn't want to be weak…
Was she really a curse? Was Phoebe right? Ashley had done a lot of stupid stuff over the last two years, even stuff that she didn't dare to tell her family. It was too awful… But a curse? A curse! Sure Ashley wasn't the easiest teenager to race but her family had never turned their backs on her. Never! "But they would", a little voice inside Ashley's head said. "If they knew what you have done!"
Ashley heard a knock on the door and quickly dried her tears. "Come in." Leo opened the door. Ashley had always been a Daddy's girl, and she could talk with Leo about anything. "No you couldn't! You know as well as I do that he would stop loving you if he knew…" the little voice continued it's mission to break Ashley. Leo sat down next to her. "You didn't take Phoebe seriously, right?" he asked. Ashley didn't answer. "Honey…" "She's right, I'm bad influence on Mel and Lisa", Ashley said. "Ashley, the twins love you!" "They shouldn't. God, if they do the half of the things that I've done…"
Leo pulled Ashley into a hug before she could finish. "Am I really that bad, Dad?" Ashley whispered to his chest. "No, you're not. She was out of line, we both know that", Leo convinced. "Was she?" "Yes! Ashley, honey, no matter how stupid stuff you pull, you're always our little girl! Nothing could ever change that!"
Ashley wanted to believe that SO badly. But it was so DAMN hard. "Dinner!" came Piper's voice from downstairs. "You go. I'll come down in a sec", Ashley said. "Okay." Leo kissed his daughter's forehead. "I love you." "…Love you too, Daddy", Ashley said.
When Leo had left, Ashley took her diary. She had written five diaries full in just two years. Cuz those two years were the worse years of Ashley's life. It had all began exactly two years ago. Two years ago she had been… "Ashley? Are you coming or what?"
Ashley was quiet through the dinner. She didn't really listen to anybody, but then she heard Paige calling her name. "Ashley, sweetie, could you pass the milk?" "Huh? Oh, yeah… It's empty, I got get another bottle…" Ashley went to the fridge and Piper turned the conversation to Paige's new job.
"So how's the girl who you were helping?" she asked her littlesister. "Rachel? Fine, she's still just a little confused about everything, that's all." "Has she decided to do the abortion?" Ashley listened a little more carefully. "Her mother doesn't approve. Says it's a murder…"
The milk bottle in Ashley's hands dropped and broke into thousand little pieces. "Oh my… what happened?" Piper asked. Ashley just stood there, breathing heavily. "Ashley?" "I… I have to go… to the bathroom…" Ashley ran away from the room and straight to the bathroom upstairs. She locked the door and sat on the toilet seat. The word 'murder' screamed in her head.
"It wasn't a murder, I did the right thing…" "How is stealing a life a right thing to do? You let the child that was a produce of raping live, why not the child that was a produce of drunken sex?" the little voice asked. "I did the right thing, I did the right thing…" Ashley said to herself. "No, you didn't. Your family would be disgusted if they knew. Your parents, your brothers, you cousins, your aunts, your uncles… they would stop loving you!" "Stop it, why are you doing this to me!" "You're a murderer. You bring nothing but bad into your family's life!" "Stop it…" "You should not exist." "No…" "You should not exist!" "Should not exist…" "That's right. Good girl." "Should not exist…" Ashley's world went black and she collapsed on the bathroom floor…
Ashley had been in the bathroom for fifteen minutes before Wyatt and Chris decided to check on her. They realised that the bathroom door was locked so she was still in there. "Ashley, are you okay?" Wyatt asked through the door. No answer came. "Ashley?" Nothing. The boys started to get worried. "Ashley, open the door or we come in!" Chris warned. Nothing… "Okay, we're coming in, so if you're naked, don't say we didn't warn you!" Wyatt said and orbed in, Chris right behind him. The thing they saw in the bathroom was just the thing they hoped they wouldn't see…"Mom, Dad!"